fbpx

Category: post-divorce

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Keeping your motivation to work during your divorce can be a challenging task. One of the things which can make that so tough is workplace gossip. While it can be annoying, there are some ways to handle it so you can get back to work without these interruptions…

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Be open and honest

Workplace gossip tends to start when other coworkers think another one is hiding something. Often times, it may not even start out as malicious. Rather, it’s just your coworkers trying to figure out what’s going on. Therefore, one of the best ways to cut down on this gossip is by setting the record straight.

Of course, you don’t have to share every detail as to what has happened. Divorce is still a very personal matter, so it’s up to you as to how much info you give out. Also, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to let your boss know first before other coworkers. That way, they can help you keep a stable work-life balance and help address any rumors that have gotten out of hand.

Understand group dynamics

Most jobs have some kind of dynamic between coworkers. Whether it be working on projects together, sharing ideas, or just making some small talk, strong dynamics tends to lead to a strong business. However, workplace gossip can derail these dynamics, so it’s important to understand how they work.

Consider what your position is in the groups. Are you in a management or leadership position? If so, then your coworkers might just be concerned if your personal life will impact your work life. If you aren’t, then it may also be a good idea to let your manager know what’s going on, so they see it isn’t an issue. When coworkers can see that your divorce won’t impact your working ability, the gossip tends to die out fast.

Persistent rumors

Sadly, some people like to fuel workplace gossip for their own personal drama needs. These people will always try and draw up a story, usually for no real reason other than they’re bored or want to cause drama. When you encounter these people, it’s time to take things to HR. After all, everyone has a right to feel safe and accepted in the workplace.

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

After a divorce, most people are thinking about all the things that went wrong in their marriage. However, when they begin to reflect on themselves, they tend to be overly-critical and harsh. Healthy self-reflection will actually do more to help someone heal after their divorce, and help them to begin to take new steps forward…

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

Do some self-assessment

It’s important to really take a good look in the mirror after your divorce. Marriage and divorce involve two people, so both you and your former spouse have things to learn. However, healthy self-reflection means asking yourself the right questions.

Ask yourself “what mistakes did I make?” and “What did my spouse do to bother me, and vice versa?” Then, ask yourself what changes can be made in the future and how you want to make them. In order to begin making changes, you have to know where you’re starting at, and where you want to get to.

Consider the other side

Viewing things from the other side might seem like the opposite of healthy self-reflection. However, it’s actually a key aspect of it. Seeing things from your spouse’s point of view is important in understanding what fully happened in your marriage.

Take a moment to think about what might’ve made your spouse upset as well as what made you upset. This can help you see what might’ve caused you to both to start drifting towards divorce. Then, you can take that and not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships. 

Get an outside perspective

Sometimes, people can get stuck in their own thoughts when self-reflecting. This can lead to them doing more wallowing rather than growth. That’s why it can be useful to get an outside perspective. 

Therapy can be useful for learning new, more positive ways to think. You can learn how to process your emotions from the divorce and channel them into getting a better perspective on things. That way, you can keep that healthy self-reflection going throughout the future. 

It can be hard to start to see positives after your divorce. However, this is actually the best time to self-reflect and plan out your new life. Doing some healthy self-reflection can help you see the new positives in your new post-divorce life. 

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Divorce can be a very painful experience, and make you feel like you have to start over from scratch. However, you can take this feeling and turn it into something positive by re-inventing your new post-divorce life. One way to do this is through your post-divorce wardrobe. Now is the time to find a style to really call your own…

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Figure out your style

The first part of starting your post-divorce wardrobe is figuring out your style. When you’re married, and dealing with the average day-to-day routine, it can be hard to spend the time perfecting your style. However, now that your divorce is over, this is the perfect opportunity to find the clothes that really match you.

Try to figure out what kind of clothes, colors, or brands you like versus the ones you don’t. Then, think about how you’d like those clothes to go together, and soon you’ll find your own style. It may take some trial and error, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Make room for the new stuff

Once you know what your style is, it’s time to make some room for your post-divorce wardrobe. That means going through the clothes you have and deciding what matches your style, and what doesn’t. While you can keep the things you like or match your style, it’s time to get rid of the rest.

A good time to do this is if you plan on moving after your divorce. That way, not only will it make your move easier, but you can go into your new home or apartment with only what you need for your new life. As for your old clothes, you have a few options. You can trash them, try to sell them for a bit of extra cash, or you can donate them for others to wear.

Shop responsibly

Once you’ve got your style down and made space, it can be tempting to go all-out on your post-divorce wardrobe. However, it’s important to do your shopping responsibly. After all, the time after your divorce can be pretty rough on your wallet.

When you do go clothes shopping, keep a budget in mind and stick to it. You don’t want to go overboard and end up with some buyer’s regret. Also, keep an eye out for any sales or special discount events, and plan your shopping around that to get the best deals.

Online Safety Post-Divorce

When your divorce is over, it’s a good idea to take some extra steps to keep yourself safe. In particular, you should be careful about your online safety post-divorce. Making some key changes can help you feel confident and safe when you go online…

Online Safety Post-Divorce: Key Steps

Watch your Social Media

Social media is something pretty much everyone uses these days. However, it can be pretty unsafe if you aren’t careful. That’s why one good way to improve your online safety post-divorce is by being taking precautions with your profiles.

To start, it’s good to not post anything which could get you in trouble with your ex and any agreements you have. Also, be wary of who you accept as friends or followers. Some of them could be people trying to either scam you, or steal personal info and try to hack your accounts. Try to verify a person’s identity before you accept their requests.

Don’t post personal info

Another key part of online safety post-divorce is not posting important personal information. This includes things like birthdays, addresses, and phone numbers. The last thing you want is for the wrong kind of person to have that info, and use it to either harass you or try to steal your identity.

This is especially important if you want to try online dating. Not everyone who has a profile on these sites is who they say they are! Some of them might be trying to scam you out of money or personal info. Always be careful and avoid oversharing with strangers.

Set up extra security

It’s also a good idea to improve your digital security to boost your online safety post-divorce. Many websites now have two-factor authentication. That means in order to log-in, you need to enter both your password, and a code sent to your phone or email.

This is a great way to prevent would-be hackers from brute forcing their way into your profiles. Plus, you might also want to sign up for security alerts. These will let you know when it appears there’s been a breach in your security. That way, you can respond right away.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement

It can be unpleasant or uncomfortable to have difficult conversations. However, whenever you are going through a divorce, you will have to tell people news that can be tough to talk about. It is up to you to determine who you want to tell and how much information you want to share. No one goes into a marriage planning on having to talk about divorce, so it is not unusual to be unsure about how to make a divorce announcement.

How-to Make a Divorce Announcement: Telling People the News

Who to Tell

First, you will need to decide who to share your divorce announcement with. This will be different for each couple that is splitting up. Start with people who are closest to you. This could include your parents and siblings, but most importantly your children (if you have any). Your children may be the hardest people to tell, as they could be the most emotional about it. They will be concerned with what life will be like with divorced parents, and how their life will be changing. Depending on how old they are, they may fully understand what is going on.

Whether you tell the remaining people in your life is up to you. If you are a very private person, you may decide only tell a very small circle the news. On the other hand, you could want to tell everyone. Each person will have his or own comfort levels about who to share the news with.

How to Tell People

Next, you will need to figure out how to tell people. Those who want to tell everyone may choose to put their divorce announcement on social media. Be careful with this, as anything you say on social media could come back to haunt you. This means you should keep anything you say short and tactful. However, keep in mind it could even be used in court against you. Another way to tell a large group of people is by mass email. Again, this is a little impersonal, but a quick way to spread the word.

If you are wanting to tell a smaller number of people, or choose to have a more intimate conversation about such a personal event, you may want to tell people one-on-one. This could mean a phone call, or even a face-to-face meeting. While it can sometimes almost be more difficult to brake the news in person versus hiding behind a screen, it can also be more comforting at the same time. Your friend or family member will be able to talk you through everything and show you that they care. They will be there to laugh with you, cry with you, and embrace you if you need it.

There are many ways to share a divorce announcement. Every individual situation is different and unique. Therefore, you have to do what is right for you and what you.

The Do’s and Don’t of Visitation After Divorce

The transition from living in one house to two houses after a divorce can be very difficult for children. There are plenty of do’s and don’t of visitation after divorce to make this transition easier for your kids. You should try to be flexible on time and schedule with your ex-spouse. In addition, always be respectful when interacting with one another in front of your kids. Don’t try to win your children’s love by spoiling them. And don’t use your time with the children to bad mouth your ex. Your children need you to remain supportive and respectful to make this difficult period in their lives a little less stressful.

The Do’s and Don’t of Visitation After Divorce: Make the Transition Easier

Do: Be Flexible on Time

One important rule of visitation after divorce that can help smooth things out is to always remain flexible. If you and your ex are trading children back and forth between your houses, there will be times when you get off schedule. It’s inevitable that something will delay you at some point or another. If you set the precedence of being understanding with one another from the get-go, it can make any situation that comes up less combative.

Do: Be Respectful

When you and your spouse are interacting during visitation after divorce, always be respectful of one another. Whether or not you believe they or you are in the wrong, it’s important to put on a good face for your children. They will be watching how you interact with each other. Showing them that you can still be kind and respectful will teach them a valuable life lesson. In addition, parents yelling in front of children can induce anxiety. And surely the last thing you’d want for your children is to be scared when they are already having to adjust to so many changes.

Don’t: Spoil the Children

Visitation after divorce is a time to re-connect with your children. It should strengthen your relationship with them. Don’t try to buy their love by giving them tons of gifts. You’ll just wind up spoiling them. In the end, if you can use your time to connect with them and build trust, they’ll be closer to you in the long run. Children should look forward to spending time with you and not just getting presents.

Don’t: Bad Mouth Your Ex

One important rule for visitation after divorce is to remember never to bad mouth your ex. You and your partner might have a very contentious divorce. But your partner is still a parent to your kids. You don’t need to rope your children into the details of what went wrong in your relationship. In addition, don’t make your children feel guilty for spending time with their other parents. You should never try to disrupt the relationship between your ex and your children. Just like you wouldn’t want them disrupting yours.

Visitation after divorce can be complicated. It’s a large adjustment for children who are used to spending time with you both in one house. However, you can ease the transition by remembering to be respectful of your ex and never bad-mouthing them to your children. In addition, try to remain flexible about timing. And remember to make the most of your time together instead of just trying to buy their love with presents. They are going through a stressful time in their lives. They need to support and dedication of both parents working together. If you and your ex can put aside your differences and focus on what’s best for your children, you’ll be able to make visitation a very positive experience for them.

Divorce Recovery: Bounce Back

Divorce can be hard to deal with, even when you’ve finished everything. That’s why it’s important to focus on your divorce recovery. There’s a few steps you can take which’ll help you start to move on with your life again…

Divorce Recovery: Turn Things Around

Focus & reflect

It’s helpful to start your divorce recovery by taking some time to focus and reflect on what’s happened. It can be tempting to try and move forward and not think about the past. However, by doing that, you won’t process the baggage you’re carrying. This can come back to hurt you, especially in future relationships.

Rather, think about the issues you had in your marriage. What was causing you guys the most distress and arguments? By reflecting on these things, you can learn what to work on and avoid in the future. This will also let you set some good goals for self-improvement.

Keep busy

Keeping busy is also helpful for your divorce recovery. Having nothing to do will have you not just be bored, but also can cause you to dwell on negative memories. Thinking about all the things you used to do with your spouse can make you feel more sad and isolated.

Therefore, it’s good to keep yourself busy. One good way to do this is by finding a new hobby or activity. It’s especially handy to try and find something that has groups which you can join. Doing so is great for making new friends.

Practice forgiveness

It’s important to practice forgiveness as part of your divorce recovery. In specific, there’s two types of forgiveness to do. First, you should forgive yourself and not place all the blame on your shoulders. There are many reasons as to why things didn’t work out, but you aren’t the only one responsible.

It’s also good to try and forgive your ex too. After all, it’s not like they went into the marriage wanting a divorce. Both of you made mistakes, so it’s good to be able to forgive and move on. Holding on to regret will just pull you down and get in the way of your recovery.

Post-Divorce Healing: Helpful Methods

It can be a bit hard to start recovering from your divorce. However, a useful way to get this process started is by focusing on some post-divorce healing. These methods can help you to heal from your heartbreak and prepare for your post-divorce life…

 Post-Divorce Healing: Key Techniques

Accept the situation

It’s important to accept your situation in order to start your post-divorce healing process. Many people try to repress how they truly feel after their divorce. They may tell other that they’re fine, and even try to tell themselves that it isn’t all that big of a deal.

In reality, you might be hurting quite a lot, and that’s okay. You need to be able to accept that you don’t feel okay, and that the divorce has impacted you in this way. Once you’re able to accept that you don’t feel fine, you can really start working on feeling better again.

Take care of yourself

You’ll also want to take good care of yourself when doing post-divorce healing. When people feel depressed, they tend to stop taking care of themselves. For example, they may lay in bed all day, won’t practice good hygiene, and eat rather poorly. Some people may even turn to drug and alcohol to cope with their feelings.

Of course, not taking care of yourself will only cause you to feel even worse. This is why it’s so important for you to practice good, healthy habits. It might seem hard at first, but once you see how better you’ll feel, it’ll quickly become a part of your new routine.

Talk to others

One thing you don’t want to do is keep your emotions and feelings bottled up inside. While you may think this will help you get over your emotions, it’ll actually end up doing the opposite. What happens is these emotions stay below the surface and get stronger, until they eventually boil over in a way you won’t want them to.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to talk to others about how you feel. Talking out your feelings with friends and family is great for processing those emotions properly. Once you’re able to work through these negative ones, it becomes easier to focus on the positives instead.

Post-Divorce Credit Score: Build Yours

Divorce can not only be an emotionally tough time, but a financially tough one as well. As such, it’s important you get your finances back on track. A big part of that will be building up your post-divorce credit score. With how important credit scores are, it’s key that you do so properly…

Post-Divorce Credit Score: Prepare For The Future

Check your current score

Of course, before you can improve your post-divorce credit score, you’ll need to know what it is. This is best done by ordering a credit report. You can do this via one of the three major credit bureaus. With this report, you’ll be able to see both individual and joint debts that you have.

Individual debts are ones which are solely tied to you. However, joint debts are ones are ones where both you and your spouse are responsible. If either one of you fails to make a payment, then you both will be negatively affected.  Therefore, keep track of these accounts, and they’ll be important for your next step.

Reorganize your accounts

Now that you know what your debts are, it’s good to reorganize your accounts. First, you may want to consider opening new individual ones. By starting now, you can help your post-divorce credit score in the long run. Still, if that isn’t something you want to do, then paying down any existing ones will also help.

Next, take steps to close any old joint accounts you have. Get in touch with your lenders and ask them to transfer these accounts to individual ones based on your divorce agreement and have them closed. You should also remove you and your ex’s name from any accounts which have you as authorized users. Taking these steps will help make this debt more manageable for the both of you.

Pay your bills

In the commotion of divorce, it’s easy for bill payments to fall by the wayside. However, missing these payments can be pretty bad for your post-divorce credit score. Therefore, you want to make sure you pay them on time as best as you can.

A good way to do this is by setting up automatic payments. That way, you won’t have to worry about accidentally forgetting to make a payment. Slowly but surely, your score will rise as you continue to make on-time payments.  

Introducing A New Partner to Children: Divorce

Introducing a new partner to children after divorce can be tricky sometimes. Children often have a lot of conflicting emotions about divorce. If you and your ex are sharing custody, your kids are likely going back and forth between your houses and care about both of you. Getting used to the idea that you are with a new person can take some time. Make sure that you aren’t jumping the gun, and that your relationship is very solid before adding kids to the equation. Additionally, make sure that your children are healing from the divorce and are ready to meet somebody new. It’s a good idea to be respectful to your ex and let them know ahead of time. And finally, start slow and be patient. Hopefully, your children will adjust and accept a new partner, but it can be a slow process.

Introducing a New Partner to Children: Divorce and Making the Transition

Wait Until the Relationship is Solid

It’s very important to make sure that your relationship is rock solid before introducing a new partner to children after divorce. Don’t take this issue lightly because it can be quite an emotional upheaval for children. Make sure that you see a future with any new partners before bringing your children into the mix. And make sure that that partner understands that your children will be a big part of your futures together. Younger children especially can easily get attached to new people, so you don’t want them to suffer if you end up breaking up later.

Wait Until Your Children are Ready

Introducing a new partner to children after divorce also means waiting for them to be ready. Divorce is hard on children, and they probably have a lot of confusing feelings about you and your ex. It can be hard for kids to accept that you and your ex won’t be getting back together at some point in the future. Introducing them to a new partner might bring up some big emotions for them. Make sure that they are getting the proper support and are healing from the divorce before trying to throw a new partner into the equation.

Talk to Your Ex

It’s also a good idea to speak with your ex before introducing a new partner to children after divorce. Whether or not you are on good terms, it’s the respectful thing to do. You would probably want to know if your ex was bringing their own girlfriend or boyfriend around your kids too. You and your ex both owe each other transparency when it comes to who your kids interact with.

Start Slow

Finally, when introducing a new partner to children after divorce, take things slow. Start by having them meet in a neutral, non-threatening location. For example, maybe a playground meetup or an ice-cream date. Use age-appropriate language when explaining who your new partner is, but don’t lie. Let them know ahead of time that they’ll be meeting somebody new, and be careful not to show too much affection in front of them. Keep things light and short at first, and check in frequently about how your children are feeling about things.

Introducing a new partner to children after divorce is a big step towards starting a new future. However, it can sometimes be a bumpy road. While you might be healing and ready to move on from your divorce, your children might not be quite as ready. Give them space to experience their emotions, and be receptive if they have concerns. Wait until they are over the initial transition period after divorce and are adjusting to their new normal. Also make sure that you feel confident there’s a future with your partner before disrupting things with your kids. Be respectful and let your ex know ahead of time, and take things slow with your children. They might be receptive to meeting somebody new, or you might need to back off and wait a little longer. Hopefully, you can all get to a place