Author: Robert Reeves

Co-Parenting Goals: Find Success

It can be a bit difficult to start co-parenting. To help you and your ex going in the right direction, it can be a good idea to set some co-parenting goals. These goals can help ensure your efforts result in success…

Co-Parenting Goals

Help the kids feel secure

Divorce usually causes your kids to feel a lot of uncertainty about the future. While you yourself might have a lot of questions about what’s next, your kids also will feel the same. Mainly, they might be worried about where they’ll live, or if the divorce itself was somehow their fault.

Therefore, it helps to set making the kids feel secure as one of your co-parenting goals. Having a good, consistent schedule can help them adjust to this new “normal” and feel more relaxed. Spending plenty of time with them also helps reinforce to them that you or your ex aren’t going anywhere.

Create a budget

Divorce also brings changes to one’s budget. As a co-parent, you’ll not only need to plan a budget for yourself, but also one for your kids with your co-parent. Usually, this budget involves things like major expenses, such as tuition or medical bills. That’s why this shared budget is another of the co-parenting goals to work towards.

One useful way to do this is by first meeting with your ex and going over your individual budgets. Then, you can look at what major kid-related costs you might have. By doing so, you can work on adjusting your budgets to meet your kids’ needs.

Better communication

Not all ex-couples will want to talk all the time after divorcing. Still, co-parenting will require some kind of communication between the two of you. After all, you’ll have to coordinate things like dropping or picking up the kids. Due to this, improving communication is one of the most common co-parenting goals.

A good way to do this is by keeping your conversations positive. Focus on the good things, like if the kids got good grades on a test, over negative topics. It’s also good to help keep them in the loop about any changes to your schedule which could impact your usual co-parenting plans.

Parental Conflict: Spare The Kids

Emotions usually tend to run a bit high during a divorce. However, if you have kids, you won’t want to fight with their other parent in front of them. Rather, it’s important to spare them from as much parental conflict as possible. There’s a few ways you can shield them from those heated disagreements…

Parental Conflict: Protect Your Children

Don’t fight in front of them

For starters, it’s important you keep any parental conflict away from the kids. You don’t want to have a major argument with them there. Doing so will not only scare them, but it’ll leave a lasting impression. This will make it harder for them to adjust to the divorce and process it in a healthy way.

If you come to a disagreement, you should do your best to avoid escalating things into an argument. Keep your calm and don’t engage in any name calling or yelling. Still, if you’re worried about things potentially getting heated, you should ensure your conversations take place in private somewhere away from the kids.

Don’t vent to the kids

Even if you don’t argue in front of the kids, you can accidentally get them involved in parental conflict. In particular, this could happen if you vent to them about the divorce and their other parent. Some parents might think it’s okay to do so, especially if their kids are older and say they want to help.

The reality is venting to them will put them in an awkward position. Suddenly, they’ll feel like they need to take sides, which could cause their relationship with their other parent to suffer. Instead, you should only talk about the divorce and any issue you have with your support network.

Follow the co-parenting plan

You should also make sure that any parental conflict doesn’t get in the way of your co-parenting plan. After a fight with your soon-to-be-ex, you might want to “get back” at them. One way you may do this is either by not dropping off the kids when you’re supposed too, or otherwise not following the original plan.

What this does is basically put your kids in the middle of the divorce. Now, they’re going to feel like they did something wrong, and that’s why things have gone the way they have. Doing this will also negatively impact any co-parenting plans going forward, and could even hurt your divorce goals.

Initial Months Post-Divorce: Making Changes

Those initial months post-divorce can be some of the hardest to adjust to. Going from being married to being single again isn’t always an easy task. However, there are some things you can do to make the process easier on yourself…

Initial Months Post-Divorce: How To Adapt

Stay occupied

You’ll probably notice that you have a lot of free time during those initial months post-divorce. For some, this can be a negative, as they spend this time thinking negatively about what’s happened. Rather than do other things, they’ll end up stuck in a rut feeling pretty low. One helpful way to avoid this is by keeping yourself busy.

Staying busy will help keep your mind off of the divorce. While it’s good to have days where you take some time and reflect, you don’t want everyday to be like there. Therefore, try to look for some new hobbies or activities which can keep you occupied. Plus, you’ll find that having something fun to do will encourage more positive thinking.

Have good support

It’s also good to not try and push through those initial months post-divorce on your own. After all, you probably had some help making it through your divorce. Therefore, don’t forget to keep that support going even after it’s over. Having that extra help can really help you feel better and more optimistic for the future.

Your friends and family will be an excellent source of support. They know who you are, and you know that you can trust them to look out for you. Still, if you’d like some specialized support, try meeting with a counselor or a divorce support group as well.

 Take things slowly

In the initial months post-divorce, you’ll probably have plenty of people offering their advice as to what you should do. While they may have good intentions, they won’t fully understand how you feel. As a result, you should take things slowly and do what’s best for you.

For instance, maybe some people will ask if you’ve thought about dating again. Of course, that’s not something they need to worry about. Rather, that’s something you should only do when you feel comfortable. Having that kind of mindset can help you avoid feeling “pressured” by what other people say.

Pre-Divorce Questions: Making Considerations

When you realize you’re unhappy in your marriage, divorce is probably going to cross your mind. Still, you don’t want to rush into a divorce right away. Rather, it helps to ask yourself some pre-divorce questions. These can help you see what kind of decisions you should make…

Pre-Divorce Questions: Things To Ask

“What’s bothering me?”

Perhaps the first of the pre-divorce questions to ask yourself is why exactly you’re unhappy with your marriage. For instance, is there one specific thing which is causing you to get upset? Or, are there a lot of problems which have led your marriage to deteriorate?

Once you know what’s bothering you, try to think about how you’ve addressed them with your spouse. If you haven’t, then it may be good to see if you can work on them and possibly turn things around. However, if you’ve tried and failed to fix things, then a divorce may make more sense.

“How will I break the news?”

When you’ve decided on a divorce, you’ll then need to consider how you’ll tell your partner. Breaking the news the right way is very important, especially if you want to try and make your divorce go smoothly. Telling them out of nowhere or at the wrong time can make them react much more emotionally to your plans. That’s why you should also ask pre-divorce questions regarding how you’ll tell them.

Rather, it’s ideal to tell them someplace private and when they aren’t busy. Make sure you keep your calm and don’t start accusing them or laying blame. While it’s not a guarantee that they’ll react calmly themselves, it’s much more likely to happen then if you were to tell them some other way.

“What are my future plans?”

Understandably, most of your pre-divorce questions will be about the divorce itself. Still, don’t forget to think about the future. You’ll have a whole post-divorce life that you’ll want to make sure you’re prepared for.

Consider what may change after your divorce is finished. Will you need to find a new job or house? What about your kids, if you have any? Take some time to really plan out what you’d like to do and it’ll be a lot easier to enjoy the new opportunities that come with a post-divorce life.

Vacations with Split Custody

Vacations with split custody can be an awkward situation to manage. You and your ex both share custody of the children, and you each probably want to take them on vacations. However, it’s easy to feel more nervous when your children are traveling without you. Therefore, it’s best to work together with your ex so that you can each make vacationing smoother. Give plenty of warning about your travel plans: don’t just bring them up last minute. Discuss the details of your trip with your ex so that they feel more comfortable. Keep in touch while you are traveling to ease nerves. And finally, remember to set aside your bitterness with one another to prioritize your children. Hopefully, by doing these things, you and your ex will each be able to enjoy fulfilling vacations with your children and make amazing memories.

Vacations with Split Custody: How to Make Things Smoother

Give Plenty of Warning

Vacations with split custody are easier to handle when you have plenty of time to prepare for them mentally. Therefore, you and your ex should discuss any future travel plans well in advance. Even if your vacation doesn’t impact their schedule, you should still keep them informed. After all, you’d want to know if they were taking your kids out of town.

Discuss Details with Your Ex

When going on vacations with split custody, it’s helpful to discuss the details with your ex. Parents often worry when they feel out of control of their children. Therefore, giving them a detailed schedule of your plans while traveling can help put minds at ease. In addition, if you’re taking the kids to do something like a beach vacation, make sure you both discuss water safety and expectations beforehand.

Keep in Touch While Traveling

Keep in touch while traveling to make vacations with split custody more smooth. Let your children call and check in with their parents as much as they want during the time they’re away. This will put everybody’s minds at ease. If you have questions concerning how to handle things like pool safety or curfews, make sure that you double-check and get on the same page together.

Put the Kids First

Finally, prioritizing your kids first is the most important thing for making vacations with split custody more enjoyable. They are the ones who you should be focusing on. You and your ex might have a lot of built-up resentment towards one another. There could be a lot of pain and bitterness. However, denying your children opportunities for vacations won’t change your past. Try to set aside your feelings and do what is best for your kids, even if it means swallowing your pride.

Vacations with split custody can often become an unexpected battlefield in the post-divorce world. You might not realize how anxiety-inducing it can be to know your children are traveling without you there. However, you will quickly get used to the idea and be more comfortable with it. It can help to discuss it with your ex in a productive way. Give them plenty of notice about vacations so that you can both prepare. Discuss the details and itinerary of your vacation together and make sure you’re on the same page with safety precautions. Check-in with your ex or your children while they travel to put your mind at ease. And finally, try to remember that your kids and their fun is the priority over any feelings of bitterness. Hopefully, by focusing on them instead of your divorce, you’ll be able to enjoy your vacation to the fullest extent.

Divorce Do’s and Don’ts

There is plenty of divorce do’s and don’ts to help make the process a little smoother for you. Divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through in life. There are tons of things to watch out for, hidden landmines, and unexpected emotions. However, you can make it a little easier by sticking to these big do’s and don’ts. Do prepare early for your divorce and keep yourself organized. You should also make sure to hire an attorney early in the process who will represent your interests. Don’t trash talk your ex, especially on social media. And don’t forget self-care. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the stress, so make sure to set aside time to take care of yourself, too. Hopefully, your divorce will be a smooth transition and you and your ex can start the next chapter of your lives.

Divorce Do’s and Don’ts: How to Have a Healthy Breakup

Do: Prepare Early

One of the most important divorce do’s and don’ts is to make sure that you do prepare early. You want to get organized before you even begin the legal process. Gather financial documents and bank statements, and get together all the paperwork you might need to show your attorney. In addition, begin gathering a list of your personal property, your insurance policy information, and any legal wills or powers of attorney. The sooner you can gather all of these things the quicker the process will be.

Do: Get a Lawyer

Another of the divorce do’s and don’ts is to make sure that you do get an attorney. And get one early in the process. An attorney will represent your interests in your divorce case and will fight on your behalf to get the best settlement for you. They can instruct you on each step of the process and help you organize. When deciding which attorney to hire, find out if they have represented people in similar situations to yours. In addition, make sure that they have plenty of experience, proper credentials, and a professional manner. They aren’t there to be your friend or therapist: they’re there to fight hard for your interests.

Don’t: Trash Talk Your Ex

One of the most important divorce do’s and don’ts is don’t ever trash talk your ex. Especially on social media. You might have a lot of negative feelings towards your ex and you might want to let the world know. However, it can hurt your settlement if you are trashing them on social media or around town. In addition, if you are involved in a custody battle, trash-talking can not only hurt your kids but also your case. A judge is looking to see if you are willing to co-parent well, and trash-talking doesn’t show a commitment to a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Don’t: Forget Self-Care

Finally, one of the divorce do’s and don’ts that often get overlooked is don’t forget about self-care. Divorce is completely overwhelming. It’s easy to let stress and anxiety take over. In addition, you’re likely feeling hurt, guilt, excitement, nervousness, bitterness, confusion, and any other number of feelings. But don’t forget to take care of yourself. Take time each day to do something that makes you feel happy. This could be as simple as taking a moment to listen to a soothing song. Or a bubble bath, journaling for a few minutes, or a phone call with a friend. Just make sure that you prioritize your mental health. Speak with a therapist if you are feeling overwhelmed, as they can give you lots of advice on stress relief.

The divorce do’s and don’ts list could go on for pages and pages. However, these are big ones that can help make the process much smoother. Do make sure to organize early and hire an attorney as soon as you begin the process. They’ll be able to guide you every step of the way and get you the best settlement process. Don’t trash-talk your ex on social media as it can end up hurting your settlement or your custody battle. And don’t forget to take a little time for self-care. Divorce can easily feel overwhelming, so take a moment to check in with yourself periodically and take care of your mental health. Divorce can be stressful and sad, but hopefully, you can get the settlement you want. And hopefully, you can move on from this painful chapter of your life and begin the next one.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce

Letting people know you are getting a divorce can be a stressor you weren’t even expecting. The divorce process is incredibly stressful. But telling people about it can also be a painful experience for many. Go about it in the best way possible to protect yourself and also make your divorce easier. When you first begin talking about divorce, you’ll likely need to talk things over with somebody. But keep it to just close friends and family. Let your boss know that you might be missing some work. After things are final, it’s okay to start letting everybody else know. However, when you go about this, make sure that you are keeping things friendly and civil. Being respectful to your ex will serve you better in the end and will likely help you have a less stressful experience.

Letting People Know You are Getting a Divorce: How to Even Start

Keep It to Close Friends or Family First

When you first begin letting people know you are getting a divorce, keep it close. Divorce should be a private matter until it is final and done. However, your close family deserves to know because your ex is a part of their family now too. Let your parents or siblings know about the divorce. If you need a confidant to talk to, choose a friend who will keep your private life private. You don’t want them spilling your beans to everybody you know!

Let Your Boss Know

When letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s also a good idea to let your work know. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for divorce proceedings. The court is only open during regular office hours, so if you go to court, you’ll likely miss some work. You might want to keep your HR representative informed as well.

After Things are Final

Letting people know you are getting a divorce starts when your divorce is final. That’s when it’s okay to start spreading the news. Some couples choose to announce on social media, while others just use word of mouth. You can also send out a mailing letting people know the news. Likely, once you begin telling people, the word will spread through your friends and family.

Keep Things Friendly

Finally, when letting people know you are getting a divorce, it’s important to go about it the best way possible. This means not trash-talking your ex. Sure, you might have a friend that you need to vent to now and then. But airing out your dirty laundry on social media or too many people is not a good idea. It makes you look petty and can make people very uncomfortable. In addition, if you are co-parenting with your ex it can be very damaging to your children. Keep the details to yourself, and keep things civil.

Letting people know you are getting a divorce is a whole part of the process that you might not have even realized can be stressful. However, it’s important to make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t hurt your divorce settlement or affect your future co-parenting relationship with your ex. When you begin the process, let only a few people know. Likely this will just be your close family and maybe a friend or two. Let your work know as well. Once your divorce is final, it’s okay to begin spreading the news at large. However, make sure that you keep things civil and avoid trash-talking your ex. The whole world doesn’t need to know your private life. Hopefully, you and your ex will be able to keep things somewhat friendly and keep the divorce process as stress-free as possible.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse

Dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship can be a difficult journey, however, you must get the help you need. If your partner is abusive physically or emotionally, you need to try to get help. Otherwise, you will stay unhappy forever. Find somebody you trust and ask for their help. Focus on yourself and find things that give you confidence. Avoid engaging with your abuser and set boundaries with them. And while doing all of this, try to work out an exit plan for leaving the relationship. Abusers rarely stop their abuse, and sometimes it can escalate into more dangerous situations. Get the help you need to get out of the relationship so that you can find somebody who will respect you more.

Dealing with Emotional Abuse: How to Feel Better

Get Support from Somebody You Trust

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s helpful to find a support person that you trust. Go to a close friend or family member and tell them what has been going on. Hopefully, they can help you find a source of help. They might be able to help you work out a way of getting out of the relationship safely. You can also speak to a therapist if you are uncomfortable sharing with a friend.

Focus on Yourself

Another important thing to take time to do when dealing with emotional abuse is to focus on yourself. Emotional abusers generally like to make their victims feel shame and embarrassment. Find something that gives you confidence and makes you feel happy. Maybe there’s a new hobby that you’ve been wanting to try out or an old one that you’d like to pick back up.

Avoid Engaging

Avoid engaging with your abuser when dealing with emotional abuse. If they begin starting an argument, set clear boundaries. For example, you can tell them that if they begin insulting you that you are walking away. Then follow through after. If they start insulting, leave and walk away. Try not to engage with the abuse as much as possible.

Work Out an Exit Plan

Finally, one last thing to consider when dealing with emotional abuse is working out an exit plan. An abusive relationship is not a healthy relationship. You deserve to be with somebody who respects you and cherishes you. In addition, emotional abuse can sometimes escalate into physical abuse. Try to find a safe way to leave the relationship without getting yourself hurt. Enlist the help of a friend or the national abuse hotline for assistance.

When dealing with emotional abuse, it’s important to find a way to keep yourself happy and confident. Your abuser might try their hardest to bring you down, but it’s important to find things that give you happiness. Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to help you. Find a hobby or distraction to focus on that makes you feel confident. Avoid engaging with your abuser whenever possible. And finally, try to work out a safe way to exit the relationship. You deserve to be with somebody that respects you and that you can trust. Hopefully, you’ll be able to safely leave your abuser and move on to a much more healthy relationship in the future.

Four Relationship Red Flags to Watch Out For

There are many relationship red flags to look out for when you start dating somebody. However, there are a few that are classic signs of emotional abuse. One of these is a lack of trust. If your partner needs to keep tabs on you all the time it can also be a warning sign. Another red flag is if they don’t have any other interests besides the relationship. And finally, if they are trying to put pressure on you to move faster than you feel comfortable, it’s a warning sign. If you notice any of these behaviors in your relationship, it might be time to examine them to see if it’s healthy.

Four Relationship Red Flags to Watch Out For (And Run From)

Lack of Trust

One of the main relationship red flags to look out for is a lack of trust. If your partner is always needing the details of where you’re going and who you are with, it shows a deep lack of trust. This is often a sign that they are insecure in the relationship. If they accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful when there is no reason, it also shows a lack of trust.

Controlling

One of the relationship red flags that are a clear indicator of emotional abuse is if your partner is controlling. This can present in many ways. Some partners want to keep tabs on where you go anytime you leave the house. Some go as far as installing trackers or going through your phone. Others use finances as a way to control and abuse their partners. If your partner is overly-controlling, it’s best to walk away before things escalate.

Lack of Interests

Another of the relationship red flags to be on the lookout for is if your partner doesn’t have interests outside of the relationship. For example, if they want to spend all of their time with you. Or if they don’t have a group of friends to hang out with outside of your relationship. While it’s fine to want to spend a lot of time with your partner it’s still important to maintain friendships and interests outside of the relationship.

Pressuring You

Finally, one final example of relationship red flags to look out for is if your partner is pressuring you. No caring partner should pressure you to move faster than you feel comfortable. If they are trying to put pressure on you to get intimate too quickly, have a frank conversation with them. Both partners must respect each others’ boundaries.

There are many relationship red flags to look for, but it’s especially important to look out for ones that can indicate early signs of emotional abuse. For example, if they don’t trust you and if you’ve never given them a reason to be mistrustful, it’s a warning sign. Similarly, if they keep tabs on you or try to control you, it can quickly get out of hand. In a healthy relationship, both partners should have interests and friendships outside of their dating lives. And finally, a loving and respectful partner will not pressure you to move faster than you feel comfortable. If you notice any of these red flags, it’s important to examine your relationship. Make sure that you are committing to somebody that respects you!

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship

Outsider clues to abuse in a relationship can be very helpful if you suspect somebody you know is a victim of domestic abuse. Often people in this situation are embarrassed or ashamed and don’t want to come forward. Or they might be worried about what effect it will have on their partner. If you are concerned about a friend, look for sudden behavior changes. Sometimes this also shows up in clothing style changes as well. If you feel uncomfortable around their partner, it’s probably your gut telling you something is wrong. And finally, if they start drinking or using drugs, it’s a warning sign that they are hurting. Hopefully, you can help them get the help they need.

Outsider Clues to Abuse in a Relationship: Is Somebody You Know in Need of Help?

Behavior Changes

One of the outside clues to abuse that might have led you to even start researching this is sudden behavior changes. If your previously-happy friend is suddenly acting depressed, it might be a sign that something is wrong in their relationship. If this is true, they might get overly defensive. Or they might have trouble finding their words or seem reluctant to talk about their dating life. Another clue is if they seem to have little time for you, are acting rushed, or cancel frequently. This might be a sign that their partner is overly controlling.

Style Changes

Another of the outsider clues to abuse in a relationship is a sudden style change. Of course, plenty of people change their clothing style often. However, if your friend is suddenly wearing clothes that seem very out of character, it might be a warning sign. Often overly controlling partners want their victims to dress very conservatively so that they’re covered up. And of course, if they are being physically abused, they might wear clothing to cover up injuries.

If You Are Uncomfortable Around Their Partner

If you feel uncomfortable around your friend’s new partner, it might be your gut telling you something. Trust your instincts if things feel off. Some outsider clues to abuse might be if your friend looks to their partner before answering or talking. Or if they seem to be uncomfortable around them or “pretending” too hard that all is well. You might also notice if their behaviors and mannerisms change when they’re in the presence of their partner.

Drinking or Substance Abuse

Finally, one of the outsider clues to abuse to watch for is if your friend starts abusing alcohol or drugs. If you can’t find any source of their unhappiness, but they’re suddenly drinking more heavily, it’s probably a clue that something is wrong. Often it is an issue with the relationship. Let them know that you will be there to support them if they’d like your help in quitting.

If you suspect that a friend might be in an abusive relationship, outsider clues to abuse can help you figure it out. If your friend changes their behavior all of a sudden or starts dressing differently, it might be a warning sign. Another red flag is if you get a bad feeling about your partner or notice that they act strangely around them. And finally, if they suddenly start drinking or using drugs. If you notice any of these signs in your friend, it might be worth it to set aside time to talk to them privately about their relationship. Know that victims sometimes are too afraid to come forward, so they may not tell you everything that’s going on. But it’s helpful to reassure them all the same that you can help. Hopefully, they’ll remember your offer and be brave enough to accept your help later.