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Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Healing after abuse, whether emotional or physical can be a long and difficult process. The most important step is recognizing abusive behavior in a relationship. It can be hard to recognize the damage that this type of trauma can cause. You’ll need to change negative thought patterns to more affirming ones. Making time for self-care is very important for healing. And finally, seeking help from a professional can be very helpful. Abuse can have many lingering effects, but healing from it can help you move on with your life and get to a place where you are much happier.

Healing After Abuse: Emotional or Physical

Recognize the Effects

Healing after abuse starts with realizing what some of the effects of abuse actually are. Physical abuse is often easier to recognize because it can leave bruises or scars. Often, time and medical care are what’s needed to heal physically. But emotional abuse damage can be harder to spot. It often can show up as anxiety, depression, and trouble sleeping. It can also lead to things like heavy drinking, drug abuse, or eating disorders. One final negative effect of emotional or physical abuse is feelings of low esteem or shame. Recognizing these symptoms of abuse can help you find ways to heal.

Change Negative Thoughts

One important aspect of healing after abuse is changing your mindset from a negative one to a more positive one. Often emotional abuse can leave victims with a lot of self-doubts. Your inner voice can become harsh and negative. Try and change this by actively giving yourself a positive affirmation. For example, you could say out loud “I am worthy” or “I love myself” repeatedly throughout the day. Or write it somewhere where you’ll see it as a bathroom mirror. Trying to change the negative attitude victims have towards themselves can be a great healing power.

Make Time for Self-Care

Self-care is extremely important for healing after abuse. Self-care can look different to different people. For example, it could look like buying yourself something special or treating yourself to a nice meal. But it could also look like hiring a babysitter for a night out with friends. Or making time for a yoga class or bubble bath. Even journaling can be a form of self-care because it gives you an outlet for your feelings.

Get Help

Finally, healing after abuse is often easiest when you seek help. You could confide in a close friend or member of your family if you feel comfortable. But it’s also helpful to seek the advice of a professional. A therapist is trained in helping people cope with things like relationship abuse and trauma. They will be able to give you advice on how to heal and move on with your life.

Healing after abuse can take a long time. Be patient with yourself and understand that everybody heals at a different pace. You could also have times where suddenly you are triggered after years of thinking that you had moved past the abuse. It’s perfectly fine to revisit these methods anytime you like. Recognize all the different ways that abuse can affect your life. Try to change negative thoughts to affirming ones. Make time for self-care and get help if you need it. Hopefully, you will be able to move on with your life and find a relationship that is much healthier.

Dealing with Grief During a Divorce

Dealing with grief during a divorce can be a long process. Everybody experiences divorce differently. You likely will go through many stages with your grief, and they might each take different lengths of time. Don’t compare your journey to anybody else’s. Instead, try to work on healthily dealing with your emotions. Try to accept your divorce and permit yourself to feel your feelings. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends. Take plenty of time for self-care and make yourself a priority. And finally, be patient. This process can take a long time. But rest assured, someday you will feel at peace with your divorce. And then you’ll be able to move on to the next chapter of your life.

Dealing with Grief During a Divorce: Channeling Emotions in a Healthy Way

Try to Accept the Divorce

It’s important to accept reality when dealing with grief during a divorce. Often, the denial stage of grief can take a long time. But denying the reality won’t change the situation. Try to take some time to address the fact that your marriage is ending. Only after you accept that it’s over can you begin to move forward.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

An important part of dealing with grief during a divorce is surrounding yourself with supportive family and friends. Try to reach out to people that understand what you’re going through and who will help you in productive ways. For example, helping you find new interests instead of just trash-talking your ex.

Take Time for Self-Care

Don’t forget to take some time for self-care when handling the grief during a divorce. Especially if you are feeling very stressed by the divorce process. Take a few moments to meditate, breathe deeply, or calm your mind. Try to find some new activities or hobbies that interest you. Another important part of self-care is getting the help you need if you are struggling. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional therapist if you feel like you are struggling.

Be Patient

Finally, when dealing with grief during a divorce, be patient. This process takes a long time. And it takes different amounts of time for everybody. Don’t compare yourself to other people you know who have gotten divorced. Their situation might have been very different from your own. Let it take as long as it needs to take. Just trust yourself and the fact that someday, you will be able to move forward.

Tackling grief during a divorce can be a long and difficult process. It’s important to first accept the reality of the situation so that you can begin to move forward. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, but denying it won’t change the situation. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends who will help you find new hobbies or even help you when you’re ready to start dating again. Take plenty of time for self-care, including mental self-care. And finally, give yourself some grace. Be patient and know that this process can take a while. However, someday you will be able to move forward knowing that you made the right decision. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move on to an exciting new part of your life and maybe even meet somebody new to share it with.

How-to: Help a Loved One During Divorce

You can learn more about how to help a loved one during divorce on this video.

It is no secret that divorce can be very painful. It is something that no one goes into a marriage wishing to go through. Watching someone you care about go through that pain can be difficult. Whether it is a family member or a friend, you can be there for them and support them. However, there are also boundaries you do not want to overstep. Learn how you can help a loved one get through a divorce.

How-to: Help a Loved During Divorce- Learning the Boundaries

Listen

One of the most meaningful things you can do to help a loved one during divorce is to just listen to them. Somethings all someone needs is just to vent and open up to someone they trust. While anger is not always healthy, in these cases, sometimes you just need to let it out. As a friend, it is your job to listen. Do not try and fix things for them or interject your thoughts. Find a quiet place and just hear them out.

Only when or if your friend or family member asks for your opinion should you give it. Otherwise, just be an ear for that person. According to David Know, a licensed family therapist, “Most people don’t need advice during a divorce, they just need to know that they’re not alone and that people care.” Sometimes, just talking through things is one of the first steps to healing. However, it is important to remember not to bash their ex with your own judgments or opinions. Focus on listening and validating your friend’s emotions instead.

Be a Friend

Another good way to help a loved one during divorce is to be a good friend. Oftentimes, this means lending a helping hand. Sometimes people have to move as a result of divorce. You can offer to help them pack or move some boxes. You could also bring your friend or loved one a meal. Whether you cook something, or just grab takeout, it is a nice gesture. This will give them one less thing to worry about, and give them some company at dinner.

Even if your friend or loved one keeps declining invitations for social events, do not stop extending the offer. Oftentimes, divorcees feel excluded by their married friends. Do not let that be the case. Let your friend know they are wanted. Also, keep in mind that they may not feel up for being social right then. However, as someone close to this person, be there for them for the long haul.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce

A milestone event is a special event that does not pop up very often. These can include celebrations such as births, weddings, baptisms and graduations. Typically, these are joyous events with much celebration. However, as a divorcee, these events can be complicated and painful. Oftentimes, you may have to share the event with your ex, and even their new family. Learn how to navigate milestone events post-divorce.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce: Overcoming Difficult Situations

Weddings

A wedding is an event that a child will want both of their parents to be there for. This can be trickier one of the milestone events when it comes to divorcees, as this is not something that the exes can show up for at different times or days. Not all exes are bitter and feel awkward around one another. However, when this is the case, it can get complicated. If you feel that you would be uncomfortable sitting near your ex, address this with your child and see if it is possible to get a seating assignment away from your ex.

Do your best to remember that this event about your child and their new spouse, not you! It would be hurtful to your child if you ruined their wedding fighting, rudeness, or barely contained frustrations. If you need to vent to someone, do so before the event. Take this opportunity to be cordial towards your ex. This does not mean you have to hang out with them all night, but at least do not cause drama.

Births

The birth of a grandchild is another one of the milestone events you may have to navigate post-divorce. If both you and your ex want to be present at the birth, you will have to see your ex. If you and your ex are comfortable with this, there should not be any issues. However, if you believe there will be tension, it may be best to split the visits.

You do not have to come in town at the same time as your ex, or show up at the hospital (or your child’s home) at the same time as your ex. There will be plenty of time with your child and the new baby to go around. Check in with what your child wants, as having a baby can be a joyous but also stressful moment. If you are on speaking terms with your ex, you could even communicate with them directly.

While big milestone events may take a little extra thought and planning on your end, it is possible to attend these events even after you are divorced. Consider what your child wants and try and make the situation as stress-free and easy for them as you can.

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

The signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can be very subtle and difficult to spot. It’s possible to be in an abusive relationship and not even realize it. Hopefully, knowing how to spot signs of abuse early can help you get the help you need. Knowing the goal of an abuser is helpful. Firstly, they want to tear you down and take away your self-confidence. After that, they want to try and control you. And finally, they do their best to isolate you from friends and family. Knowing what to look for might help you spot an abuser.

Signs of an Emotionally Abuse Relationship: Know What to Look For

Tearing You Down

One of the main signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is a partner who insults or tears you down. An emotional abuser’s goal is to make you feel weak and worthless. By doing this, it can be easier for them to control you and make you revolve your life around them. By insulting you or making your feel stupid, they can achieve this goal more easily. Look out for your partner always tearing you down, criticizing you, or flat out insulting you. If they call you overly sensitive or try to distort your views of reality, you might be dealing with emotional abuse. Similarly, if they refuse to listen to your opinions or dismiss your feelings outright, it can be a red flag.

Controlling You

The ultimate end goal of an abuser is to control you. So another of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship would be a partner who tries to control what you do but also how you feel. If your partner asks where you are constantly or wants to know all of your plans, it could be a warning sign. Healthy relationships are built on trust, so if you feel like you need permission to do things and have to let your partner know your every move, it could be emotional abuse. Similarly, if your partner tracks you with your phone or social media, it’s a warning sign. You should also mutually agree on financial decisions too.

Isolation

A major one of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is your partner making you feel isolated. They may criticize you or make you feel embarrassed about your feelings. This is so you’ll be too ashamed to seek help. They may also manipulate you into spending all your time with them. Or making your life and priorities revolve around them. If your partner insults your family or friends and makes you feel guilty for spending time alone or with others, it could be a red flag.

Hopefully, knowing the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can help you spot warning signs if your partner is abusive. If you feel that they tear you down, control you, or try to isolate you, you might want to really take a look at your relationship. If you do find that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for support. Hopefully, they can assist you in getting the help you need.

Offering Divorce Support

You may be a pro at giving friends advice. For instance, movie suggestions, sports bets, haircut and wardrobe advice may all be a piece of cake. However, when it comes to offering divorce support? You might want to adjust your methods. It’s a difficult time for them and as uncomfortable as it may be, it’s important to offer divorce support. 

Tips for Offering Divorce Support

Don’t Interrogate

When offering divorce support to a friend, it’s important to avoid interrogating them. While you may want to ask questions and figure out where things went wrong, asking too many can become offensive. During a divorce, people will experience a lot of emotions and probably have a few questions of their own.

Answering questions they may not have the answer to is the last thing they want to do. In order to avoid this, they may begin to isolate themselves, which can be damaging. Therefore, it’s best to allow them to talk and give a listening ear. 

Don’t Judge

While they are going through this time, it’s important for your friend to know you aren’t judging. A divorce is a big decision and coming to that conclusion can be a difficult process. So, adding comments about why the marriage didn’t work or how they could have tried harder may just be a discouragement to your friend. Therefore, when you are trying to give divorce support, you want to avoid these types of statements and attitudes. 

Validate

Instead of questioning or judging your friend, it’s important to offer divorce support by validating them. This time can be confusing and your friend may have moments of questioning their own decisions. When this happens, you want to be there to offer validation. In some cases, it may be a good idea to give them details and remind them how they came to this decision. In addition, try to offer divorce support by validating their feelings. Remind them that their feelings are normal and understandable.
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In short, giving a friend divorce support can be hard. It’s a difficult time for them and while you want to help, it’s hard to gauge how. However, the most important thing you can do is to listen and be present.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: Gaslighting

A phrase that has gained popularity in recent years is “Gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse because it skews the balance of power in a relationship and makes the victim question their reality. There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their partner, and the effects can be huge. Often, victims have a hard time overcoming their emotional abuse, and it takes a long time to trust again. The best way to respond to gaslighting is to keep a record of everything so that you can view the events later with clear eyes. Gaslighting can have a huge impact on emotional and mental well-being, so it’s important to address it.

The Weapon of the Emotional Abuser: What is Gaslighting?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person makes the victim question their perception of reality. A victim of gaslighting will feel confused and question their own reality. They may also question their own feelings about events and wonder if they are over-reacting in situations. This can cause significant anxiety and eventually hurt a person’s mental health. The term comes from a 1938 play called Gas Light where a husband keeps dimming the gas-powered lights in a home and disagrees with his wife when she points it out. Gaslighting can make a victim unable to trust their own instincts and feelings. It is a classic weapon of emotional abusers.

Effects of Gaslighting?

The main effect of gaslighting is that the victim begins to mistrust their own feelings. They question their reality, and ultimately this gives the abuser more power. If a victim feels unable to trust their own instincts, they’re more likely to stay in a relationship with their emotional abuser. They’ll also be afraid to reach out to others for help because they wonder if they’re being too sensitive. If a victim doesn’t reach out to friends or family, then it’s less likely that somebody will spot the other red flags in their relationship.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

The first thing to do if you suspect your partner is gaslighting you is to keep a record of things. Start a journal or diary of your day to day conversations and when you feel like your feelings are being dismissed or questioned. Hopefully, you’ll be able to gain some perspective by viewing the conversations later on. Collect evidence that supports the version of events that you remember, even if your partner insists that you are incorrect. You can also speak with a friend or somebody you trust to see if they notice red flags. This is another way to collect evidence that you can refer back to later. It’s important to address gaslighting because it can have such a harmful effect on your mental health.

Gaslighting is a common form of emotional abuse. If your partner is gaslighting you, they may argue with your memory of events, or make you question your feelings. They may even make you feel guilty for questioning their motives. Eventually, all this confusion can deteriorate your self-confidence and hurt your mental health. The situation just helps your abusive partner gain more control over you. If you are a victim of this form of abuse, start keeping a record of events to refer to later. And reach out for help. You can always ask for help at the Domestic Violence Support Hotline.

Healing After Emotional Abuse: Focus on Yourself

If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship, you are probably feeling confused and hurt. Healing after emotional abuse requires you to focus on yourself. Keeping a journal can help you separate fact from fiction. Don’t engage with your abuser any longer. Asking for help from a friend or person you trust is important as well. And finally, take time for yourself and do something that makes you happy. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find your self-worth and move on to a happier relationship.

Healing After Emotional Abuse: Focus on Yourself and Move On

Journal

One of the main goals of emotional abusers is to try and distort your view of reality. Healing from emotional abuse requires you to sort out fact and fiction. It also means that you’ll need to gain some perspective on the situation. Write down your experiences in a journal or diary. Later, you can read the entries when you are doubting yourself. Hopefully seeing things written down can help you get some distance from the situation. Therefore, you’ll be able to see the whole situation more clearly.

Don’t Engage

Healing from emotional abuse is easier if you can sever ties completely with the person hurting you. However, if you are in a situation where you must see them, try not to engage. If they begin using hurtful language or trying to belittle you, stop them in their tracks. Simply say that if they say anything unkind, you’ll walk away. Then stick to your word. Don’t argue, just leave the situation.

Ask For Help

Ask for help if you are healing from emotional abuse. Go to a close friend or somebody that you trust. Explain the situation to them and ask for help. For example, if you need to coordinate things with your ex, they can help. You can also get help from a professional. Therapy can help you find your self-confidence again. It can also help you gain some perspective on the situation. Some therapists are offering virtual sessions.

Take Time for Yourself

The single most rewarding thing you can do for yourself when healing from emotional abuse is to take some “me” time. Find a hobby or new passion that makes you feel happy. Or explore a talent that makes you feel proud of yourself. Taking time for yourself doesn’t have to be expensive. For example, it might just mean a long bath. Or a few minutes of focused yoga. However you choose to do it, just take a few minutes to do something that makes you feel happy.

Emotional abuse can be very hard to overcome. This is because it distorts your perception of reality and can cause distress even years later. Healing from emotional abuse requires focus and self-reflection. Take time to journal your feelings and experience. Refuse to engage any longer with your abuser. Ask for help either from a friend or professional. And finally, take time to focus on yourself. Hopefully, you can use these suggestions to move forward with your life. That way, you’ll be able to move on to a relationship that lets you know your self-worth.

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

Divorce is a difficult situation to be in. After all, divorce isn’t something that couples imagine happening when they get married. However, if you do, there are some divorce truths you need to keep in mind. Doing so can help make the process a bit more manageable…

Divorce Truths: What You Should Know

It’s rarely one person’s fault

One common issue which pops up during divorce is the blame game. Each spouse likes to place the blame for the divorce solely on the shoulders of their ex. What this leads to is a lot of hostility and tension throughout the entire divorce, making things much more difficult.

However, one divorce truth you need to keep in mind is that divorce is rarely one person’s fault. Divorce can happen for many reasons. However, the majority of them are due to actions performed by both partners. If you can understand this truth, then you can better accept your divorce, and learn some lessons from it.

Divorce takes time

Another divorce truth to understand is just how long divorcing can take. For starters, there’s the actual process itself. You’ll have to get documents together, handle court dates and negotiations with your ex, and many other similar things. This will take some time to get through, even for the most amicable divorces.

Plus, with how important divorce is, you don’t want to just rush through it. Like anything in life, rushing through divorce increases the chances of you making mistakes. With how important these decisions are, the last thing you want to do is make a mistake which could’ve been avoided.

You need to take care of yourself

One divorce truth that people don’t remember enough is how necessary it is to take care of one’s self. Divorce can be a time of great stress in a person’s life. This stress, along with other divorce emotions like depression, can take a serious toll on your health.

As a result, it’s important to keep an eye on your well-being. Make sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep each night. If you need some extra help, make sure to visit a doctor or even a therapist to help you get a handle on things.

Post-Divorce Counselor: Find Your Fit

Seeking out therapy during your divorce can be very beneficial. However, you might also want to consider making use of a post-divorce counselor. Finding the right one for you can seem like a challenge. Still, there are some ways to find one which will work with you the best…

Post-Divorce Counselor: Find Your Fit

Consider their perspectives

The thing about counseling and therapy is that there’s actually many different methods out there. Different counselors might use different styles. Some of these styles might appeal to you more than others. Therefore, consider what methods a post-divorce counselor makes use of.

For instance, some will work on changing your thoughts to help change your actions. Others might ask questions, and help develop a goal for change based on your responses. Depending on which one you feel is best, some counselors might be a better fit than others.

What is their schedule?

You also have to consider accessibility when looking for a post-divorce counselor. Availability can vary from one counselor to the next. Combine this with fitting them around a work schedule, and it’s important to see which ones would work the best for when you’re free.

Still, don’t just factor in the days and hours that they’re open alone. Remember to consider things like distance as well. Having to make long drives can be costly gas-wise, and make you not want to constantly go. A more nearby counselor, on the other hand, is easier to stick with.

Do you feel comfortable

The most important thing about a post-divorce counselor is that you feel comfortable with them. Do you feel like they listen to you, and that you get along well with them? If you don’t, you might not get the kind of help from them that you’re expecting. This can make you feel like you’re wasting your time, and your money.

Don’t be afraid to raise these concerns to your counselor. Odds are they’ll do better to help you feel more comfortable with them. However, if you still don’t, there’s nothing wrong with trying out a new counselor. It can feel a bit tedious, but finally finding one who fits makes it all worth it.