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Redecorating Post-Divorce

After your divorce, you might’ve found yourself having to relocate to a new home. Or, maybe you’ve happened to keep the house you’ve already had. Whatever the case might be, you’ll probably be looking to do some redecorating post-divorce. Redecorating your house can help give your home some nice personal touches as you begin your post-divorce life…

Redecorating Post-Divorce

Find the pieces you love

A common challenge people run into when redecorating post-divorce is feeling overwhelmed. They’ll end up not sure of where to begin, or what to focus on, and then wonder if they should even bother anymore. However, it’s all about starting small and finding the simple things first. 

Before doing any drastic changes, it helps to first get a few pieces that you really like. Look all over, whether it be online, or in antique shops or flea markets, for the pieces that really appeal to you. Once you have these pieces, then you have the base for your redesign. Build the rest of the rooms around these pieces, and you’ll have a centered and focused way of getting your redesign done. 

Appreciate your own style

One of the great things about redecorating post-divorce is the amount of freedom you have. In your marriage, you probably had to make compromises with your spouse on the decorating. However, now you have the ability to make all the choices. This is the perfect time to truly embrace your own personal style. 

Don’t feel afraid to experiment with a bunch of different ideas. Your inner critic might try to raise doubts, but this is when you’ll want to push them to the side. Instead, do whatever it is you think you’d like, and make your home your own.

Nothing wrong with some help

While redecorating post-divorce is all about what you want, there’s nothing wrong with getting some outside assistance. After all, redecorating on your own can be quite a challenge. Plus, other eyes can help you notice the finer details which you might’ve not considered. 

Of course, your friends and family are the most immediate, and probably readily available source of help. However, maybe you want to take a bit more of a professional approach. These days, you can find interior designers online who can help you go room-by-room and figure out what’ll fit you the best. 

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Deciding to date again post-divorce can be tricky for some people. This can lead to them getting into an unhealthy relationship and not realizing it. That’s why it’s important to know the signs of these unhealthy relationships. That way, you can avoid them and find one that you deserve…

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Things don’t “feel” right

A surefire way to know you’re probably in an unhealthy relationship is if you just don’t feel comfortable. Feeling uncomfortable around your partner signals that there is something wrong with your relationship. This could mean you feel like you can’t be yourself, and have to walk on eggshells when you’re around them.

Ultimately, you could end up feeling unsafe around your partner. This could be because of a fear of rejection from your partner. If your partner constantly shoots down your thoughts and opinions, then they ultimately don’t respect you. When that’s the case, it becomes clear your relationship isn’t all that healthy. 

They Don’t Respect You

Healthy relationships are built upon mutual respect for each partner. However, a unhealthy relationship tips these scales unfavorably. In these relationships, you’re not viewed as an equal, but rather lesser in the eyes of your partner. This can show itself in a number of ways. 

For example, maybe your partner constantly blow you off while expecting you to always be there for them. Or, perhaps they ignore you while expecting constant attention. When these scales become unbalanced, it becomes apparent that your relationship might not be healthy.

They don’t make time for you

Balancing time spent together is an important part of healthy relationships. After all, each person will have their friends or hobbies, and like to spend some time with them. Maybe they just need some time to themselves every now and again. However, while healthy relationships will work out this balance together, unhealthy relationships won’t.

Instead, in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will chose to spend more time away from you than with you. This can show itself even in the little ways, like them never calling or texting you. On the other hand, they might expect you to spend time with them when they ask, and get upset when you can’t. This manipulative behavior is a pretty clear-cut way to know when your relationship isn’t healthy. 

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Divorce is a tricky thing to handle. With how many emotions divorce stirs up, it’s not surprising to see a lot of people make some less-than-ideal decisions. Still, these reckless divorce mistakes can be costly to you in the long run. That’s why it’s important to avoid these pitfalls as best you can. Doing so will help you get the best outcome possible from your divorce…

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Anger towards your ex

One of the most common reckless divorce mistakes is feeling anger towards your ex. A lot of divorces tend to be mutual understandings. However, if someone’s spouse comes to them wanting a divorce, it can cause a lot of different reactions. Sometimes, not all of these initial responses are good. 

However, instead of reacting with anger or hatred, it’s best to take the high road. It can be painful, and it might not be the outcome you wished for, but it’s important to respect your spouse’s wishes. In fact, it’s better to try and understand your spouse’s point of view. That way, it’ll make things easier for the both of you going forward. 

Refuse to negotiate

Another one of the common reckless divorce mistakes is when someone refuses to negotiate. This mistakes ties in to the first one, as this refusal is usually because one spouse feels like the other treated them unfairly. It could also be because they feel that negotiation is a waste of time. 

In reality, negotiation can be quite helpful for solving a lot of potential problems. Divorcing couples tend to have much more success when they negotiate and make use of resources like mediation. Odds are, you’ll both end up with a good outcome when you work together than when you work against each other. 

Don’t work out your emotions

This is one of the reckless divorce mistakes that people might not always think about. But, keeping those divorce emotions bottled up can be a detriment. Some people might think that they just have to “power through” or that their emotions aren’t “that big of a deal”. Yet, this kind of thinking can be quite detrimental. 

Instead, it’s best to find some ways to work out these emotions. This could include talking to friends and family, keeping a journal, or seeing a professional. This kind of help is important not only for making your divorce easier, but also helping you get started on your post-divorce life. 

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and drained when going through a divorce. This stress makes it easy to lose your focus and motivation, especially at work. However, while it might feel impossible, you can still keep that work motivation. That way, you can handle your divorce while still performing quality work…

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

Divorce’s impact

It’s very easy to see why a divorce can hurt your work motivation. A divorce involves having to take care of a lot of different things. This can be getting documents together, going to mediation or court, and getting money together for any expenses. This only gets more complicated if your divorce isn’t going all that smoothly. 

There’s also a personal aspect which can hurt your motivation. While divorce is more common and accepted these days, sadly some people still stigmatize it. This could make you worried about other co-workers spreading gossip. An unpleasant workplace is sure to sap anyone’s motivation. 

Tackle it head-on

If you’re going through a divorce and want to keep your work motivation, it helps to not dance around the issue. Instead of worrying about what your employer might think, the best thing is to tell them upfront about what’s going on. If your honest about what you’re dealing with, then odds are they’ll be able to help you out. This could mean being flexible if you have to miss a day for court, or anything else that’ll help you out. 

Remember that you won’t want to make any rash decisions during this time. Sometimes, the stress and worry makes people leave their jobs. However, this can seriously come back to bite you later on. It’s better to always think things through and talk to your employer before making any decisions like that. 

Don’t forget yourself

While it’s helpful to keep your work motivation, remember that it’s okay to take a break every now and again. You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t, and your work and divorce will both be effected. Take a day for yourself if you have to, just to relax and calm down. Also, don’t overload yourself with work either. Only take on the tasks you know you can do and that won’t overwhelm you. 

Relocating Post-Divorce

In certain situations, couples and families move away from extended family for better opportunities. When life happens, your support system is still there, they are just further away. It’s common for the parent with full or majority custody to consider relocating post-divorce. Of course, if custody is split 50/50 and the other parent has no interest in moving, this might not be an option for you. If you have the ability to, relocating might be a good move for you, literally.

Relocating Post-Divorce: Benefits of Starting Fresh 

Why should you relocate?

Relocation is a fresh start. It can be invigorating to start over, to be in a new place. If your brothers and sisters or other family are close by, relocating post-divorce also offers some security. You’ll be near people you trust and can rely on. A new place will force you to get out of your routine. This will not only create a new routine, but leave little time to dwell on any negative emotions you might have.

Why shouldn’t you relocate?

While there’s definitely some positives of relocating, there are also negatives. Relocating post-divorce can turn your children’s life totally upside down. Not only are they having to understand life with divorced parents, they will also have to get used to a new school. New school, new friends, new sports teams, the list goes on. Relocating can be difficult for some children who struggle to make new friends. It can also be difficult for children who have had the same friends their entire lives.

After you relocate, keep in mind…

Allow yourself and your children time to adjust. Remember that nothing happens over night. Some children will feel stress from being a further distance from the other parent. As long as there is a legal right to relocate, remind them (and sometimes, yourself) that this is a good thing for your family. Relocating post-divorce is a step forward in the right direction. This is an opportunity to create new memories in a new home. Another idea is to allow your children to be involved in their new bedroom decor. This will get them excitedabout their new home.

To conclude: relocating post-divorce is a fresh start. It might be difficult to be approved for relocation. You should always consult legal help before making any distant moves with your family after a divorce. 

Domestic Violence Types

Many times, people are under the impression that physical abuse is the only kind of domestic violence. This is not true. There are many other domestic violence types, including emotional and sexual abuse. It is our hope that you are not suffering from this at home. But if you are, or need to talk to someone, there are resources that can help. As a matter of fact, domestic violence can happen in any relationship. It’s not always male to female! It can be any combination.

Domestic Violence Types: Understanding Abuse 

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is only one type of the domestic violence. If you are feeling put down, humiliated, or getting called names by your significant other, this is emotional abuse! Emotional abuse can make you feel bad about yourself and like you’re not worthy. 

Economic Abuse

In the realm of domestic violence types, economic abuse can occur silently. Let’s say your partner is the bread winner in the family. He/she might say you don’t need to work anymore. While this may sound good at first, it could turn into them having control over you and what you do. By making you ask for money or giving you an allowance, your partner might be too controlling.

Making Threats

Threatening and coercing a partner is another type of the domestic violence. Threatening a partner with ultimatums is a sign of domestic abuse. Additionally, persuading a partner to do illegal things and threatening suicide if they leave are also signs of abuse.

Intimidation

Domestic violence types don’t just stop at threats. Sometimes, people carry these actions out. Intimidation can include breaking property and destroying it, too. If a partner can instill fear in you with a look or a gesture, then this is a sign of domestic violence.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Lastly, physical and sexual abuse are the two domestic violence types that get the most recognition. Since some signs of physical abuse are easy to spot, people are more likely to reach out. Sexual abuse is traumatic. This type of abuse ranges from having sex when you don’t want to, to doing things you are not comfortable with.

It’s important to understand that domestic violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence types vary from situation to situation. Again, if you need help, there are places that can help. 

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Divorce is a serious and life-changing decision. It’s also something you want to make sure you handle properly. That’s why it’s important to avoid some of the common divorce pitfalls people fall into. Avoiding these mistakes will help you in getting a divorce settlement that works for you…

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Too much outside input

One of the more common divorce pitfalls is having too many people giving you varying input and advice. Your friends and family tend to be a major source of support during your divorce. However, it’s important to not let them have too much input in your divorce. 

While they might have your best intentions at heart, your friends and family’s input could lead to conflict. Their own feelings about your former spouse might influence the decisions you make, and have negative impact on your divorce. When it comes to the serious decisions, it’s important to keep control. 

Refusing mediation

Another one of the more difficult divorce pitfalls is refusing mediation. You might have some apprehension about trying to work with your ex again. However, mediation can be a quite useful tool for you both. 

Mediation can help you and your ex solve the more pressing issues and disagreements. For example, these could be child custody, asset splitting, or spousal support. While these issues might normally cause arguments, mediation can help you both keep things civil and less combative. 

Not planning for the future

Divorce can be a very intensive process. Understandably, it can be difficult to think and plan ahead when so much is happening. Yet, not having a plan for the future is one of those divorce pitfalls that can come back to bite you. 

You should consider what changes you might have to make once your divorce is over. This could be finding a new place to live, or re-adjusting your budget. Not planning for these changes can make your post-divorce life just a hectic as when the divorce was going on. 

Divorce pitfalls can really trip up your divorce progress. They can not only effect your divorce itself, but your life afterwards as well. That’s why avoiding them is key for a smooth divorce. 

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Divorce can feel like a lonely process for many. Dealing with the feelings of an “empty nest” can really make that feeling linger. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t handle an empty nest post-divorce. There are different ways of handling it which can make you start looking at the positives of your post-divorce life…

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Consider the positives

Part of handling an empty nest post-divorce is getting out of negative thinking. Many people dealing with an empty nest get stuck thinking about all the negatives without focusing on the positives. However, it’s important to know that it’s not all bad. 

For example, you’ll now have a lot of time to do what you want. You don’t have to worry about being a ride or making appointments. Also, if your kids are in college, then take some relief in knowing they’re having a good time. Keep in touch and remember that their happiness is a reason for yours too.

Explore new things

Finding new things to do also helps to ward off those negative empty nest post-divorce feelings. Remember, you’ll have a lot of time now to do the things you’ve maybe put on the back-burner. Or, you can find some new activities to give a try. 

You can consider taking up some exercise classes or think about joining a sports club. Or, you can look at some things to do around the house, like renovations or redecorating. Even just finding a new book or show to watch can help you fight off those negative feelings. 

Connect with others

Connecting with others is another good idea for handling an empty nest post-divorce. What better way to feel less alone than to be with others? This is actually a great time to connect with old friends or find some new ones.

Try to put together some days where you and friends get to hang out. You can try to meet up for dinner, or just to talk with one another at your house. Also, you can look for groups designed to help people dealing with empty nest feelings. These groups can help you learn new ways to handle your feelings and find some new friends along the way. 

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

Uncertainty is a pretty common feeling in divorce. Uncertainty over the future is something that worries many people considering or experiencing divorce. This can lead to them wondering if they should go through with their divorce in the first place. Pushing past that divorce uncertainty is crucial for getting your divorce back on track.

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

What causes uncertainty?

Divorce uncertainty can stem from many different factors. For example, many people are fearful of the divorce process itself. There are a lot of different things that go into getting a divorce. This could be overwhelming for some and make them question if divorce is worth it. 

There are also fears about life after divorce. After all, your sense of “normal” will have completely flipped around now. You might need to make some pretty drastic changes to your life after a divorce. This lack of certainty can make many hesitate when it comes to divorce.

Taking the first steps

Breaking past that divorce uncertainty is possible. Thankfully, you can work on fighting past it one small step at a time. Doing some research can help you get a better understanding of what exactly divorce entails. That way, you can see what exactly you’ll need to be readily prepared for a divorce. 

Additionally, try weighing out the pros and cons of your current situation with a potential post-divorce life. You might come to the conclusion that, 
even with all the uncertainty, you’ll be happier divorced than remaining married. Plus, the odds are your spouse might end up feeling the same. 

Look for support

It’s also a good idea to look for some outside perspective when battling divorce uncertainty. That’s where your support network comes in handy. This will be your friends and family who you can lead on for help during this stressful time. 

Your support group can help give you a new perspective on a potential divorce. They might be able to see some things that you cant’t because of how directly the divorce involves you. Furthermore, they can also give you a much-needed boost if you’re feeling especially hard on yourself. 

Divorce uncertainty is common, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Instead, it’s possible for you to get unstuck and move forward. It can be an uncertain time, but what is for sure is you getting control over your life again.

Explaining Custody: Co-Parenting Transitions

After the initial explanation of your separation, there will come a time where you need to explain the new living situation with your children. Explaining custody to children can be a challenge depending on their age and their exposure to others in similar situations. Children who have friends with separated parents will understand it better, generally.

Explaining Custody to Children of Different Ages

Newborn through Toddler Age

During this stage of life, explaining custody to children seems a little redundant. It is unnecessary to tell your two year old that you will only see them during the week. They are simply too young to understand this. As long as the child is healthy and taken care of, that’s all they need right now.

School Age through Pre-Teen

At this point, children can understand that you are going to court. They will have questions about what is happening. When answering, be honest but age appropriate. Remember not to bash your ex in front of them. Explaining custody to children of this age is important because they need to understand what is going on. Young children may need to talk to the judge or talk about it with law guardians. In these cases, assure your child they are not in trouble and nothing they say can get them, or you, in trouble. These special attorneys are there to help.

Pre-Teens and Teenagers

At this point in your child’s life, they recognize divorce and what it means. Explaining custody to children of this age may be difficult because they may not understand the court’s reasoning or ruling. Many times, children of this age will be asked their opinions of custody. While these opinions will be taken into consideration, the court may ultimately rule in opposition. It is always in best interest of the child, but it can be hard to explain that to a teenager. Pre-teens and teenagers are in a tender time of their lives. They are full of confusion and emotion. Be understanding and listen to what they have to say.

Explaining custody to children can be especially confusing if your child does not understand that their parents are not together. Being open and honest throughout this time is the best way to make sure all children get heard. If you have children who are in different stages of their childhood, tell them together. The older child(ren) can ask more questions later, but explaining the new custody agreement does not need to be a secret. Telling them together offers some comfort and security.