Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce

Any divorce, no matter how healthy, comes with a lot of stress. Practicing self-care during a divorce is important for your mental health. Although they may not take all your stress away, things like focusing on the positive, picking up a new hobby, going outside, and splurging on yourself can help you feel happier.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce : Divorce and Mental Health

Focusing on the Positive

Focusing on the things in life that make you happy can be a great way of practicing self-care during a divorce. One way to do this is to focus on gratitude. For instance, a lot of people like to name three things that they’re grateful for when they wake up every morning. This starts your day off on a positive note, rather than focusing on the negative. Do you have family and friends who are supportive? Are you healthy? Try to remind yourself of the good things in your life every day.

Starting a New Hobby

Starting a new hobby, or picking up an old one again, are great ways to distract yourself from your divorce. For example, painting, yoga, reading, knitting, golfing, or any activity you find interesting. Even hobbies that don’t require much of a learning curve, like puzzles and adult coloring books can be very calming. Who knew that practicing the violin could also double as practicing self-care during a divorce?

Soaking Up Some Sunshine

Getting some good ol’ vitamin D is one of the easiest forms of practicing self-care during a divorce you can do for yourself, yet it’s one that often gets overlooked. Go for a walk or just sit in a sunny spot for a while. Exercise is another great way to give yourself some self-care, and it has the added bonus of making your body healthier at the same time. Many cities have meet-up groups for adults to play sports like kickball, softball, and volleyball. It’s a great way to connect with other people, get outside, and distract yourself from the stress of your divorce. Here is a link to some local meet-up groups.

Splurging on Yourself

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to treat yourself to something fun, and splurging is a perfect example of practicing self-care during a divorce. One example would be to pick out a new shampoo or bath bomb and treat yourself to a bubble bath. You could also buy yourself that new tennis racquet you’ve had your eye on for months, or a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. However, it’s important to remember that splurging doesn’t always have to mean spending a lot of money. You could just splurge and spend time watching your favorite TV show or re-reading a favorite book.

However, you choose to manage your stress, practicing self-care during a divorce is very important. You are going through a difficult situation and you need to take time to take care of your mental well-being.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce

Divorce is full of stress. And if you have children, wondering about the affects it might have on them is something that has probably crossed your mind. Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is time-consuming but very important. Just remember that you and your ex-partner made the decision that was best for you, which means it was also best for your children. One way you can help them deal with their feelings is by encouraging them to journal. You can also just be a good listener for them. And finally, you can consult with a professional. Just make sure you are there to support them and answer any questions they have.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce: Be Their Rock

Journaling

If you have children that are old enough to read and write, encourage them to journal. This can be very helpful in tending to your children’s mental health during divorce. Another term for this is writing therapy. Writing therapy has been shown to improve mental health, and is a great way to calm down. Journaling will force your children to slow down and take time to confront their feelings. It can help them see a different viewpoint, or can help them organize their thoughts. If your children aren’t quite old enough to write on their own, encourage them to use artwork to express how they feel.

Be a Good Listener

The most important thing you can do to help with your children’s mental health during divorce is to be a good listener. Lending an ear whenever they need to talk will help them express their feelings. It’s important to really listen to what they say and try not to interrupt or talk over them. Even if they say things that you find hurtful or disagree with. Children see situations in a very different way than we do. Therefore, its crucial to let them tell you exactly how they’re feeling. Don’t try to talk them out of their views about your divorce, because their feelings are still valid. Even if there’s more to the story that you don’t want to share with them.

Also remember not to pressure children to talk if they don’t want to. It can take time for them to put their feelings into words. Pressuring them too much might make them say what they think you want to hear, rather than their true feelings. Let them talk to you on their own time and be supportive. This will help your children’s mental health during divorce because you are giving them control of the situation.

Know When to Seek Professional Help

Focusing on your children’s mental health during divorce can be overwhelming at times. You may have questions, or have situations that come up that you don’t know how to handle. It never hurts to seek out professional help. Childhood psychologists will be able to reach your children on their level. And sometimes children are more comfortable talking about stressful things with somebody other than their own parents. Ask a friend who has gone through a divorce or ask for references from your child’s pediatrician to find psychologists in your area.

Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is an important part of the process. Even though your children aren’t dealing with the legal side of things, divorce is still very stressful for them. Their whole world is changing. But remember that children easily adapt to change. The most important thing is that they feel supported and heard by you.

How-to: Announce Your Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through. And figuring out how to let your loved ones know that it’s happening can be a huge source of confusion. In the new age of social media, it’s hard to know how to tell everybody. The best approach to take to announce your divorce is to first let your close family know. Next, tell your close friends. Then coworkers can follow, and finally the world at large (if you choose).

How-to: Announce Your Divorce: What’s the Best Protocol?

Family First

The first step is to announce your divorce to your family. A marriage involves blending two families together. Your families thought they would be connected forever, and your divorce will change that. Sit your parents or siblings down for a face to face talk. Explain the situation in however much detail you choose. If your divorce is friendly, you can do this together. If it is not a friendly divorce, at least make sure you and your ex are on the same page about when to tell your families. Try not to air any dirty laundry or trash talk. Your feelings will fluctuate a lot and when you speak angrily about your ex, it might be hard for family members to remember that when you’re feeling sadder about the breakup.

Friends

The next step you might take is to announce your divorce to your close friends. Make sure to speak to your attorney first before discussing any details with mutual friends. You don’t want the things you say to make their way back to your ex if you aren’t on friendly terms. If you and your ex have mutual friends, consider telling them together. It’s best to have a plan of what to say first. You can always keep it simple. For example, “We have decided after much discussion to get a divorce. We plan to work together to raise the kids and hope to support each other through this difficult time.” Discuss beforehand whether you want to announce your divorce before or after it is finalized.

Co-Workers

Unless you are close friends with co-workers, they really don’t need to hear about your divorce before it’s finalized. However, your boss might be a good person to inform. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for court appointments. You might need to alert HR for this same reason. Hopefully, they will be understanding and sympathetic when you announce your divorce to them.

The World at Large

In the days of social media, you might want to announce your divorce on Facebook or Instagram. It’s probably best to do this after your divorce is final. It’s always best to speak with your divorce attorney before posting anything publicly. One way to announce without doing the social media post is to simply use the old fashioned post office. You can send a simple card with a photo of you and your children without including your ex. You can use this to announce your new address if you’ve moved. Including a short note or even just a phrase like “New Beginnings” can clue people into the divorce. Some couples choose to announce publicly and others choose to let the word spread naturally. Do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

However, you choose to announce your divorce, it’s best to discuss it with your ex first so you are both on the same page. Keep it short and to the point. Your family and close friends probably need to be told, but you can decide for yourself if you’d like to announce it to the whole world. Divorce is a very private thing, so don’t feel pressured to give anybody the details of your relationship, just decide what feels right for you

Healing From Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is such a difficult thing to go through for anybody. When you’re healing from physical abuse, there are things you can do to help with the healing process. Of course, listening to any of your doctors’ advice is key. Asking for help is also very important. Writing things down can help you track your progress. And finally, taking time to focus on yourself can help you feel better.

Healing From Physical Abuse: Finding Peace

Speak With Professionals

It probably goes without saying that seeking professional help is so important when healing from physical abuse. First, you want to make sure and let your doctor know every detail about the physical trauma you have survived. That way, they can address all injuries and help your body heal fully. Many people also find it helpful to speak with a therapist. While they do not address physical issues, abuse can often cause emotional damage as well. Talking with a therapist can help you move forward. Here are some local therapists that might be helpful.

Ask for Help

Many victims of abuse can have feelings of shame or embarrassment over what they’ve been through. There is never a reason to blame yourself for being a victim of abuse. The fault is always that of the abuser. But because of these feelings, it’s difficult for people to ask for help. Your loved ones would want to know that you need their support. Reaching out for help is such an important factor when healing from physical abuse. Wouldn’t you want to be there for a friend if they had been through something similar?

Write Things Down

Healing from physical abuse involves much time and many steps. Sometimes, people can get overwhelmed and lose steam. Remembering how far you’ve come is an important tip for healing. Writing down your feelings can remind you of how far you’ve come in the healing process. If your recovery involves physical therapy, it can help to write down how much you’ve improved. When you are having a hard day, you can look back on your progress and feel proud of yourself.

Take Time to Focus on Yourself

Taking time for yourself is an important part of overall mental health. When recovering from physical abuse, it is even more important. Do something that you love, or splurge on a fun treat. In short, there is no shame in doing what you to can distract yourself from thinking about your experience. You can also create something fun to look forward to. Or make a reward for achieving a goal. If you are doing physical therapy as part of your recovery, set small goals. Reward yourself when you reach them and you’ll stay more motivated. Taking care of your mental well-being can help your physical recovery.

When recovering from physical abuse, speaking with professionals, asking for help, writing things down, and taking time for yourself can help your recovery. Nobody should have to experience physical abuse in any relationship. But, if you do, hopefully, these tips can help you in your recovery.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids

When your Christmas is usually filled with the laughter and excitement of kids, it is quite a shock when you have a quiet Christmas. With divorce, change is inevitable. Unfortunately, one of those changes may be your holiday plans. Whether it is your first Christmas without your kids, or your 10th, it will never be easy. The first year will certainly be the biggest shock. However, there are still ways to make your holiday bright. Depending on your arrangements, you may have to plan a different type of Christmas celebration post-divorce.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids: Creating New Traditions

Alternative Celebrations

Your first Christmas without your kids may feel lonely. Instead of sitting at home by yourself and moping, find another way to have holiday cheer! Get together with some of your other family members so that you still get to spend Christmas with family. If that is not an option, join in with some of your friends. You could get together and celebrate with their family. However, know your limits of whether it would be painful to celebrate with other kids, especially during the first year. Another option would be to reach out to others in your same situation. No one wants to spend the holidays alone. If you know any other parents who are also celebrating without their kids, they may also be looking for a boost of holiday joy. Both of you could use someone to lean on and celebrate this year.

If your kids are spending the holidays far away from you, try to still find ways to communicate with them. Do not act overbearing and try and steal all of your ex’s time. However, see if it would be possible to do a quick video chat so you can still see them for the holidays.

How to Treat Your Ex

Make sure to be polite and respectful to your ex. Think about your kids. It is not fair to your kids if you are talking bad about their other parent. In the same way, picking an argument or being spiteful to your ex will just carry over to your kids. Instead, be positive and excited for them. Show them the joy of the holiday season, and do not send them off to their other parents with conflicting feelings of dread.

Still try to act as a team with your ex as you co-parent your kids. Do not try to out do each other with gifts. That will just cause added stress and and feelings of anger. Plus, depending on your situation, your finances may be cut as a single parent. Do not put yourself into a bad financial situation just because you want to give a more impressive gift than your ex. While the situation is not ideal, take these simple steps to make the best of your first Christmas without your kids.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce

When you start the divorce process, it may feel like you will never get through it. It may seem like an overwhelming process, mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be absolutely draining and take a big toll on your well-being. You will survive. You will make it through. In the midst of all of these emotions and to-do list items stacking up, you will need to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself. One of the most important things is to practice self-care during a divorce.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce: Be Good to Yourself

Take Care of Your Body

With everything you have to go through during a divorce, it is so important to make sure you are taking good care of your body. Start by eating right. While it is okay to indulge every now and then, do not live on a diet of junk food and comfort foods to make it through. While it may be tempting, a pint of ice cream does not count as dinner. Your body will feel so much better if you eat well-rounded meals, included fruits, vegetables, and protein.

Exercise is also a great way to practice self-care during a divorce. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which help make you happy. In addition to endorphins, exercise will make you look and feel better. You will notice positive changes to your body, both internally and externally. It will make your heart healthier, and many other amazing benefits. Plus, you will get a confidence boost from getting out and moving.

Take Care of Your Mind

Divorce can take a lot out of your mentally. that is why is also important to take care of your mind. That may mean a little something different for everyone. Take some time for yourself. Whether that means a bubble bath, curling up to read, or whatever brings you relaxation and peace. Some people prefer yoga, meditation, or even prayer as their escape. Listen to some of your favorite music, or completely unload your busy schedule for a day just to relax. All of these things will help to nourish your mind.

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will have difficulty facing everything that will get thrown at you during a divorce. Be good to your mind and your body, and you will be able to not just survive, but thrive.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated

Just because you cheated does not mean your marriage has to end. For many, this may be a complete deal breaker. However, some couples are able to weather the storm. Of course, there will be a lot of hurt and pain. Sure, there will likely be mistrust. Yes, it will take time – potentially an agonizingly long time. Fortunately though, there may be hope for reconciliation. If you are willing to put in the effort, there may be ways to heal your marriage after you cheated on your spouse.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated- Getting Another Chance

Stop Bad Behaviors

First, to heal your marriage after you cheated, you need to stop cheating and lying all together. This may sound like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how difficult it can be for some to end an affair. If you continue to cheat, your marriage will not be able to survive. You will have to make a commitment to be faithful to your spouse if you want any chance of repairing your marriage. Not only that, but you will also have to follow through on that commitment.

This also means you will have to stop lying. A strong marriage is based on the truth. Do not try and justify your unfaithful behavior. Being transparent will help to regain your spouses trust again. Hiding things from your partner will only make it more difficult to trust you again. Keep your promises and be dependable. These actions and traits could help to repair your relationship.

Remorse

Additionally, you will have to be truly remorseful for your actions in order to help heal your marriage after you cheated. Do not just simply dismiss what you have done. Your spouse will need to know that you are truly sorry for what you have done. On top of that, you will truly want to be sorry about what you have done. If you are not truly sorry, you may end up just repeating your actions again.

Time and Space

Do not be surprised or hurt if your partner needs time to work through all of this. Give them the time and the space that they need. You have got to understand that finding out that their partner was unfaithful to them can be a lot to process. Be patient and give them some time.

In order to heal your marriage, you will have to work through this together and even address your actions. You may want to consider seeing a councilor. For example, this will show that you are willing to put work into saving the marriage. These sessions will help you to discover any issues of problems in your personal life that could have led you to taking that next step. In line with Covid, you can also sign-up for a online marriage counseling programs 

While it will be a process to heal your marriage after you cheated, is can certainly be done. Stop repeating the same bad behaviors over and over again. Break the chain of adultery. If you are truly sorry, make sure your spouse knows that. Keep in kind, it may take your spouse a while to finally forgive you. Just be patient with them, and give them the space they need.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce

There is no reason to be ashamed if your marriage did not work out. However, it is easy to feel shame. Sometimes things just do not work out in a marriage, and that is okay. As long as you tried your best and put in the effort to make things work, there is no reason to be feeling shame about divorce.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce: Embracing Your New Path

Give Yourself Grace

Being angry towards yourself or others is not healthy. If you are always angry, you will be unable to find inner peace. A good first step would be to give your ex and yourself grace. It may be hard to feel compassion and give grace towards your ex, but just know that both of you are doing the best you can. Once you stop hating your ex, you will begin to develop a positivity and inner peace. This inner peace will help alleviate your feeling shame about divorce.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Do not let your thoughts control you. Just because you have a thought does not mean it is real or true. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, start to question those thoughts. Ask yourself: is this true? What is the evidence for and against this belief?  Does this way of thinking hurt or help? What would change in my life if I didn’t have this thought? You will be on a path towards no longer feeling shame about divorce once you move past judging yourself.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

In many cases, is true that you are who you surround yourself with. If you only hang around people who are very negative, you will start to feel that way too. In order to stop feeling shame about divorce, surround yourself with positive people. These people will lift you up instead of bringing you down. Spend less time with negative people, especially those who make you feel bad about yourself.

Personal Growth

This time of change is a great opportunity to make some personal growth. Take the time to work through any feelings or struggles you nay have. Do not be ashamed about talking to someone about what you are going through. It can be a therapist, support group, or even a friend. Once you have started working on yourself, letting the good in and keeping the bad out, you can finally start to heal. This process will help you no longer feel shame about divorce.

You can also start seeking hobbies that you enjoy or learn something new. By making an effort to learn new things and do things you enjoy, you will start feeling more confident and happy.

Avoid Social Media

Viewing everyone else’s highlights can really bring you down. You may be looking at every else’s “happy families”. This could lead to you feeling shame about divorce. Know that the things people post on social media are very curated, and usually do not show their real struggles. Do not let this get to you. Just remove or limit the amount of social media you use. If you notice that someone specifics profile bothers you, just unfollow them. This will keep you from negatively comparing yourself to other people.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse

You have an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind. You have picked up on things that have made you wonder and question “Are they cheating on me?” over and over again. You will wonder if you overanalyzing things or going crazy. Unfortunately, this feeling is more common than you think, and you may not be going crazy. Learn more about how you can possibly spot a cheating spouse.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse: Marital Affair

Being Secretive

One thing to watch out for is a spouse that is being very secretive with his or her phone or computer. A cheater will start to really guard their phone or computer, and clear their history frequently. They will likely be very jumpy and defensive when you ask about their phone of computer as well. You will notice they do not want to part with their phone or set it down. Also, they certainly will not let you look at their devices. Unless there is a chance they could be planning something like a surprise party for you, all of these actions could be seen as very suspicious.

Improved Appearance

Has your spouse never concerned themself with spending time grooming, then all of the sudden starts always looking put together out of no where? Are they suddenly going out for runs, when you could hardly get them to go for a walk with you before? They could be trying to look better for you, or they could be trying to look better for someone else. Be especially wary if they look the same at home, but suddenly start trying way harder for work or special events.

Of course, your spouse could have really just had a pivotal moment and really be trying to get in shape or taking care of themself. Perhaps they just had a health scare or have been feeling down about how they have let themself go. They maybe even are just trying for a big promotion at work. Know that just because they suddenly start caring does not automatically mean that you have an unhealthy marriage or that you have a cheating spouse.

Change in Intimacy

Has there been a sudden change or decrease the the frequency of intimacy you have with your spouse? It could be because they are being intimate with someone else. Alternatively, they could be wanting to be intimate with you more often out of guilt.

Unreachable

Another possible sign is that your spouse is unreachable for long periods of a time. Do you hear, “My phone died and I didn’t have a charger” on the regular? Or is there suddenly all kinds of areas of no service that have popped up all over your town? Be especially wary if they are unreachable on a business trip.

While these do not necessarily mean you have a cheating spouse, they should certainly raise red flags. Do not drive yourself crazy obsessing over it, but perhaps bring it up with your spouse or even hire a private investigator to clear your mind. If you do decide to ask or investigate, just be prepared for what you could find. Although you may be pleasantly surprised to learn there was nothing to be worried about at all.

Divorce Decisions: What To Know

A divorce can be more in-depth than you may initially believe. As such, it’s important to know what sort of divorce decisions you may need to make. These decisions in particular tend to be especially important, so it’s good to have an idea for them ahead of time…

Divorce Decisions: Considering Your Options

Custody plans

One of the important divorce decisions you’ll need to make is about custody of the kids. Ideally, most parents like to try and set up a co-parenting plan. However, trying to make one at the last-minute can be a source of frustration. In fact, things can get so frustrating that some couples walk away from the idea altogether, which can lead to nasty court battles.

To avoid this, try and talk to your ex in advance about a co-parenting plan. When you have time to plan, it becomes a lot easier to figure out a fair solution. That way, you both can still get to be involved in raising your kids.

Splitting assets

Other important divorce decisions relate to how you determine who gets what. Most of the things you have gotten together while married will need to split between the two of you. It’s no surprise that a lot of divorces tend to turn sour when former spouses begin fighting over what they are or aren’t willing to give up.

This is why it’s good to consider what you’re willing to give up ahead of time. By knowing what you’re okay with splitting, it becomes easier to hold on to the things you want to keep. That way, you and your ex can strike a good and fair balance and compromise on some things you may both want. This will help you avoid messy, drawn out fights in the courtroom.

Living arrangements

Some divorce decisions will involve where you’ll live after your divorce. Usually, what tends to happen is one spouse will keep the house while the other will move somewhere else. Or, it could be that the person who keeps the home decides to sell it, and both spouses will move somewhere new. Much like with splitting assets, it’s good to discuss this early and figure out where you both stand on the matter.

It’s also helpful to think about what your options are, especially if you don’t want to keep the house. Start looking in advance for potential new places where you can live. There’s nothing wrong with moving in with family or friends for a while as well, so you can get back on your feet and find the right place for you.