Author: Robert Reeves

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Divorce can be an overwhelming process. With so much changing, it can be hard to go through things alone. That’s why it’s important to build a good divorce support system. Knowing who you can lean on can help you make it through your divorce in one piece…

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Your family

Your family is almost always a sure bet for your divorce support system. No one is going to know you better than your family. They can give you a constant source of emotional support that you might need during this time. 

Additionally, your family can offer support in other ways as well. They can help watch the kids if you have any, give you a place to stay, and really anything else you might need help with. This and the emotional support they can give you makes them great for being the base of your support system.

Your friends

Your friends are your next best bet for your divorce support network. It’s good to reach out to your closest friends first. These are the ones who will know you the best and be in your corner for sure. Of course, you can reach out to other friends as well, but make sure they weren’t just a “couple friend”. 

Your friends can offer similar support to that of your family. However, they also can help you with taking a break from divorce matters. You can go out with them and take some time to decompress and relax before continuing to tackle your divorce. 

Support groups 

As the name suggests, divorce support groups can be great when building a divorce support network. These groups tend to be made up of people who went through or are going through divorce. That means you’ll be talking to people who know exactly what you’re going through.

Of course, these groups are more on the emotional support side. These groups can be great places to get some help for whatever divorce issues you’ve run into. Additionally, they can be found both online and locally, meaning you can get support from almost anywhere. 

Divorce is something you don’t need to go through alone. Having people you can lean on for emotional support is important. It’s always good to keep this in mind, especially as you begin the divorce process.

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Dating might be the furthest thing from your mind after a divorce. However, well-meaning friends and family might start asking you if you’ve thought about it. This can make you start to question if you should be trying to start dating post-divorce. However, it really comes down to some self-reflection and perspective….

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Determine your feelings 

Societal pressure can make you feel like you should try dating post-divorce quickly. Friends and family asking you about it can make you think you’re doing something wrong by not trying to date. However, it all depends on how you truly feel about it. 

Don’t rely on the calendar to tell you when you should try dating again. Everyone is different, and will need a different amount of time to feel comfortable with dating again. Give yourself some time to grieve and wait until you feel comfortable with dating.

Move on from your ex

Do you find yourself still thinking about your ex or what they’re doing? Especially in the relationship department? If so, you might want to hold off on dating post-divorce until you can fully move on. 

Those lingering thoughts about your ex can make their way into new relationships and negatively impact them. You might be trying to “prove” to your ex you’ve moved on to better things, even when inside that isn’t the case. It’s best to wait until your ex is no longer a focus so your new relationships won’t be influenced by them.

Accept who you are

Trying out dating post-divorce means you’ll also have to be happy with who you are as an individual. For that reason, consider taking some time for yourself in between your divorce and dating.  It’s always useful to explore your new life on your own terms for a bit. 

Take some time and learn to enjoy being single. Try new things, go out with friends, anything that you would like to. Being happy with yourself while single will translate to you being happy in a new relationship.

Dating post-divorce is something that you should try when it feels right. There is no exact answer for when it’s time because everyone is different. Take some time to self-reflect and you’ll know when you’re ready to try dating again.

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Divorce mediation is a good option if you’d prefer a more meeting-like approach to your divorce settlement. However, you still should take it just as seriously as a courtroom approach. The last thing you want to do is wait until the last second. Proper mediation prep helps your chances of getting a better, more agreeable settlement in the long run…

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Lay the groundwork  

The first aspect of proper mediation prep should be figuring out the logistics. Having this figured out before the mediation even begins will help you and your spouse know what kind of structure to follow. If you don’t have a structure, this can make it harder to plan out what you want to discuss. 

Figure out what times you and your spouse are available to meet and for how long. This will let you plan out what you’d like to discuss at each meeting. That way, you can use the longer sessions for more in-depth matters, and the shorter ones for the lesser-pressing ones.

Gather your evidence 

In order to properly negotiate, you’ll need good evidence to support your claims. That’s why a crucial part of mediation prep is getting your documents gathered and organized. These documents will strengthen your ability to get a fair settlement you’re happy with.

Gathering financial documentation, like bank statements, credit card records, etc, goes a long way in helping your case. However, it’s not all just about numbers. If child custody is also being discussed, having records about their school and medical history help to show you’re a capable parent who can be trusted. 

Have a strategy

Gathering your information is one thing. However, you’ll also have to know how to use it. Knowing what you want out of your mediation is another important part of proper mediation prep.

Understand what kind of settlement would be fair to you and how your spouse might have a different idea of fair for them. Then, use this as a way to work towards compromise. You’ll both be more likely to get a settlement you’re happy with this way. 

Going into your mediation with a proper game plan is key for getting a good result. The best kinds of mediation are the ones where both spouses work together for a settlement. That way, they can walk away satisfied and optimistic for their new post-divorce lives.

Divorce Needs: What Your Children Need from You

When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll probably find it’s an emotional time. Therefore, you may find that you need emotional support and reassurance from your family and friends. If you have children from the divorce, they’ll probably have needs of their own. While it can be a difficult time to focus on your kids, it’s important to hear what they want and meet their divorce needs. 

Knowing Your Child’s Divorce Needs

Involvement 

Most likely, one of your child’s main divorce needs will be involvement. During this time, you’re child may face confusion and anxiety about the future. They’ll wonder what this means for their life with you and the involvement of both of their parents. In order to calm some of these fears, it’s important to show that you both will still remain involved. So, go the extra mile to show care and concern. Try spending time and asking questions about school, activities, and their interests.

Quality Time

Because your child has become accustomed to living with both parents, one of their divorce needs will be quality time with each of you. It’s one thing for you to allow your child to have time with their other parent, it’s another for you to support it. Children can deal with quilt for spending time with each parent individually. As if, spending time with one parent means that they love their parent more. So, it’s important for you to encourage and support them spending quality time your ex. 

Communication

One of the most important divorce needs of your child will be communication between the two of you. No matter how hard things get between you and your ex, it’s important to keep a line of healthy communication. Communication will be the key to co-parenting.You’ll need to discuss things like schedules, rules, schooling and anything else in your child’s best interest. 

In short, divorcing with children can be especially tough because you must meet the divorce needs of your child while also dealing with your own. During this time, you’ll need to tend to your own emotions and need but you don’t want forget that yours kids may have them too. 

Moving Forward: Setting Your New Course

Re-adjusting to life after your divorce can be difficult. It’s not uncommon to feel lost and confused after everything is said and done. However, there are different ways you can start moving forward with your new life. You’ll soon be able to see all the new different possibilities that you can take your life in…

Moving Forward: Setting Your Life Course

Focus on the positive outcomes

Many people get stuck on focusing on the negative aspects about their marriage and divorce once the divorce is over. The more you focus on these negative aspects, the more your overall thought process will become negative. That’s why moving forward means working on the positives. 

After your normal grieving period, then it’s time to start looking ahead. Think about the positive things that are possible now that you’re in control again. Once you’re able to think about them, then you’ll be able to make them a reality. 

Restructure & reorganize

Odds are that divorce wasn’t initially in your life plans. However, this shake-up has a silver lining in that you can take some time to restructure your future goals. This doesn’t mean “give up on everything you had planned”; rather, it just means think about what you can change to get yourself happy again. 

You can also reorganize your daily activities. Maybe you can start to pick up a new hobby. You can also start learning something that your ex usually took care of so you can be prepared in the future. Either way, you’re getting yourself out of your old life and into your new one. 

Spend time with others

It isn’t uncommon to feel lonely after your divorce. You can feel the need to shut yourself off from others during this time. Whether it’s due to feelings of grief, shame, or anger, these feelings can consume you.

Spending time with others helps to fight against these feelings. Being with friends or family can help you see you’re not truly alone. Instead, you have plenty of people who care about you. 

Divorce takes a toll out of you emotionally even when it’s successful. It can be hard to get yourself back in balance. However, if you remain focused on what’s important, you can start to move forward into a brighter, better life. 

Divorce Depression: Managing the Hurt

Divorce depression is something that can anyone going through a divorce can experience. Even if the divorce was your idea, that doesn’t mean you can’t become depressed over the ending of your marriage. However, these feelings don’t have to last. In fact, you can begin to fight them even while your divorce is underway…

Divorce Depression: Managing the Hurt

Keep a journal

You may feel like you have hundreds of things running through your head during a divorce. It can be hard to keep track of everything going on, let alone how you’re feeling on the day-to-day. This is where it helps to start keeping a journal.

Keeping a journal can help with divorce depression as you can get those feelings in your head out into the “real world”. Writing helps keep your head clear and truly figure out how you’re feeling about the divorce. Continuing to write will also let you see the progress you make in improving yourself over the course of your divorce. 

Don’t cut yourself off

It’s totally understandable if you want alone time during your divorce. However, it’s important to not cut yourself off from others completely. Doing so will only add onto your divorce depression.

Keep yourself connected to your close friends and family. Odds are, they’ll be your number one source of support during this time. You can also try and get involved in your local community. This will help you make new connections with people you may have never talked to otherwise!

Make changes, big and small

Even the slightest of changes in your daily routine can help get your out of your divorce depression funk. After all, why not make some positive changes to help counteract the negative ones? Not only are you keeping yourself busy, you’re also setting up your better post-divorce life. 

For example, you can remodel your house to be more to your liking. You can make some changes to your wardrobe. What’s important is making the changes you wish to make.

Divorce is difficult, but it’s also the chance to do things your way again. Find your own happiness and you can start your post-divorce life energized and ready for whatever comes next!

Divorce Tax Changes: What To Know

Handling the financial side of divorce can be a difficult task. The recent divorce tax changes that are going into effect this year have now changed some key pieces of divorce financials around. Proper understanding of these new laws is key to help reduce the stress they might bring…

Divorce Tax Changes: What To Know

Alimony alterations 

Alimony payments used to be tax deductible for the person paying before these new divorce tax changes. These payments were also considered taxable income for the person receiving them. Going into 2019, however, this will no longer be the case. 

Due to these changes, alimony disputes could become more involved. Higher-income spouses may want to pay less alimony due to losing the tax deduction. On the other end, spouses may also fight for more alimony due to the money being able to go further. It’s important to keep these changes in mind when discussing potential alimony with your spouse. 

Modified agreements

If you had a divorce agreement in place before 2019, then the new tax laws won’t affect them. However, any new modifications you make going forward could be impacted by the divorce tax changes. If your modification falls within the new laws, then it will be subject to the new rules. If not, then the old rules still apply. Keep this in mind if you plan on making any potential modifications to an agreement.

Pre- and post-nuptials 

Pre- and post-nuptial agreements are also potentially impacted by the new divorce tax changes. However, unlike with standard agreements, these new laws can potentially change or nullify items in these agreements. Make sure to double-check the terms and see if anything will be changed by the new laws. 

Dependent tax deductions

Starting in 2019, the $4,050 exemption you could claim for dependents is being removed. In its place, however, is an increase on the child tax credit from $1000 to $2000. This divorce tax change is especially important to keep in mind for couples with children. For single taxpayers, they’ll see an almost doubled standard deduction on their taxes. 

The financial side of divorce can be one of the more tricky to navigate. New changes in the law can complicate things even further. Understanding what aspects have changed will help to make sure nothing catches you off guard. 

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Actions tend to speak louder than words. This is especially true in marriage. Your partner’s behavior can tell you how they might truly feel, even when they say nothing’s wrong. Being aware of these indicators can help you notice and address potential partner unhappiness…

Partner Unhappiness: Potential Indicators

Not spending time together

If your partner isn’t spending as much time with you as they used to, then it might be a sign of partner unhappiness. They may be spending more and more time with friends than with you. They could also be putting more time in at work rather than coming home. 

While it is important to let your partner have time to themselves, it shouldn’t result in them having no time with you. In this case, you become less of a priority than you should be. This can be a telltale sign that something is making your partner unhappy when they’re with you.

Emotionally withdrawn 

Another early indicator of partner unhappiness is if they become emotionally withdrawn. Generally, you’d expect for you and your partner to be honest with each other. You’d want to talk about how they are, how their day was, etc.

However, your partner may be more and more distant when talking about these things. They might not even ask you how you are anymore. This lack of interest is a warning that something is making your partner unhappy.

Lack of patience 

A sudden shift in temperament can also be a sign of partner unhappiness. If your normally cool-headed partner gets a shorter temper, then something is bothering them.This change in patience could be because they’re unsure about your relationship.

They Start Nitpicking

Originally, your partner may have found the things you did cute. However, they might’ve started nitpicking more and more. You might feel like there’s nothing you can do that won’t result in nitpicking. 

This could be because of their own unhappiness. Nitpicking is a way for your partner to get out their frustration without addressing it directly. Instead of talking about their problems, it’s easier for your partner to shut you down. 

What to do

It can be difficult to feel loved by your partner when they begin acting in these ways. Sometimes, they might just need space to process their feelings if they’re in a rough place. You can also try and suggest relationship counseling to them as way to work out their issues. Do your best to make things work, but remember: your own happiness should always come first. 

New Year Post-Divorce: Going Into It Right

With the new year beginning, it’s the perfect time to get your new life post-divorce established. However, you might not be sure about where to start. It’s true that there is a lot to consider when starting your new year post-divorce, but there’s plenty of ways to get started…

New Year Post-Divorce: Going Into It Right

Make sure to process your divorce fully 

It’s understandable to be eager to move on from your divorce in your new year post-divorce. This is especially true if things didn’t go the way you wanted. However, you shouldn’t push yourself  to move on before you’re ready too. Instead, you’ll want to give yourself the time you need to grieve properly. 

If you don’t give yourself the time to process your divorce now, then you won’t be able to move on from it properly. This can complicate the things you want to accomplish in the new year. It’s best to take that time now to fully process your emotions rather than having them always bother you down the line. 

Figure out who you want to be

Figuring out who you want to be is a key to starting your new year post-divorce right. Remembering who you used to be before your divorce and marriage is a good way to rebuild who you are. It’s important, however, to not get caught up in just remembering. 

In order to become a better you in the future, you can’t get caught up in the past. Divorce gives you a clean slate to start your new life with. You’ll have a lot of power to make new life decisions for yourself going forward. Figure out what you’d like to change or improve, and use that as a start to become who you want to be. 

Explore new things and places

When you were married, you had to compromise. You had to put off going to places you wanted to go because your ex didn’t. You didn’t do things you liked if you knew your ex hated them. 

Now, with your new year post-divorce starting, you have the ability to do these things and much more. Figure out the things you want to do or places you want to see and write them down. They don’t have to be anything crazy; after all, it’s your list. Use your new year as the opportunity to make as many of these goals of yours come true and really enjoy yourself. 

The start of a new year after your divorce can be the change to truly take your life in a new direction. Doing the things you want and becoming the person you’ve wanted to be will help you see that your divorce isn’t the end of the world, but rather the chance to really start living again.

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

Divorce can be a costly process. Most couples will expect this to be due to things like legal fees and might make plans on how to keep costs down. However, there are some hidden divorce costs which can sneak up on you. To help make sure your divorce doesn’t break the bank, here are a few expenses to be aware of…

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

New tax payments

When married, you can file your income taxes as married filling jointly. This lets you generally pay the least amount of taxes. However, you’ll have to go back to filing as a single person again once you’re divorced. This means you’ll end up paying more taxes than you might be used to. 

This is one of those hidden divorce costs which you might not consider until tax season is fast approaching. The new tax bill might also lead to more tax costs than you’d expect. Speaking to a tax specialist can help you figure out what exactly your new costs might be. 

Real Estate Costs

If you have to sell your house after your divorce, you can encounter some hidden divorce costs in the way of realtor fees and closing costs. You’ll also have to consider any repair costs to the house as well. Furthermore, if you’re selling in a bad market, you could end up with getting less for your house than you originally thought. 

You may run into unexpected costs even if you keep the house. If you have to buy out your spouse’s interest in the house, you’ll have to get appraisals on it’s worth. Also, you’ll have to consider refinancing your loan if both you and your spouse were on the loan beforehand. 

Health Insurance 

Most married couples will share one insurance policy due to it’s lower costs. Of course, when you’re divorced, this’ll end. Most insurers will not continue to cover you through your spouse’s policy once you’re divorced. This means you’ll have to plan on getting your own policy once the divorce is over. 

Employment Searching

Getting back into the workforce can bring its own set of hidden divorce costs. You may need updated certifications or education to match the new workplace standards. While this can lead to higher paying jobs down the line, it’ll still cost money now. 

You’ll also have to consider updating your wardrobe to prepare for interviews or workplace dress codes. Plus, you’ll have to consider travel costs to get to and from work. This may mean setting aside money for public transport, gas, or even a new car if necessary. 

Divorce costs can creep up when you least expect them. Being aware of the more hidden ones can help make sure your finances stay in order during this potentially stressful time.