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How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse

Admitting to cheating on your spouse is one of the most difficult conversations you might ever have with your partner. It’s important to set the right tone for the discussion. Make sure that you reveal the entire truth, not just a partial truth. Give your partner plenty of space to react. Answer their questions if they want to know more information. And finally, try to think of things ahead of time that can help you both move on. But remember that some partners will not even want to try to continue with the marriage. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to work things out and move forward with your relationship.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse: Moving Forward

Set the Right Tone

If you’ve decided to come clean about cheating on your spouse, it’s important to set the right tone. It’s best to make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of time and privacy. This is not the type of conversation you would want to be overheard. It’s really a good idea to talk while you’re at your home, instead of in public. Make sure that you choose a time that works with your spouse’s schedule so that you aren’t rushed. And also make sure that you are distraction-free and won’t be interrupted.

Reveal the Whole Truth

When coming clean about cheating on your spouse, reveal the entire truth. Telling a partial truth can leave you feeling even guiltier. It can also mean that you have to have another conversation further down the road. It can end up hurting your spouse even more. For example, if you cheated more than once, reveal the whole truth. Otherwise, you’ll have to come clean all over again.

Give Your Partner Space

When admitting to cheating on your spouse, give your partner plenty of time and space to react. They may have a lot of questions, or they may not want to hear any details at all. They might react very angrily or emotionally. Be prepared for tears, shouting, and anything in between. Try not to get defensive, after all, it was you who made a mistake. Remain calm if at all possible. Give them plenty of time to process their feelings, and don’t pressure them for any kind of response. They may take a few days or even weeks to really accept what you’ve told them.

Moving On

If you are wanting to move forward after cheating on your spouse, have a plan. Maybe suggest some couples therapy or counseling. Apologize and take responsibility for your mistake. When apologizing, really consider how your spouse is feeling and how you’ve hurt them. Include details on exactly why you’re sorry and how much you want to move forward. Commit to always telling the truth. And finally, accept that they may not want to move on. Some couples can move forward, but others will not. Try to be respectful of their decision.

Admitting to cheating on your spouse might be one of the toughest conversations you can have. Try to set the right tone before you even start by picking a time and place with privacy. Reveal the entire truth. It’s best to just rip the whole band-aid off at once. Otherwise, you’ll have to have a follow-up conversation all over again later. Give your partner plenty of time and space to react. And finally, figure out a way to move forward if that’s what you want. However, acknowledge that your spouse might not accept what you’ve done. Hopefully, though, you’ll both be able to work through things and continue with a stronger relationship than before.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship

Dating after an abusive relationship can be daunting to think about. If you have escaped an abusive relationship, you might be extremely nervous about trusting another person. It can be difficult to even put yourself out there. You might also question what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and recognize that all of these feelings are perfectly normal. Healing after abuse takes time, and you want to make sure that you have mentally coped with the trauma before moving to a new relationship. Educate yourself on what healthy relationships look like. Always follow your instincts when it comes to dating. If something feels off, leave. And finally, take things very slow. Easing back into dating can be a lot if you’re also healing from trauma. Take things at your own pace and build trust slowly with new partners.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship: How to Start Again

Take Time to Heal

Before your begin dating after an abusive relationship, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal. You might have deep scars from your abusive relationship. Both physical and mental. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and both take time to heal from. Reach out to a therapist and speak to somebody you trust if you find that you are having trouble coping with the abuse. Don’t try to start dating until you feel like you are in a healthy mental state.

Educate Yourself

Next, before dating after an abusive relationship, educate yourself. Your views of what’s normal and not normal might be warped from your abusive relationship. Learn what a healthy dating life looks like. Do a little research on the many ways that emotional abuse can present. If you know what to look for, you can spot a red flag more easily with future relationships.

Follow Your Gut

Always follow your gut when dating after an abusive relationship. If anything feels “off” about your date, don’t be afraid to leave. If you have been dating somebody for a while and they are controlling, quick-tempered, or disrespectful, it can be an early warning sign of abuse. Trust your instincts and get out early if you sense any sort of red flags with a partner.

Take Things Slow

Finally, when dating after an abusive relationship, take things slow. Take time to get to know anybody that you date. Make sure that you trust them completely before getting too intimate with them. When you are comfortable, you can open up about your abuse with them. If any partner is pressuring you to move more quickly than you are comfortable with, they are not respecting your needs. This is a major red flag in a relationship. A loving partner should allow you to take as much time as you need to be comfortable with getting intimate.

Dating after an abusive relationship can bring up a lot of emotions. Often people find that they haven’t really taken enough time to cope with their abuse. If this is the case with you, try not to pressure yourself into dating too quickly. Take time to fully heal from your trauma. Educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Always follow your gut instincts about a potential partner, and get out quickly if they show any abusive tendencies. Finally, take things slow with anybody that you begin dating. If they are pressuring you to move too quickly, then they are not being respectful of you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a loving partner who you can completely trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment

Following your divorce, you may need to start getting ready to move. Finding a new home can be both difficult and expensive. As a result, many people opt for a post-divorce apartment instead. If you’re in the market for an apartment, there’s a few things to consider while you’re searching…

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment: Key Factors

Budget accordingly

One of the most important things to remember when looking for a post-divorce apartment is your budget. Your divorce may have left a bit of an impact on your finances. You may also need to completely redo your past budget. Therefore, you need to make sure your new apartment won’t break the bank.

Remember that there’s more to your apartment’s expenses than just rent. You’ll also have to consider costs like groceries and utilities as well. When you’re looking at an apartment, be sure to ask what is or isn’t included, and what other extra costs they may have.

Proximity to others

You should also consider how close your apartment is to others important to you. After your divorce, your friends and family are going to still be an important source of divorce. That’s why it may be good to find a place close-by to them. This makes it easy for them to come over and for you to spend time with them.

If you’re a parent, then you’ll especially want to give some consideration to your kids. It may be important to find a place which isn’t too far from your other co-parent to make things easier. You may also want to think about if your apartment will have enough space for your kids should they stay over there.

Future goals

Something you don’t want to forget to consider when looking for a post-divorce apartment is what your future plans are. For instance, consider what kind of job you want to work down the line. Will your apartment be close by to those opportunities? If not, then you may want to view this as just a temporary steppingstone.

Of course, you should also think about if you want to buy a new home. Some people like to stay in their apartment for a few years before settling down in a house again. Still, if you want to move into a new home sooner than that, you probably won’t want a super-long lease.

Post-Divorce Debt: Management Methods

Divorce can sometimes be costly, and as such it helps to prepare a bit financially. Still, even with a good plan, you might find yourself with some post-divorce debt. This debt is definitely something you’ll want to get under control. There’s a few things you can do to help get it down to a manageable level…

Post-Divorce Debt: Financial Impact of Divorce

Re-evaluate your budget

Your post-divorce debt is probably going to require you to take a new look at your budget. As you go away from a double-income household to a single-income one, your past budget may not work as well as it used to. Plus, you’ll probably have some additional expenses to manage. Among these will be your debt.

Therefore, take the time and plan out a potential new budget. Consider your necessary expenses, and how much income you make. This can help you see if you can cut spending in one area to help with debt payments, or if you may need to consider looking for a better-paying job.

Set up payment plans

Another helpful way to handle post-divorce debt is by having payment plans. Not paying your debt at all can quickly add up as extra interest is accumulated. Now, some places may give forgiveness for one or two months missed. Still, if it becomes a habit, then your debt will continue to mount and things like your credit will suffer.

Instead, you can see about setting up a payment plan. Usually, these will let you set up automatic payments for debt payments every month. You may also be able to set up adjusted payments. This can see you making smaller, more manageable monthly payments, but making more of them over a longer period of time.

Consider all your strategies

Of course, the best thing to do with post-divorce debt is to pay it off. However, it’s entirely possible that you just don’t have the extra money to do so. Rather than just let those bills pile up, you should take the time to consider all of your potential options.

For example, if you have good credit, you may want to think about debt consolidation. This puts all your debt together and can lower your interest rate. You might also want to consider debt management, settlement, and in extreme cases, bankruptcy. Just note that these can have a negative impact on your credit in exchange for helping you control or remove your debt.

Divorce Coaching: Potential Benefits

Having to go through a divorce alone can be pretty daunting. Therefore, it could be worthwhile to get some divorce coaching. Meeting with a coach could help you handle the new difficulties and challenges which come with divorce…

Divorce Coaching: Ways It Can Help

Develop a plan

Many people tend to feel lost when going through their divorce. It can be difficult to know what you should be doing and what you should avoid. This can very quickly become overwhelming and make things much more difficult for you. That’s why divorce coaching can be handy.

A coach can help you come up with a general plan of action. Not just that, but they’ll also work with you to make a post-divorce plan as well. That way, not only will you have some good guidance now, but you’ll also have an idea of where to start when the divorce is over too.

Talking with your ex

Another time divorce coaching is helpful is when you struggle with talking to your ex. It can be awkward to talk now that you’re divorcing one another. However, it’s important to do so effectively, especially if you’re going to be co-parents after everything is over.

Meeting with a coach can teach you helpful ways to find some common ground with your ex. This will help make it easier for the both of you to talk with each other. Still, it could be the case that there’s a lot of tension remaining between you and your ex. A coach can also help you figure out ways to de-escalate things and keep the peace.

Keep your cool

A person’s emotions tend to run pretty high when they’re divorcing. All the stress can get the better of you and really make you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or depressed. Divorce coaching can teach you healthy ways to manage these emotions so you can keep your cool.

It’s important to keep your emotions in check for several reasons. Aside from the health benefits, it’ll help you make sure your emotions don’t interfere with your decision making. It can also help you talk to your ex without getting worked up.

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Post-Divorce

After a divorce, it can be difficult to decide if you should sell or keep the family home. There are plenty of factors that play into this. Everyone’s situation will be different…

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Factors to Consider

Finances

Your financial situation will play a big role in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home after a divorce. Based on your situation, you may have the option to sell the home and split the profit. Another option may be to buy out your spouse to keep the house. You will need to determine which is a better option for you financially.

You may have to speak with a financial advisor or an accountant to see which option is going to be the best financially. Keep in mind there are a lot of financial responsibilities that come with owning a house. You don’t want to start a new chapter of your life with expenses and debt you can’t handle. 

Eligibility for a Mortgage 

Additionally, while deciding if you should sell or keep the family home, you should check to see if you could qualify for a mortgage, if needed. In some cases, one spouse may not be approved to carry a mortgage on their own. This is especially true if they were a non-income earning spouse. You certainly don’t want to make a decision based on thinking you could easily buy another house without making sure you are eligible for a mortgage.

Children

If you have children, especially ones in school, they could be a factor in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home. It can be difficult to uproot children and move them to a different school. Therefore, this may play a role in you deciding to keep you in your current home. Research the schools in the new area you may be considering so that you can make an informed decision. 

A New Start

Sometimes, you may just need a brand new start. A home can hold a lot of memories and emotions. Selling a home can give you the opportunity for a new start. Whether that move is locally, or long-distance, moving into a completely new home may be a deciding factor in whether or not to sell or keep the family home. 

Divorce comes with many difficult decisions to make. Deciding if you should keep or sell the family home could be one of them. Take your time, do your research, and think it through so that you make sure you’re making the right decision.

Normal Conflict in a Marriage

Many couples wonder what is considered normal conflict in a marriage. Of course, everybody has disagreements from time to time. But knowing how to resolve any sort of conflicts in a healthy and productive way that maintains mutual respect will prevent cracks from forming in your relationship. If your arguments tend to devolve into aggressive, disrespect, or otherwise toxic behaviors, it might be a red flag that your relationship could use some help. And if fighting is becoming the norm or is impacting your happiness or other relationships, it might be time to dig a little deeper. If you feel that you and your partner need some help when it comes to healthy conflict, speaking with a marriage counselor can be incredibly helpful. Even individual therapy can also provide some insights that can be helpful. Hopefully, you and your partner can get the support you need so that you can move towards more peaceful conflict resolution.

Normal Conflict in a Marriage: Looking Out for Toxic Behavior

Frequency

It’s normal to wonder about other people’s relationships, especially since we almost never get to look behind the closed doors of another couple. Normal conflict in a marriage is a healthy thing, and something that even the strongest marriages face. But arguments should not be your day-to-day relationship status. If it feels like you’re fighting more than you’re not, it might be time to get some help. It’s normal to have some disagreements, but they shouldn’t be impacting things like your overall happiness, your career, or other interpersonal relationships. 

Aggression

Another thing that is not a part of normal conflict in a marriage is aggression. And this doesn’t have to mean physical aggression. Using threats, withholding sex, screaming at one another, cursing – all of these can be part of a very toxic relationship dynamic. And of course, if a partner ever is physical, intimate partner violence is a very serious issue. If you are dealing with any kind of abuse, whether physical or emotional, seek out support. 

Keeping Respect

It’s important that even in the midst of conflict, that you and your partner always maintain mutual respect for one another. During a fight, this means keeping a neutral body position, keeping a normal tone of voice, using non-insulting language. It also means actively listening to your partner when they talk, instead of just waiting for them to finish so you can speak. Try to get into your spouse’s mind and think about their perspective on things. Even when you are in a conflict, you can still remain calm and collected.

Healthier Conflict

If you feel that you and your spouse are a bit outside the range of what’s considered normal conflict in a marriage, seek out some counseling. A marriage counselor can be hugely beneficial, as long as you both are contributing equal effort and being honest. They can help you get some perspective on arguments, or help you try to see one another’s point of view. Even individual therapy can be helpful as well if your partner is not willing to attend a couples session. If your spouse isn’t willing to work on the conflict issue, or continues to promise change that doesn’t happen, you might have to take a hard look at whether or not you want to continue in the marriage. 

Normal conflict in a marriage is a somewhat ambiguous phrase, and there’s really no one-size-fits-all way to measure what is or isn’t “normal.” However, you and your spouse know what the dynamic is of your relationship, and if things feel unhealthy, then there’s probably a reason. Conflict and disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but if conflict is becoming the norm in your household, it might be time to really look into your relationship dynamic. Your conflicts should never involve aggression or physical abuse. Additionally, you and your partner should try to always maintain mutual respect for one another by avoiding things like screaming or name-calling. If you feel that your conflict isn’t very productive or healthy, or it’s causing issues outside of your marriage, seeking out a counselor could be very beneficial. Marriage counseling isn’t something just for couples in crisis. Even the healthiest marriages can benefit fro

Starting the Adoption Process

Starting the adoption process can be extremely overwhelming for many families. Especially if you have been waiting a very long time to grow your family. The first step is to educate yourself about the adoption process itself, what it’s like to parent an adoptive child, and the costs of different types of adoption. Finances will be an important factor to consider when choosing what type of agency or adoption to look at. Then, you’ll need to look at your options and decide who you’d want to work with for the process. Speaking with other adoptive parents can be hugely beneficial, as this process can come with its own challenges. Hopefully, you’ll get the information that you need to help you make a decision and grow your family the way that works best for you.

Starting the Adoption Process: What to Know

Educate Yourself

The first step in starting the adoption process is to educate yourself. Adopting a child is a big undertaking, and there are a lot of factors to consider. You’ll need to figure out what type of adoption feels like a good fit, and think hard about what you are looking for in a potential match. Consider if you are open to adopting a special needs child, an older child, a child of a different race, or siblings. If you have a partner, you both need to equally be on board with this choice because you’ll need to rely on one another when things feel stressful or when you feel overwhelmed. 

Consider Finances

One of the most important factors when starting the adoption process is to look into the costs of different types of adoption. There are a few options available. For example, there is private domestic adoption, adoption from foster care, and international adoption. Each have different financial requirements and concerns. For example, if you are doing an international adoption, you’ll need to factor in traveling expenses to meet your child as well as the costs of the agency.

Look Into Private Companies and Agencies

Connecting with the right agency is an important step of the process. There are agencies that will help adoptive parents match with a birth mother who is choosing an adoptive plan who will be a good fit. There are also private and public agencies that work with the foster care system and Department of Social Services to help foster children find adoptive parents. And international adoption agencies will help you begin the process of considering a non-domestic adoption. Once you choose which agency you want to work with, they will guide you through their specific requirements and process.

Talk to Other Adoptive Parents

One thing that is incredibly important when starting the adoption process is to speak with others who have been through it before. There will be hoops to jump through, like immense amounts of paperwork, home studies, or even classes required in some instances. And even after the stress of the adoption process, it can also been challenging to bring a new child into your family. Especially if they are older, have special needs, or you have other children and you are blending your family. You’ll need to gather a support system around you and making connections with other adoptive parents is a great place to start.

Starting the adoption process is an exciting step towards building your family. But it can also be a scary one. Adoption is a complicated process that can take a very long time, a lot of perseverance, and also substantial funds. You’ll need to educate yourself on the different types of adoption available to you, from domestic private adoption to foster care adoption or international adoption. Each of these processes are different, have different requirements, different timelines, and different financial obligations. When you do choose an agency, they will begin the process of screening you as a potential parent and finding a match that will work well with your family. It’s very helpful to start connecting with other adoptive parents because this process can be daunting at times. And welcoming a new child into your family, whether through adoption or not, is a huge undertaking. New parents always need a support network around them, so begin building yours as soon as possible. Hopefully, you’ll be able to navigate thi

Marital and Non-Marital Property: How Do We Divide?

A common question people ask in divorce cases, is how the court divides property between the spouses. Ultimately, this depends on a few different things. To begin, SC follows Equitable Distribution laws. This means that property is divided in a fair and equitable way. However, fair doesn’t always mean equal. The courts will consider many factors in deciding how to divide property. One of the most important, is whether the property is marital or non-marital.

Marital and Non-Marital Property: How Do We Divide?

First things first, what is marital and non-marital property?

SC Code Section 20-3-630 defines marital property as property acquired by the parties during the marriage. To put it simply, if you bought the property together during the marriage, it will be subject to equitable distribution at the time of divorce. It doesn’t even matter if one name versus the other is on the title. Rather, they just care about the date of purchase.

Are there exceptions?

Property a couple acquires during their marriage is marital, yes. However, there are a few exceptions to the rule. These exceptions are non-marital property. Non-marital property is not subject to division. Some of these exceptions are as follows:

  • Property from an inheritance or gift from a party other than the spouse
  • Property that a written contract signed by both of the spouses excludes, such as a prenuptial agreement
  • Increase in the value of non-marital property. Unless its increase resulted from effort of the other spouse during the marriage
Can non-marital property become marital?

Sometimes property that one spouse owns before the marriage can become marital. This can happen when a spouse deposits pre-marriage money into a joint account during marriage. It can also happen through transmutation.

Transmutation is when the couple treats non-marital property as marital. This is especially common in, say, a home. One spouse might own a home before marriage. Then, during the marriage, both spouses live in the home and put money towards the mortgage, repair, and so forth. Through this process, the home becomes marital property.

Dividing property in a divorce is a hard process. It can be hard to predict how a judge will choose to divide assets. Thus, it is a common concern amongst our divorcing clients. That’s where we come in. By hiring an experienced divorce attorney, you can find someone to fight for your desired outcome— but also prepare you for different possibilities.

Gray Divorce: What it is, Why People Do it, and How it is Negative 

There are many different forms of divorce, and everyone who does it— does so on their timeline. For reasons like these, family therapists and attorneys alike find themselves using the term gray divorce to describe a a certain type of legal separation. But what exactly does this mean? And what drives people to take this route, versus an easier one? While the people taking this route often do it for selfless reasons, it can actually be quite damaging to both them, and the people around them…

Gray Divorce: What it is, Why People Do it, and How it is Negative

First things First: What is a Gray Divorce?

Well, the name is actually quite telling. A gray divorce is a divorce between two people who are later in life. These are typically empty nesters with adult children and grandchildren. These divorcees will wait until their children are grown as a means of ‘protecting them’ from the sadness that is typically associated with children of divorce.

What’s different about this type of divorce?

There are actually quite a few things about gray divorce that make it different than your standard. For starters, there is typically estate planning happening, retired parties, social security benefits, more frequent health insurance usage— and these are really just the heavy hitters.

When you retire, you have a lot more benefits coming in, and you’re likely considering pulling from your retirement account to start using that to settle down for those later years. However, when you choose to separate, all of these benefits will have to be split and reevaluated. When it comes to benefits you’ve been sharing for the majority of a lifetime, that’s no easy feat.

Estate planning, in particular

One of the most difficult aspects of gray divorce is estate planning. For starters, it should be dealt with first and foremost. Estate planning, if you’re unfamiliar, is deciding what goes where in the event of death. Often, a couple will not think to adjust their will’s. In turn, after death, their ex-spouse will have control over all assets.

There is no right time for divorce

There’s no perfect time to separate. While we understand that you were making this decision to ease your family into the idea, it can be damaging to everyone involved. Staying in an unhappy marriage is bad for your health, and it also likely shows more than you believe. No one wants to put their children through a divorce. But, sometimes putting them through that divorce is much more manageable than letting them bear witness to a lifetime of miserable parents. Your needs are important too, even when you have children. So, consider the negatives and positives before choosing to wait ten more years… We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our services if you might need them.