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Category: Dating

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is a silent epidemic. According to thehotline.org, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and knows no boundaries or borders. In fact, people of any background can be a victim or guilty of domestic violence. Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, manipulate, intimidate or control a partner. This can happen through many different ways including financial control, threats, physical violence and emotional abuse. While you may think it would be obvious, sometimes it is hard to realize or know if you’re in an abusive relationship. Learn the signs of domestic violence so that you can get help for yourself or a loved one.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship: Learn the Signs

Thoughts and Feelings

Consider how your relationship makes you think or feel to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. For example, if you feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around your partner, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Take a deep look at how you feel. Do you often feel afraid of your partner or avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? In addition, if your relationship makes you feel that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated, or wonder if you’re crazy, you may be in an abusive relationship. Feelings of being emotionally numb or helpless is not normal in a healthy relationship.

Your Partner’s Actions

Does your partner belittle you or blame you for his or her own abusive behavior? Paying attention to how your partner treats you or behaves is a good way to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. In fact, partners are supposed to be supportive and loving, not criticize you and put you down. Know that it is not normal if your partner is overly jealous or possessive, and controls everything you do. In the same way, it’s a warning sign if they control who you see, keeping you from family and friends.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help now. Know you are not alone. Thehotline.org is an excellent place to start. While it may not seem like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although it will take time, you will be able to heal from a bad relationship.

Dating After Divorce: First Steps

Dating is never easy, but dating after divorce can feel daunting. It presents its own set of challenges. Perhaps it’s been a long time since you were even looking for someone to date. Use these tips to make this overwhelming experience feel a little bit easier.

Dating After Divorce: Where to Start

Self-Reflect

Before you even start thinking about dating after divorce, do a good hard look at your past. Unfortunately, it can be tough to dig deep like this. However, taking this step can help you to make sure you are not making the same mistakes over and over again. What went wrong in your marriage? What qualities did you like about your ex? Also, what qualities did you dislike? Think about traits they had that brought out both the best and the worst in you. Make a list of what you want in a partner, and what traits you want to avoid. 

Drop the Anger

Sure, you may still be really hurt about what happened in the past. There’s no denying that. But if you want to start dating after divorce, you have to work towards forgiving your ex. Carrying around anger towards your ex is like carrying around a heavy weight. Also, you could bring that anger and stress into your new relationship. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to someone or get help if you need help through the healing process. Letting go of the extra weight to find a new found freedom that will have you feeling ready and open to letting someone else in. 

Complaining about your ex is not what your new date wants to hear, especially on the first few dates. Keep conversations to what is important to you, and listen to your new date. Remember, they want to know you and not your ex. 

Expand Your Options

Perhaps you think you have a type. Maybe your ‘type’ has characteristics that did not work in the first place. Don’t limit yourself to only wanting to date one type of person. You should try going out with some people who don’t fit the mold of who you usually look for. You could be looking past some real gems! 

That being said, go with your gut. If you’re dating after divorce, don’t waste your time with someone you have a bad feeling about. Certainly, if you see red flags, get out. Do not stick around with someone who does not feel right. 

Online Dating

If you don’t know where to start, give online dating a try. Maybe online dating was not a thing the last time you were looking to date? That’s okay, give it a try. It is becoming one of the top ways to meet people now. When you are looking to start dating after divorce, online dating can help you ease back into the dating game by allowing you to get comfortable with just talking to people in messages. A tip is to have someone or several people you trust help you build, or approve, your profile. That way you make sure you’re set up for success.

There are many online dating sites out there now. There are even ones for different interests, religious affiliations, and age ranges. Read reviews and breakdowns to know which of the dating websites may be the best fit for you. 

In short, getting back into dating after divorce may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time. These steps will help you make your first steps towards finding a new relationship!

Online Dating Pics: Set Up For Success

If you’re thinking about dating again after your divorce, online sites might be appealing to you. However, it’s important you set your profile up right by using good online dating pics. Choosing the right pictures can help you make that good first impression you’re aiming for..

Online Dating Pics: Set Up For Success

Don’t Lead with group pics

When picking out your online dating pics, it’s okay to use a few group photos. But, you don’t want to use one of them as your main profile pic. Doing so could cause some potential issues to arise.

By using a group picture, it makes it harder for people you match with to figure out which one you are. If they can’t tell right away, then they could decide not to send you a message. They could also mistake someone else for you! If you do use some group photos, try to have them in your gallery instead.

Present your personality

Online dating pics are very handy for showing off your personality. Odds are you will want to match with people who have a similar personality and interests. That’s why good pics choices are important. Choosing the right ones can clearly show others what kind of person you are.

For example, if you like sports, then you can use photos of you playing them or at sporting events. If you like traveling, then it can be good to have a picture of your latest trips. Using pictures like these can help you better find people you do share interests with, and avoid those you don’t.

Avoid pics of past relationships

Any online dating pics you chose should avoid being from past relationships. Using pictures that have your ex in them, or clearly show them cropped out, can make it hard to draw in matches. That’s why you’ll want to skip these photos.

Also, using these pictures will make it harder for you to move on. Seeing these photos every time you access your profile can bring up some negative feelings. If those feelings are constant, then it may be good to wait until you resolve them before you start dating.

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Once you’ve given yourself some time to move on from your divorce, you might be interested in dating again. Online dating sites in particular might seem appealing, albeit intimidating. However, online dating post-divorce can be done. To help your chances, try to keep some tips in mind…

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Match & move on

One thing to avoid when doing online dating post-divorce is “pining.” That’s when you match with someone, send them a message, and then constantly wait and stress for them to get back to you. Eventually, if they don’t respond, you feel dejected and demoralized for future matches.

The thing about online dating is that the overall response rate is low. Still, this is offset by the sheer number of people who use them. Therefore, don’t obsess over every single match. Send them a message, and then move on to another potential match. It’s not worth obsessing over someone you’ve never met!

Watch for fakes

Another thing to be aware of when online dating post-divorce are fake profiles. Not everyone online is who they claim they are. Sometimes, they might be scammers who are trying to pull a fast one on you. They may try and get some kind of money out of you, or other personal info in order to access your bank accounts.

Therefore, be careful about who you talk to and what you share. After all, it’s always important to protect your privacy online. If anyone tries to ask you for some kind of money or is asking for super-specific info, then don’t take the risk. Rather, move on and block or report them.

Meet up in-person

Once you made a match while doing online dating post-divorce, don’t just keep things online only. This might seem obvious, but the reality is that nearly 1/3rd of people who match online don’t meet in-person. If you want to start off on the right foot, then you’ll want to make sure you meet in- person.

You don’t have to go on some big date or anything. Just meeting at a place like a coffee shop can be enough for you to get a feel of who they are. If things go well, then you can transition things into more in-person dates.

Toxic Relationships

Given enough time after your divorce, you might be thinking about dating again. However, you have to be careful about toxic relationships. These kinds of relationships could seriously hurt your efforts to recover and move on with a new partner. Therefore, you need to watch for some common signs…

Toxic Relationships

Trouble communicating

Communication issues are quite common in toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be able to talk openly and freely. This will help them solve issues without getting into arguments. Being able to talk to one another will boost your bond and improve the overall quality of your relationship.

By contrast, toxic partners struggle with properly talking to each another. Many times, their conversations end up in arguments. These arguments can erupt over the simplest of things. In fact, it might get to the point where you can’t even talk to one another at all!

Constant put-downs

Toxic relationships also tend to suffer from issues with contempt. This happens when your partner feels like they’re “better” than you are. Due to this, they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. They may roll their eyes at you, respond with put-downs to your suggestions, or constantly use mean words when talking to you.

Sometimes, it can be hard to pick up on contempt. This is mainly because of gaslighting. You might think that it’s just because your partner is in a bad mood or you said something wrong. Try to really think about what you said, and how your partner responded. If it seems off, then it’s probably a sign of contempt.

Trust issues

Trust is crucial for any healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to trust one another for things to work out in the long run. Therefore, it’s no surprise that trust issues are prevalent in toxic relationships.

Without any trust, the foundation of the relationship won’t be stable. Things like keeping secrets or constantly lying will just cause things to continue to deteriorate. Furthermore, it’ll also make it harder to believe when your partner is telling the truth. This can lead to arguments, and eventually a split sooner rather than later.

Difficult In-Laws

Meeting your partner’s parents is a big step in a relationship. For one, it’s nerve-wracking because you’re not sure if they’ll like you or not. Even if you try your best, it may not work out how you want. Sadly, having to deal with difficult in-laws can be an upsetting thing to go through. However, you can’t really get around it-you can just deal with it until it gets better. It can be hard, though, if you don’t know how to go about this situation. Hopefully, if you keep some things in mind, you’ll get some peace in mind.

Difficult In-Laws: Standing Your Ground

Communication

Unfortunately, knowing whether or not your in-laws like you can be unclear sometimes. First, make sure you talk with your partner! Let them knowyour concerns. Do the parents like you? If not, what could possibly be the reason for it? Additionally, what can be done to make it better? Letting your partner know where you are mentally and emotionally can help out significantly. If difficult in-laws are the problem, it’s almost impossible to go through it alone. If so, it can create a lot of strain.

Set Boundaries

Most everyone’s parents feel as though they are entitled to most facets of their kids lives. That’s true to a certain extent. However, when their child gets old enough, there may come a time where boundaries need to be set. This is especially the case with difficult in-laws. First, try to get some type of idea where and how you would like these boundaries set. For example, are in-laws barred from certain events? What are they allowed to comment on? Discuss what you want out of this. Then, you and your partner can talk about how to enforce your boundaries. Hopefully, your in-laws will take your boundaries seriously. That way, your relationship with them has the opportunity to improve.

Stand Your Ground

Standing your ground in any situation can be hard. For one, you don’t want to rock the boat. However, rocking the boat is necessary sometimes. Dealing with difficult in-laws can be one of those times! Of course, you can always shake the boat respectfully. Know what ways you’re going to enforce your boundaries. Additionally, if you’re nervous, rehearse if you have to. However, standing your ground could help better your relationship with your in-laws eventually.

Dealing with difficult in-laws can be a complicated situation. There are many reasons why they may be difficult. For one, they may not like you how you hoped they would. Or, they can just be a little too involved. No matter the reason, dealing with difficult in-laws is a necessity. Communication is always key so make sure you’re doing that with your partner. After all of your concerns are out in the open, try to set a game plan for setting boundaries. Additionally, once you’ve made your boundaries, make sure to set them and stand your ground. That way, everyone involved can have a better relationship with each other.