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Category: marriage

How to Handle Financial Stress in a Marriage

Financial stress in a marriage is one of the leading reasons for divorce. Financial stress can affect almost every part of your life. If one partner comes into a relationship with more or less money, if one partner is a bigger spender, or if you are in debt, it can lead to a lot of anxiety. Begin by educating yourself on how to be financially savvy. Talk about money often with your spouse. It shouldn’t be a secret in your relationship. Know how much money is coming in and going out so that you can make a budget together. And finally, take baby steps. If you are drowning in debt, set a small goal and go from there. Hopefully, you’ll be able to build up savings and establish healthy spending habits so that financial stress doesn’t lead to relationship problems.

How to Handle Financial Stress in a Marriage: Don’t Let it Tear You Apart

Educate Yourself

The first important step to handling financial stress in a marriage is to educate yourself on how to be financially savvy. Learn how budgeting works and how different types of retirement plans can benefit you. Speak to a financial advisor, or take a class online to help you understand the ins and outs of being financially literate.

Talk About Money

Another way to help handle financial stress in a marriage is to not let money be a secret between you. You should talk about money often together. Even if one partner makes more or less than the other, you should both be included in important financial discussions. Both partners should have a firm understanding of your financial health as a couple. In addition, both partners need to have a say in how finances are handled.

Know Your In/Out

It can help you manage financial stress in a marriage if you have a clear budget. The best way to do this is to have a detailed picture of the money coming in versus the money going out. For example, for a month or two, track all of your spending and all of the money that you bring in. You might be surprised at how much you spend on things you don’t need. Then, make a budget that takes into account as many expenses and possible future expenses as you can remember. You’ll still have unexpected things come up, but hopefully, you’ll be better prepared for them.

Take Baby Steps

Finally, one last way to help manage financial stress in a marriage is to take baby steps when it comes to your financial health. If you are in debt or struggling, try to pinpoint one quick way to save a bit of money each month. You don’t have to solve your entire financial problem at once. Take it little by little. Start with an emergency fund. Next, begin to work on getting rid of debt by building a budget and sticking to it.

Managing the financial stress in a marriage can be difficult, but it is so important. Oftentimes financial stress can lead to marital problems, anxiety, depression, arguments, and even divorce. If you are suffering from financial stress, try to educate yourself on healthy spending. Then, sit down and talk about money with your spouse. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to your financial health as a couple. Get a clear picture of your spending by making a list of money coming in and going out. From there, create a budget and stick to it that gives you small attainable saving goals so that little by little you build your wealth. Hopefully, you’ll be able to tackle any debt that you have as a couple and learn to have a healthier relationship with your finances.

The Prenup Conversation: Avoiding Conflict

The prenup conversation is one that many couples struggle with. It can be awkward and uncomfortable because people often have strong opinions about the notion of a prenup. However, in many ways, a prenuptial agreement is very logical and protective. But your partner might see it as a red flag. Try to start the conversation early on in your engagement so that you don’t surprise them. Reassure them that it is just a precaution and that you are not going into the marriage with your eyes on divorce. And finally, remember that this is a discussion. Be respectful of their feelings and give them plenty of time to process and ask questions. Ultimately, you may or may not come to an agreement on prenups, but hopefully, you’ll be able to at least get the discussion off on the right foot.

The Prenup Conversation: Avoiding Conflict or Awkwardness

Why There Might Be Conflict

The prenup conversation is important because the divorce rate is very high these days. To pretend that marriage can’t end in divorce is naive. Realistically, if you or your spouse are coming into a marriage with significant assets or debts, a prenup is a good idea. It protects you if you ever do end up breaking up. In addition, it can save you a lot of hassle if you ever were to go down the divorce path because everything is decided at the outset. However, many feel that talking prenups is a signal that you already are planning your divorce. Or even believe that it’s bad luck to discuss one.

Start the Conversation Early

It’s best to start the prenup conversation early in your engagement. You don’t want to spring this on a partner at the last second. And in fact, it can take a while to settle the prenup agreement so you might not even have time if you decide on one last minute. Begin the conversation early and revisit it if things don’t go as you planned originally.

Be Reassuring

If you know the prenup conversation is going to bring up strong emotions from your partner, try to be reassuring. Let them know that you are only doing it as a precaution. Many people think that prenups are only for couples who aren’t truly committed to each other. Let them know that this is not the case. Instead, it’s a way of protecting your future.

It’s a Discussion

Finally, if the prenup conversation doesn’t go as well as you hoped, remember that it’s a discussion. Listen to your partner’s concerns and feelings. Give them plenty of space to think over what you said and to ask you questions. It might need to be an ongoing conversation for a while to make them comfortable. Be respectful of their feelings even if they disagree with you.

The prenup conversation is an important thing for couples to discuss in many situations. If either of you is bringing a lot of assets or debt into the marriage, or have children from a previous marriage, it’s very important. Similarly, if either of you runs your own business, or if you’ve previously been married, it’s good to have the conversation. Approach the conversation early on so that it’s not a last-minute surprise to your partner. They may need time to process what you’ve said and make a decision. However, be respectful of their feelings either way and understand that some people have very strong feelings about prenups. Hopefully, you can agree on something that works for both of you and then never think of it again!

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Healing after abuse, whether emotional or physical can be a long and difficult process. The most important step is recognizing abusive behavior in a relationship. It can be hard to recognize the damage that this type of trauma can cause. You’ll need to change negative thought patterns to more affirming ones. Making time for self-care is very important for healing. And finally, seeking help from a professional can be very helpful. Abuse can have many lingering effects, but healing from it can help you move on with your life and get to a place where you are much happier.

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Recognize the Effects

Healing after abuse starts with realizing what some of the effects of abuse actually are. Physical abuse is often easier to recognize because it can leave bruises or scars. Often, time and medical care are what’s needed to heal physically. But emotional abuse damage can be harder to spot. It often can show up as anxiety, depression, and trouble sleeping. It can also lead to things like heavy drinking, drug abuse, or eating disorders. One final negative effect of emotional or physical abuse is feelings of low esteem or shame. Recognizing these symptoms of abuse can help you find ways to heal.

Change Negative Thoughts

One important aspect of healing after abuse is changing your mindset from a negative one to a more positive one. Often emotional abuse can leave victims with a lot of self-doubts. Your inner voice can become harsh and negative. Try and change this by actively giving yourself a positive affirmation. For example, you could say out loud “I am worthy” or “I love myself” repeatedly throughout the day. Or write it somewhere where you’ll see it as a bathroom mirror. Trying to change the negative attitude victims have towards themselves can be a great healing power.

Make Time for Self-Care

Self-care is extremely important for healing after abuse. Self-care can look different to different people. For example, it could look like buying yourself something special or treating yourself to a nice meal. But it could also look like hiring a babysitter for a night out with friends. Or making time for a yoga class or bubble bath. Even journaling can be a form of self-care because it gives you an outlet for your feelings.

Get Help

Finally, healing after abuse is often easiest when you seek help. You could confide in a close friend or member of your family if you feel comfortable. But it’s also helpful to seek the advice of a professional. A therapist is trained in helping people cope with things like relationship abuse and trauma. They will be able to give you advice on how to heal and move on with your life.

Healing after abuse can take a long time. Be patient with yourself and understand that everybody heals at a different pace. You could also have times where suddenly you are triggered after years of thinking that you had moved past the abuse. It’s perfectly fine to revisit these methods anytime you like. Recognize all the different ways that abuse can affect your life. Try to change negative thoughts to affirming ones. Make time for self-care and get help if you need it. Hopefully, you will be able to move on with your life and find a relationship that is much healthier.

The Pros and Cons of a Prenup Agreement

Prenuptial agreements are a hot-button topic in the wedding world. There are several pros and cons of a prenup agreement that you should consider before discussing one with your partner. They can be a way of securing financial stability for the future. However, often they are seen as a romance killer and can cause prickly feelings between partners. If you’re wanting to approach the conversation about prenups, bring it up early in your engagement. Be willing to hear your partner’s concerns, and be open to negotiations. Hopefully, if you decide to go the route of a prenup, you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works for both parties.

The Pros and Cons of a Prenup Agreement: Should I Ask my Partner for One?

What is a Prenup Agreement

When considering the pros and cons of a prenup agreement, it’s important to fully understand what they are. A prenuptial agreement is a signed contract between two people who want to marry. The agreement spells out exactly what would happen to their financial assets in a divorce. It’s a way to prepare for the financial future if anything were to go wrong in a marriage. You should each have your own representation. Make sure an experienced attorney creates the prenup, and that you both have proof of your representation. Make sure and have the prenup notarized.

Positives of Prenup Agreement

There are many pros and cons of a prenup agreement. The most important positive is that a prenup creates a set guideline for your financial future in the event of a divorce. For example, it can lay out what happens with jointly owned property. Another positive is that it establishes that you and your partner can talk about finances early on in your marriage. Unfortunately, money problems are one of the most common reasons for divorce. Therefore, discussing finances upfront sets a good pattern for tackling money issues together. A prenup can also protect your children’s assets from a previous marriage. In addition, a prenup will protect any money you’ve accumulated on your own before marriage.

Cons of a Prenup Agreement

When considering the pros and cons of a prenup agreement, it’s important to remember that they are controversial. Many people feel that prenups are bad luck in an engagement. They look at them as if you’re preparing for a divorce before you’re even married. In addition, some partners can feel attacked or judged if you present them with a prenup. This is because it makes them feel like you value your wealth over their feelings. Prenups can give the impression that you don’t believe the marriage will last forever.

How to Approach the Conversation

If you’ve weighed the pros and cons of a prenup agreement and decided that you want to ask for one, it’s best to start the conversation early. Don’t spring a prenup on your partner the day before your marriage. Instead, begin the conversation early on in your engagement. Use it as a way of showing that you’re comfortable discussing finances with each other. Remember that your partner might have strong feelings about prenups, and reassure them of your commitment. Be open to hearing their concerns. You should both consult attorneys if you decide to move forward with a prenup. Be prepared to negotiate the terms.

There are significant pros and cons of a prenup agreement to think about. While nobody wants to go into a marriage thinking of divorce, it is very common. If you’re a practical person, you might see the positives of preparing for your financial future as necessary in case a divorce happens. However, the cons of a prenup are that they can make your partner feel as though you aren’t committed. Try to approach the conversation calmly and early on in your engagement. Give your partner time to think things through and negotiate. Hopefully, even if you do sign a prenup, you’ll never need to think about it again.

How-to: Bring Up Divorce with Your Spouse

If you’ve tried everything and your marriage just isn’t working, you might be considering divorce. This is an impossible decision to make, but sometimes it’s the right thing for a couple. If you’re trying to bring up divorce with your spouse, prepare ahead of time. Choose the right time and setting to have a calm discussion. Be firm with your wants and needs. And finally, don’t discuss details, but instead, make a plan to get professional help. Although the process of divorce is difficult, it might mean that you and your ex are happier in the long run.

How-to: Bring up Divorce with Your Spouse: Set the Right Tone

Prepare Ahead of Time

If you want to bring up a divorce with your spouse, prepare ahead of time. Research the process of divorce in your area so you know what to expect. In some places, you’ll need to separate for a while before the divorce. Figure out how long the divorce can take, and make a plan for what you’d like to get out of it. If you have children, consider how you want their lives to look post-divorce. Try and pinpoint where your partner stands in your relationship. Do they think things are going well and will be blindsided by the conversation? Or are you both on the same page? Try to mentally prepare for their reaction.

Choose the Right Time and Place

Never bring up divorce with your spouse in the middle of an argument. Instead, pick a time when you’ll both be uninterrupted. Arrange for children to be with somebody else so they won’t be a distraction. Avoid bringing up divorce in already overly stressful situations. For example, after the death of a family member or a layoff. Make sure that you have plenty of time set aside. Your conversation could take hours, so make sure you can devote the proper focus to it.

Be Calm and Firm

When you bring up a divorce with your spouse, try to stay calm. If you approach them in anger, they’ll be more likely to respond in a negative way. However, if you bring it up in a calm manner, you will probably get further. Be firm with what you want out of the divorce and why you’re asking for it. That way they’ll know that you’re serious and not just bringing it up because you’re temporarily hurt or angry.

Don’t Discuss Details

There will be a myriad of details to sort out after you bring up a divorce with your spouse. However, try not to discuss minor decisions at this time. Don’t discuss dividing up property or belongings. And try not to discuss custody arrangements. You should have a professional assisting you with these discussions. Instead, decide on how to proceed in general terms. Figure out when you’ll reach out to a divorce attorney. Also, figure out what you’d like your timeline to be.

There are so many things to consider when trying to bring up a divorce with your spouse. Try and set the stage for a positive discussion by preparing ahead of time. Make sure you choose the right time and place and stay calm and firm so they know you’re serious. Finally, wait to figure out the details until you have proper help from a professional. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you might wish a marriage could work out, sometimes it just isn’t right. But moving forward with divorce means that you’re one step closer to being happier.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is a silent epidemic. According to thehotline.org, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and knows no boundaries or borders. In fact, people of any background can be a victim or guilty of domestic violence. Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, manipulate, intimidate or control a partner. This can happen through many different ways including financial control, threats, physical violence and emotional abuse. While you may think it would be obvious, sometimes it is hard to realize or know if you’re in an abusive relationship. Learn the signs of domestic violence so that you can get help for yourself or a loved one.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship: Learn the Signs

Thoughts and Feelings

Consider how your relationship makes you think or feel to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. For example, if you feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around your partner, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Take a deep look at how you feel. Do you often feel afraid of your partner or avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? In addition, if your relationship makes you feel that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated, or wonder if you’re crazy, you may be in an abusive relationship. Feelings of being emotionally numb or helpless is not normal in a healthy relationship.

Your Partner’s Actions

Does your partner belittle you or blame you for his or her own abusive behavior? Paying attention to how your partner treats you or behaves is a good way to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. In fact, partners are supposed to be supportive and loving, not criticize you and put you down. Know that it is not normal if your partner is overly jealous or possessive, and controls everything you do. In the same way, it’s a warning sign if they control who you see, keeping you from family and friends.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help now. Know you are not alone. Thehotline.org is an excellent place to start. While it may not seem like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although it will take time, you will be able to heal from a bad relationship.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money

Money is a such an integral part of our lives. According to Dave Ramsey, “Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it’s consistently a leading cause of divorce. This is why working through your money issues in a healthy way is actually more valuable than the money itself.” As you can see, it is incredibly important to be able to have an open, honest, and constructive dialogue about finances with your partner. In order to help prevent both financial and marital issues, you need to learn how to communicate with your spouse about money.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money: Honest Conversations

Lay it Out

First, in order to better communicate with your spouse about money, you will need to discuss the role of money in your relationship. You will need to know how each of your views money, and whether you prioritize spending or saving. Have an honest conversation about each of your philosophies about using credit cards and how much debt you are both willing to live with. Be open about any debt you are currently carrying, as keeping that a secret could end up hurting you.

Also determine how much money you realistically need to live comfortably, and go over any expected expenses or financial gains in the near future. It’s good to know both your own answers, but also where your partner stands on thee questions. If you do disagree on any points, it is important to know the reasonings behind the discrepancies.

Create Goals and Discuss Financial Responsibility

You will also want to start to discuss short and long-term financial goals. What changes can you make to set yourself up for financial success in the coming months or years? What steps can you take to prepare for the long-term future? These are all important things to lay out when you begin to communicate with your spouse about money.

It is also good to decide who who will be in charge of finances and how big decisions will be made. For example, how will you make decisions about major purchases? Or, who will be in charge of paying the bills? Another pain point in marriages is how you manage your money individually and and as a couple. Decide if you will allow individual freedom for purchases. Also, will you have joint banking accounts, or separate ones? You may also decide on a mix of both joint and individual.

Be Proactive

It helps to have these conversations before you end up running into a problem. It is best if you are able to communicate with your spouse about money from the very beginning. However, if you have not yet had those conversations, it is never too late to start.

Keep in mind that you need to continuously revisit these financial conversations. Just because you discussed them at the start of your relationship doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have them again. If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, consider taking a fresh look at your finances. Do you have any large expenses coming up? What about setting yourself up for retirement one day? Address financial issues often and with respect and understanding. This will help you both make wise decisions about your finances as a couple.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated

Just because you cheated does not mean your marriage has to end. For many, this may be a complete deal breaker. However, some couples are able to weather the storm. Of course, there will be a lot of hurt and pain. Sure, there will likely be mistrust. Yes, it will take time – potentially an agonizingly long time. Fortunately though, there may be hope for reconciliation. If you are willing to put in the effort, there may be ways to heal your marriage after you cheated on your spouse.

How-to Heal Your Marriage After You Cheated- Getting Another Chance

Stop Bad Behaviors

First, to heal your marriage after you cheated, you need to stop cheating and lying all together. This may sound like a no-brainer, but you would be surprised how difficult it can be for some to end an affair. If you continue to cheat, your marriage will not be able to survive. You will have to make a commitment to be faithful to your spouse if you want any chance of repairing your marriage. Not only that, but you will also have to follow through on that commitment.

This also means you will have to stop lying. A strong marriage is based on the truth. Do not try and justify your unfaithful behavior. Being transparent will help to regain your spouses trust again. Hiding things from your partner will only make it more difficult to trust you again. Keep your promises and be dependable. These actions and traits could help to repair your relationship.

Remorse

Additionally, you will have to be truly remorseful for your actions in order to help heal your marriage after you cheated. Do not just simply dismiss what you have done. Your spouse will need to know that you are truly sorry for what you have done. On top of that, you will truly want to be sorry about what you have done. If you are not truly sorry, you may end up just repeating your actions again.

Time and Space

Do not be surprised or hurt if your partner needs time to work through all of this. Give them the time and the space that they need. You have got to understand that finding out that their partner was unfaithful to them can be a lot to process. Be patient and give them some time.

In order to heal your marriage, you will have to work through this together and even address your actions. You may want to consider seeing a councilor. For example, this will show that you are willing to put work into saving the marriage. These sessions will help you to discover any issues of problems in your personal life that could have led you to taking that next step. In line with Covid, you can also sign-up for a online marriage counseling programs 

While it will be a process to heal your marriage after you cheated, is can certainly be done. Stop repeating the same bad behaviors over and over again. Break the chain of adultery. If you are truly sorry, make sure your spouse knows that. Keep in kind, it may take your spouse a while to finally forgive you. Just be patient with them, and give them the space they need.

Homeschooling During Covid-19: The Challenge

Many parents are having to start homeschooling during Covid-19. Teaching kids from home is never easy. However, adding divorce and joint custody on top of that makes education that much more complicated.

Homeschooling During Covid-19: How to Navigate this Change

Joint Custody 

With the school year drawing closer, there is an uncertainty about whether schools will reopen next year. This opens up the possibility for another school year of homeschooling during Covid-19. This may become an issue for co-parents with joint custody. What guidelines should be followed when determining timeshare now that schools have been closed? Court orders address usual school breaks and holidays. However, this becomes less clear when schools are closed for months at a time. 

There may be a difference in the way each parent handles homeschooling. These differences may create issues between exes. It may also impact how the child is learning. Try and establish some form of structure between the schooling setup between the different households. 

Work from Home

On top of that, many parents are having to work from home, in addition to doing homeschooling during Covid-19. Parents who do have to work from home may find it difficult to juggle working and having their kids home all of the time. Plus, parents have to find more time to help kids with their schoolwork. This may cause tensions around the household. If one of the co-parents does not work and the other one does, this will directly affect one of the parents ability to do the homeschooling. 

Develop a Plan

Most parents are not used to having to assume this level of teaching responsibilities. Only a few months ago, no one could have predicted they would be homeschooling during Covid-19. Plus, quarantine throws in a whole other dimension. It is so important that parents give themselves grace during this period. This time period certainly does not come with an instruction manual. This may be a big life change and will take time to get it figured out. 

Everyone’s schedule is different, so every homeschooling plan will be different. It’s important to see what works best for that particular family. It’s okay if there is an adjustment period, but getting a routine in place will make the homeschooling process go smoother.

Quarantine Living: Making It Easier

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has caused many couples to remain indoors. However, if things were already tense beforehand, or if you were thinking about divorcing, then quarantine living can be pretty hard. As a result, you’ll want to find ways to make things easier…

Quarantine Living: Making It Easier

Keep some structure

One way to make quarantine living more manageable is by making some structure. The change to staying at home has probably thrown your old schedule all out of sorts. If you have kids, then they’re probably going to be at home with you too. Therefore, you may not be sure as to what exactly it is you should be doing.

That’s why it can be handy to create your own schedule and structure. Set a constant alarm, and go through your normal morning routine as usual. Then, set aside time for work, to eat, to exercise, etc. Doing something similar for the kids can help everyone avoid the feeling of going stir-crazy.

Have your own space

Having your own space is also handy for quarantine living. The last thing you want is for everyone to feel like they’re on top of each other. While you may all be stuck at home, you still need to have some privacy. To get that privacy, it’s helpful to set aside some space for yourself.

For instance, it might be useful for you and your partner to have you own separate “work” areas. You kids might also benefit from having their own space to do school work in. Everyone having their own little areas will help create that feeling of personal space.

Work on communication

Quarantine living is a great time for you and your partner to work on you communication skills. Issues with communication are some of the most common reasons as to why couples fight. With how much time you’ll be spending at home, you’re going to want to avoid big explosive fights as best as you can.

A great way to do this is by being able to properly communicate. When issues arise, be sure you and your partner talk to each other about it. Keep things calm, civil, and let the both of you present your sides or thoughts. This will help you come to agreements and avoid those big blowups.