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Author: Robert Reeves

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce

Trash-talking after divorce is never a good idea, no matter how contentious your break-up is. Although it can feel like a good release of pent-up emotions in the short term, it can harm your divorce settlement. Your friends and family might be the best options to vent to, but your emotions can fluctuate a lot. And they often don’t forget the things you’ve said. It can also hurt your divorce settlement if your ex finds out about the trash-talking. It’s very painful for children to hear one parent bashing another. And it can affect your custody arrangement as well. All in all, there is no benefit to trash-talking your ex. You might have hurt feelings or anger towards them, but it’s best to confront these emotions with a therapist or close friend, not the world-at-large.

The Dangers of Trash-Talking After Divorce: It’s Never a Good Idea

Your Friends Won’t Forget

One reason why trash-talking after divorce is dangerous is that your emotions can fluctuate a lot. Divorce is incredibly stressful. There might be times when you’re feeling very angry at your ex. And others when you’re missing the good times. If you constantly trash-talk your ex with your friends and family, they’re unlikely to be sympathetic when you’re feeling nostalgic about your relationship. They’ll only remember the negative things you’ve said in the past.

It Can Hurt Your Settlement

Another reason why trash-talking after divorce is not a good idea is that it can harm your settlement. If your ex finds out that you are bad-mouthing them, it can make the divorce even more contentious. They might get even more aggressive, and you’ll end up in a worse situation with your settlement. The more you can both get along, the better. Be especially careful about posts on social media, as those are easy to track down and you never know who might see them and send them to your ex.

It’s Painful for Children

Another negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is that it can be very painful for your children. They don’t need to hear all the details of your breakup. Your ex might not be the best partner in a marriage, but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t a loving parent. Speaking ill about the in front of children makes kids feel ashamed and guilty for loving their parent. It can hurt their self-esteem and cause resentment later. It’s best to keep things as civil as possible with your ex for the sake of your children.

It Can Affect Custody

One thing that people often don’t realize is a negative effect of trash-talking after divorce is a possible impact on your custody arrangement. Part of what a judge looks at when determining custody is seeing if you and your partner can be successful co-parents. If you are trash-talking your ex, it doesn’t show the judge that you are interested in keeping a civil relationship. A judge needs to know that you and your ex can put your differences aside to parent your children as well as possible.

Trash-talking after divorce can lead to a lot of serious consequences. Not to mention a lot of hurt feelings. While it might feel good to let off steam, if you blast your ex to your entire family or social media, it can come back to haunt you. Your friends and family are less likely to feel sympathetic when you need some support when you miss your ex. You also might antagonize your ex and make your settlement even more contentious. Your children can end up very hurt as well if you are trash-talking their other parent. And it can prove to a judge that you aren’t a good candidate for co-parenting as well. All in all, trash-talking is just never a good idea. If you feel like you need to speak to somebody about your divorce and your feelings, find a qualified divorce therapist.

How-to Improve Your Post-Divorce Sleep

After your divorce, you may notice than many aspects of your health take a hit. Post-divorce sleep is one of the areas which a lot of people struggle with. Therefore, it’s helpful to know how you can get the rest your body needs…

How-to Improve Your Post-Divorce Sleep: What to Try

Have a consistent schedule

Most people know that it’s good to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. However, that’s only one part of getting good post-divorce sleep. It’s important to also get this sleep on a consistent schedule. When you have a consistent schedule, your body will more easily fall asleep and wake up on time.

If you don’t have a schedule, you’ll find it’s much harder to sleep. Falling asleep too early could cause you to wake up too early. At the same time, falling asleep later can make you wake up later. Trying to jump around in your schedule will just lead to an erratic sleep pattern.

Limit light exposure

Limiting your light exposure is also important for improving your post-divorce sleep. Ideally, you’ll want to sleep in a room with little to no light. This will help your body shift into its “sleep mode” faster. It’ll also allow for you to sleep without worrying about light flashes waking you up.

Don’t forget that this doesn’t just apply to things like the sun or your room’s lights. Your TV, computer, and smartphone are also included in this. Too much exposure to the blue light from our phones in particular can prevent us from falling asleep when we should.

Watch your diet

Some changes to your diet can help improve your post-divorce sleep. For example, you won’t want to consume any nicotine or caffeine before you go to sleep. These stimulants will work to keep you up instead, making it much harder to both fall and stay asleep.

You should also avoid drinking too much water and any alcohol. Having too much water can cause you to get up for frequent bathroom breaks. Alcohol can seemingly be something which makes people tired. In reality, it tends to disrupt our sleeping patterns and make people wake up throughout the night.

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment

Following your divorce, you may need to start getting ready to move. Finding a new home can be both difficult and expensive. As a result, many people opt for a post-divorce apartment instead. If you’re in the market for an apartment, there’s a few things to consider while you’re searching…

How-to Find a Post-Divorce Apartment: Key Factors

Budget accordingly

One of the most important things to remember when looking for a post-divorce apartment is your budget. Your divorce may have left a bit of an impact on your finances. You may also need to completely redo your past budget. Therefore, you need to make sure your new apartment won’t break the bank.

Remember that there’s more to your apartment’s expenses than just rent. You’ll also have to consider costs like groceries and utilities as well. When you’re looking at an apartment, be sure to ask what is or isn’t included, and what other extra costs they may have.

Proximity to others

You should also consider how close your apartment is to others important to you. After your divorce, your friends and family are going to still be an important source of divorce. That’s why it may be good to find a place close-by to them. This makes it easy for them to come over and for you to spend time with them.

If you’re a parent, then you’ll especially want to give some consideration to your kids. It may be important to find a place which isn’t too far from your other co-parent to make things easier. You may also want to think about if your apartment will have enough space for your kids should they stay over there.

Future goals

Something you don’t want to forget to consider when looking for a post-divorce apartment is what your future plans are. For instance, consider what kind of job you want to work down the line. Will your apartment be close by to those opportunities? If not, then you may want to view this as just a temporary steppingstone.

Of course, you should also think about if you want to buy a new home. Some people like to stay in their apartment for a few years before settling down in a house again. Still, if you want to move into a new home sooner than that, you probably won’t want a super-long lease.

COVID-Safe Activities for Young Children

With the Delta variant on the rise, you might be searching for COVID-safe activities for young children. It can be hard to know what is safe and what is a risk, especially with young children in tow. There is still so much unknown about the virus, especially when it comes to young kids. If you are trying to limit your potential exposure, outdoor activities or places where you can socially distance are key. For example, try picking up some food and taking it to a pretty outdoor spot. You can also try the airport overlook and watch planes take off. There are plenty of ways to have outdoor fun, even in the heat. And finally, if you can consider taking a trip or trying out camping with your children. Depending on their ages, there are still plenty of ways to entertain your children without risking exposure.

COVID-Safe Activities for Young Children: Stay Safe and Sane

Picnic

One of the easiest COVID-safe activities for young children is a picnic outside. Try picking up food from a favorite restaurant or ordering curbside takeout. Or you can just try making a special lunch. Then find a pretty place and set out a picnic blanket and sit together and eat. If the weather is nasty you can always do an indoor picnic. Just set up a blanket on the floor and put on a movie. Kids love it when parents switch up the routine, especially if food or movies are involved.

Airport Overlook

Airport overlooks and watching construction sites are other COVID-safe activities for young children. If your kids are interested in trucks or planes, these are great go-to activities. Most airports have a specific overlook where cars can park and watch planes take off and land. You can bring along a picnic, or even just stay in your car and watch. If your children enjoy construction trucks, try to find a site where you can park a safe distance away and watch the trucks working.

Outdoor Fun

There are plenty of COVID-safe activities for young children outdoors. Set up an obstacle course in your backyard with hula hoops or easy activities for them to complete. Or try out a water table with toddlers. If the weather is hot, set up your sprinklers and let the kids run through them, or let them play in a baby pool.

Camping

Finally, if it’s financially possible and feasible time-wise, traveling is one of the most fun COVID-safe activities for young children. You could rent an Air B&B someplace new and try some hikes or outdoor exploring. Many children really love camping as well. Roast s’mores and let them play in creeks and mud. Getting out of your house and just having a change of scenery can improve everybody’s mood. Even if you don’t go very far!

Covid-safe activities for young children are important with the virus still running rampant. If you are looking for ways to stay socially distanced, you can try some of these fun activities with your kids. Try a picnic outside or even in a new room of your house. Check out the airport overlook or a construction site if your kids enjoy watching trucks and planes. You can find plenty of outdoor activities and even water activities if the weather is hot. And finally, change the scenery and get out of town or take a camping trip to mix things up. Keeping kids entertained while staying COVID-safe can be difficult but in the end, it’ll be worth it if it makes you feel safer.

Ways You Can Support a Foster Family

If you are not quite ready to become a foster parent but are wondering how to support a foster family, there are plenty of meaningful ways to be helpful. You can help gather supplies before a new placement arrives. You can also provide food or organize meals. Being a good listener for the parents can be very helpful as well. And finally, you can be there to help welcome a new foster child into the family. Fostering is an amazing way to help the community and provide a meaningful relationship for a family and a child. However, it can be stressful. Foster families can use all the support you can give!

Ways You Can Support a Foster Family: Be Helpful

Help with Supplies

One way to support a foster family is to help gather supplies before a new placement arrives. Sometimes, a foster family doesn’t know that a new child will be living with them until the day before they arrive. They may not have all of the supplies that they need to take care of the child. For example, they may not have diapers, crib, correct size car seats, etc. You can help purchase supplies for them. You can also reach out to your community to see if anybody is willing to donate items.

Organize a Meal Train

Another way to support a foster family is to organize some food for them. Welcoming a new foster child can be a very busy time when it’s easy for parents to get overwhelmed. Cooking a full meal might be the last thing on their mind. If you enjoy cooking or can purchase some meals, drop them by the house. You can also prepare easy frozen meals for them to heat up. If there are other people you know who are wanting to help, organize a meal train where different people can sign up to bring food on different days.

Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener is a very helpful way to support a foster family. Bringing a new foster child into your home is a really exciting time. But it can also be very stressful and filled with difficult emotions. The parents sometimes can feel overwhelmed and just need a supportive friend to talk to. They may be feeling scared, stressed, frustrated, or completely frazzled. Be a sympathetic listener and ask them how they would like you to support them.

Help Welcome a New Placement

Finally, another way to support a foster family is to help them adjust. Invite them all over for a fun game night or group activity. Or you could purchase a new game or something that the family can all do together the first night. Foster children often have many appointments, so it can also be helpful to offer to drive them or to stay with the rest of the family while the foster parents take them. You can also investigate the requirements to be able to provide respite care or babysitting.

Becoming a foster parent can be a very stressful process. If you’ve been on the fence about becoming a foster parent, you can begin by helping to support a foster family. You can help a family collect supplies for their new placement, or organize a meal train and food. It’s great to be a supportive listener if you have a friend becoming a foster parent. It can often be an emotional journey. And finally, you can be supportive by inviting the family to hang out or give them a new activity to do together. You can even get qualified to provide respite care which is a huge help for families. Fostering is such an amazing act of love and supporting foster families is a terrific use of your time and energy.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship

Dating after an abusive relationship can be daunting to think about. If you have escaped an abusive relationship, you might be extremely nervous about trusting another person. It can be difficult to even put yourself out there. You might also question what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and recognize that all of these feelings are perfectly normal. Healing after abuse takes time, and you want to make sure that you have mentally coped with the trauma before moving to a new relationship. Educate yourself on what healthy relationships look like. Always follow your instincts when it comes to dating. If something feels off, leave. And finally, take things very slow. Easing back into dating can be a lot if you’re also healing from trauma. Take things at your own pace and build trust slowly with new partners.

Dating After an Abusive Relationship: How to Start Again

Take Time to Heal

Before your begin dating after an abusive relationship, it’s important to take plenty of time to heal. You might have deep scars from your abusive relationship. Both physical and mental. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, and both take time to heal from. Reach out to a therapist and speak to somebody you trust if you find that you are having trouble coping with the abuse. Don’t try to start dating until you feel like you are in a healthy mental state.

Educate Yourself

Next, before dating after an abusive relationship, educate yourself. Your views of what’s normal and not normal might be warped from your abusive relationship. Learn what a healthy dating life looks like. Do a little research on the many ways that emotional abuse can present. If you know what to look for, you can spot a red flag more easily with future relationships.

Follow Your Gut

Always follow your gut when dating after an abusive relationship. If anything feels “off” about your date, don’t be afraid to leave. If you have been dating somebody for a while and they are controlling, quick-tempered, or disrespectful, it can be an early warning sign of abuse. Trust your instincts and get out early if you sense any sort of red flags with a partner.

Take Things Slow

Finally, when dating after an abusive relationship, take things slow. Take time to get to know anybody that you date. Make sure that you trust them completely before getting too intimate with them. When you are comfortable, you can open up about your abuse with them. If any partner is pressuring you to move more quickly than you are comfortable with, they are not respecting your needs. This is a major red flag in a relationship. A loving partner should allow you to take as much time as you need to be comfortable with getting intimate.

Dating after an abusive relationship can bring up a lot of emotions. Often people find that they haven’t really taken enough time to cope with their abuse. If this is the case with you, try not to pressure yourself into dating too quickly. Take time to fully heal from your trauma. Educate yourself on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. Always follow your gut instincts about a potential partner, and get out quickly if they show any abusive tendencies. Finally, take things slow with anybody that you begin dating. If they are pressuring you to move too quickly, then they are not being respectful of you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a loving partner who you can completely trust and who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

Adoption and Foster Care: How are They Different?

Adoption and foster care vary in many different ways. While they are similar in that each is a way for a family to welcome a child as one of their own and help a child in need, they are not the same. They differ in the permanence and time commitments of each. Foster care is a temporary situation, while adoption is permanent. In addition, the goals of foster care and adoption are different. Legally, the outcomes of each also are quite different. And finally, the training involved and preparation for each is slightly different. If you are considering adoption or fostering, you are potentially making a huge difference in the life of a child in need and your own life.

Adoption and Foster Care: How are They Different From Each Other?

Permanence

The main difference between adoption and foster care is the levels of permanence. Foster care is meant to be a temporary situation where you take care of a child in need for a short time. In contrast, adopting a child makes that child legally your own. You will raise them for the rest of their life. In fostering, you might end up deciding to adopt your foster child, however, it is not always the case.

Goal

The reason why there is a difference between adoption and foster care in terms of permanence is that the goals of each are different. The goal of adoption is to find a child that you will legally make a part of your family forever. They will be your child in every sense of the word permanently. However, the goal of foster care is to take care of a child in need until they can be reunited with their birth parents. While some foster parents adopt their children, the actual goal is to take care of them until their parents are well enough to have them come back to live in their home.

Legal Rights

Another difference between adoption and foster care is the legal rights of the parents. In a foster care situation, the child’s legal guardian usually retains all parental rights. This is typically the case, but not always. In contrast, an adoptive parent becomes a child’s legal parent.

Training

Finally, the preparation involved is another difference between the two. With each, you’ll need to do a home study and prepare your house to bring home a child. You’ll likely be assigned a caseworker to work within either situation who will help prepare you for the journey ahead. There might be more training involved with foster care than adoption. This is because children in foster care sometimes have emotional and physical needs due to past trauma. It can also be incredibly expensive to adopt, especially if you opt for a private adoption agency.

There are several differences between these two avenues of building a family. Deciding which ones will work for you should take time and careful consideration. Foster care is meant to be a temporary situation while adoption is permanent. This is because the goal of foster care is to reunite the child with their parent while the goal of adoption is to become the legal parent of a child. The training and cost involved with each can also vary. If you’re considering either one, consult with parents you know who have been through each process. They can give you plenty of insight and advice and will be a source of support when you do make your decision. Whichever you decide to do, you’ll be making a huge difference in the life of a child and opening up your heart to expanding your family.

The Prenup Conversation: Avoiding Conflict

The prenup conversation is one that many couples struggle with. It can be awkward and uncomfortable because people often have strong opinions about the notion of a prenup. However, in many ways, a prenuptial agreement is very logical and protective. But your partner might see it as a red flag. Try to start the conversation early on in your engagement so that you don’t surprise them. Reassure them that it is just a precaution and that you are not going into the marriage with your eyes on divorce. And finally, remember that this is a discussion. Be respectful of their feelings and give them plenty of time to process and ask questions. Ultimately, you may or may not come to an agreement on prenups, but hopefully, you’ll be able to at least get the discussion off on the right foot.

The Prenup Conversation: Avoiding Conflict or Awkwardness

Why There Might Be Conflict

The prenup conversation is important because the divorce rate is very high these days. To pretend that marriage can’t end in divorce is naive. Realistically, if you or your spouse are coming into a marriage with significant assets or debts, a prenup is a good idea. It protects you if you ever do end up breaking up. In addition, it can save you a lot of hassle if you ever were to go down the divorce path because everything is decided at the outset. However, many feel that talking prenups is a signal that you already are planning your divorce. Or even believe that it’s bad luck to discuss one.

Start the Conversation Early

It’s best to start the prenup conversation early in your engagement. You don’t want to spring this on a partner at the last second. And in fact, it can take a while to settle the prenup agreement so you might not even have time if you decide on one last minute. Begin the conversation early and revisit it if things don’t go as you planned originally.

Be Reassuring

If you know the prenup conversation is going to bring up strong emotions from your partner, try to be reassuring. Let them know that you are only doing it as a precaution. Many people think that prenups are only for couples who aren’t truly committed to each other. Let them know that this is not the case. Instead, it’s a way of protecting your future.

It’s a Discussion

Finally, if the prenup conversation doesn’t go as well as you hoped, remember that it’s a discussion. Listen to your partner’s concerns and feelings. Give them plenty of space to think over what you said and to ask you questions. It might need to be an ongoing conversation for a while to make them comfortable. Be respectful of their feelings even if they disagree with you.

The prenup conversation is an important thing for couples to discuss in many situations. If either of you is bringing a lot of assets or debt into the marriage, or have children from a previous marriage, it’s very important. Similarly, if either of you runs your own business, or if you’ve previously been married, it’s good to have the conversation. Approach the conversation early on so that it’s not a last-minute surprise to your partner. They may need time to process what you’ve said and make a decision. However, be respectful of their feelings either way and understand that some people have very strong feelings about prenups. Hopefully, you can agree on something that works for both of you and then never think of it again!

Post-Divorce Revenge Body: Is it Healthy?

The post-divorce revenge body has come into popular media thanks to some celebrity breakups. A “revenge body” occurs when somebody who has recently gone through a breakup decides to get in top shape. The goal is to make your ex sorry that they ever let you go. But is it healthy? And if you’re set on getting one, how do you go about it? The key lies in deciding the motivation and approaching it healthily. You’ll need to focus on exercise and eating right to get in your healthier shape. And finally, sleep is a huge component of making your body as healthy as possible. Whether you decide to get a “revenge body” or not, getting your body in healthier shape is almost always a good thing.

Post-Divorce Revenge Body: Is it Healthy? How to Get One?

Is it a Good Idea

A post-divorce revenge body might sound like a promising idea. The notion of your ex slobbering over you after seeing how in shape you are might have you more determined than ever to work out. However, if the whole idea of getting in shape revolves around sending a signal to your ex, it’s a clear sign that you might not have moved on from the relationship. If your entire goal is to ultimately hurt your ex, then maybe you should try to re-think your motivation. If you are just wanting a fresh start and a new outlook on life after a breakup, then getting in your best health is a great idea! It can really boost confidence and help you get back out there in the dating world.

Exercise

Whether or not you decide on a revenge body, if you’re trying to get in better shape, exercise is a great place to start. However, exercising without knowing how can lead to serious injury. If it’s been a while since you’ve worked out, speak to a doctor to make sure that they clear you for it. After that, head to a gym, watch an online tutorial or hire a personal trainer to teach you how to exercise. They should show you proper form and give you examples of what exercises to do. It’s healthiest to do a combination of cardio and strength-building workouts.

Eating Healthy

Another major component of getting into your healthiest body or revenge body is eating well. You can exercise for hours every day, but without a clean diet, you won’t get very far. It’s important to get variety in your diet and to eat in moderation. A good rule of thumb is to follow the healthy plate rule. Fill up half your plate with fruits and veggies, 30% with protein, and 20% with grains. Try to aim for fresh fruit and veggies and lean proteins like chicken or fish. For grains, try to incorporate whole grains like wheat bread and brown rice.

Getting Enough Sleep

One final component to getting your healthiest body, or your revenge body, is to get enough sleep. Sleep helps your entire body to function more efficiently. Studies show that getting poor sleep leads to more weight gain and poorer decisions. In contrast, getting plenty of sleep can help you stay concentrated on your goals of getting healthy. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

A revenge body may not be the healthiest way to approach getting in shape. However, if you’ve gone through a breakup, getting into your healthiest body might be just the ticket to gaining confidence. You’ll feel a sense of confidence just from setting goals and reaching them, not to mention the physical benefits of getting plenty of exercises, sleep, and eating well. Try to keep the focus on becoming the best version of yourself for yourself, and not for anybody else. You’re investing in your own future and well-being and your body will thank you for it later!

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse

Admitting to cheating on your spouse is one of the most difficult conversations you might ever have with your partner. It’s important to set the right tone for the discussion. Make sure that you reveal the entire truth, not just a partial truth. Give your partner plenty of space to react. Answer their questions if they want to know more information. And finally, try to think of things ahead of time that can help you both move on. But remember that some partners will not even want to try to continue with the marriage. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to work things out and move forward with your relationship.

How to Admit to Cheating on Your Spouse: Moving Forward

Set the Right Tone

If you’ve decided to come clean about cheating on your spouse, it’s important to set the right tone. It’s best to make sure that you and your spouse have plenty of time and privacy. This is not the type of conversation you would want to be overheard. It’s really a good idea to talk while you’re at your home, instead of in public. Make sure that you choose a time that works with your spouse’s schedule so that you aren’t rushed. And also make sure that you are distraction-free and won’t be interrupted.

Reveal the Whole Truth

When coming clean about cheating on your spouse, reveal the entire truth. Telling a partial truth can leave you feeling even guiltier. It can also mean that you have to have another conversation further down the road. It can end up hurting your spouse even more. For example, if you cheated more than once, reveal the whole truth. Otherwise, you’ll have to come clean all over again.

Give Your Partner Space

When admitting to cheating on your spouse, give your partner plenty of time and space to react. They may have a lot of questions, or they may not want to hear any details at all. They might react very angrily or emotionally. Be prepared for tears, shouting, and anything in between. Try not to get defensive, after all, it was you who made a mistake. Remain calm if at all possible. Give them plenty of time to process their feelings, and don’t pressure them for any kind of response. They may take a few days or even weeks to really accept what you’ve told them.

Moving On

If you are wanting to move forward after cheating on your spouse, have a plan. Maybe suggest some couples therapy or counseling. Apologize and take responsibility for your mistake. When apologizing, really consider how your spouse is feeling and how you’ve hurt them. Include details on exactly why you’re sorry and how much you want to move forward. Commit to always telling the truth. And finally, accept that they may not want to move on. Some couples can move forward, but others will not. Try to be respectful of their decision.

Admitting to cheating on your spouse might be one of the toughest conversations you can have. Try to set the right tone before you even start by picking a time and place with privacy. Reveal the entire truth. It’s best to just rip the whole band-aid off at once. Otherwise, you’ll have to have a follow-up conversation all over again later. Give your partner plenty of time and space to react. And finally, figure out a way to move forward if that’s what you want. However, acknowledge that your spouse might not accept what you’ve done. Hopefully, though, you’ll both be able to work through things and continue with a stronger relationship than before.