Category: divorce advice

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Divorce mediation is a good option if you’d prefer a more meeting-like approach to your divorce settlement. However, you still should take it just as seriously as a courtroom approach. The last thing you want to do is wait until the last second. Proper mediation prep helps your chances of getting a better, more agreeable settlement in the long run…

Mediation Prep: The Keys to Success

Lay the groundwork  

The first aspect of proper mediation prep should be figuring out the logistics. Having this figured out before the mediation even begins will help you and your spouse know what kind of structure to follow. If you don’t have a structure, this can make it harder to plan out what you want to discuss. 

Figure out what times you and your spouse are available to meet and for how long. This will let you plan out what you’d like to discuss at each meeting. That way, you can use the longer sessions for more in-depth matters, and the shorter ones for the lesser-pressing ones.

Gather your evidence 

In order to properly negotiate, you’ll need good evidence to support your claims. That’s why a crucial part of mediation prep is getting your documents gathered and organized. These documents will strengthen your ability to get a fair settlement you’re happy with.

Gathering financial documentation, like bank statements, credit card records, etc, goes a long way in helping your case. However, it’s not all just about numbers. If child custody is also being discussed, having records about their school and medical history help to show you’re a capable parent who can be trusted. 

Have a strategy

Gathering your information is one thing. However, you’ll also have to know how to use it. Knowing what you want out of your mediation is another important part of proper mediation prep.

Understand what kind of settlement would be fair to you and how your spouse might have a different idea of fair for them. Then, use this as a way to work towards compromise. You’ll both be more likely to get a settlement you’re happy with this way. 

Going into your mediation with a proper game plan is key for getting a good result. The best kinds of mediation are the ones where both spouses work together for a settlement. That way, they can walk away satisfied and optimistic for their new post-divorce lives.

Divorce Needs: What Your Children Need from You

When you’re going through a divorce, you’ll probably find it’s an emotional time. Therefore, you may find that you need emotional support and reassurance from your family and friends. If you have children from the divorce, they’ll probably have needs of their own. While it can be a difficult time to focus on your kids, it’s important to hear what they want and meet their divorce needs. 

Knowing Your Child’s Divorce Needs

Involvement 

Most likely, one of your child’s main divorce needs will be involvement. During this time, you’re child may face confusion and anxiety about the future. They’ll wonder what this means for their life with you and the involvement of both of their parents. In order to calm some of these fears, it’s important to show that you both will still remain involved. So, go the extra mile to show care and concern. Try spending time and asking questions about school, activities, and their interests.

Quality Time

Because your child has become accustomed to living with both parents, one of their divorce needs will be quality time with each of you. It’s one thing for you to allow your child to have time with their other parent, it’s another for you to support it. Children can deal with quilt for spending time with each parent individually. As if, spending time with one parent means that they love their parent more. So, it’s important for you to encourage and support them spending quality time your ex. 

Communication

One of the most important divorce needs of your child will be communication between the two of you. No matter how hard things get between you and your ex, it’s important to keep a line of healthy communication. Communication will be the key to co-parenting.You’ll need to discuss things like schedules, rules, schooling and anything else in your child’s best interest. 

In short, divorcing with children can be especially tough because you must meet the divorce needs of your child while also dealing with your own. During this time, you’ll need to tend to your own emotions and need but you don’t want forget that yours kids may have them too. 

Divorce Depression: Managing the Hurt

Divorce depression is something that can anyone going through a divorce can experience. Even if the divorce was your idea, that doesn’t mean you can’t become depressed over the ending of your marriage. However, these feelings don’t have to last. In fact, you can begin to fight them even while your divorce is underway…

Divorce Depression: Managing the Hurt

Keep a journal

You may feel like you have hundreds of things running through your head during a divorce. It can be hard to keep track of everything going on, let alone how you’re feeling on the day-to-day. This is where it helps to start keeping a journal.

Keeping a journal can help with divorce depression as you can get those feelings in your head out into the “real world”. Writing helps keep your head clear and truly figure out how you’re feeling about the divorce. Continuing to write will also let you see the progress you make in improving yourself over the course of your divorce. 

Don’t cut yourself off

It’s totally understandable if you want alone time during your divorce. However, it’s important to not cut yourself off from others completely. Doing so will only add onto your divorce depression.

Keep yourself connected to your close friends and family. Odds are, they’ll be your number one source of support during this time. You can also try and get involved in your local community. This will help you make new connections with people you may have never talked to otherwise!

Make changes, big and small

Even the slightest of changes in your daily routine can help get your out of your divorce depression funk. After all, why not make some positive changes to help counteract the negative ones? Not only are you keeping yourself busy, you’re also setting up your better post-divorce life. 

For example, you can remodel your house to be more to your liking. You can make some changes to your wardrobe. What’s important is making the changes you wish to make.

Divorce is difficult, but it’s also the chance to do things your way again. Find your own happiness and you can start your post-divorce life energized and ready for whatever comes next!

Divorce Tax Changes: What To Know

Handling the financial side of divorce can be a difficult task. The recent divorce tax changes that are going into effect this year have now changed some key pieces of divorce financials around. Proper understanding of these new laws is key to help reduce the stress they might bring…

Divorce Tax Changes: What To Know

Alimony alterations 

Alimony payments used to be tax deductible for the person paying before these new divorce tax changes. These payments were also considered taxable income for the person receiving them. Going into 2019, however, this will no longer be the case. 

Due to these changes, alimony disputes could become more involved. Higher-income spouses may want to pay less alimony due to losing the tax deduction. On the other end, spouses may also fight for more alimony due to the money being able to go further. It’s important to keep these changes in mind when discussing potential alimony with your spouse. 

Modified agreements

If you had a divorce agreement in place before 2019, then the new tax laws won’t affect them. However, any new modifications you make going forward could be impacted by the divorce tax changes. If your modification falls within the new laws, then it will be subject to the new rules. If not, then the old rules still apply. Keep this in mind if you plan on making any potential modifications to an agreement.

Pre- and post-nuptials 

Pre- and post-nuptial agreements are also potentially impacted by the new divorce tax changes. However, unlike with standard agreements, these new laws can potentially change or nullify items in these agreements. Make sure to double-check the terms and see if anything will be changed by the new laws. 

Dependent tax deductions

Starting in 2019, the $4,050 exemption you could claim for dependents is being removed. In its place, however, is an increase on the child tax credit from $1000 to $2000. This divorce tax change is especially important to keep in mind for couples with children. For single taxpayers, they’ll see an almost doubled standard deduction on their taxes. 

The financial side of divorce can be one of the more tricky to navigate. New changes in the law can complicate things even further. Understanding what aspects have changed will help to make sure nothing catches you off guard. 

Court Attire: Dress for Success

It only takes 1/10th of a second for someone to form a first impression. This means it’s important to make as good of a first impression as possible. This is especially true in court, where the impression you give can have lasting effects on the outcome of your case. Having the proper court attire goes a long way in making that first impression on the judge a good one…

Court Attire: Dress for Success

Keep it classy

Everyday clothing has become much more relaxed these days than in the past. The rise of business casual dress codes also means that some people are unaware of what “normal” business attire should consist of. This can translate to potentially unprofessional court attire.

You’ll want to approach dressing for court like dressing for a job interview. For men, this means collared shirts, dress pants, and ties. For women, dresses, skirts and blouses, or dress pants and tops will work. Make sure they are simple with no crazy designs or colors as well. 

Tattoos and piercings 

Tattoos and body piercings have also become much more common these days. However, how do they apply when thinking of court attire? What would be considered appropriate versus crossing the line? It really comes down to finding the best way to mix looking professional versus expressing yourself.

You’ll probably want to wear clothes that’ll cover your tattoos as best as possible. You’ll also want to take out any “unique” piercings like nose or lip ones. Additionally, if you have colored hair, make sure to dye it to a natural color for your court appearance. This shows the judge you’re going the extra mile to be professional in their courtroom. 

It’s all about respect

Proper court attire all comes down to showing respect for court and the judge. If the judge sees that you’re putting in the effort to treat your case seriously, then it boosts your credibility. Dressing properly isn’t a guarantee of success, of course; it just means you’re starting off on the right foot. 

Dressing is just one part of the full courtroom experience. You’ll also need to make sure you’re aware of proper courtroom etiquette. Having both perfected will let you and your lawyer focus on the case at hand rather than any distractions. 

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

Divorce can be a costly process. Most couples will expect this to be due to things like legal fees and might make plans on how to keep costs down. However, there are some hidden divorce costs which can sneak up on you. To help make sure your divorce doesn’t break the bank, here are a few expenses to be aware of…

Hidden Divorce Costs: What To Watch For

New tax payments

When married, you can file your income taxes as married filling jointly. This lets you generally pay the least amount of taxes. However, you’ll have to go back to filing as a single person again once you’re divorced. This means you’ll end up paying more taxes than you might be used to. 

This is one of those hidden divorce costs which you might not consider until tax season is fast approaching. The new tax bill might also lead to more tax costs than you’d expect. Speaking to a tax specialist can help you figure out what exactly your new costs might be. 

Real Estate Costs

If you have to sell your house after your divorce, you can encounter some hidden divorce costs in the way of realtor fees and closing costs. You’ll also have to consider any repair costs to the house as well. Furthermore, if you’re selling in a bad market, you could end up with getting less for your house than you originally thought. 

You may run into unexpected costs even if you keep the house. If you have to buy out your spouse’s interest in the house, you’ll have to get appraisals on it’s worth. Also, you’ll have to consider refinancing your loan if both you and your spouse were on the loan beforehand. 

Health Insurance 

Most married couples will share one insurance policy due to it’s lower costs. Of course, when you’re divorced, this’ll end. Most insurers will not continue to cover you through your spouse’s policy once you’re divorced. This means you’ll have to plan on getting your own policy once the divorce is over. 

Employment Searching

Getting back into the workforce can bring its own set of hidden divorce costs. You may need updated certifications or education to match the new workplace standards. While this can lead to higher paying jobs down the line, it’ll still cost money now. 

You’ll also have to consider updating your wardrobe to prepare for interviews or workplace dress codes. Plus, you’ll have to consider travel costs to get to and from work. This may mean setting aside money for public transport, gas, or even a new car if necessary. 

Divorce costs can creep up when you least expect them. Being aware of the more hidden ones can help make sure your finances stay in order during this potentially stressful time. 

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

A common term for late-in-life divorcees, is ‘gray divorce’. This essentially means that once your kids have flown the coop, started families of their own, and started their respective lives— you decide to get that divorce you’ve always considered. Many parents put off divorce as a means of keeping their family together, and keeping their kids happy. However, what you’ll learn as adult children of divorce— is that it’s never too easy to understand. Adult children of divorce deal with the separation in their own way, and even though they’re adults—their feelings are still valid. 

Adult Children of Divorce: Why They’re Angry 

Your marriage was their model 

One big issue that many adult children of divorce run into, is that they used your marriage as a model for success. Chances are, if you two held it together this long— you are selfless, loving, compassionate people who (on the surface) made a great image for your children to follow. They likely took from you in creating a marriage, a home, and a foundation for their own families. So, when they see your marriage unraveling, it can make an adult child second guess their own marriage, and the values they hold dear to it. 

They feel conflicted 

As an adult child of divorce, you might feel as if you aren’t allowed to mourn this loss. After all, you have a family of your own now, a marriage of your own— but they’re still your parents. You’ve never known them to be any different than together, and happy. However, this new era is approaching an you don’t know how you feel about it. This is completely normal, as this time is jarring for anyone involved. The best thing a divorcing parent can do, even at this age, is withhold all of the anger, hurt, and feelings from your children. You don’t want to change their opinions of each parent. Some things do not change from one age to the next. 

Don’t let these things deter you from doing what needs to be done 

Your kids, at any age, will feel the effects of your divorce in one way or another. While we hate to subject our children to hardship, in this case, it is necessary. You have to live your life in an authentic, peaceful way— and you can’t do that in an unhappy marriage. While gray divorce often receives it’s now category, the reasoning behind it is no different.

How-to Keep Conflict Concealed During During Divorce: Protecting your Kids from Conflict  

Arguably one of the most difficult things to do while parenting through divorce, is to keep your children from being exposed to your conflict. After all, no matter how you feel about one another— you are still parents to your children. So, how can you keep conflict concealed when you’re working through a divorce, and figuring out co-parenting? After all, you’re new at this too, and there are a lot of feelings you two are still working through. So, we’re here to help

How-to Keep Conflict Concealed During During Divorce: Protecting your Kids from Arguments

Obviously, the best thing you can do for your child is to keep them out of the middle. Discuss your issues with one another, keep the kids away from it, and if you need to have a serious discussion, or share choice words— do it in the right time and place. You don’t have to be friends, just successful co-parents. While this is inevitably easier said than done, it comes in practice. You won’t be perfect from the start, and no one expects you to be. 

You want your children to remain unbiased 

Keeping your child from having a bias towards one parent or the other means not talking down about one another in the presence of your child. If you two feel a certain way about one another, that’s perfectly fine. However, successful co-parenting means co-existing in the sense that you can hold it together as you go through the motions for your child. You don’t have to like each other, you just have to create the proper time and space to address those feelings. 

Put it in writing 

If you can address concerns and keep conflict concealed by writing, do it. Some couples might find that they’re able to best address their true feelings when they write them down. This is a great way to get a thought out in a non-hostile way. Not to mention, even if you don’t give the letters to your spouse, they can be therapeutic to get your feelings into writing.

Speak to each other constructively 

You have choice feelings about one another— what divorcee doesn’t? The key is to address those feelings in a respectful, constructive manner. Think of it this way: you’re a model for your children’s behavior. A great trait for every adult to have, is to express their concerns and opinion in a concise, and productive manner. Allow your children to see that, even in adverse conditions, you can perform with grace. By doing so, you address your feelings, and teach a life lesson at the same time. 

No one said you have it easy

Divorcing, especially when you have children, is hard work. Learning to co-exist for your children is also pretty difficult. But the thing to remember is that it’s not impossible. To keep conflict concealed is to do your children a favor. We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our condolences for your divorce. Furthermore, we extend our services if you may need them. 

Hiring Divorce Attorneys: Why They’re Vital to Your Case

When you’re in the beginning stages of a divorce, hiring divorce attorneys might be something you’re considering— but not totally sold on. While there are plenty of professionals that can be of great help during a divorce, your attorney will be one of the most vital tools. Divorce can be nasty, angry, and one or both parties will almost always stray from the original plan. That’s where your attorney comes in…

Hiring Divorce Attorneys: Why You Should Absolutely Do So

They deal with the technical stuff

A divorce is emotionally taxing. That, in itself, is a lot to deal with. But when you add gathering documents of all kinds into the mix? A divorce can be downright exhausting. So, instead of trying to figure all of that stuff out on your own, hire someone to do it for you. It’s easy to make mistakes when you’re emotionally unavailable, sleep-deprived, and trying to march on. But, mistakes in a divorce and a court room can be costly in a number of ways.

So, in hiring divorce attorneys, you have someone to check behind you, keep your dates in order, and make sure you have everything you need. From financial documents, medical bills, mortgages, and any other marital asset or debt— there’s a lot to it. Trying to handle that on your own, while possible, is difficult.

Attorney fees are expensive, but not as expensive as making mistakes…

Many people stray away from hiring divorce attorneys because it can be quite expensive. However, any mistake you make in gathering documents, filling out paperwork, forgetting something in the court room, or forth— can drag the process on longer, and make it more costly. Not to mention, an inconvenienced judge is not a happy judge. Additionally, depending upon your situation, an attorney may be able to help you win attorney’s fees compensation from your spouse.

Another good thing to remember is that many offices, including our own, offer a free consultation to potential clients

Consider speaking to a few before you select an attorney. Ask questions, ask about their experience with your specific needs, and how many cases they’ve won. Lastly, we always encourage any divorcee to make the best decision for themselves, even if that means going at the fight alone. But, if you find that your spouse has hire representation, it’s imperative that you do so as well. While both parties being unrepresented is not ideal, at least it is an even playing ground. If you go up against an experience divorce attorney without your own, it can be easy to lose out on your wants and needs.

A divorce can affect your life in a big way

Therefore, you want to make sure you’re not taken advantage of. Your financial future is important to getting you settled, secure, and moved on into this new stage. So, take consideration before deciding whether to hire an attorney, and in who you hire. After all, they’re playing a big part in your next step…

Leaving Spouse? A How-to for Coping with Love, Lost

When it comes to divorce, it’s quite unlikely that both parties are on the same page in every regard. Whether it be why you’re divorcing, the terms of alimony, child custody, or even getting the divorce itself. It’s not uncommon that, when divorcing, one party doesn’t want to go through with it. Maybe you think you can still work it out, maybe you made a mistake, or maybe there’s just love lost on one side versus the other. No matter the reason, when it comes to a leaving spouse, some struggle more than others. So, we’re here to help you cope…

Leaving Spouse? Coping with Love, Lost

Don’t beg, plead, or make demands

If your spouse comes to you and unexpectedly asks for a divorce, it can be second nature to beg them to stay; plead your case and ask for another chance. However, it’s best to give them that space they were looking for in a time like this. Maybe they’re set in their decision, maybe they’re confused, or maybe they just need space. No matter their reason, taking that time to step back might just give them the perspective they need to realize that this isn’t what they want. And if they don’t? Well, then unfortunately their decision might already be made…

Process Quietly

Instead of begging and pleading right out of the gate, take some time to yourself and consider what they’ve said and their reasoning. Process this crisis and bring a clear mind to the next discussion. While this a very emotional time, getting out of control about your feelings will only worsen the matter. So, draw back that anger, mourning, and try to come up with alternatives. You don’t want a divorce, so see if they’re willing to try and work on alternatives. If they see the marriage as salvageable and so do you, consider reaching out to a family therapist or marriage counselor.

Give them space and don’t reach out

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. When you’re married to someone, you likely spend a lot of time with them. Therefore, it can be easy to start taking certain things for granted. In turn, many spouses find themselves bored of the same old routine and think that divorce is the answer. Only, after weeks or months, they’ll find themselves with a restored appreciation in their family and spouse. Maybe this is what they need. While this likely feels selfish or unfair to you, and it is in a sense, it might just be what your marriage needs.

Start moving forward

The most important thing you can do for yourself and your family, is to start healing. While a divorce is difficult, life still marches on. And if you have children, there’s a slew of daily responsibilities and activities you still have to complete. So, mourn, make plans, begin the process, and march on. While it might not seem that way at first, continuing on with your day to day life can make a big difference in helping you heal.

Dealing with a leaving spouse, especially when you didn’t expect it, is painful and tough to overcome. But, nothing good ever came of wallowing in grief. Instead, make plans to get yourself excited. What do you want out of this next stage? How will you make the most of it? The best thing you can do for yourself is start looking forward.