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Adult Child Coping Methods

Divorce is always going to be hard on a couple’s kids, whether they’re younger or older. For the latter in particular, it’s helpful for them to know adult child coping methods. These methods can help them handle the divorce and the other responsibilities they have…

Adult Child Coping Methods

Avoid taking sides

One of the good adult child coping methods to use is remaining neutral. Divorce is always an unfortunate situation, especially when it happens in your own family. Still, you need to keep in mind that this isn’t your divorce. Instead, this is something your parents need to settle.

It’s not healthy for you to start picking sides in the divorce. This can he hard, especially considering you’re an adult now. However, while you can offer your support, just make sure it’s within the proper limits. You don’t want to get yourself too involved in the process itself.

Set your boundaries

Clear boundaries are another example of good adult child coping methods. As an adult, you’ll have other responsibilities to worry about now. This could include things like school, work, or your own family’s needs. It can be hard to balance these properly if your parents only lean on you for support.

That’s why you need to establish clear boundaries with them. They need to be aware of the other things you have to deal with too. While it’s certainly fine to help them, you can’t be their only source of support. They need to build strong, healthy support networks instead.

Don’t allow it to define you

A common problem adult children of divorcing parents experience is feeling like they’ll follow their parent’s footsteps. This can have a serious impact on their future relationships and how they view marriage. Due to this, it’s important to not buy into this kind of thinking as another of the adult child coping methods.

Remember that while we learn a lot from our parents, we’re still our own people. In fact, this can be a good time to learn what you should avoid doing in a relationship. While you don’t need every detail, seeing some of the issues your parents faced can help you be better prepared for if you encounter them yourself.

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Divorce can impact your kids in many ways, especially in regards to school. Academic struggles are quite common in kids whose parents have just divorced. However, knowing how they may be impacted can help you get them the extra help they may need…

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Emotionally distracted

Emotional distress is common in kids with divorced parents. This distress can cause them to become very distant and lose their focus, leading to academic struggles. They might not pay attention in class, or not do any assignments. This can have a seriously negative impact on their grades.

As a result, it’s important to help them get back on track. A tutor can be handy for helping your kids regain the focus they had before. It’s also a good idea to talk to your kids about what’s bothering them, and see if there’s any way you can help them.

Behavioral issues

Issues with behavior can also cause academic struggles. Every kid is bound to face some kind of trouble at school. However, a divorce can make them more likely to act our or behave poorly. For example, children of divorced parents tend to skip 60% more often than other students.

Many times, kids will act out this way in order to get attention from their parents. This could be because the divorce has made them worry their parents don’t love them or blame them for the divorce. Aside from talking to them, a therapist can help get to the bottom of these outbursts.

Issues with comprehension

Another way kids will show their academic struggles is through issues with comprehension. Classes or assignments that your kids did well on before might give them more difficulty now. This may be due to the distraction of divorce, and how it causes them to lose focus. It could also be due to a lack of confidence.

When you notice their grades start to slip, don’t panic and start yelling at them. Instead, try to reach out to their teachers first. Let them know what’s going on and why you think your kids may be having a hard time. By doing so, their teacher can help give them some extra 1-on-1 time to help keep their grades up.

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Going into a second marriage after a divorce can be both exciting and scary. After all, with how many of these end in divorce, you don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. Therefore, there’s a few key things you’ll want to keep in mind…

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Practice mutual respect

In a second marriage, it’s important that you and your partner respect each other. A lack of respect is a big reason why couples start to drift apart. If one spouse feels like the other doesn’t respect what they say or them in general, then it’ll quickly lead to tension.

Instead, both of you should be sure to respect what the other has to say. Encourage them to be honest and show them you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” will go a long way in making your partner feel like you respect them and value your marriage.

Create time for each other

It’s also important for those in a second marriage to spend time with one another. Now, there’s going to be times where you want to be alone or go be with friends. That’s totally normal, and an important part of a good relationship too. But, you also need to make time with your partner.

There’s a lot of ways you can spend this time together. For example, maybe you both like to spend time watching movies or T.V. at the end of the day. However, even simple things like going with them to the store can show them you enjoy being with them.

Talk about expectations

It’s a good idea in a second marriage to talk about expectations. Everyone has expectations, but sometimes, they can get out of hand. This is especially true after a divorce. You might not realize it, but your expectations could cause problems in the future.

If your expectations are too high, then you’ll constantly get disappointed when your spouse doesn’t reach them. To avoid this, talk to them about establishing realistic expectations. That way, you’ll both be on the same page about what your goals are for the marriage.

Co-Parenting Discipline: Find A Balance

Parenting isn’t always easy, especially you’re adjusting to being a co-parent. While you might not be married, you and your ex still share the goal of raising your kids well. One key part of that is co-parenting discipline. Good but fair discipline can help your kids with the adjustment process…

Co-Parenting Discipline

Establish some ground rules

One key aspect of co-parenting discipline is you and your ex setting up some basic ground rules. Now, it makes sense that you both might have different ideas when it comes to parenting. However, you shouldn’t focus too much on where you differ.

Rather, you’ll want to see where you both share common ideas. For example, maybe you both can agree on a basic bedtime or limits on screen time. You might also be able to agree on basic ways to handle when the kids misbehave. Doing so helps create a set of consistent rules shared between both houses.

Communicate with each other

Communication is important for co-parenting in general. However, it’s especially important for co-parenting discipline. Things become much easier for both you and your ex when you can get on the same page. Not to mention that your kids will also benefit too.

It’s useful to have a phone call or talk with your ex each week to check on how the kids are doing. This is also a good time to bring up any behavioral issues you’ve noticed. You won’t want to blame these issues on your ex alone. Rather, try to work together to find a way to address it and help your kids.

Be consistent

Consistency is key for co-parenting discipline. If you don’t stick to your own rules, then your kids aren’t going to take them seriously. It’s a lot harder to get them on board if they think the rules don’t matter. Therefore, you both have to be consistent with both your rules, and discipline for when they’re broken.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be an authoritarian. It’s fine to let things like bedtimes or chores slip every now and then, especially for special situations. The main thing is that these should be infrequent rather than the norm.

Post-Divorce Health: Achieve New Goals

Divorce is going to be tough, and it can have a bit of a negative impact on the body. Therefore, it’s a good idea to invest in your post-divorce health. Doing so can help you get started on achieving your new post-divorce goals…

 Post-Divorce Health

Get an energy boost

One good reason to focus on your post-divorce health is to get an energy boost. Divorce can cause you to feel pretty tired and lacking in motivation. While this is understandable, especially after all you had to deal with, getting healthy can help you find the energy you’ve been lacking.

Research has shown that people who exercise tend to have much more energy than those who don’t. Plus, eating healthier foods will give your body more energy than unhealthier choices. Channeling negative feelings into your workout can also help you start to feel better mentally.

Improve self-confidence

Improving your post-divorce health can also help improve your self-confidence. It’s quite common to feel a bit low after your divorce. You might even start to question if you’re really all that great, and focus more on perceived negatives about yourself. Of course, this isn’t good for you or your new goals

Getting healthy helps you start to feel better about yourself. Seeing those small steps, like losing a few pounds or getting better endurance, are great for your confidence. As you continue to improve yourself, you’ll also begin to feel the level of confidence needed to tackle what’s lying ahead.

Save extra money

Some people might claim that trying to focus on post-divorce health is too costly. Things like gym memberships or the cost of healthier foods can seem expensive, especially coming off of a divorce. While they might appear so at first, you have to think about the money you’re going to be saving down the line.

Living healthier will help reduce the risk of running into health issues. That way, you save money by avoiding costly doctor visits. Plus, you’ll also be able to save money on insurance, as you can find suitable plans at a lower rate. The money you save this way will outweigh the costs of food or gym memberships.

Social Media During Divorce

Social media apps can be a great way to get in touch with friends all around the world. However, during a divorce, they can also be a point of conflict. Therefore, it’s important to know how to approach social media during divorce. That way, you avoid the potential issues it can bring…

Social Media During Divorce

Think before posting

A lot of people tend to treat social media like an open journal. They’ll post updates on their life, and how they might feel throughout the day. However, this can potentially get you in some trouble when divorcing. Therefore, you need to think before using social media during divorce.

For example, you might be tempted to post a rant about your ex. Before you do, take a moment to think about it. How will that post make you look to others, your ex, and most importantly, a judge? If a post is going to be too negative or targeted, and could get you in trouble, then it’s best to avoid posting it.

Clean Up Your Followers

For most people, friends and acquaintances tend to make up the bulk of their followers on social media. However, divorce tends to require one to lean on these friends a bit more for support. At the same time, it might also mean you cut contact with friends who don’t support you, or were friends of your ex.

That’s why part of using social media during divorce also involves adjusting who you follow, and who follows you. If you know there’s people you aren’t friends with anymore still following you, then it might be best to remove them as followers. That way, the people who do see your posts are the ones who will support you, rather than potentially be negative.

Avoid your ex

There can be a temptation to look at what your ex is doing on social media during divorce. You might be curious about what they’re saying about you or the divorce. Maybe you want to see if they’re already trying to date again. The thing is, you want to avoid this curiosity.

Ultimately, obsessing over your ex’s post is just going to prevent you from moving on yourself. While you might remain friends, you don’t need to be up-to-date on their lives. Plus, if they do post something negative or concerning, odds are someone will let you know about it.

Pestering Ex: What To Do

After your divorce, you might hope to get some space from your former partner. But what if they won’t leave you alone? Dealing with a pestering ex can be very aggravating. However, there are some ways you can get them off your back…

Pestering Ex: What To Do

Set clear expectations

One way to potentially avoid a pestering ex is to set expectation early on. The thing is divorces don’t just happen overnight. As a result, you have a lot of time to let them know what kind of expectations they should have moving forward. This can help them see what they should and shouldn’t come to you for once things are over.

Now, it’s important to be direct with them. Don’t try and beat around the bush or hesitate. It might feel harsh, but your ex will need to know what your preference are. If your expectations are clear, then they should get the message.

Know when lines are crossed

Setting expectations for a pestering ex is important. Still, it’s also important to let them know when they cross those boundaries. Sometimes, they might not realize they’ve done so. Other times, they may do so on purpose to see how you react.

When this happens, you need to let them know. This signals to them that you’re serious about your boundaries, and they need to be as well. Usually, they’ll take the hint and learn what kind of behavior they need to avoid going forward.

Watch for mixed signals

These may be times when a pestering ex might not even realize they’re bothering you. This could be because it appears to them that you’re don’t mind them. However, deep down, you might wish that they’d leave you alone! Therefore, you should make sure you aren’t accidentally giving them mixed signals.

A common way people do this is by accidentally going against their own boundaries. For instance, maybe you tell your ex you can only talk at certain times. Yet, you ended up calling them outside of these times. This can give them mixed signals about how you feel. As a result, even if you need to break those boundaries, make sure they know why.

New Year Financial Checklist

Going into a new year after a divorce is often a time for personal self-reflection. However, you’ll also want to look at other areas of your life as well, such as your finances. That’s why it’s a good idea to make a new year financial checklist. Having this list will let you get a head start on planning out the new year…

New Year Financial Checklist

Set your goals

A good way to start off a new year financial checklist is with some goals. In fact, people who set definitive resolutions are much more likely to actually achieve them. Therefore, it’s helpful to set for yourself specific short- and long-term goals that you want to reach in the new year.

Now, just saying “I want to save money” isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save, and in what kind of time frame? Or, do you want to pay off debts in a certain amount of time? Goals like these are good and specific, and will provide a good sense of accomplishment when you achieve them.

Check your credit

Credit is also a very important part of your finances. As a result, it should also be a part of your new year financial checklist. Your credit will influence a whole host of things, from car payment plans to potential apartment leases. Due to this, you want to get it or keep it in good shape.

One good way to do this is to watch your credit card usage. Try to only use it for things you normally need to buy anyways, like gas or groceries. That way, you don’t use it for expensive things you don’t need that will put you into debt. A steady stream of paying off these kinds of credit card charges can help get your credit moving in the right direction.

Track your spending habits

A problem many people run into is spending more money than they expect. Even when they’re trying to save up, they may struggle to figure out what’s running up costs. That’s why you should also include tracking your spending habits in your new year financial checklist, to avoid this issue.

Keeping an eye on your spending will help you see what’s costing you the most. That way, you can cut down on or remove some expenses. One good way to do this is through a budget. These days, there’s plenty of apps and programs which will help you set up a good budget to reach your goals.

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Blending together different families after remarrying isn’t always easy. In fact, it can seem especially difficult during the holidays. However, making your blended family holiday plans successful isn’t impossible. In fact, it’s something you can do with a little bit of proper focus…

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Watch expectations

Expectations can be a problem for blended family holiday plans. Everyone has an “ideal” holiday situation in their heads. Often times, this is based off of what we see or hear in movies or other media. Still, you can’t base your real-life plans off of those found in fiction.

The thing is, you can’t set those expectations too high. After all, this holiday season is all about helping everyone adjust. Therefore, keep your expectations and your plans simple. Figure out what’s really important to you and everyone else, and base your plans on that.

Work together

Blended family holiday plans also end up being much better when you and your partner work together. Even if you’ve been married for a few months, you still won’t know their kids as well as they do. This of course also applies on their end as well. As a result, you should work together to make your plans.

By working together, you can develop your plan to be fit each of your kids. Plus, this can also help them feel more like a family. By spending time with each other, and everyone being able to do things they enjoy, you’ll create that good, holiday spirit. This will also improve the bond between you and your new family members.

Traditions, new & old

Don’t forget about traditions while making your blended family holiday plans. Traditions are an important part of the holiday for many people. If you know your kids, or your partner’s kids, have traditions they like, then be sure to include them.

Also, this is a great time to create some new traditions too. These new traditions are something that can be unique to your new, blended family. There’s a wide variety of traditions you can try and use with your family. You can also make your own special traditions with the help of your kids!

Post-Divorce Burnout

It isn’t always easy to adjust to a new life after a divorce. As a result, sometimes people will throw themselves into things like work. However, this can easily result in post-divorce burnout. That’s why it’s best to avoid taking this route…

Post-Divorce Burnout

The problem with burnout

The problems with post-divorce burnout are very similar to those of any other type of burnout. In general, it occurs when someone decides to use their work as an escape from the grief of their divorce. By focusing themselves solely on their work, they think they can distract themselves from those negative feelings.

However, no matter how much work you do, you can only avoid those feelings for so long. In fact, the more work you do, the longer those emotions will simmer and get worse. Eventually, you’ll reach your point of burnout, and all those emotions and more will rise to the surface, usually in a not-so-pretty way.

Accepting your emotions

In order to avoid this post-divorce burnout, you can’t avoid those sad feelings from your divorce. Rather, you need to take the time to confront and accept them. By acknowledging these feelings, you will get yourself through the grieving process, and can start to move forwards.

Usually, many people will actually take time away from work to do this. Still, there’s plenty of other ways you can give yourself some time to process these emotions. Maybe you meet with a therapist, or write your thoughts down in a journal. Whatever you chose, the important thing is getting those emotions out there.

Watch your workload

Another part of avoiding post-divorce burnout is watching your workload. There’s going to be a lot of things you’ll need to take care of after your divorce. Maybe you’re moving, or you have to adjust to being a single parent. When this happens, you need to be careful you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.

Taking on too much work can lead to burnout, even if you’re processing those emotions. Therefore, try to watch how much work you take on. Try to talk to your boss about what’s going on, and how you might need a bit of a limited workload for a short period of time. Many times, they’re understanding and willing to help you out.