Category: divorce advice

Mental Health During Divorce

Your mental well-being is important for a good post-divorce life. However, you also need to pay attention to your mental health during divorce as well. Getting yourself in a good place mentally will make it easier both to handle the divorce process, and move forward in the right direction…

Mental Health During Divorce

Stages of grief

The grieving process is important for your mental health during divorce. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve about the end of your marriage. Due to the loss you’ll experience, you’ll want to make sure you allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief, to better your recovery.

There’s five general stages of grief. First is denial, which tends to occur early in a divorce. Then, there’s the questioning stage and depression stage, which involves questioning what went wrong, and feeling sad over what’s happened, respectively. Finally, there’s the evaluation stage, which gives way to the acceptance stage, where you can finally begin to move on.

Maintain a positive attitude

It might seem hard to be positive while divorcing your partner. However, it’s actually pretty important for your mental health during divorce. Basically, if you surround yourself with positive things, you’ll begin to feel more positive yourself.

You probably know that when people are sad, they tend to engage with sad or depressing things. They might only listen to sad music, or watch sad movies. As a result, they end up just feeling sad all of the time. However, listening to happy music and watching uplifting movies can help give you some much-needed positivity.

Work on your physical health

Your physical health and mental health during divorce go hand-in-hand. When people feel good physically, they also feel much better mentally. This can be a challenge when getting a divorce, as the process might take up a lot of your time. Still, you don’t need to go crazy to improve your physical health.

For example, you can start to eat a bit healthier than you usually do. Plus, maybe you include some basic physical activity, like a walk, into your weekly routine. Simple things like these can help improve your physical health, and in turn, make you feel better mentally.

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

Your divorce is going to be a big life change. Like with any major change, it’s going to come with its fair share of lessons. These divorce lessons can teach you some pretty valuable things. In fact, there’s a few things in particular which you may want to take note of…

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

It’s ok to not be “ok”

A lot of people try to repress the more-negative feelings that divorce brings. In their mind, they think that feeling bad isn’t “right” for some reason. However, one of the important divorce lessons to learn is that it’s just fine to feel upset, angry, or disappointed. Indeed, it’s actually an important part of your eventual recovery.

No one is ever going to feel “perfect” 100% of the time, especially after a divorce. Therefore, don’t be afraid of those stronger emotions you’re feeling. Once you accept how you feel, you can start to process those emotions and begin to shift towards positive ones. In a way, it’s like you’re building up a tolerance to negative feelings for the future.

Change Is Natural

Another one of the important lessons is about accepting change. Change is a natural part of life. In a way, divorce is just another kind of change, even if you might not be all that excited for it. That means you shouldn’t see your divorce as some sort of permanent failure.

Rather, your divorce is just one small change in the grand scheme of things. The world isn’t over just because your marriage is. Ultimately, it’s not worth it to spend too much time stuck on what you lost. Instead, try to be optimistic about the new, positive changes you can start to make yourself

Perspective is key

One of the most important divorce lessons is about perspective. How we view things influences how we feel and what we think. That means if you view your divorce in nothing but a negative way, then you’re going to feel and think negatively for the foreseeable future.

Instead of getting caught in that rut, try to look at things more positively. Think about how you won’t have to deal with your ex doing or saying things which hurt you. Also keep in mind the new sense of control you now have over your life. Changing your perspective can really help you process your divorce.

Divorce Privacy: Protecting Yours

Divorce is something which is very personal. As a result, you may want to preserve your divorce privacy as best as you can. After all, gossip in the workplace or around others can be hard to deal with. There’s a few things you can try to help preserve your privacy…

Divorce Privacy: Protecting Yours

Watch what you share

One good way to protect your divorce privacy is to limit what you post on social media. These days, we’re pretty used to posting whatever and whenever on our accounts. However, during a divorce, that can be a bit of a bad idea for a couple reasons.

For starters, things that you share could come back to hurt you during the divorce, especially if they’re negative and about your ex. Plus, it also can cause others to try and pry into your personal life. It’s a better idea to try and give social media a break during this time.

Talk to those you trust

Another way to protect your divorce privacy is by watching what you say to others. Your friends and family are going to be an important part of your support system. Still, some people might be a bit more loose with information than others. That means they could end up sharing things you tell them with others who you don’t want to talk to.

For those more-important details, try to only talk to those you know you can trust. These are the people who understand you don’t want others to know about your divorce or how it’s going. That way, you cut down on potential gossip spreading around.

Change your passwords

It’s also a good idea to change your passwords as part of protecting your divorce privacy. Many couples will share accounts with each others, or give each other passwords for their own accounts. While this might’ve been fine before, now it can potentially compromise your privacy.

Therefore, try and go through your accounts and change up your passwords. Give priority to those very-important accounts, like bank accounts. The last thing you want is a vindictive ex getting access and giving you a headache.

Last Ditch Efforts Before Filing for Divorce

If your relationship is on the rocks, there are some last-ditch efforts before filing for divorce that you can try to save your marriage. You don’t want to file for a divorce and then, later on, wonder if you did everything possible to save your marriage. Start by talking it out with your partner. Try marriage counseling as a couple and work on your relationship. You can also try a short break away from each other. For example, just take a week apart to sort out your feelings. And finally, try to work on yourself. Divorce doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Maybe there are things that you can try to work through that would make you both happier. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a way to save your marriage and become a stronger couple afterward.

Last Ditch Efforts Before Filing for Divorce: Save Your Marriage

Talk it Out

One thing to do before filing for divorce is to talk it out with your partner. Set aside a time just for this conversation. Pick a time when neither of you is stressed or angry with the other. Schedule it in advance and choose a place where you are comfortable that is not your own house. Discuss the seriousness of your relationship issues and decide if you both are willing to put in the effort to save your marriage.

Go to Counseling

Another thing that many couples try before filing for divorce is marriage counseling. Often, one of the main issues in a marriage is communication. A therapist is a great resource to help you develop better ways to communicate with one another. They can also help you with big life changes and give you ways to handle disputes more healthily.

Take a Short Break

One last-ditch effort to save your marriage before filing for divorce is to take a short break. This is not a formal separation. Therefore, set a time limit of a week or so. Take the time to sort out your feelings and get some space. Sometimes, having a little time to reflect alone can give you the perspective you need to see both sides of an issue.

Work on Yourself

Finally, it’s always a good idea to work on yourself but especially before filing for divorce. Speak with a therapist to help you sort out some of the emotions you are feeling. Try to let go of the victim mentality and see if you can get some perspective on your partner’s side of your issues. Sometimes when we are unhappy, it can show up as relationship issues. We blame our partners for the negative emotions we feel towards ourselves. A therapist can help you sort through these feelings.

If you are trying to save your marriage, there are some steps you can take before filing for divorce. It’s important to try everything you can so that you don’t have regrets later in life. Divorce is a serious step to take and an intense process. You want to make sure that you are ready for it before you file. Make sure that you and your partner have taken the time to have a real and serious conversation about your future. Set time aside in your schedule and plan the discussion so that you don’t say things in the heat of an argument. Try marriage counseling together or speaking to a therapist on your own. And you can take a short break to get some perspective as well. Hopefully, some of these suggestions will help you save your marriage and will allow you to grow as a couple.

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Once you’ve given yourself some time to move on from your divorce, you might be interested in dating again. Online dating sites in particular might seem appealing, albeit intimidating. However, online dating post-divorce can be done. To help your chances, try to keep some tips in mind…

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Match & move on

One thing to avoid when doing online dating post-divorce is “pining.” That’s when you match with someone, send them a message, and then constantly wait and stress for them to get back to you. Eventually, if they don’t respond, you feel dejected and demoralized for future matches.

The thing about online dating is that the overall response rate is low. Still, this is offset by the sheer number of people who use them. Therefore, don’t obsess over every single match. Send them a message, and then move on to another potential match. It’s not worth obsessing over someone you’ve never met!

Watch for fakes

Another thing to be aware of when online dating post-divorce are fake profiles. Not everyone online is who they claim they are. Sometimes, they might be scammers who are trying to pull a fast one on you. They may try and get some kind of money out of you, or other personal info in order to access your bank accounts.

Therefore, be careful about who you talk to and what you share. After all, it’s always important to protect your privacy online. If anyone tries to ask you for some kind of money or is asking for super-specific info, then don’t take the risk. Rather, move on and block or report them.

Meet up in-person

Once you made a match while doing online dating post-divorce, don’t just keep things online only. This might seem obvious, but the reality is that nearly 1/3rd of people who match online don’t meet in-person. If you want to start off on the right foot, then you’ll want to make sure you meet in- person.

You don’t have to go on some big date or anything. Just meeting at a place like a coffee shop can be enough for you to get a feel of who they are. If things go well, then you can transition things into more in-person dates.

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

Once you’ve made the decision to divorce, there’s going to be a lot of changes to make. One of those changes deals with what to do about your wedding ring. This can be awkward, but it’s important not to overlook this aspect of post-divorce life…

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

When to take it off

The hardest thing about your wedding ring can be figuring out when to stop wearing it. Now, if your divorce is mutual, then it might not be a big deal. Since you and your spouse are in agreement, it’s easier to remove the ring. However, these mutual divorces aren’t so common.

If you end up with a one-sided divorce, then your spouse might not want to talk about the divorce. Talking about your rings can be a good way to help them realize what’s going on. You can both try and come up with a date to stop wearing them, which helps you both start to “let go” at the same time.

Sell or keep?

Once you have taken your wedding ring off, it seems like just another piece of jewelry. However, this isn’t always the case. Often times, they’re more expensive purchases than other jewelry pieces, and carry a lot of sentiment. Plus, many times both spouses end up wanting the other to get rid of the ring after the divorce.

So what do you do with the ring? You can choose to sell them, but keep in mind you won’t get the original value of the ring back. Still, it can be better than letting it sit, and the money can help cover divorce-related costs. If you have kids, you can hold on to it to give to them later down the line.

Family importance

A lot of spouses will buy their wedding ring at a jewelry store specifically for their partner. However, sometimes these rings are passed down from generation to generation. In these cases, these rings have much more sentimental value than others, and are harder to just get rid of.

The best thing to do is ask your spouse if they would like the ring back. Odds are it still means a lot to them, and they would appreciate the gesture. That can be a great way to start your post-divorce relationship on the right foot, especially if you have to co-parent.

Offering Divorce Support

You may be a pro at giving friends advice. For instance, movie suggestions, sports bets, haircut and wardrobe advice may all be a piece of cake. However, when it comes to offering divorce support? You might want to adjust your methods. It’s a difficult time for them and as uncomfortable as it may be, it’s important to offer divorce support. 

Tips for Offering Divorce Support

Don’t Interrogate

When offering divorce support to a friend, it’s important to avoid interrogating them. While you may want to ask questions and figure out where things went wrong, asking too many can become offensive. During a divorce, people will experience a lot of emotions and probably have a few questions of their own.

Answering questions they may not have the answer to is the last thing they want to do. In order to avoid this, they may begin to isolate themselves, which can be damaging. Therefore, it’s best to allow them to talk and give a listening ear. 

Don’t Judge

While they are going through this time, it’s important for your friend to know you aren’t judging. A divorce is a big decision and coming to that conclusion can be a difficult process. So, adding comments about why the marriage didn’t work or how they could have tried harder may just be a discouragement to your friend. Therefore, when you are trying to give divorce support, you want to avoid these types of statements and attitudes. 

Validate

Instead of questioning or judging your friend, it’s important to offer divorce support by validating them. This time can be confusing and your friend may have moments of questioning their own decisions. When this happens, you want to be there to offer validation. In some cases, it may be a good idea to give them details and remind them how they came to this decision. In addition, try to offer divorce support by validating their feelings. Remind them that their feelings are normal and understandable.
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In short, giving a friend divorce support can be hard. It’s a difficult time for them and while you want to help, it’s hard to gauge how. However, the most important thing you can do is to listen and be present.

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Trying to navigate divorce and not make mistakes can feel like an uphill battle. However, one type of mistake you want to avoid are kid-related mistakes. After all, it’s important to do your best to protect your kids from the potentially troublesome impacts of divorce…

Kid-Related Mistakes: What To Avoid

Bad-mouthing the other parent

Divorce isn’t easy for any couple. Often times, it involves a lot of buildup which eventually boils over into a divorce. During this process, many negative emotions might come to the surface. When or if this happens, then you need to watch what you say, especially around your kids.

One of the biggest kid-related mistakes is bad-mouthing your ex in front of your kids. Your kids don’t understand what has happened which caused you to divorce. To them, you’re still just their parents. As a result, you need to think of their feelings at all times before you speak.

Drag TheM In The Middle

Another of the kid-related mistakes to avoid is getting your children involved in the divorce. A lot of parents try to use their kids to help them and their goals. For instance, they might use them as messengers, or try and make them “pick a side” between them or their ex.

Again, it’s important to realize that your kids don’t see divorce like you and your ex do. Using them in this way just confuses them and causes them a lot of unwarranted psychological stress. It’s much better for both them and yourself to keep them out of these kind of positions.

Trying to spoil them

Not all kid-related mistakes are about getting your kids involved in the divorce. In fact, some of them tend to occur when trying to keep them out of things. For example, some parents like to try and spoil their kids with gifts to try and keep them happy, or because they feel guilty for stressing them.

However, this doesn’t actually tackle the real problems your kids may be experiencing. Plus, you could accidentally be encouraging spoiled behavior in the future. A better alternative is to talk to them one-on-one about how they feel, and possibly have them talk to someone like a family therapist.

Divorcing Child: What to Do as a Parent

These days, Millennials are more patient about marriage than Baby Boomers, leading to marriages that last longer than they used too. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean divorce no longer happens. If you’re the parent of a divorcing child, you might be unsure of what you should be doing. Thankfully, you can find the right balance to help support your child during this difficult time…

Divorcing Child: What to Do as a Parent

Give yourself time to accept it 

Parents of a divorcing child also need time to process and accept the divorce. They may have formed their own connections with their child’s spouse, or are worried about their grandchildren’s feelings. Sometimes, they may feel like they should’ve done more to help things work out for their child. 

It’s important to be honest with yourself about the situation. If your child is able to forgive and move on, then so should you. Try not to hold onto bad feelings, especially if it was a mutual decision and they remain friends. Follow your child’s example and accept what has happened.

Be supportive

Your divorcing child is going to need support to get through this difficult time. Try and remain out of the legal aspects and keep a neutral stance. Offer financial help if you think it’s needed, but the biggest thing is being their for them emotionally. 

Your child might also need some extra help if they have children. It might be a good idea to offer to watch them for a few nights so they’re away from the divorce. Even the most mutual divorces can be stressful on children, so it helps for them to be at a place they know they’re welcomed. 

Respect boundaries

Your divorcing child will need support during this time. However, they’ll also need some time to themselves to process things on their own. It’s good to be respectful of that and not try to push past the boundaries. 

If your child comes back into your home after the divorce, don’t overstep the line into their independence. You can certainly offer to help with say child care and financials, but you shouldn’t make them dependent on you again. Moving on again is an important part of post-divorce life. 

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

Divorce is a difficult situation to be in. After all, divorce isn’t something that couples imagine happening when they get married. However, if you do, there are some divorce truths you need to keep in mind. Doing so can help make the process a bit more manageable…

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

It’s rarely one person’s fault

One common issue which pops up during divorce is the blame game. Each spouse likes to place the blame for the divorce solely on the shoulders of their ex. What this leads to is a lot of hostility and tension throughout the entire divorce, making things much more difficult.

However, one divorce truth you need to keep in mind is that divorce is rarely one person’s fault. Divorce can happen for many reasons. However, the majority of them are due to actions performed by both partners. If you can understand this truth, then you can better accept your divorce, and learn some lessons from it.

Divorce takes time

Another divorce truth to understand is just how long divorcing can take. For starters, there’s the actual process itself. You’ll have to get documents together, handle court dates and negotiations with your ex, and many other similar things. This will take some time to get through, even for the most amicable divorces.

Plus, with how important divorce is, you don’t want to just rush through it. Like anything in life, rushing through divorce increases the chances of you making mistakes. With how important these decisions are, the last thing you want to do is make a mistake which could’ve been avoided.

You need to take care of yourself

One divorce truth that people don’t remember enough is how necessary it is to take care of one’s self. Divorce can be a time of great stress in a person’s life. This stress, along with other divorce emotions like depression, can take a serious toll on your health.

As a result, it’s important to keep an eye on your well-being. Make sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep each night. If you need some extra help, make sure to visit a doctor or even a therapist to help you get a handle on things.