Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Dealing with Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship can be a difficult journey, however, you must get the help you need. If your partner is abusive physically or emotionally, you need to try to get help. Otherwise, you will stay unhappy forever. Find somebody you trust and ask for their help. Focus on yourself and find things that give you confidence. Avoid engaging with your abuser and set boundaries with them. And while doing all of this, try to work out an exit plan for leaving the relationship. Abusers rarely stop their abuse, and sometimes it can escalate into more dangerous situations. Get the help you need to get out of the relationship so that you can find somebody who will respect you more.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse: How to Feel Better

Get Support from Somebody You Trust

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s helpful to find a support person that you trust. Go to a close friend or family member and tell them what has been going on. Hopefully, they can help you find a source of help. They might be able to help you work out a way of getting out of the relationship safely. You can also speak to a therapist if you are uncomfortable sharing with a friend.

Focus on Yourself

Another important thing to take time to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to focus on yourself. Emotional abusers generally like to make their victims feel shame and embarrassment. Find something that gives you confidence and makes you feel happy. Maybe there’s a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try out or an old one that you’d like to pick back up.

Avoid Engaging

Avoid engaging with your abuser when dealing with emotional abuse. If they begin starting an argument, set clear boundaries. For example, you can tell them that if they begin insulting you that you are walking away. Then follow through after. If they start insulting, leave and walk away. Try not to engage with the abuse as much as possible.

Work Out an Exit Plan

Finally, one last thing to consider when dealing with emotional abuse is working out an exit plan. An abusive relationship is not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with somebody who respects you and cherishes you. In addition, emotional abuse can sometimes escalate into physical abuse. Try to find a safe way to leave the relationship without getting yourself hurt. Enlist the help of a friend or the national abuse hotline for assistance.

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s important to find a way to keep yourself happy and confident. Your abuser might try their hardest to bring you down, but it’s important to find things that give you happiness. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to help you. Find a hobby or distraction to focus on that makes you feel confident. Avoid engaging with your abuser whenever possible. And finally, try to work out a safe way to exit the relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that respects you and that you can trust. Hopefully, you’ll be able to safely leave your abuser and move on to a much more healthy relationship in the future.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship

Outsider clues to abuse in a relationship can be very helpful if you suspect somebody you know is a victim of domestic abuse. Often people in this situation are embarrassed or ashamed and don’t want to come forward. Or they might be worried about what effect it will have on their partner. If you are concerned about a friend, look for sudden behavior changes. Sometimes this also shows up in clothing style changes as well. If you feel uncomfortable around their partner, it’s probably your gut telling you something is wrong. And finally, if they start drinking or using drugs, it’s a warning sign that they are hurting. Hopefully, you can help them get the help they need.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship: Is Somebody You Know in Need of Help?

Behavior Changes

One of the outside clues to abuse that might have led you to even start researching this is sudden behavior changes. If your previously-happy friend is suddenly acting depressed, it might be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. If this is true, they might get overly defensive. Or they might have trouble finding their words or seem reluctant to talk about their dating life. Another clue is if they seem to have little time for you, are acting rushed, or cancel frequently. This might be a sign that their partner is overly controlling.

Style Changes

Another of the outsider clues to abuse in a relationship is a sudden style change. Of course, plenty of people change their clothing style often. However, if your friend is suddenly wearing clothes that seem very out of character, it might be a warning sign. Often overly controlling partners want their victims to dress very conservatively so that they’re covered up. And of course, if they are being physically abused, they might wear clothing to cover up injuries.

If You Are Uncomfortable Around Their Partner

If you feel uncomfortable around your friend’s new partner, it might be your gut telling you something. Trust your instincts if things feel off. Some outsider clues to abuse might be if your friend looks to their partner before answering or talking. Or if they seem to be uncomfortable around them or “pretending” too hard that all is well. You might also notice if their behaviors and mannerisms change when they’re in the presence of their partner.

Drinking or Substance Abuse

Finally, one of the outsider clues to abuse to watch for is if your friend starts abusing alcohol or drugs. If you can’t find any source of their unhappiness, but they’re suddenly drinking more heavily, it’s probably a clue that something is wrong. Often it is an issue with the relationship. Let them know that you will be there to support them if they’d like your help in quitting.

If you suspect that a friend might be in an abusive relationship, outsider clues to abuse can help you figure it out. If your friend changes their behavior all of a sudden or starts dressing differently, it might be a warning sign. Another red flag is if you get a bad feeling about your partner or notice that they act strangely around them. And finally, if they suddenly start drinking or using drugs. If you notice any of these signs in your friend, it might be worth it to set aside time to talk to them privately about their relationship. Know that victims sometimes are too afraid to come forward, so they may not tell you everything that’s going on. But it’s helpful to reassure them all the same that you can help. Hopefully, they’ll remember your offer and be brave enough to accept your help later.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse

If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s important to keep children safe from physical abuse. Sometimes abuse can escalate quickly. If you are trying to find a way to safely exit the relationship, you need a way to protect your children in the meantime. While you work on a safe way to leave, create a plan with your children. Practice a safe word and give them tips for protecting themselves. Teach them to not intervene. And finally, reassure them frequently that you will always believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you can find some support to help you find a safe way to leave your abuser. You and your child will be much better off, not to mention, much safer.

How to Keep Children Safe from Physical Abuse: Protect Them While You Make a Plan

Get Away from Abuser

The most important thing to keep children safe from physical abuse is to leave your abuser as soon as the abuse starts. If you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship and it turns violent, it’s time to leave. Emotional abuse is not okay either, but physical abuse puts you and your children at risk. Find somebody you trust to help you make an exit plan.

Have a Plan

Another thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make a plan with your children. You should teach them a safe place to go if anything starts to happen in front of them. In addition, teach them to find a safe place in the house to hide. Make sure it’s a place that doesn’t have dangerous objects like a kitchen. It’s also a great idea to make a safe word with them so that if they hear it they know to go to a pre-determined safe place. Enlist the help of a neighbor or somebody you trust to be a safe haven for them. Make sure that they memorize their phone numbers.

They Are Not to Intervene

It’s also important to help keep children safe from physical abuse by making sure that they understand not to intervene. Witnessing violence can have damaging lasting effects on children. Not only does it scare them, but it can upset them to see you frightened. Teach them not to intervene under any circumstances. Instead, they should find a safe place to go. Make sure they know techniques to calm down, and of course, make sure they know how to dial 911.

Reassurance

Finally, one last thing to help keep children safe from physical abuse is to make sure that they know they can trust you with anything. Children need to know that you will believe them no matter what they say. If they come to you and reveal that your partner is abusive, you need to take them at their word and investigate further. They need to know that they can trust you. This is a difficult time for them and they need you by their side.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you must make sure to keep children safe from physical abuse. The absolute most important thing to do is to get away from your abuser as soon as you can. However, it’s important to make sure that you do this in a safe way that doesn’t put you at further risk. Create a plan just for your child in case abuse starts when they are present. Have a safe word for them to either hide in a safe place or leave the house and get help. Make sure they know not to intervene. And of course, make sure that they know that you will believe them if they come to you with problems. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get some support and find a way to safely exit the relationship so that you and your child can be safer and happier.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs

There are so many emotions of divorce that you might be feeling. Divorce has been compared to the death of a loved one. And just like with grief, you’re likely to experience an entire range of emotions. You might feel relief, anger, hurt, guilt, resentment, happiness, and anything in between. One of the ways to cope that can be very helpful is to seek out a therapist. You might also try journaling to organize your thoughts. And many find it helpful to make time for their social life again and re-connect with friends or re-focus on other relationships. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the emotions surrounding your divorce, know that you are not alone and that there is help out there.

The Emotions of Divorce: The Ups and Downs and How to Cope with Them

What’s “Normal?”

First of all, there is no “normal” when it comes to the emotions of divorce. Some people are relieved at the end of their marriage, while others grieve. And some don’t even know how they’re feeling, or change from moment to moment. It’s perfectly normal for you to cycle through emotions constantly after a divorce. For example, one minute you might feel excited about the opportunities ahead of you, and the next you are crying because you miss your ex. All of these emotions are normal and valid.

Coping Through Therapy

One way to cope with the emotions of divorce is to try going to therapy. Many find that a therapist can help them see a different perspective on their divorce. They will likely give you some coping mechanisms to try. In addition, they are often a source of advice when it comes to interacting with your ex in the future. They can help you learn to better communicate with them to make a co-parenting relationship more successful.

Coping Through Journaling

Many find that journaling is very helpful with dealing with the emotions of divorce. Journaling is easy to do and doesn’t need to take much time. If you get into the habit of daily journaling, you can keep your entries as short or long as you like. Some people also find it helpful to write inspirational things or affirmations in their journals as a daily reminder. Journaling can help you organize your thoughts and help you see the bigger picture on some things.

Coping Through Social Interaction

Finally, one last coping mechanism for the emotions of divorce is to focus on other relationships. It’s likely that during the stress of divorce you might not have had as much time for other people as usual. Maybe friends have fallen by the wayside or you’ve even been too busy to give your kids all the attention you’d like. Take time now that the divorce is final to focus on these relationships. It will give you a sense of purpose and also be a distraction.

The emotions of divorce can feel overwhelming at times, and that’s normal. You might cycle between all the stages of grief several times in a day. There are many coping mechanisms to help you handle the stress, but you need to figure out what works best for your personality. For example, maybe seeing a therapist would be particularly helpful for you. Or maybe you need to organize your thoughts by putting pen to paper. And yet others might feel restored after a long lunch with friends. However, you choose to cope with your emotions, know that you are not alone in feeling emotional after a divorce. Hopefully, in time, you’ll start to feel less overwhelmed and will be able to look at the positive side of things and view your divorce as a new beginning.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce

Any divorce, no matter how healthy, comes with a lot of stress. Practicing self-care during a divorce is important for your mental health. Although they may not take all your stress away, things like focusing on the positive, picking up a new hobby, going outside, and splurging on yourself can help you feel happier.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce : Divorce and Mental Health

Focusing on the Positive

Focusing on the things in life that make you happy can be a great way of practicing self-care during a divorce. One way to do this is to focus on gratitude. For instance, a lot of people like to name three things that they’re grateful for when they wake up every morning. This starts your day off on a positive note, rather than focusing on the negative. Do you have family and friends who are supportive? Are you healthy? Try to remind yourself of the good things in your life every day.

Starting a New Hobby

Starting a new hobby, or picking up an old one again, are great ways to distract yourself from your divorce. For example, painting, yoga, reading, knitting, golfing, or any activity you find interesting. Even hobbies that don’t require much of a learning curve, like puzzles and adult coloring books can be very calming. Who knew that practicing the violin could also double as practicing self-care during a divorce?

Soaking Up Some Sunshine

Getting some good ol’ vitamin D is one of the easiest forms of practicing self-care during a divorce you can do for yourself, yet it’s one that often gets overlooked. Go for a walk or just sit in a sunny spot for a while. Exercise is another great way to give yourself some self-care, and it has the added bonus of making your body healthier at the same time. Many cities have meet-up groups for adults to play sports like kickball, softball, and volleyball. It’s a great way to connect with other people, get outside, and distract yourself from the stress of your divorce. Here is a link to some local meet-up groups.

Splurging on Yourself

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to treat yourself to something fun, and splurging is a perfect example of practicing self-care during a divorce. One example would be to pick out a new shampoo or bath bomb and treat yourself to a bubble bath. You could also buy yourself that new tennis racquet you’ve had your eye on for months, or a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. However, it’s important to remember that splurging doesn’t always have to mean spending a lot of money. You could just splurge and spend time watching your favorite TV show or re-reading a favorite book.

However, you choose to manage your stress, practicing self-care during a divorce is very important. You are going through a difficult situation and you need to take time to take care of your mental well-being.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce

Divorce is full of stress. And if you have children, wondering about the affects it might have on them is something that has probably crossed your mind. Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is time-consuming but very important. Just remember that you and your ex-partner made the decision that was best for you, which means it was also best for your children. One way you can help them deal with their feelings is by encouraging them to journal. You can also just be a good listener for them. And finally, you can consult with a professional. Just make sure you are there to support them and answer any questions they have.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce: Be Their Rock

Journaling

If you have children that are old enough to read and write, encourage them to journal. This can be very helpful in tending to your children’s mental health during divorce. Another term for this is writing therapy. Writing therapy has been shown to improve mental health, and is a great way to calm down. Journaling will force your children to slow down and take time to confront their feelings. It can help them see a different viewpoint, or can help them organize their thoughts. If your children aren’t quite old enough to write on their own, encourage them to use artwork to express how they feel.

Be a Good Listener

The most important thing you can do to help with your children’s mental health during divorce is to be a good listener. Lending an ear whenever they need to talk will help them express their feelings. It’s important to really listen to what they say and try not to interrupt or talk over them. Even if they say things that you find hurtful or disagree with. Children see situations in a very different way than we do. Therefore, its crucial to let them tell you exactly how they’re feeling. Don’t try to talk them out of their views about your divorce, because their feelings are still valid. Even if there’s more to the story that you don’t want to share with them.

Also remember not to pressure children to talk if they don’t want to. It can take time for them to put their feelings into words. Pressuring them too much might make them say what they think you want to hear, rather than their true feelings. Let them talk to you on their own time and be supportive. This will help your children’s mental health during divorce because you are giving them control of the situation.

Know When to Seek Professional Help

Focusing on your children’s mental health during divorce can be overwhelming at times. You may have questions, or have situations that come up that you don’t know how to handle. It never hurts to seek out professional help. Childhood psychologists will be able to reach your children on their level. And sometimes children are more comfortable talking about stressful things with somebody other than their own parents. Ask a friend who has gone through a divorce or ask for references from your child’s pediatrician to find psychologists in your area.

Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is an important part of the process. Even though your children aren’t dealing with the legal side of things, divorce is still very stressful for them. Their whole world is changing. But remember that children easily adapt to change. The most important thing is that they feel supported and heard by you.

How-to: Announce Your Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through. And figuring out how to let your loved ones know that it’s happening can be a huge source of confusion. In the new age of social media, it’s hard to know how to tell everybody. The best approach to take to announce your divorce is to first let your close family know. Next, tell your close friends. Then coworkers can follow, and finally the world at large (if you choose).

How-to: Announce Your Divorce: What’s the Best Protocol?

Family First

The first step is to announce your divorce to your family. A marriage involves blending two families together. Your families thought they would be connected forever, and your divorce will change that. Sit your parents or siblings down for a face to face talk. Explain the situation in however much detail you choose. If your divorce is friendly, you can do this together. If it is not a friendly divorce, at least make sure you and your ex are on the same page about when to tell your families. Try not to air any dirty laundry or trash talk. Your feelings will fluctuate a lot and when you speak angrily about your ex, it might be hard for family members to remember that when you’re feeling sadder about the breakup.

Friends

The next step you might take is to announce your divorce to your close friends. Make sure to speak to your attorney first before discussing any details with mutual friends. You don’t want the things you say to make their way back to your ex if you aren’t on friendly terms. If you and your ex have mutual friends, consider telling them together. It’s best to have a plan of what to say first. You can always keep it simple. For example, “We have decided after much discussion to get a divorce. We plan to work together to raise the kids and hope to support each other through this difficult time.” Discuss beforehand whether you want to announce your divorce before or after it is finalized.

Co-Workers

Unless you are close friends with co-workers, they really don’t need to hear about your divorce before it’s finalized. However, your boss might be a good person to inform. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for court appointments. You might need to alert HR for this same reason. Hopefully, they will be understanding and sympathetic when you announce your divorce to them.

The World at Large

In the days of social media, you might want to announce your divorce on Facebook or Instagram. It’s probably best to do this after your divorce is final. It’s always best to speak with your divorce attorney before posting anything publicly. One way to announce without doing the social media post is to simply use the old fashioned post office. You can send a simple card with a photo of you and your children without including your ex. You can use this to announce your new address if you’ve moved. Including a short note or even just a phrase like “New Beginnings” can clue people into the divorce. Some couples choose to announce publicly and others choose to let the word spread naturally. Do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

However, you choose to announce your divorce, it’s best to discuss it with your ex first so you are both on the same page. Keep it short and to the point. Your family and close friends probably need to be told, but you can decide for yourself if you’d like to announce it to the whole world. Divorce is a very private thing, so don’t feel pressured to give anybody the details of your relationship, just decide what feels right for you

Healing From Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is such a difficult thing to go through for anybody. When you’re healing from physical abuse, there are things you can do to help with the healing process. Of course, listening to any of your doctors’ advice is key. Asking for help is also very important. Writing things down can help you track your progress. And finally, taking time to focus on yourself can help you feel better.

Healing From Physical Abuse: Finding Peace

Speak With Professionals

It probably goes without saying that seeking professional help is so important when healing from physical abuse. First, you want to make sure and let your doctor know every detail about the physical trauma you have survived. That way, they can address all injuries and help your body heal fully. Many people also find it helpful to speak with a therapist. While they do not address physical issues, abuse can often cause emotional damage as well. Talking with a therapist can help you move forward. Here are some local therapists that might be helpful.

Ask for Help

Many victims of abuse can have feelings of shame or embarrassment over what they’ve been through. There is never a reason to blame yourself for being a victim of abuse. The fault is always that of the abuser. But because of these feelings, it’s difficult for people to ask for help. Your loved ones would want to know that you need their support. Reaching out for help is such an important factor when healing from physical abuse. Wouldn’t you want to be there for a friend if they had been through something similar?

Write Things Down

Healing from physical abuse involves much time and many steps. Sometimes, people can get overwhelmed and lose steam. Remembering how far you’ve come is an important tip for healing. Writing down your feelings can remind you of how far you’ve come in the healing process. If your recovery involves physical therapy, it can help to write down how much you’ve improved. When you are having a hard day, you can look back on your progress and feel proud of yourself.

Take Time to Focus on Yourself

Taking time for yourself is an important part of overall mental health. When recovering from physical abuse, it is even more important. Do something that you love, or splurge on a fun treat. In short, there is no shame in doing what you to can distract yourself from thinking about your experience. You can also create something fun to look forward to. Or make a reward for achieving a goal. If you are doing physical therapy as part of your recovery, set small goals. Reward yourself when you reach them and you’ll stay more motivated. Taking care of your mental well-being can help your physical recovery.

When recovering from physical abuse, speaking with professionals, asking for help, writing things down, and taking time for yourself can help your recovery. Nobody should have to experience physical abuse in any relationship. But, if you do, hopefully, these tips can help you in your recovery.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids

When your Christmas is usually filled with the laughter and excitement of kids, it is quite a shock when you have a quiet Christmas. With divorce, change is inevitable. Unfortunately, one of those changes may be your holiday plans. Whether it is your first Christmas without your kids, or your 10th, it will never be easy. The first year will certainly be the biggest shock. However, there are still ways to make your holiday bright. Depending on your arrangements, you may have to plan a different type of Christmas celebration post-divorce.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids: Creating New Traditions

Alternative Celebrations

Your first Christmas without your kids may feel lonely. Instead of sitting at home by yourself and moping, find another way to have holiday cheer! Get together with some of your other family members so that you still get to spend Christmas with family. If that is not an option, join in with some of your friends. You could get together and celebrate with their family. However, know your limits of whether it would be painful to celebrate with other kids, especially during the first year. Another option would be to reach out to others in your same situation. No one wants to spend the holidays alone. If you know any other parents who are also celebrating without their kids, they may also be looking for a boost of holiday joy. Both of you could use someone to lean on and celebrate this year.

If your kids are spending the holidays far away from you, try to still find ways to communicate with them. Do not act overbearing and try and steal all of your ex’s time. However, see if it would be possible to do a quick video chat so you can still see them for the holidays.

How to Treat Your Ex

Make sure to be polite and respectful to your ex. Think about your kids. It is not fair to your kids if you are talking bad about their other parent. In the same way, picking an argument or being spiteful to your ex will just carry over to your kids. Instead, be positive and excited for them. Show them the joy of the holiday season, and do not send them off to their other parents with conflicting feelings of dread.

Still try to act as a team with your ex as you co-parent your kids. Do not try to out do each other with gifts. That will just cause added stress and and feelings of anger. Plus, depending on your situation, your finances may be cut as a single parent. Do not put yourself into a bad financial situation just because you want to give a more impressive gift than your ex. While the situation is not ideal, take these simple steps to make the best of your first Christmas without your kids.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce

When you start the divorce process, it may feel like you will never get through it. It may seem like an overwhelming process, mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be absolutely draining and take a big toll on your well-being. You will survive. You will make it through. In the midst of all of these emotions and to-do list items stacking up, you will need to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself. One of the most important things is to practice self-care during a divorce.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce: Be Good to Yourself

Take Care of Your Body

With everything you have to go through during a divorce, it is so important to make sure you are taking good care of your body. Start by eating right. While it is okay to indulge every now and then, do not live on a diet of junk food and comfort foods to make it through. While it may be tempting, a pint of ice cream does not count as dinner. Your body will feel so much better if you eat well-rounded meals, included fruits, vegetables, and protein.

Exercise is also a great way to practice self-care during a divorce. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which help make you happy. In addition to endorphins, exercise will make you look and feel better. You will notice positive changes to your body, both internally and externally. It will make your heart healthier, and many other amazing benefits. Plus, you will get a confidence boost from getting out and moving.

Take Care of Your Mind

Divorce can take a lot out of your mentally. that is why is also important to take care of your mind. That may mean a little something different for everyone. Take some time for yourself. Whether that means a bubble bath, curling up to read, or whatever brings you relaxation and peace. Some people prefer yoga, meditation, or even prayer as their escape. Listen to some of your favorite music, or completely unload your busy schedule for a day just to relax. All of these things will help to nourish your mind.

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will have difficulty facing everything that will get thrown at you during a divorce. Be good to your mind and your body, and you will be able to not just survive, but thrive.