Author: Robert Reeves

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse

Admitting to cheating on your spouse is one of the most difficult conversations you might ever have with your partner. It’s important to set the right tone for the discussion. Make sure that you reveal the entire truth, not just a partial truth. Give your partner plenty of space to react. Answer their questions if they want to know more information. And finally, try to think of things ahead of time that can help you both move on. But remember that some partners will not even want to try to continue with the marriage. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to work things out and move forward with your relationship.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse: Moving Forward

Set the Right Tone

If you’ve decided to come clean about cheating on your spouse, it’s important to set the right tone. It’s best to make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of time and privacy. This is not the type of conversation you would want to be overheard. It’s really a good idea to talk while you’re at your home, instead of in public. Make sure that you choose a time that works with your spouse’s schedule so that you aren’t rushed. And also make sure that you are distraction-free and won’t be interrupted.

Reveal the Whole Truth

When coming clean about cheating on your spouse, reveal the entire truth. Telling a partial truth can leave you feeling even guiltier. It can also mean that you have to have another conversation further down the road. It can end up hurting your spouse even more. For example, if you cheated more than once, reveal the whole truth. Otherwise, you’ll have to come clean all over again.

Give Your Partner Space

When admitting to cheating on your spouse, give your partner plenty of time and space to react. They may have a lot of questions, or they may not want to hear any details at all. They might react very angrily or emotionally. Be prepared for tears, shouting, and anything in between. Try not to get defensive, after all, it was you who made a mistake. Remain calm if at all possible. Give them plenty of time to process their feelings, and don’t pressure them for any kind of response. They may take a few days or even weeks to really accept what you’ve told them.

Moving On

If you are wanting to move forward after cheating on your spouse, have a plan. Maybe suggest some couples therapy or counseling. Apologize and take responsibility for your mistake. When apologizing, really consider how your spouse is feeling and how you’ve hurt them. Include details on exactly why you’re sorry and how much you want to move forward. Commit to always telling the truth. And finally, accept that they may not want to move on. Some couples can move forward, but others will not. Try to be respectful of their decision.

Admitting to cheating on your spouse might be one of the toughest conversations you can have. Try to set the right tone before you even start by picking a time and place with privacy. Reveal the entire truth. It’s best to just rip the whole band-aid off at once. Otherwise, you’ll have to have a follow-up conversation all over again later. Give your partner plenty of time and space to react. And finally, figure out a way to move forward if that’s what you want. However, acknowledge that your spouse might not accept what you’ve done. Hopefully, though, you’ll both be able to work through things and continue with a stronger relationship than before.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship

Dating after an abusive relationship can be daunting to think about. If you have escaped an abusive relationship, you might be extremely nervous about trusting another person. It can be difficult to even put yourself out there. You might also question what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and recognize that all of these feelings are perfectly normal. Healing after abuse takes time, and you want to make sure that you have mentally coped with the trauma before moving to a new relationship. Educate yourself on what healthy relationships look like. Always follow your instincts when it comes to dating. If something feels off, leave. And finally, take things very slow. Easing back into dating can be a lot if you’re also healing from trauma. Take things at your own pace and build trust slowly with new partners.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship: How to Start Again

Take Time to Heal

Before your begin dating after an abusive relationship, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal. You might have deep scars from your abusive relationship. Both physical and mental. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and both take time to heal from. Reach out to a therapist and speak to somebody you trust if you find that you are having trouble coping with the abuse. Don’t try to start dating until you feel like you are in a healthy mental state.

Educate Yourself

Next, before dating after an abusive relationship, educate yourself. Your views of what’s normal and not normal might be warped from your abusive relationship. Learn what a healthy dating life looks like. Do a little research on the many ways that emotional abuse can present. If you know what to look for, you can spot a red flag more easily with future relationships.

Follow Your Gut

Always follow your gut when dating after an abusive relationship. If anything feels “off” about your date, don’t be afraid to leave. If you have been dating somebody for a while and they are controlling, quick-tempered, or disrespectful, it can be an early warning sign of abuse. Trust your instincts and get out early if you sense any sort of red flags with a partner.

Take Things Slow

Finally, when dating after an abusive relationship, take things slow. Take time to get to know anybody that you date. Make sure that you trust them completely before getting too intimate with them. When you are comfortable, you can open up about your abuse with them. If any partner is pressuring you to move more quickly than you are comfortable with, they are not respecting your needs. This is a major red flag in a relationship. A loving partner should allow you to take as much time as you need to be comfortable with getting intimate.

Dating after an abusive relationship can bring up a lot of emotions. Often people find that they haven’t really taken enough time to cope with their abuse. If this is the case with you, try not to pressure yourself into dating too quickly. Take time to fully heal from your trauma. Educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Always follow your gut instincts about a potential partner, and get out quickly if they show any abusive tendencies. Finally, take things slow with anybody that you begin dating. If they are pressuring you to move too quickly, then they are not being respectful of you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a loving partner who you can completely trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment

Following your divorce, you may need to start getting ready to move. Finding a new home can be both difficult and expensive. As a result, many people opt for a post-divorce apartment instead. If you’re in the market for an apartment, there’s a few things to consider while you’re searching…

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment: Key Factors

Budget accordingly

One of the most important things to remember when looking for a post-divorce apartment is your budget. Your divorce may have left a bit of an impact on your finances. You may also need to completely redo your past budget. Therefore, you need to make sure your new apartment won’t break the bank.

Remember that there’s more to your apartment’s expenses than just rent. You’ll also have to consider costs like groceries and utilities as well. When you’re looking at an apartment, be sure to ask what is or isn’t included, and what other extra costs they may have.

Proximity to others

You should also consider how close your apartment is to others important to you. After your divorce, your friends and family are going to still be an important source of divorce. That’s why it may be good to find a place close-by to them. This makes it easy for them to come over and for you to spend time with them.

If you’re a parent, then you’ll especially want to give some consideration to your kids. It may be important to find a place which isn’t too far from your other co-parent to make things easier. You may also want to think about if your apartment will have enough space for your kids should they stay over there.

Future goals

Something you don’t want to forget to consider when looking for a post-divorce apartment is what your future plans are. For instance, consider what kind of job you want to work down the line. Will your apartment be close by to those opportunities? If not, then you may want to view this as just a temporary steppingstone.

Of course, you should also think about if you want to buy a new home. Some people like to stay in their apartment for a few years before settling down in a house again. Still, if you want to move into a new home sooner than that, you probably won’t want a super-long lease.

Post-Divorce Debt: Management Methods

Divorce can sometimes be costly, and as such it helps to prepare a bit financially. Still, even with a good plan, you might find yourself with some post-divorce debt. This debt is definitely something you’ll want to get under control. There’s a few things you can do to help get it down to a manageable level…

Post-Divorce Debt: Financial Impact of Divorce

Re-evaluate your budget

Your post-divorce debt is probably going to require you to take a new look at your budget. As you go away from a double-income household to a single-income one, your past budget may not work as well as it used to. Plus, you’ll probably have some additional expenses to manage. Among these will be your debt.

Therefore, take the time and plan out a potential new budget. Consider your necessary expenses, and how much income you make. This can help you see if you can cut spending in one area to help with debt payments, or if you may need to consider looking for a better-paying job.

Set up payment plans

Another helpful way to handle post-divorce debt is by having payment plans. Not paying your debt at all can quickly add up as extra interest is accumulated. Now, some places may give forgiveness for one or two months missed. Still, if it becomes a habit, then your debt will continue to mount and things like your credit will suffer.

Instead, you can see about setting up a payment plan. Usually, these will let you set up automatic payments for debt payments every month. You may also be able to set up adjusted payments. This can see you making smaller, more manageable monthly payments, but making more of them over a longer period of time.

Consider all your strategies

Of course, the best thing to do with post-divorce debt is to pay it off. However, it’s entirely possible that you just don’t have the extra money to do so. Rather than just let those bills pile up, you should take the time to consider all of your potential options.

For example, if you have good credit, you may want to think about debt consolidation. This puts all your debt together and can lower your interest rate. You might also want to consider debt management, settlement, and in extreme cases, bankruptcy. Just note that these can have a negative impact on your credit in exchange for helping you control or remove your debt.

Divorce Coaching: Potential Benefits

Having to go through a divorce alone can be pretty daunting. Therefore, it could be worthwhile to get some divorce coaching. Meeting with a coach could help you handle the new difficulties and challenges which come with divorce…

Divorce Coaching: Ways It Can Help

Develop a plan

Many people tend to feel lost when going through their divorce. It can be difficult to know what you should be doing and what you should avoid. This can very quickly become overwhelming and make things much more difficult for you. That’s why divorce coaching can be handy.

A coach can help you come up with a general plan of action. Not just that, but they’ll also work with you to make a post-divorce plan as well. That way, not only will you have some good guidance now, but you’ll also have an idea of where to start when the divorce is over too.

Talking with your ex

Another time divorce coaching is helpful is when you struggle with talking to your ex. It can be awkward to talk now that you’re divorcing one another. However, it’s important to do so effectively, especially if you’re going to be co-parents after everything is over.

Meeting with a coach can teach you helpful ways to find some common ground with your ex. This will help make it easier for the both of you to talk with each other. Still, it could be the case that there’s a lot of tension remaining between you and your ex. A coach can also help you figure out ways to de-escalate things and keep the peace.

Keep your cool

A person’s emotions tend to run pretty high when they’re divorcing. All the stress can get the better of you and really make you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or depressed. Divorce coaching can teach you healthy ways to manage these emotions so you can keep your cool.

It’s important to keep your emotions in check for several reasons. Aside from the health benefits, it’ll help you make sure your emotions don’t interfere with your decision making. It can also help you talk to your ex without getting worked up.

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Post-Divorce

After a divorce, it can be difficult to decide if you should sell or keep the family home. There are plenty of factors that play into this. Everyone’s situation will be different…

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Factors to Consider

Finances

Your financial situation will play a big role in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home after a divorce. Based on your situation, you may have the option to sell the home and split the profit. Another option may be to buy out your spouse to keep the house. You will need to determine which is a better option for you financially.

You may have to speak with a financial advisor or an accountant to see which option is going to be the best financially. Keep in mind there are a lot of financial responsibilities that come with owning a house. You don’t want to start a new chapter of your life with expenses and debt you can’t handle. 

Eligibility for a Mortgage 

Additionally, while deciding if you should sell or keep the family home, you should check to see if you could qualify for a mortgage, if needed. In some cases, one spouse may not be approved to carry a mortgage on their own. This is especially true if they were a non-income earning spouse. You certainly don’t want to make a decision based on thinking you could easily buy another house without making sure you are eligible for a mortgage.

Children

If you have children, especially ones in school, they could be a factor in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home. It can be difficult to uproot children and move them to a different school. Therefore, this may play a role in you deciding to keep you in your current home. Research the schools in the new area you may be considering so that you can make an informed decision. 

A New Start

Sometimes, you may just need a brand new start. A home can hold a lot of memories and emotions. Selling a home can give you the opportunity for a new start. Whether that move is locally, or long-distance, moving into a completely new home may be a deciding factor in whether or not to sell or keep the family home. 

Divorce comes with many difficult decisions to make. Deciding if you should keep or sell the family home could be one of them. Take your time, do your research, and think it through so that you make sure you’re making the right decision.

Marital and Non-Marital Property: How Do We Divide?

A common question people ask in divorce cases, is how the court divides property between the spouses. Ultimately, this depends on a few different things. To begin, SC follows Equitable Distribution laws. This means that property is divided in a fair and equitable way. However, fair doesn’t always mean equal. The courts will consider many factors in deciding how to divide property. One of the most important, is whether the property is marital or non-marital.

Marital and Non-Marital Property: How Do We Divide?

First things first, what is marital and non-marital property?

SC Code Section 20-3-630 defines marital property as property acquired by the parties during the marriage. To put it simply, if you bought the property together during the marriage, it will be subject to equitable distribution at the time of divorce. It doesn’t even matter if one name versus the other is on the title. Rather, they just care about the date of purchase.

Are there exceptions?

Property a couple acquires during their marriage is marital, yes. However, there are a few exceptions to the rule. These exceptions are non-marital property. Non-marital property is not subject to division. Some of these exceptions are as follows:

  • Property from an inheritance or gift from a party other than the spouse
  • Property that a written contract signed by both of the spouses excludes, such as a prenuptial agreement
  • Increase in the value of non-marital property. Unless its increase resulted from effort of the other spouse during the marriage
Can non-marital property become marital?

Sometimes property that one spouse owns before the marriage can become marital. This can happen when a spouse deposits pre-marriage money into a joint account during marriage. It can also happen through transmutation.

Transmutation is when the couple treats non-marital property as marital. This is especially common in, say, a home. One spouse might own a home before marriage. Then, during the marriage, both spouses live in the home and put money towards the mortgage, repair, and so forth. Through this process, the home becomes marital property.

Dividing property in a divorce is a hard process. It can be hard to predict how a judge will choose to divide assets. Thus, it is a common concern amongst our divorcing clients. That’s where we come in. By hiring an experienced divorce attorney, you can find someone to fight for your desired outcome— but also prepare you for different possibilities.

Gray Divorce: What it is, Why People Do it, and How it is Negative 

There are many different forms of divorce, and everyone who does it— does so on their timeline. For reasons like these, family therapists and attorneys alike find themselves using the term gray divorce to describe a a certain type of legal separation. But what exactly does this mean? And what drives people to take this route, versus an easier one? While the people taking this route often do it for selfless reasons, it can actually be quite damaging to both them, and the people around them…

Gray Divorce: What it is, Why People Do it, and How it is Negative

First things First: What is a Gray Divorce?

Well, the name is actually quite telling. A gray divorce is a divorce between two people who are later in life. These are typically empty nesters with adult children and grandchildren. These divorcees will wait until their children are grown as a means of ‘protecting them’ from the sadness that is typically associated with children of divorce.

What’s different about this type of divorce?

There are actually quite a few things about gray divorce that make it different than your standard. For starters, there is typically estate planning happening, retired parties, social security benefits, more frequent health insurance usage— and these are really just the heavy hitters.

When you retire, you have a lot more benefits coming in, and you’re likely considering pulling from your retirement account to start using that to settle down for those later years. However, when you choose to separate, all of these benefits will have to be split and reevaluated. When it comes to benefits you’ve been sharing for the majority of a lifetime, that’s no easy feat.

Estate planning, in particular

One of the most difficult aspects of gray divorce is estate planning. For starters, it should be dealt with first and foremost. Estate planning, if you’re unfamiliar, is deciding what goes where in the event of death. Often, a couple will not think to adjust their will’s. In turn, after death, their ex-spouse will have control over all assets.

There is no right time for divorce

There’s no perfect time to separate. While we understand that you were making this decision to ease your family into the idea, it can be damaging to everyone involved. Staying in an unhappy marriage is bad for your health, and it also likely shows more than you believe. No one wants to put their children through a divorce. But, sometimes putting them through that divorce is much more manageable than letting them bear witness to a lifetime of miserable parents. Your needs are important too, even when you have children. So, consider the negatives and positives before choosing to wait ten more years… We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our services if you might need them.

Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

When it comes to child custody, every family has their own ways of making it work. From swapping weekends, holidays, christmases, pick ups, and so forth— you each have things that make your agreement unique. One of the most jarring things about child custody swaps, is moving your child from one home to another on a regular basis. For some families, this just doesn’t feel like the right way to do things. Therefore, a certain agreement, called the birds nest agreement, has become popular for many families. So, we’re going to break it down for you, and help you decide whether this is just the move your family has been looking for. 

Birds Nest Agreement: Will it Work for Me? 

What is a birds nest agreement? 

A birds nest agreement is where you have one home for the each of you: one for Mom, Dad, and Child. In a birds nest agreement, the two parents will swap off time spent in the ‘birds nest’ when it’s their time for custody. In short, whoever has the custody time, will be in the house while the other parent will stay in their respective home. Each member has their own home, and both parents share the responsibilities of the third home. 

What is negative about this? 

Of course, the idea of having a third dwelling seems, and absolutely is, extremely costly. You have to maintain three rents/mortgages. In short, this option isn’t necessarily cost-efficient for anyone involved. 

Furthermore, this agreement can also seriously hinder a new relationship if you’re in one. You aren’t in your own home for half off the time, you share a space with your former spouse, and your time is more divided than it would be in any other situation. However, if this is important to you, it’s just another bump along the way for your relationship. 

However, there are plenty of positives

One: you solve the biggest issue for divorced parents, going back and forth between pick ups and drops offs. Your kid doesn’t have to shuffle their belongings, school work, and themselves between one home and the other. This option is stable, and skips some of the hardest things about a child custody agreement. Communication can be easy to maintain through a common calendar, white board, or other things throughout the house. 

All in all, it’s an expensive, yet stable option 

This type of agreement has it’s fair share of ups and down— as does any agreement. Ultimately, this would be a really nice option for anyone who has the financial ability to do so, and the flexibility to move from spot to spot on a regular basis. Every custody agreement is different, and each family needs something different— which makes this a viable option.

Court Attire: Dress for Success

It only takes 1/10th of a second for someone to form a first impression. This means it’s important to make as good of a first impression as possible. This is especially true in court, where the impression you give can have lasting effects on the outcome of your case. Having the proper court attire goes a long way in making that first impression on the judge a good one…

Court Attire: Dress for Success

Keep it classy

Everyday clothing has become much more relaxed these days than in the past. The rise of business casual dress codes also means that some people are unaware of what “normal” business attire should consist of. This can translate to potentially unprofessional court attire.

You’ll want to approach dressing for court like dressing for a job interview. For men, this means collared shirts, dress pants, and ties. For women, dresses, skirts and blouses, or dress pants and tops will work. Make sure they are simple with no crazy designs or colors as well. 

Tattoos and piercings 

Tattoos and body piercings have also become much more common these days. However, how do they apply when thinking of court attire? What would be considered appropriate versus crossing the line? It really comes down to finding the best way to mix looking professional versus expressing yourself.

You’ll probably want to wear clothes that’ll cover your tattoos as best as possible. You’ll also want to take out any “unique” piercings like nose or lip ones. Additionally, if you have colored hair, make sure to dye it to a natural color for your court appearance. This shows the judge you’re going the extra mile to be professional in their courtroom. 

It’s all about respect

Proper court attire all comes down to showing respect for court and the judge. If the judge sees that you’re putting in the effort to treat your case seriously, then it boosts your credibility. Dressing properly isn’t a guarantee of success, of course; it just means you’re starting off on the right foot. 

Dressing is just one part of the full courtroom experience. You’ll also need to make sure you’re aware of proper courtroom etiquette. Having both perfected will let you and your lawyer focus on the case at hand rather than any distractions.