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Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Divorce can feel like a lonely process for many. Dealing with the feelings of an “empty nest” can really make that feeling linger. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t handle an empty nest post-divorce. There are different ways of handling it which can make you start looking at the positives of your post-divorce life…

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Consider the positives

Part of handling an empty nest post-divorce is getting out of negative thinking. Many people dealing with an empty nest get stuck thinking about all the negatives without focusing on the positives. However, it’s important to know that it’s not all bad. 

For example, you’ll now have a lot of time to do what you want. You don’t have to worry about being a ride or making appointments. Also, if your kids are in college, then take some relief in knowing they’re having a good time. Keep in touch and remember that their happiness is a reason for yours too.

Explore new things

Finding new things to do also helps to ward off those negative empty nest post-divorce feelings. Remember, you’ll have a lot of time now to do the things you’ve maybe put on the back-burner. Or, you can find some new activities to give a try. 

You can consider taking up some exercise classes or think about joining a sports club. Or, you can look at some things to do around the house, like renovations or redecorating. Even just finding a new book or show to watch can help you fight off those negative feelings. 

Connect with others

Connecting with others is another good idea for handling an empty nest post-divorce. What better way to feel less alone than to be with others? This is actually a great time to connect with old friends or find some new ones.

Try to put together some days where you and friends get to hang out. You can try to meet up for dinner, or just to talk with one another at your house. Also, you can look for groups designed to help people dealing with empty nest feelings. These groups can help you learn new ways to handle your feelings and find some new friends along the way. 

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

Uncertainty is a pretty common feeling in divorce. Uncertainty over the future is something that worries many people considering or experiencing divorce. This can lead to them wondering if they should go through with their divorce in the first place. Pushing past that divorce uncertainty is crucial for getting your divorce back on track.

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

What causes uncertainty?

Divorce uncertainty can stem from many different factors. For example, many people are fearful of the divorce process itself. There are a lot of different things that go into getting a divorce. This could be overwhelming for some and make them question if divorce is worth it. 

There are also fears about life after divorce. After all, your sense of “normal” will have completely flipped around now. You might need to make some pretty drastic changes to your life after a divorce. This lack of certainty can make many hesitate when it comes to divorce.

Taking the first steps

Breaking past that divorce uncertainty is possible. Thankfully, you can work on fighting past it one small step at a time. Doing some research can help you get a better understanding of what exactly divorce entails. That way, you can see what exactly you’ll need to be readily prepared for a divorce. 

Additionally, try weighing out the pros and cons of your current situation with a potential post-divorce life. You might come to the conclusion that, 
even with all the uncertainty, you’ll be happier divorced than remaining married. Plus, the odds are your spouse might end up feeling the same. 

Look for support

It’s also a good idea to look for some outside perspective when battling divorce uncertainty. That’s where your support network comes in handy. This will be your friends and family who you can lead on for help during this stressful time. 

Your support group can help give you a new perspective on a potential divorce. They might be able to see some things that you cant’t because of how directly the divorce involves you. Furthermore, they can also give you a much-needed boost if you’re feeling especially hard on yourself. 

Divorce uncertainty is common, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Instead, it’s possible for you to get unstuck and move forward. It can be an uncertain time, but what is for sure is you getting control over your life again.

Explaining Custody: Co-Parenting Transitions

After the initial explanation of your separation, there will come a time where you need to explain the new living situation with your children. Explaining custody to children can be a challenge depending on their age and their exposure to others in similar situations. Children who have friends with separated parents will understand it better, generally.

Explaining Custody to Children of Different Ages

Newborn through Toddler Age

During this stage of life, explaining custody to children seems a little redundant. It is unnecessary to tell your two year old that you will only see them during the week. They are simply too young to understand this. As long as the child is healthy and taken care of, that’s all they need right now.

School Age through Pre-Teen

At this point, children can understand that you are going to court. They will have questions about what is happening. When answering, be honest but age appropriate. Remember not to bash your ex in front of them. Explaining custody to children of this age is important because they need to understand what is going on. Young children may need to talk to the judge or talk about it with law guardians. In these cases, assure your child they are not in trouble and nothing they say can get them, or you, in trouble. These special attorneys are there to help.

Pre-Teens and Teenagers

At this point in your child’s life, they recognize divorce and what it means. Explaining custody to children of this age may be difficult because they may not understand the court’s reasoning or ruling. Many times, children of this age will be asked their opinions of custody. While these opinions will be taken into consideration, the court may ultimately rule in opposition. It is always in best interest of the child, but it can be hard to explain that to a teenager. Pre-teens and teenagers are in a tender time of their lives. They are full of confusion and emotion. Be understanding and listen to what they have to say.

Explaining custody to children can be especially confusing if your child does not understand that their parents are not together. Being open and honest throughout this time is the best way to make sure all children get heard. If you have children who are in different stages of their childhood, tell them together. The older child(ren) can ask more questions later, but explaining the new custody agreement does not need to be a secret. Telling them together offers some comfort and security.

Maintaining School Systems After Divorce

Did you ever move schools in the middle of the school year? Or come to school one day to find out your best classmate was changing schools? If you did, you know how hard it is to be the new kid or to lose a classmate. Maintaining school systems after divorce will help your children keep the familiarity of their school and their classmates.

Maintaining School Systems: Avoiding Disruption

Why is this important?

Maintaining school systems post-divorce is important for your children and their education. A switch in school systems can cause a disruption in friendships and in educational focus. While divorce will certainly change a child’s life, it will help to keep their school and social life as similar as possible. Changing these can disturb any progress a child has already made in school and send them back to the beginning.

Friendship, no matter the age, is important for children, especially for those whose parents are divorcing. Maintaining school systems will help them keep their friends. They may be able to help the child grieve and cope or simply keep their mind off of it.

How can we achieve this?

The birds nest agreement is great for maintaining school systems. While not feasible for every family, the children will definitely remain in the same school system in a familiar neighborhood.

There can also be an agreement for parents to not move out of an area. By doing this, children can still take the bus and both homes will be relatively close in case of emergency. Maintaining school systems goes beyond just the system sometimes. Some school systems have several elementary schools, for example. This agreement would need to specify that the parents are both zoned for the same elementary school. The same middle and high school would be an important thing to check, too.

Couples get divorced for a lot of reasons. Children are better off with two happy, but separate, parents, than they are with two unhappy, but together, parents. There are a lot of moving parts to divorce and it is not always easy to agree with an ex-spouse. Maintaining school systems is a small effort to make towards ensuring a child’s overall happiness and wellness.

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Divorce can be an overwhelming process. With so much changing, it can be hard to go through things alone. That’s why it’s important to build a good divorce support system. Knowing who you can lean on can help you make it through your divorce in one piece…

Divorce Support System: Who to Lean On

Your family

Your family is almost always a sure bet for your divorce support system. No one is going to know you better than your family. They can give you a constant source of emotional support that you might need during this time. 

Additionally, your family can offer support in other ways as well. They can help watch the kids if you have any, give you a place to stay, and really anything else you might need help with. This and the emotional support they can give you makes them great for being the base of your support system.

Your friends

Your friends are your next best bet for your divorce support network. It’s good to reach out to your closest friends first. These are the ones who will know you the best and be in your corner for sure. Of course, you can reach out to other friends as well, but make sure they weren’t just a “couple friend”. 

Your friends can offer similar support to that of your family. However, they also can help you with taking a break from divorce matters. You can go out with them and take some time to decompress and relax before continuing to tackle your divorce. 

Support groups 

As the name suggests, divorce support groups can be great when building a divorce support network. These groups tend to be made up of people who went through or are going through divorce. That means you’ll be talking to people who know exactly what you’re going through.

Of course, these groups are more on the emotional support side. These groups can be great places to get some help for whatever divorce issues you’ve run into. Additionally, they can be found both online and locally, meaning you can get support from almost anywhere. 

Divorce is something you don’t need to go through alone. Having people you can lean on for emotional support is important. It’s always good to keep this in mind, especially as you begin the divorce process.

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Dating might be the furthest thing from your mind after a divorce. However, well-meaning friends and family might start asking you if you’ve thought about it. This can make you start to question if you should be trying to start dating post-divorce. However, it really comes down to some self-reflection and perspective….

Dating Post-Divorce: Getting Ready

Determine your feelings 

Societal pressure can make you feel like you should try dating post-divorce quickly. Friends and family asking you about it can make you think you’re doing something wrong by not trying to date. However, it all depends on how you truly feel about it. 

Don’t rely on the calendar to tell you when you should try dating again. Everyone is different, and will need a different amount of time to feel comfortable with dating again. Give yourself some time to grieve and wait until you feel comfortable with dating.

Move on from your ex

Do you find yourself still thinking about your ex or what they’re doing? Especially in the relationship department? If so, you might want to hold off on dating post-divorce until you can fully move on. 

Those lingering thoughts about your ex can make their way into new relationships and negatively impact them. You might be trying to “prove” to your ex you’ve moved on to better things, even when inside that isn’t the case. It’s best to wait until your ex is no longer a focus so your new relationships won’t be influenced by them.

Accept who you are

Trying out dating post-divorce means you’ll also have to be happy with who you are as an individual. For that reason, consider taking some time for yourself in between your divorce and dating.  It’s always useful to explore your new life on your own terms for a bit. 

Take some time and learn to enjoy being single. Try new things, go out with friends, anything that you would like to. Being happy with yourself while single will translate to you being happy in a new relationship.

Dating post-divorce is something that you should try when it feels right. There is no exact answer for when it’s time because everyone is different. Take some time to self-reflect and you’ll know when you’re ready to try dating again.

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Divorce mediation is a good option if you’d prefer a more meeting-like approach to your divorce settlement. However, you still should take it just as seriously as a courtroom approach. The last thing you want to do is wait until the last second. Proper mediation prep helps your chances of getting a better, more agreeable settlement in the long run…

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Lay the groundwork  

The first aspect of proper mediation prep should be figuring out the logistics. Having this figured out before the mediation even begins will help you and your spouse know what kind of structure to follow. If you don’t have a structure, this can make it harder to plan out what you want to discuss. 

Figure out what times you and your spouse are available to meet and for how long. This will let you plan out what you’d like to discuss at each meeting. That way, you can use the longer sessions for more in-depth matters, and the shorter ones for the lesser-pressing ones.

Gather your evidence 

In order to properly negotiate, you’ll need good evidence to support your claims. That’s why a crucial part of mediation prep is getting your documents gathered and organized. These documents will strengthen your ability to get a fair settlement you’re happy with.

Gathering financial documentation, like bank statements, credit card records, etc, goes a long way in helping your case. However, it’s not all just about numbers. If child custody is also being discussed, having records about their school and medical history help to show you’re a capable parent who can be trusted. 

Have a strategy

Gathering your information is one thing. However, you’ll also have to know how to use it. Knowing what you want out of your mediation is another important part of proper mediation prep.

Understand what kind of settlement would be fair to you and how your spouse might have a different idea of fair for them. Then, use this as a way to work towards compromise. You’ll both be more likely to get a settlement you’re happy with this way. 

Going into your mediation with a proper game plan is key for getting a good result. The best kinds of mediation are the ones where both spouses work together for a settlement. That way, they can walk away satisfied and optimistic for their new post-divorce lives.

Divorce Needs: What Your Children Need from You

When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll probably find it’s an emotional time. Therefore, you may find that you need emotional support and reassurance from your family and friends. If you have children from the divorce, they’ll probably have needs of their own. While it can be a difficult time to focus on your kids, it’s important to hear what they want and meet their divorce needs. 

Knowing Your Child’s Divorce Needs

Involvement 

Most likely, one of your child’s main divorce needs will be involvement. During this time, you’re child may face confusion and anxiety about the future. They’ll wonder what this means for their life with you and the involvement of both of their parents. In order to calm some of these fears, it’s important to show that you both will still remain involved. So, go the extra mile to show care and concern. Try spending time and asking questions about school, activities, and their interests.

Quality Time

Because your child has become accustomed to living with both parents, one of their divorce needs will be quality time with each of you. It’s one thing for you to allow your child to have time with their other parent, it’s another for you to support it. Children can deal with quilt for spending time with each parent individually. As if, spending time with one parent means that they love their parent more. So, it’s important for you to encourage and support them spending quality time your ex. 

Communication

One of the most important divorce needs of your child will be communication between the two of you. No matter how hard things get between you and your ex, it’s important to keep a line of healthy communication. Communication will be the key to co-parenting.You’ll need to discuss things like schedules, rules, schooling and anything else in your child’s best interest. 

In short, divorcing with children can be especially tough because you must meet the divorce needs of your child while also dealing with your own. During this time, you’ll need to tend to your own emotions and need but you don’t want forget that yours kids may have them too. 

Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Prenup agreements are becoming more common for married couples. These agreements can help you sort out property and financials going into the marriage. Additionally, they can also help make a divorce a much smoother process. Knowing the benefits of a prenup can help you determine if you should also have one for your marriage…

 Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Separate assets 

Prenup agreements help you and your spouse sort out what assets belong to whom. This helps you to both know what assets you’re bringing into the marriage. This kind of information is especially helpful during a divorce. 

Asset division is a key aspect of divorce. However, this generally means you’ll have to fight in court to prove what assets are yours from before the divorce. A prenup will avoid this fight, as you’ll both already have all those assets listed. 

Splitting debt

Debt is also something which can get split during a divorce. However, prenup agreements can help specify what debt you and your spouse had before you were married. This will help limit your debt responsibility during a divorce, as well as save you time and money on the proceedings. 

Settlement negotiations

Prenup agreements are basically divorce settlement guidelines. They help you and your spouse define who gets what in the case of a divorce. Without an agreement, you’ll have to negotiate a settlement based on your state’s divorce laws. This can lead to a longer and more expensive divorce proceeding. 

On the other hand, a prenup already lays out who had what coming into the marriage. That makes it much easier to figure out what does need to be negotiated and what doesn’t. For example, that means you and your spouse can focus mainly on say co-parenting agreements rather than everything at once. A prenup is basically a way to “trim the fat” from your divorce and make it easier for everyone involved. 

Moving Forward: Setting Your New Course

Re-adjusting to life after your divorce can be difficult. It’s not uncommon to feel lost and confused after everything is said and done. However, there are different ways you can start moving forward with your new life. You’ll soon be able to see all the new different possibilities that you can take your life in…

Moving Forward: Setting Your Life Course

Focus on the positive outcomes

Many people get stuck on focusing on the negative aspects about their marriage and divorce once the divorce is over. The more you focus on these negative aspects, the more your overall thought process will become negative. That’s why moving forward means working on the positives. 

After your normal grieving period, then it’s time to start looking ahead. Think about the positive things that are possible now that you’re in control again. Once you’re able to think about them, then you’ll be able to make them a reality. 

Restructure & reorganize

Odds are that divorce wasn’t initially in your life plans. However, this shake-up has a silver lining in that you can take some time to restructure your future goals. This doesn’t mean “give up on everything you had planned”; rather, it just means think about what you can change to get yourself happy again. 

You can also reorganize your daily activities. Maybe you can start to pick up a new hobby. You can also start learning something that your ex usually took care of so you can be prepared in the future. Either way, you’re getting yourself out of your old life and into your new one. 

Spend time with others

It isn’t uncommon to feel lonely after your divorce. You can feel the need to shut yourself off from others during this time. Whether it’s due to feelings of grief, shame, or anger, these feelings can consume you.

Spending time with others helps to fight against these feelings. Being with friends or family can help you see you’re not truly alone. Instead, you have plenty of people who care about you. 

Divorce takes a toll out of you emotionally even when it’s successful. It can be hard to get yourself back in balance. However, if you remain focused on what’s important, you can start to move forward into a brighter, better life.