Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to cheat, but unfortunately, infidelity is a common occurrence. If you’ve been wanting to admit that you’ve had an affair, you may not even know how to start. It can be scary to even consider bringing it up, but you’ll probably be relieved to have the truth out there. Before you begin you should give some deep thinking as to why the affair even happened. Decide what you’d like your future to look like. Set the correct tone for your conversation. Deliver the news honestly and try to be understanding. And finally, give your partner space to think about what you’ve told them. They’ll have a lot of feelings about what happened, but hopefully, you two can work it out and move forward.
How to Admit That You’ve Had an Affair: Fessing Up
Find the Cause
Before you even try to admit that you’ve had an affair, it’s best to think about how it even happened. Were you looking for something that was missing in your relationship? Was it a one-time thing or a relationship? Consider whether or not you’d like to move forward with your spouse. They may not want to stay together when they find out, but you need to first decide if it’s even what you want. Really explore the situation internally and try to pinpoint how you could prevent it from ever happening again.
Set the Tone
When you actually sit down with your spouse to admit that you’ve had an affair, you’ll want to set the correct tone. Make sure that you’re both completely alone and have plenty of time to talk. If you have kids, make arrangements for them. Don’t try to catch your spouse while they’re heading out the door or already stressed. They will probably be more comfortable if you talk to them at home rather than out in public.
Deliver the News
When you finally admit that you’ve had an affair, it’s best to get to the point quickly and calmly. Your spouse will probably have a lot of questions for you. Answer everything truthfully. This is the time to get everything out in the open, so don’t try to hold anything back. Even if they ask questions that are painful to answer, they deserve to hear the full story. Try not to be defensive even if they get angry.
Give them Space
Finally, after you’ve had the conversation where you admit that you’ve had an affair, give your partner space. They will be feeling many emotions. Anger, hurt, embarrassment, sadness, among others. They may take time to be able to really sort out how they feel about what happened. In addition, they may want to distance themselves from you for a time. Don’t try to rush them to decide what they want to do about your relationship. Give them the space they need to take it all in and decide how they want to move forward.
Mustering up the courage to admit that you’ve had an affair can be difficult. It could end your relationship or marriage. However, most people find that keeping major secrets from their partners causes significant stress. You might feel better after the truth comes out. And it’s better for you to tell your spouse rather than have them find out from somebody else. Think about how you’d like your relationship to move forward before you tell them. Set the right tone by choosing a setting that allows you plenty of time and privacy for the talk. Be truthful and direct with them when you actually tell them. And finally, give them space afterward to decide how they feel. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to get help and move forward with your relationship.