Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Social Media During Divorce

Social media apps can be a great way to get in touch with friends all around the world. However, during a divorce, they can also be a point of conflict. Therefore, it’s important to know how to approach social media during divorce. That way, you avoid the potential issues it can bring…

Social Media During Divorce

Think before posting

A lot of people tend to treat social media like an open journal. They’ll post updates on their life, and how they might feel throughout the day. However, this can potentially get you in some trouble when divorcing. Therefore, you need to think before using social media during divorce.

For example, you might be tempted to post a rant about your ex. Before you do, take a moment to think about it. How will that post make you look to others, your ex, and most importantly, a judge? If a post is going to be too negative or targeted, and could get you in trouble, then it’s best to avoid posting it.

Clean Up Your Followers

For most people, friends and acquaintances tend to make up the bulk of their followers on social media. However, divorce tends to require one to lean on these friends a bit more for support. At the same time, it might also mean you cut contact with friends who don’t support you, or were friends of your ex.

That’s why part of using social media during divorce also involves adjusting who you follow, and who follows you. If you know there’s people you aren’t friends with anymore still following you, then it might be best to remove them as followers. That way, the people who do see your posts are the ones who will support you, rather than potentially be negative.

Avoid your ex

There can be a temptation to look at what your ex is doing on social media during divorce. You might be curious about what they’re saying about you or the divorce. Maybe you want to see if they’re already trying to date again. The thing is, you want to avoid this curiosity.

Ultimately, obsessing over your ex’s post is just going to prevent you from moving on yourself. While you might remain friends, you don’t need to be up-to-date on their lives. Plus, if they do post something negative or concerning, odds are someone will let you know about it.

Post-Divorce Burnout

It isn’t always easy to adjust to a new life after a divorce. As a result, sometimes people will throw themselves into things like work. However, this can easily result in post-divorce burnout. That’s why it’s best to avoid taking this route…

Post-Divorce Burnout

The problem with burnout

The problems with post-divorce burnout are very similar to those of any other type of burnout. In general, it occurs when someone decides to use their work as an escape from the grief of their divorce. By focusing themselves solely on their work, they think they can distract themselves from those negative feelings.

However, no matter how much work you do, you can only avoid those feelings for so long. In fact, the more work you do, the longer those emotions will simmer and get worse. Eventually, you’ll reach your point of burnout, and all those emotions and more will rise to the surface, usually in a not-so-pretty way.

Accepting your emotions

In order to avoid this post-divorce burnout, you can’t avoid those sad feelings from your divorce. Rather, you need to take the time to confront and accept them. By acknowledging these feelings, you will get yourself through the grieving process, and can start to move forwards.

Usually, many people will actually take time away from work to do this. Still, there’s plenty of other ways you can give yourself some time to process these emotions. Maybe you meet with a therapist, or write your thoughts down in a journal. Whatever you chose, the important thing is getting those emotions out there.

Watch your workload

Another part of avoiding post-divorce burnout is watching your workload. There’s going to be a lot of things you’ll need to take care of after your divorce. Maybe you’re moving, or you have to adjust to being a single parent. When this happens, you need to be careful you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.

Taking on too much work can lead to burnout, even if you’re processing those emotions. Therefore, try to watch how much work you take on. Try to talk to your boss about what’s going on, and how you might need a bit of a limited workload for a short period of time. Many times, they’re understanding and willing to help you out.

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

If you’re dealing with a divorce around the holidays, it can be pretty rough. You might find yourself feeling quite lonely or isolated. However, when you feel this holiday loneliness, it’s important to avoid some common mistakes. Doing so will help you fight those feelings off in a healthy, productive manner…

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

Watch Your pride

Pride is a major cause of holiday loneliness. For instance, many people don’t like for others to see them as vulnerable. As a result, they won’t reach out to others and ask them if they can possibly spend some holiday season time together. All this does is ensure that they remain lonely, and leaves them feeling even worse than before.

Therefore, don’t be afraid put that pride aside. After all, the holidays are a time of giving and being with others. Reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel awkward about it, can be a good idea. Often enough, they’ll be happy to include you in their holiday plans.

Don’t wallow

Another thing you want to avoid doing when feeling holiday loneliness is wallowing. It can be very easy to get all caught up in your sadness. Adjusting from what you’re used to during the holidays to the new reality can leave you stuck in a cycle of sadness. However, it’s a cycle you don’t need to deal with.

Try to consider the fact that everyone goes through points where they feel down. However, you don’t have to make that sadness the focal point of who you are. Instead, look at the positive things you still have, and can start doing, and you can find yourself being a bit more thankful and happy than you were before.

Avoid unhealthy coping

Holiday loneliness can cause people to slip into some pretty bad habits. Commonly, people like to turn to alcohol in an effort to cope. Or, they might also develop some unhealthy eating habits, or isolate themselves from the rest of the world. All of these things combined aren’t going to be good for you now, or in the future.

Instead, you’ll want to use some more healthy coping mechanisms. Find some better, healthier things you like to do, and focus on them instead. Slipping into unhealthier habits will just make things harder than they already were.

Emotionally Distant Children

Divorce isn’t always easy, and sometimes it can get quite messy. However, no matter how messy it gets, you want to do your best to leave the kids out of it. If not, you could end up with emotionally distant children. This is something which both of you will want to try and prevent…

Emotionally Distant Children

Knowing the signs

The changes that cause emotionally distant children can happen very quickly. As a result, it’s important to know what signs to look for. Often times, the most obvious signs are in their behavior. Your kids might stop wanting to spend time with you, or even be around you. Sometimes, it can get to the point where they refuse to even talk to you.

There can be a number of reasons as to why this happens. It might be because they were too involved in the divorce. Or, it could be that they’re struggling to process what’s happened. Still, don’t lose faith. Just because your children have started to act this way doesn’t mean you can’t stop and correct the process.

Be there for them

One way to help emotionally distant children is by making sure they know you care for them. Once they begin acting distance, the worst thing to do is get frustrated at them. This will only cause the divide to worsen. Instead, it’s important that they see you still truly do care for them.

Do your best to let your children know you love them. Always try to tell them so and that’ll you’ll be there for them. Often times, your children just need to hear the positive reinforcement to understand that things will be okay. Soon after, they tend to start warming back up to their parents again.

Don’t make it a conflict

It’s important not to use emotionally distance children as a reason to fight with your ex. Many times, they are experiencing similar situations themselves. Making it into a point of conflict when can further strain your co-parenting plans.

Therefore, avoid talking ill about your ex to your children. Doing so would just be reinforcing their negative beliefs. Also, avoid trying to “one-up” your ex by buying fancy gifts for the kids. Material items can’t really solve these more emotional conflicts.

Divorce Embarrassment

Divorce can cause a lot of different emotional reactions. One of these emotions which people tend to struggle with is divorce embarrassment. Whether it be over the divorce itself or people’s reactions to it, this embarrassment can really eat a person up inside. However, it’s also something which you don’t need to go through…

Divorce Embarrassment

Feeling like a failure

For many people, divorce embarrassment comes from feeling like a failure. After all, doesn’t divorce mean that your marriage has failed? However, it’s this specific distinction that you have to keep in mind. While your marriage hasn’t worked out, that doesn’t mean that your yourself have “failed” at life.

Your divorce doesn’t have to be the “defining” moment of your life. In fact, you have a lot more life ahead of you. Plus, you can now experience all these new things without an unhappy marriage holding you back. Your divorce was just one minor bump on the road.

Social implications

Divorce embarrassment can also stem from worries about how people will react to the news. Sooner or later, you’ll have to tell others you’re getting a divorce. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone you know. But even telling your close friends or family can leave you feeling somewhat embarrassed.

However, you’d be surprised how many people these days are receptive and supportive of those they know who are divorcing. In fact, divorce is much more common these days than it used to be. Some people might react negatively, which is unfortunate. But just know these people are in the minority, and aren’t worth your time.

Setting a poor example

Divorce embarrassment doesn’t have to come from outside sources. In fact, you can get these feeling from within your own family, especially if you have kids. For some, this embarrassment comes from feeling like you’ve set a bad example for your kids about marriage.

Keep in mind that what you’re doing is actually setting a good example. You’re telling your kids that when they aren’t happy, they shouldn’t feel trapped in a bad situation. They may not understand it now, but down the line they’ll appreciate what you’ve done. Still, remember to always do your best to set that example daily.

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Technology has become pretty ingrained in our day-to-day lives. Therefore, it probably isn’t too surprising to know that there’s phone apps out there for nearly anything. In fact, you can even use these apps to help you cope with your divorce. Certain apps can be especially useful depending on what you want to do…

Phone Apps: Use Them To Cope

Improve your health

There are a large variety of phone apps out there that can help you with improving your health. Many people experience some issues with both their mental and physical health after their divorce. Therefore, it makes sense that you might want to make some improvements. That’s where apps can come in handy.

For your mental health, there are apps which can help you with positive thinking and setting goals to achieve. There’s also journal apps, which let you write down your thoughts at any time. As for physical health, there’s plenty of apps which can track your exercise, calories, and sleep to help you find the perfect balance.

Get in touch with others

Another common issue people face after their divorce is feeling isolated. As a result, you might be interested in connecting with some new potential friends, or getting back in touch with old ones. Luckily, there’s plenty of apps which allow you to do both, and in different ways.

Of course, there’s social media, which can let you find some old friends and catch up with them. Still, making new friends on these apps can be tricky, due to the more “impersonal” nature of them. However, there are also neighborhood-focused apps. These apps only include those from the local area. That way, you can get in touch with people you can easily meet in real life.

Start dating

After you’ve given yourself some time to heal and adjust to your new post-divorce life, you might be curious about dating again. These days, there’s plenty of different kinds of dating phone apps which you can make use of. These apps tend to be specifically tailored to the type of person you want to meet.

Still, it’s important to be careful when using these kinds of apps. Scammers can be pretty common on them, as well as people who are less-than-honest about who they are. Always remember that your own safety is a priority. Be wary of those who claim they can’t meet in person, or ask for a lot of personal info.

Rebound Relationships

Trying to date again after your divorce can be very hard. After all, there’s no time table which tells you when it’s the right time to try again. However, trying again too quickly tends to end up making rebound relationships. These relationships are something you’ll want to avoid…

Rebound Relationships

What is a “rebound”?

Rebound relationships, like the name implies, are when you get into a relationship quickly after leaving your last one. Often times, these relationships usually form about a month or so since your last one. As a result, these relationships tend to not last very long.

Many times, people try to “rebound” with someone else who’s also coming off a break-up or divorce. However, this is mainly because they’re just looking for an emotional escape from the issues of their last one. While in the long run these relationships tend to not be harmful, they can stall your post-divorce recovery.

No need to rush

Despite how you might feel, there’s no need to rush into rebound relationships. Still, it can be hard to avoid them sometimes. After all, your thoughts and emotions probably aren’t in the best shape after your divorce. As a result, you can end up believing you’re in love with someone despite only knowing them for a short time.

That’s why it helps to just take some space away from the idea of dating for a while. Instead, spend this time doing some things for yourself. Start eating better, exercising, or pick up a new hobby. Right now, you need to get comfortable with yourself before thinking of dating again.

Learn from the past

Rebound relationships are formed out of the pain from the loss of your marriage. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn that pain into something good. In fact, it’s a good idea to consider the lessons learned from your past relationship.

Think about the issues that you had with your last relationship. Then, think about how you can avoid them in your next ones. That way, you can actively avoid running into those issues again, and ensure your new relationships start out on the right foot.

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Adjusting to being a co-parent can cause a lot of stress, and sometimes even depression. Co-parenting depression is a real issue which can get in the way of your shared goals for your child. However, there are ways to cope with these feelings, and eventually push past them…

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Find some common ground

A major source for co-parenting depression is constant arguments. It makes sense that you and your ex may not agree on everything. However, constantly arguing over these matter will just lead to more frustration building up. Ultimately, these arguments don’t do you or your kids any good.

Instead, it’s helpful to first find some common ground. This is especially helpful for house rules. For example, maybe you both agree what time your kids should be asleep at, or when they should do homework. Finding the areas you agree on will make it easier to work on the ones you disagree on.

Improve communication

Poor communication is also another common source of co-parenting depression. For many co-parents, communication breaks down in a few ways ways. A parent might feel out-of-the-loop in regards to what their ex is doing, or always end up arguing with them when they talk.

Neither of these situations are good for you or your kids, so it’s important to improve your communication. Try to always ensure you both have a way of reaching the other, and talk to each other about your plans. If you find you’re always arguing, keep your talks brief, focused, and potentially over text to mitigate the risk of an argument.

Manage your depression

There’s also plenty of ways to manage your co-parenting depression through outside resources. For instance, a therapist can help you identify why you feel how you do, and how you can work on it. Even just talking to friends can help alleviate those feelings.

It also doesn’t hurt to find some things to do when you’re not co-parenting. Hobbies are a great way to burn off some stress and start to feel better again. Plus, if you find one your kids can enjoy, you can bond with them while also getting to do something you all like.

Mental Health Post-Divorce

A person’s mental health post-divorce can really be in a difficult state. With all that has happened, it can be hard to see how you can start healing. However, there are many ways for you to begin this healing process…

Mental Health Post-Divorce

Create a new routine

A new routine can really help improve your mental health post-divorce. Take some time to think about how your priorities have changed now after the divorce. You might have to care for your kids or pets, but you don’t need to put your former partner’s needs over yours. Now, you can make a routine that prioritizes you.

Creating this new schedule can really help you do the things you like. Maybe this is just taking a walk at a nearby park. Or, perhaps it’s picking back up an old hobby of yours. Whatever it may be, these new things will help you start to feel better about yourself.

Look at your work-life balance

Many people like to try and throw themselves into their work after something like divorce has happened. After all, the work should help take their mind off of things, right? However, it turns out this can have some negative effects on your mental health post-divorce.

Throwing yourself into your work while not taking time for yourself can really raise your stress levels. This increased stress can take a serious toll on your health, both physically and mentally. Therefore, it’s much better to create a healthy work-life balance. Doing so will help you keep your stress levels in-check.

Seek professional help

Ultimately, while you can take steps to improve your mental health post-divorce, it’s important to know you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not uncommon for people to feel very isolated and alone after their divorce. In these cases, seeking some outside professional help can really help.

Meeting with a therapist can do a lot for helping you improve your mental health. A therapist can help you figure out what’s causing you strife, and develop strategies for getting them under control. That way, you’ll know how to handle these thoughts when they come up, and push them away.

Keeping Positive Thoughts

Keeping positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind after a divorce could sound like the most difficult task after signing the final papers. But, remember that it is beneficial to you and others to maintain a positive outlook. If you have difficulties conveying this outlook to others, here are some tips for showing others optimism during a trying time. 

Keeping Positive Thoughts: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Compliment Others

Handing out a compliment a few times per day will help in keeping positive thoughts flowing. By telling a stranger you like their blouse or a coworker that his new shoes are awesome, you’ll see their face light up. These compliments may initially make only them feel better, but eventually they will begin to bring you joy, as well. This is important so you remember the good in the world, even if your world is a little dull.

Work on Others, Work on Yourself

The reality is, friends and acquaintances will not support you if you do not support them. Therefore, it’s important to lift others up and begin keeping positive thoughts in the front of their minds. By showing others that you care about them, they will understand that your friendship or relationship is not just coming from one side. Encourage them, support them, and be there for them, and they will do the same for you.

Listen

By listening to others, you can greatly improve your relationship with them. Listen to their thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and dreams. Keeping positive thoughts about the present also includes keeping them about the future, as well. It’s important that you and your friends listen, as you can learn things about them and the world you might not know otherwise. You can start doing this by asking others their thoughts, without giving your opinions first.

Keeping positive thoughts in the forefront of your mind is a lifestyle change. Not only will you begin to reap the benefits of your positivity, but others will too. Ultimately, thinking positively makes it easier to understand your current situation and handle the emotions you are feeling with more ease. There’s usually a bright side to every situation, you just have to find it!