fbpx

Author: Robert Reeves

Different Types of Adoption: Pros and Cons

Deciding to adopt a child is a huge decision, but a very exciting one! But the different types of adoption options can be overwhelming. You can choose to have an open adoption or closed adoption. There is also the option of semi-open adoption. Each has benefits and drawbacks. These will help you determine which is the best fit for your family.

Different Types of Adoption: Benefits and Drawbacks

Open Adoption

Open adoption is one of the types of adoption you can choose from. This form of adoption means that you and the birth parents will be in contact. For example, everybody knows everybody else’s identities. The amount of contact between parents can vary based on what everybody wants. However, one of the drawbacks is that there can be boundary issues. Therefore, it’s best to establish clear ideas about your future relationship at the start. One positive of open adoption is that your child can know both sets of parents. Also, you’ll be able to find out more about your child’s medical history.

Closed Adoption

Another type of adoption you can choose is a closed adoption. You and the birth parents will not have any contact at all. You’ll only find out information about the birth parents that is non-identifying. In addition, all your contact will be through a third-party mediator. One of the pros of this is that you won’t have to worry about anybody interfering with your parenting. Another positive is that if the child is from an abusive or dangerous situation, you will never have to worry about them having contact. However, you won’t know much about the child’s medical history, and the decision is permanent.

Semi-Open Adoption

One final option is a semi-open adoption. Of the types of adoptions, this is a little bit of a mix of all. In a semi-open adoption, you can have limited contact with birth parents. This would be through a third-party attorney or mediator. You can exchange mail or photos but you probably won’t know each other’s full identities. Or addresses. A positive of this is that you’ll have more access to your child’s medical history. But a negative is that it can be difficult to move on for the birth parents. Your child can also have some confusion about everybody’s roles.

The three types of adoption each have pros and cons. You can choose an open adoption, closed adoption, or semi-open. Whichever option you choose, you’ll want to discuss first with your attorney. You’re making a huge decision for your family. Whichever you choose needs to feel right for you.

Healthy Eating Post-Divorce

It’s important to make sure you keep healthy after your divorce ends. One way you can do this is by practicing some healthy eating post-divorce. Still, it isn’t always easy. That’s why it’s good to know some helpful ways to stick to your eating goals…

Healthy Eating Post-Divorce: Adjust Your Diet

Picking a diet

Most people try to look for a diet when they want to do some healthy eating post-divorce. However, it’s important that you find one which fits your needs. Different diets can help with different things. For instance, one diet may help with weight loss, whereas another may be good if you want to add some muscle.

Also, be wary of any “fad” diets. Many times, these wont’ give you the results you expect. They could also be unhealthy in general! Therefore, just be sure you always do a good amount of research into whatever diets you’re looking at.

When you’re undereating

It isn’t uncommon for recently divorced people to lack an appetite. This can cause them to not eat as much as they should. Not only can this lead to a loss of energy, it can even make you rapidly lose an unhealthy amount of weight.

While it can be hard to find the motivation to do healthy eating post-divorce, you still need to make sure you get those important nutrients. You could try to make things such as protein shakes or smoothies. These will be both easier to make and eat than other meals. The same goes for soups and salads. Once you get back on track, you’ll find that your appetite will probably soon come back!

When you’re overeating

Binge eating is also pretty common after a divorce. In order to deal with the stress and anxiety, many people turn to comfort foods. While they’ll feel better when eating, most of these foods tend to be unhealthy. As a result, you may find yourself gaining weight in the process.

The best way to stick to healthy eating post-divorce is to get rid of the temptation. Clear out all of that unhealthy food from your house. Then, stick to good, healthy foods, especially those which can be filling in smaller amounts. Soon, you’ll find that your eating habits will get back to more-healthy levels.

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce

Getting a divorce at any time can be quite rough. However, pulling off a school year divorce can be especially tough. Therefore, it’s useful to know what you can do to help make the process easier for everyone in your family…

How-to Manage a School Year Divorce: Reducing Stress

Talk to your kids

When you begin a school year divorce, it’s important you talk to your kids. Divorce can shake them up quite a bit. Having to juggle new school demands alongside that can make things even more rough. This year, there’s also the unique challenges that Covid-19 might present too.

That’s why talking to your kids will be helpful. Here, you can get to better explain what’s going on and reiterate that you’ll support them no matter what. You should also let them know that they can come to you and talk about anything that’s bothering them, school-related or not. That way, they don’t feel like they need to keep their feelings bottled up.

Set up a good routine

A good routine is especially important for your kids when you’re doing a school year divorce. A consistent schedule will help provide some much-needed stability for them. At the same time, it also allows for you to have something to schedule your divorce matters around. This can help ensure that the divorce proceedings won’t interfere too much with your kid’s school schedule.

Don’t forget to include their other parent in this schedule as well. After all, it’s important that they get to see them and spend some time with them. Some parents like to set up having alternating days. One parent will pick the kids up, take them home, and drop them off next morning. Then, the other parent will do the same, helping to keep the time equal.

Reach out to their teachers

Even with your help, a school year divorce can inadvertently impact how your kids do in school. Sometimes, it may be hard for them to focus as they think about the divorce. Other times, they may just lose their motivation to finish any assignments. A good way to get ahead of this is by reaching out to their teachers.

By letting their teachers know what’s going on at home, they can better help your kids in the classroom. After all, their teachers want to help the succeed too. You don’t have to go into a lot of details about your divorce either. Just mentioning it can be enough for their teachers to understand and better work with your kids.

How-to Decide How to Spend the Holidays Mid-Divorce

Making holiday plans can be really tricky and stressful. Then throw a divorce in the mix, and the decisions get far more complicated. Do you celebrate the holidays together as a family, or do you spend them separately and start your own new traditions? This is an especially difficult decision when kids are in the picture. Every situation and family dynamics will be different, so there is no cookie cutter answer. However, by thinking through these tips, you will be able to decide how to spend the holidays mid-divorce.

How-to Decide How to Spend the Holidays Mid-Divorce: Together or Apart

Together

Sharing the holidays as an entire family is ideal. Keeping the same routine and traditions could make these transitions a bit easier. However, that is not possible for many parents during a divorce. Deciding if you should spend the holidays together as a family while going through a divorce really comes down to several factors. Tensions can really flare up from built-up frustrations and the stress of the holidays mid-divorce. Honestly ask yourself if you are you able to get along with your spouse in a civil manner. You do not want there to be an explosion of anger and hurt to ruin the holiday celebrations. This is especially not fair for your kids, who will already be struggling with the divorce. If you feel like this may be a problem, consider talking to a councilor or spending the holidays separately.

Split

When deciding how to spend the holidays mid-divorce, some families may opt for a split set up. This may work best if one or both parents have a new significant other. Other reasons could be that tensions are high between parents, or they do not live nearby one another. While things will feel different than before, you will be able to create your own new holiday traditions. However, don’t forget to consider what is best for your kids too.

With this arrangement, one parent may get the kids during one part of the day to celebrate, and then swap later in the day. This could also be done on as an alternation between who gets Christmas Eve and who gets Christmas Day every year. Sometimes parents live far apart and it is not possible to easily switch within a day during the holidays. In these situations, it is possible to do alternating years for which parents get the kids during the holidays. The set up you make during the divorce could even continue after the divorce is finalized if the situation worked for you.

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Transitioning into the role of being a stepparent can be tricky. There are certain type of boundaries which you’ll have to respect with your new stepchild. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your stepchild bond. In fact, there’s a few ways you can start working on that connection…

Stepchild Bond: Ways To Connect

Be a good role model

One thing you’ll have to deal with is your stepchild trying to figure out who you are exactly. During this transition period, your new stepchild is working to get a feel for what kind of person you are, especially in comparison to their parents. Therefore, if you want to improve your stepchild bond, it’s important to set a good example.

Of course, you can do this in your day-to-day life. Acting kind and helpful helps your stepchild start to see you aren’t such a bad person after all. Plus, make sure you act positively towards them as well, so they can further see that you aren’t their enemy, but their friend.

Get into hobbies & interests

Another good way to improve your stepchild bond is by being involved in their hobbies. If your stepchild can see that you have an interest in what they like, then they might be more willing to open up and connect with you. However, understand that it might not be an easy task.

Depending on your stepchild’s age, they may not initiate things like talking about hobbies or inviting you to sports events. That’s why it’s important to understand that as an adult, you need to take some initiative. Try to do some background research on their hobbies and strike up a conversation with them about it. Or, let them know you’d be interested in attending a sports game, you just need to know how to get tickets.

Understand their point of view

One good way to improve your stepchild bond is by showing them you understand how they feel. This is a big time of change for them, and it isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes, they’re just going to want some time to themselves. By understanding that, your stepchild will warm up to you faster than if you try and “force” a bond.

Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

When someone is divorcing, we figure that their reactions won’t be that positive. After all, emotions like grief and bitterness are pretty common for divorce. However, divorce parties have actually become a growing trend. There’s a few reasons as to why this is…

Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

What they are

A divorce party sounds like a pretty contradictory event. After all, how can one really celebrate something that’s usually sad like divorce? It’s for that exact reason why people like to have these parties. For them, it’s a way to celebrate that their unhappy marriage is over, and their new, happier life has begun.

Plus, “party” can be a bit of a misleading word choice. These events can be anything that the divorcing person wants them to be. For instance, this could include throwing a big party and inviting a lot of their friends. However, it could also include a small, more reserved event with only a few people.

Why throw one?

Divorce parties can seem a bit in poor taste. This is especially true if you had a smooth or mutually-agreed upon divorce. However, these parties are usually more for those coming out of unhealthy marriages or difficult divorces. These parties can be a nice way for them to start feeling like themselves again.

These parties can also mark the start of a person’s new post-divorce life. What better way to kick things off than with a nice celebration? Getting things going on a positive note can help one carry that energy further into their new lifestyle.

Things to remember

If divorce parties sound like something you might be interested it, it helps to keep a few things in mind. First of all, don’t tell your ex about your plans. Doing so can really hurt your potential post-divorce relationship, especially if you have to co-parent. Keep things between you and those you’re inviting.

In the same vein, you might also want to avoid social media posts about your party. It can be tempting, especially if you see other people do so. However, it can be an easy way for your ex to see it too, or cause some drama.

Home Value: Ways To Boost It

Deciding to buy a new home after your divorce can be a big decision. But, before you can buy a new one, you may have to sell your old one. As you do, you might be considered about improving home value. However, there’s a few ways you can increase this value, and in turn get a bigger profit…

Home Value: Ways To Boost It

Keep it clean

One good way to improve home value is by keeping it clean. When potential buyers see a clean home, it leaves a lasting impression on them. Seeing a more dirty house makes them worry you haven’t been taking good care of it. Simple things like sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, and wiping things down goes a long way.

You also might want to consider cleaning out some personal items. This can feel a bit sad at first, as it feels like you’re erasing yourself from the home. But, it does make it more appealing to potential buyers. Plus, this can be a way for you to let go of personal belongings related to your marriage.

Do some repairs

Repairs are also a great way to boost home value. Most buyers don’t want to enter a home and see a bunch of problems they’ll need to fix. Odds are if you notice it, they’ll notice it too. Therefore, it’s a good idea to go ahead and try to get these minor repairs out of the way.

For example, maybe you can patch up some holes in the wall which might’ve been left by the decor. Or, you can try to repair some leaky faucets or creaky stairs. For more intensive repairs, like floor replacements or heavy-duty maintenance, it might be better to call a professional.

Improve the lighting

A lot of people don’t pay attention to how their home is lit. However, it turns out lighting can impact home value. Having a dark and dimly-lit home makes it feel a bit less inviting to possible buyers. Meanwhile, a brighter, lighter home is much more welcoming.

Plus, you don’t have to break the bank to do this. Candles are a cheap and nice way to improve room, and the atmosphere of the home. You can also opt to use LED bulbs. LED bulbs not only are brighter, but last longer and are more energy-efficient than other options.

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Keeping your motivation to work during your divorce can be a challenging task. One of the things which can make that so tough is workplace gossip. While it can be annoying, there are some ways to handle it so you can get back to work without these interruptions…

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Be open and honest

Workplace gossip tends to start when other coworkers think another one is hiding something. Often times, it may not even start out as malicious. Rather, it’s just your coworkers trying to figure out what’s going on. Therefore, one of the best ways to cut down on this gossip is by setting the record straight.

Of course, you don’t have to share every detail as to what has happened. Divorce is still a very personal matter, so it’s up to you as to how much info you give out. Also, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to let your boss know first before other coworkers. That way, they can help you keep a stable work-life balance and help address any rumors that have gotten out of hand.

Understand group dynamics

Most jobs have some kind of dynamic between coworkers. Whether it be working on projects together, sharing ideas, or just making some small talk, strong dynamics tends to lead to a strong business. However, workplace gossip can derail these dynamics, so it’s important to understand how they work.

Consider what your position is in the groups. Are you in a management or leadership position? If so, then your coworkers might just be concerned if your personal life will impact your work life. If you aren’t, then it may also be a good idea to let your manager know what’s going on, so they see it isn’t an issue. When coworkers can see that your divorce won’t impact your working ability, the gossip tends to die out fast.

Persistent rumors

Sadly, some people like to fuel workplace gossip for their own personal drama needs. These people will always try and draw up a story, usually for no real reason other than they’re bored or want to cause drama. When you encounter these people, it’s time to take things to HR. After all, everyone has a right to feel safe and accepted in the workplace.

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

After a divorce, most people are thinking about all the things that went wrong in their marriage. However, when they begin to reflect on themselves, they tend to be overly-critical and harsh. Healthy self-reflection will actually do more to help someone heal after their divorce, and help them to begin to take new steps forward…

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

Do some self-assessment

It’s important to really take a good look in the mirror after your divorce. Marriage and divorce involve two people, so both you and your former spouse have things to learn. However, healthy self-reflection means asking yourself the right questions.

Ask yourself “what mistakes did I make?” and “What did my spouse do to bother me, and vice versa?” Then, ask yourself what changes can be made in the future and how you want to make them. In order to begin making changes, you have to know where you’re starting at, and where you want to get to.

Consider the other side

Viewing things from the other side might seem like the opposite of healthy self-reflection. However, it’s actually a key aspect of it. Seeing things from your spouse’s point of view is important in understanding what fully happened in your marriage.

Take a moment to think about what might’ve made your spouse upset as well as what made you upset. This can help you see what might’ve caused you to both to start drifting towards divorce. Then, you can take that and not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships. 

Get an outside perspective

Sometimes, people can get stuck in their own thoughts when self-reflecting. This can lead to them doing more wallowing rather than growth. That’s why it can be useful to get an outside perspective. 

Therapy can be useful for learning new, more positive ways to think. You can learn how to process your emotions from the divorce and channel them into getting a better perspective on things. That way, you can keep that healthy self-reflection going throughout the future. 

It can be hard to start to see positives after your divorce. However, this is actually the best time to self-reflect and plan out your new life. Doing some healthy self-reflection can help you see the new positives in your new post-divorce life. 

Step-Sibling Introductions: Making the Transition

Introducing people who will have large roles in your child’s life is often approached as a sensitive subject. But introducing future step-parents for the first time is a big move. Beyond that, successful step-sibling introductions are a priority when it comes to seamlessly becoming a new family unit. Introducing new step-family members to a child is an exciting time for everyone. As two families are about to become one, here are some things to think about when approaching this meeting…

Step-Sibling Introductions: Tips for Smooth Meetings

Be Realistic

Bringing realistic expectations to the table when preparing for step-sibling introductions will help. Tell your kids about their future step-siblings and what they’re like. Painting a mental picture is a great way to manage expectations. 

Make It Low Key

By not making it a big deal, most children will not think too much into it. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Try meeting your future spouse and step-children at a familiar restaurant. Future step-sibling introductions don’t have to be over the top. 

Plan For It

Introducing these new family members should not come as a surprise. Planning for step-sibling introductions makes sure it’s not last minute or rushed. This is important so your children feel included in the plans. 

Be Open

Telling a four year old that she’s going to have a new sister is different than telling a fourteen year old. Being sensitive to the changes your children will be facing is significant. Future step-sibling introductions require different approaches for different ages. Give children the peace of mind that you are there to listen and answer any questions they have about this new blended family.

In conclusion, being present and aware of the changes happening will help. Be mindful when the children show signs of any emotions, and allow them to voice their opinions and feelings. Over time there may be hiccups and bumps in the road but working together to dissolve these issues will help your family accept all of its new members.