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Category: divorce advice

Post-Divorce Health: Achieve New Goals

Divorce is going to be tough, and it can have a bit of a negative impact on the body. Therefore, it’s a good idea to invest in your post-divorce health. Doing so can help you get started on achieving your new post-divorce goals…

 Post-Divorce Health

Get an energy boost

One good reason to focus on your post-divorce health is to get an energy boost. Divorce can cause you to feel pretty tired and lacking in motivation. While this is understandable, especially after all you had to deal with, getting healthy can help you find the energy you’ve been lacking.

Research has shown that people who exercise tend to have much more energy than those who don’t. Plus, eating healthier foods will give your body more energy than unhealthier choices. Channeling negative feelings into your workout can also help you start to feel better mentally.

Improve self-confidence

Improving your post-divorce health can also help improve your self-confidence. It’s quite common to feel a bit low after your divorce. You might even start to question if you’re really all that great, and focus more on perceived negatives about yourself. Of course, this isn’t good for you or your new goals

Getting healthy helps you start to feel better about yourself. Seeing those small steps, like losing a few pounds or getting better endurance, are great for your confidence. As you continue to improve yourself, you’ll also begin to feel the level of confidence needed to tackle what’s lying ahead.

Save extra money

Some people might claim that trying to focus on post-divorce health is too costly. Things like gym memberships or the cost of healthier foods can seem expensive, especially coming off of a divorce. While they might appear so at first, you have to think about the money you’re going to be saving down the line.

Living healthier will help reduce the risk of running into health issues. That way, you save money by avoiding costly doctor visits. Plus, you’ll also be able to save money on insurance, as you can find suitable plans at a lower rate. The money you save this way will outweigh the costs of food or gym memberships.

Divorce Privacy: Protecting Yours

Divorce is something which is very personal. As a result, you may want to preserve your divorce privacy as best as you can. After all, gossip in the workplace or around others can be hard to deal with. There’s a few things you can try to help preserve your privacy…

Divorce Privacy: Protecting Yours

Watch what you share

One good way to protect your divorce privacy is to limit what you post on social media. These days, we’re pretty used to posting whatever and whenever on our accounts. However, during a divorce, that can be a bit of a bad idea for a couple reasons.

For starters, things that you share could come back to hurt you during the divorce, especially if they’re negative and about your ex. Plus, it also can cause others to try and pry into your personal life. It’s a better idea to try and give social media a break during this time.

Talk to those you trust

Another way to protect your divorce privacy is by watching what you say to others. Your friends and family are going to be an important part of your support system. Still, some people might be a bit more loose with information than others. That means they could end up sharing things you tell them with others who you don’t want to talk to.

For those more-important details, try to only talk to those you know you can trust. These are the people who understand you don’t want others to know about your divorce or how it’s going. That way, you cut down on potential gossip spreading around.

Change your passwords

It’s also a good idea to change your passwords as part of protecting your divorce privacy. Many couples will share accounts with each others, or give each other passwords for their own accounts. While this might’ve been fine before, now it can potentially compromise your privacy.

Therefore, try and go through your accounts and change up your passwords. Give priority to those very-important accounts, like bank accounts. The last thing you want is a vindictive ex getting access and giving you a headache.

Social Media During Divorce

Social media apps can be a great way to get in touch with friends all around the world. However, during a divorce, they can also be a point of conflict. Therefore, it’s important to know how to approach social media during divorce. That way, you avoid the potential issues it can bring…

Social Media During Divorce

Think before posting

A lot of people tend to treat social media like an open journal. They’ll post updates on their life, and how they might feel throughout the day. However, this can potentially get you in some trouble when divorcing. Therefore, you need to think before using social media during divorce.

For example, you might be tempted to post a rant about your ex. Before you do, take a moment to think about it. How will that post make you look to others, your ex, and most importantly, a judge? If a post is going to be too negative or targeted, and could get you in trouble, then it’s best to avoid posting it.

Clean Up Your Followers

For most people, friends and acquaintances tend to make up the bulk of their followers on social media. However, divorce tends to require one to lean on these friends a bit more for support. At the same time, it might also mean you cut contact with friends who don’t support you, or were friends of your ex.

That’s why part of using social media during divorce also involves adjusting who you follow, and who follows you. If you know there’s people you aren’t friends with anymore still following you, then it might be best to remove them as followers. That way, the people who do see your posts are the ones who will support you, rather than potentially be negative.

Avoid your ex

There can be a temptation to look at what your ex is doing on social media during divorce. You might be curious about what they’re saying about you or the divorce. Maybe you want to see if they’re already trying to date again. The thing is, you want to avoid this curiosity.

Ultimately, obsessing over your ex’s post is just going to prevent you from moving on yourself. While you might remain friends, you don’t need to be up-to-date on their lives. Plus, if they do post something negative or concerning, odds are someone will let you know about it.

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

Your divorce is going to be a big life change. Like with any major change, it’s going to come with its fair share of lessons. These divorce lessons can teach you some pretty valuable things. In fact, there’s a few things in particular which you may want to take note of…

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

It’s ok to not be “ok”

A lot of people try to repress the more-negative feelings that divorce brings. In their mind, they think that feeling bad isn’t “right” for some reason. However, one of the important divorce lessons to learn is that it’s just fine to feel upset, angry, or disappointed. Indeed, it’s actually an important part of your eventual recovery.

No one is ever going to feel “perfect” 100% of the time, especially after a divorce. Therefore, don’t be afraid of those stronger emotions you’re feeling. Once you accept how you feel, you can start to process those emotions and begin to shift towards positive ones. In a way, it’s like you’re building up a tolerance to negative feelings for the future.

Change Is Natural

Another one of the important lessons is about accepting change. Change is a natural part of life. In a way, divorce is just another kind of change, even if you might not be all that excited for it. That means you shouldn’t see your divorce as some sort of permanent failure.

Rather, your divorce is just one small change in the grand scheme of things. The world isn’t over just because your marriage is. Ultimately, it’s not worth it to spend too much time stuck on what you lost. Instead, try to be optimistic about the new, positive changes you can start to make yourself

Perspective is key

One of the most important divorce lessons is about perspective. How we view things influences how we feel and what we think. That means if you view your divorce in nothing but a negative way, then you’re going to feel and think negatively for the foreseeable future.

Instead of getting caught in that rut, try to look at things more positively. Think about how you won’t have to deal with your ex doing or saying things which hurt you. Also keep in mind the new sense of control you now have over your life. Changing your perspective can really help you process your divorce.

Pestering Ex: What To Do

After your divorce, you might hope to get some space from your former partner. But what if they won’t leave you alone? Dealing with a pestering ex can be very aggravating. However, there are some ways you can get them off your back…

Pestering Ex: What To Do

Set clear expectations

One way to potentially avoid a pestering ex is to set expectation early on. The thing is divorces don’t just happen overnight. As a result, you have a lot of time to let them know what kind of expectations they should have moving forward. This can help them see what they should and shouldn’t come to you for once things are over.

Now, it’s important to be direct with them. Don’t try and beat around the bush or hesitate. It might feel harsh, but your ex will need to know what your preference are. If your expectations are clear, then they should get the message.

Know when lines are crossed

Setting expectations for a pestering ex is important. Still, it’s also important to let them know when they cross those boundaries. Sometimes, they might not realize they’ve done so. Other times, they may do so on purpose to see how you react.

When this happens, you need to let them know. This signals to them that you’re serious about your boundaries, and they need to be as well. Usually, they’ll take the hint and learn what kind of behavior they need to avoid going forward.

Watch for mixed signals

These may be times when a pestering ex might not even realize they’re bothering you. This could be because it appears to them that you’re don’t mind them. However, deep down, you might wish that they’d leave you alone! Therefore, you should make sure you aren’t accidentally giving them mixed signals.

A common way people do this is by accidentally going against their own boundaries. For instance, maybe you tell your ex you can only talk at certain times. Yet, you ended up calling them outside of these times. This can give them mixed signals about how you feel. As a result, even if you need to break those boundaries, make sure they know why.

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

When it comes to divorce, some couples might opt to go the mediation route. However, picking mediation isn’t always a simple choice. There’s a few key things you’ll need to consider before you make your decision…

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

Are you both on board?

Picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to work with your spouse. After all, it is a voluntary process. That’s why it’s ideal to ensure the both of you are on board with the idea. If you’re both willing to work together, then the process will go smoothly for you and them.

However, if one spouse feels “forced” into mediation, they may not be willing to work with you. They could become very hostile towards you, and lack the open mind needed to make the process work. If you know this will be the case, then you might want to consider other options.

Is privacy a concern?

It’s important to think about privacy when picking mediation. Unlike a courtroom, which is open to the public, mediation is much more private. You and your partner will be able to meet confidentially and discuss things in a more relaxed, quiet setting.

Still, keep in mind that other options can provide that privacy too. For example, if you decide on a collaborative divorce, then you can expect a similar level of privacy. The main thing here is that privacy is just another potential advantage to consider. Depending on how your spouse is, it could cause them to lean more towards mediation.

Can you communicate properly?

Remember that mediation is meant to be collaborative. While there is a mediator involved, they are more of a neutral third party. Their main job is to facilitate the conversation between you and your partner. As a result, picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to communicate.

If you and your partner can talk to one another in a nice, professional manner, then mediation can be a good choice. But, if you constantly find you’re getting into arguments, it might be harder to get the most out of the process. It’s crucial to seriously consider how well you can work together and talk out disagreements in order to reach compromises.

New Year Financial Checklist

Going into a new year after a divorce is often a time for personal self-reflection. However, you’ll also want to look at other areas of your life as well, such as your finances. That’s why it’s a good idea to make a new year financial checklist. Having this list will let you get a head start on planning out the new year…

New Year Financial Checklist

Set your goals

A good way to start off a new year financial checklist is with some goals. In fact, people who set definitive resolutions are much more likely to actually achieve them. Therefore, it’s helpful to set for yourself specific short- and long-term goals that you want to reach in the new year.

Now, just saying “I want to save money” isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save, and in what kind of time frame? Or, do you want to pay off debts in a certain amount of time? Goals like these are good and specific, and will provide a good sense of accomplishment when you achieve them.

Check your credit

Credit is also a very important part of your finances. As a result, it should also be a part of your new year financial checklist. Your credit will influence a whole host of things, from car payment plans to potential apartment leases. Due to this, you want to get it or keep it in good shape.

One good way to do this is to watch your credit card usage. Try to only use it for things you normally need to buy anyways, like gas or groceries. That way, you don’t use it for expensive things you don’t need that will put you into debt. A steady stream of paying off these kinds of credit card charges can help get your credit moving in the right direction.

Track your spending habits

A problem many people run into is spending more money than they expect. Even when they’re trying to save up, they may struggle to figure out what’s running up costs. That’s why you should also include tracking your spending habits in your new year financial checklist, to avoid this issue.

Keeping an eye on your spending will help you see what’s costing you the most. That way, you can cut down on or remove some expenses. One good way to do this is through a budget. These days, there’s plenty of apps and programs which will help you set up a good budget to reach your goals.

Mental Health During Divorce

Your mental well-being is important for a good post-divorce life. However, you also need to pay attention to your mental health during divorce as well. Getting yourself in a good place mentally will make it easier both to handle the divorce process, and move forward in the right direction…

Mental Health During Divorce

Stages of grief

The grieving process is important for your mental health during divorce. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve about the end of your marriage. Due to the loss you’ll experience, you’ll want to make sure you allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief, to better your recovery.

There’s five general stages of grief. First is denial, which tends to occur early in a divorce. Then, there’s the questioning stage and depression stage, which involves questioning what went wrong, and feeling sad over what’s happened, respectively. Finally, there’s the evaluation stage, which gives way to the acceptance stage, where you can finally begin to move on.

Maintain a positive attitude

It might seem hard to be positive while divorcing your partner. However, it’s actually pretty important for your mental health during divorce. Basically, if you surround yourself with positive things, you’ll begin to feel more positive yourself.

You probably know that when people are sad, they tend to engage with sad or depressing things. They might only listen to sad music, or watch sad movies. As a result, they end up just feeling sad all of the time. However, listening to happy music and watching uplifting movies can help give you some much-needed positivity.

Work on your physical health

Your physical health and mental health during divorce go hand-in-hand. When people feel good physically, they also feel much better mentally. This can be a challenge when getting a divorce, as the process might take up a lot of your time. Still, you don’t need to go crazy to improve your physical health.

For example, you can start to eat a bit healthier than you usually do. Plus, maybe you include some basic physical activity, like a walk, into your weekly routine. Simple things like these can help improve your physical health, and in turn, make you feel better mentally.

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Seeing your financial situation change after divorce can be quite difficult. These financial changes can really impact your plans for your post-divorce life. However, there are some ways you can cope with these changes…

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Save ahead of time

A good way to handle potential financial changes is to save up ahead of time. Depending on how your divorce goes, the cost can quickly add up. Plus, it’s hard to tell how long a divorce will take until you really start it. Therefore, you’ll want to have some extra money saved up in advance.

Saving up these extra funds can help in a few ways. For starters, it’ll help you cover any unexpected costs or fees which pop up during the process. Also, it’ll let you get a head-start on preparing your post-divorce finances. Even just saving a few extra dollars here and there can really add up and help you out.

Set up a budget

Budgets are also handy for handling financial changes. Suddenly going from a two-income home to a single-income home can really be a shock. Still, it’s helpful to try and anticipate these changes ahead of time. A good budget can really be of use when it comes to coping with these potential changes.

A good way to try and split your budget is into needs, wants, and savings. Your needs are things you have to spend money on, such as food or bills. Your wants are more optional things, like shopping urges or other similar activities. Lastly, your savings are exactly that: money you put away and save up. Looking over these three categories can help you structure your budget accordingly.

Use some outside help

Sometimes, these financial changes can be very overwhelming. When this happens, you might struggle to figure out what to do. However, the thing is you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, you can make use of some outside help.

Talking to a financial advisor can help you better understand your finances. They can help break things down for you, and show you where things can be changed, saved, or worked on. These advisors are especially handy if you have a lot of debt which you’re unsure about how to approach.

Common Divorce Questions

Getting divorced can be pretty confusing. In fact, it’s not unusual to have some questions. However, there’s some common divorce questions which tend to pop up more than others. Having answers to these questions can help put your mind at a little more ease…

Common Divorce Questions

“How long will it take?”

One of the most common divorce questions is about its length. After all, divorce tends to get a reputation for taking a while. With how draining the process can be, it’s understandable that many people are concerned about just how long this whole process might take.

The reality of the situation is that it depends. There’s a lot of things that divorce has to cover. For example, there’s finances, custody, assets, and plenty more. Therefore, it mainly comes down to how long it takes to sort these things out. However, it is better to take your time with divorce, rather than to rush it.

“What should I do beforehand?”

Another of the common divorce questions is about getting prepared. As with most things, it’s always a good idea to get ready for your divorce ahead of time. Still, there’s a whole lot of things your divorce is going to cover. So where should you get started, and when?

The best time to get ready for divorce is when you’ve finalized on the idea. At that point, it’s helpful to begin gathering things such as documents in order to get yourself ready. You should also begin to set aside some extra money, just to cover any costs which may arise from the divorce process too.

“Can I keep the peace?”

People also figure that divorce tends to be very confrontational. As such, another one of the more common divorce questions is how to prevent this. While they may not always be so common, it is totally possible to pull of a very low-conflict and peaceful divorce.

Of course, you will have to work together with your partner to do this. The best ways to avoid conflict are mainly through good communication and a willingness to come to compromises in your divorce. It might get tough at times, but it is a much better alternative than a bitter, angry divorce.