Author: Robert Reeves

Dating After Divorce: First Steps

Dating is never easy, but dating after divorce can feel daunting. It presents its own set of challenges. Perhaps it’s been a long time since you were even looking for someone to date. Use these tips to make this overwhelming experience feel a little bit easier.

Dating After Divorce: Where to Start

Self-Reflect

Before you even start thinking about dating after divorce, do a good hard look at your past. Unfortunately, it can be tough to dig deep like this. However, taking this step can help you to make sure you are not making the same mistakes over and over again. What went wrong in your marriage? What qualities did you like about your ex? Also, what qualities did you dislike? Think about traits they had that brought out both the best and the worst in you. Make a list of what you want in a partner, and what traits you want to avoid. 

Drop the Anger

Sure, you may still be really hurt about what happened in the past. There’s no denying that. But if you want to start dating after divorce, you have to work towards forgiving your ex. Carrying around anger towards your ex is like carrying around a heavy weight. Also, you could bring that anger and stress into your new relationship. Don’t feel ashamed to talk to someone or get help if you need help through the healing process. Letting go of the extra weight to find a new found freedom that will have you feeling ready and open to letting someone else in. 

Complaining about your ex is not what your new date wants to hear, especially on the first few dates. Keep conversations to what is important to you, and listen to your new date. Remember, they want to know you and not your ex. 

Expand Your Options

Perhaps you think you have a type. Maybe your ‘type’ has characteristics that did not work in the first place. Don’t limit yourself to only wanting to date one type of person. You should try going out with some people who don’t fit the mold of who you usually look for. You could be looking past some real gems! 

That being said, go with your gut. If you’re dating after divorce, don’t waste your time with someone you have a bad feeling about. Certainly, if you see red flags, get out. Do not stick around with someone who does not feel right. 

Online Dating

If you don’t know where to start, give online dating a try. Maybe online dating was not a thing the last time you were looking to date? That’s okay, give it a try. It is becoming one of the top ways to meet people now. When you are looking to start dating after divorce, online dating can help you ease back into the dating game by allowing you to get comfortable with just talking to people in messages. A tip is to have someone or several people you trust help you build, or approve, your profile. That way you make sure you’re set up for success.

There are many online dating sites out there now. There are even ones for different interests, religious affiliations, and age ranges. Read reviews and breakdowns to know which of the dating websites may be the best fit for you. 

In short, getting back into dating after divorce may feel overwhelming. Just take one step at a time. These steps will help you make your first steps towards finding a new relationship!

Homeschooling During Covid-19: The Challenge

Many parents are having to start homeschooling during Covid-19. Teaching kids from home is never easy. However, adding divorce and joint custody on top of that makes education that much more complicated.

Homeschooling During Covid-19: How to Navigate this Change

Joint Custody 

With the school year drawing closer, there is an uncertainty about whether schools will reopen next year. This opens up the possibility for another school year of homeschooling during Covid-19. This may become an issue for co-parents with joint custody. What guidelines should be followed when determining timeshare now that schools have been closed? Court orders address usual school breaks and holidays. However, this becomes less clear when schools are closed for months at a time. 

There may be a difference in the way each parent handles homeschooling. These differences may create issues between exes. It may also impact how the child is learning. Try and establish some form of structure between the schooling setup between the different households. 

Work from Home

On top of that, many parents are having to work from home, in addition to doing homeschooling during Covid-19. Parents who do have to work from home may find it difficult to juggle working and having their kids home all of the time. Plus, parents have to find more time to help kids with their schoolwork. This may cause tensions around the household. If one of the co-parents does not work and the other one does, this will directly affect one of the parents ability to do the homeschooling. 

Develop a Plan

Most parents are not used to having to assume this level of teaching responsibilities. Only a few months ago, no one could have predicted they would be homeschooling during Covid-19. Plus, quarantine throws in a whole other dimension. It is so important that parents give themselves grace during this period. This time period certainly does not come with an instruction manual. This may be a big life change and will take time to get it figured out. 

Everyone’s schedule is different, so every homeschooling plan will be different. It’s important to see what works best for that particular family. It’s okay if there is an adjustment period, but getting a routine in place will make the homeschooling process go smoother.

Practical Divorce Issues: Subtle Changes

It’s always good to do some proper prep work when you know you want to get a divorce. Still, you have to also keep in mind some practical divorce issues. These issues may not be related to the divorce process directly, but could come up as a result of it…

Practical Divorce Issues: What To Plan For

Team jobs

Team jobs can be the site of a lot of practical divorce issues. Usually, when a married person needs help, they’ll reach out to their spouse first. Many times, it’s for simple things that just require an extra set of hands, like moving some furniture.

However, you’ll now be down that other person. You might not think that’s an issue, but for example maybe you plan to move. What do you do if the movers accidentally placed heavy boxes or furniture in the wrong rooms? When you realize you can’t move these things alone, it’s time to reach out to friends and family for assistance.

Yard work

Other practical divorce issues can come up regarding yard work. Most couple tend to have one person take care of the yard work. Others may split up the duties, to help speed things up and evenly share the workload. With a divorce, you may end up finding yourself having to take care of the lawn yourself.

Of course, not taking care of the lawn makes it pretty unappealing and could even result in fines. Therefore, determine if you want to try and take care of everything on your own. If that doesn’t sound appealing, hiring lawn care professionals is also good if you have the money for them.

Administrative matters

 Some practical divorce issues can be cause by administrative matters. Each household will have someone who mainly handles these sorts of tasks. This tends to include things like paying bills, preparing taxes, and balancing the household budgets. They may also take care of things like school activities if you have kids.

With a divorce, you’ll now suddenly find yourself in charge of a lot of these responsibilities. It can be pretty overwhelming to have all of this thrown into your lap at once. As a result, it’s a good idea to reach out to your ex and ask them for some advice. If you left things on good terms, then they should be willing to give you a hand.

Reasons to Adopt: Expanding Your Family

The reasons to adopt will differ among families, but they ultimately come down to wanting to add a child to their family. There are many reasons a that a couple or individual may choose to adopt. Adoption can be a lengthy, yet rewarding process. 

Reasons to Adopt: Why You May Consider Adoption

Infertility

Some people are unable to have their own biological children. Infertility is a common one of the reasons to adopt. Some people try to have a child naturally, but are unable to conceive. Sometimes, they try fertility treatments, which could fail as well. They may consider adoption as a way to have a child, even though they are unable to have their own biological child. 

Single Parents

In other cases, single parents may want a child but not have a partner to have a child with. This is another one of the reasons to adopt. Adoption does not require you to have a spouse or partner. This way, a single parent can have a child without having to go through fertility treatments.

Same-Sex Parents

In the same way, same-sex couples are unable to have a biologic child that would have the genes of both parents. They may have to go through fertility treatments in order to have a child as well. This brings up another one of the reasons to adopt, as this could open another option for having a child.

Medical Concerns

Sometimes, medical issues prevent a couple from being able to have a child of their own. Other times, the fear of passing on a genetic disease or gene could be one of the reasons to adopt. In both of these situations, adoption may be the best option for medical concerns that parents may have.

Give a Child a Loving Home

Another one of the reasons to adopt is to provide a child with a stable, loving home. There are children domestically and around the world who live in an environment that may not be safe, loving or supportive. 

On the other hand, sometimes parents are in situations where they are just not able to provide or care for a child. Some people decide to adopt because they want to give these children a supportive home and love them as their own. 

These are just some of the many reasons to adopt. There are children in the United States, abroad and in the foster system who are up for adoption. Whatever your reasons are for starting the journey towards adoption, make sure you weigh all options and do plenty of research. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but not something to take lightly. 

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Post-Divorce

After a divorce, it can be difficult to decide if you should sell or keep the family home. There are plenty of factors that play into this. Everyone’s situation will be different…

Sell or Keep the Family Home: Factors to Consider

Finances

Your financial situation will play a big role in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home after a divorce. Based on your situation, you may have the option to sell the home and split the profit. Another option may be to buy out your spouse to keep the house. You will need to determine which is a better option for you financially.

You may have to speak with a financial advisor or an accountant to see which option is going to be the best financially. Keep in mind there are a lot of financial responsibilities that come with owning a house. You don’t want to start a new chapter of your life with expenses and debt you can’t handle. 

Eligibility for a Mortgage 

Additionally, while deciding if you should sell or keep the family home, you should check to see if you could qualify for a mortgage, if needed. In some cases, one spouse may not be approved to carry a mortgage on their own. This is especially true if they were a non-income earning spouse. You certainly don’t want to make a decision based on thinking you could easily buy another house without making sure you are eligible for a mortgage.

Children

If you have children, especially ones in school, they could be a factor in deciding if you should sell or keep the family home. It can be difficult to uproot children and move them to a different school. Therefore, this may play a role in you deciding to keep you in your current home. Research the schools in the new area you may be considering so that you can make an informed decision. 

A New Start

Sometimes, you may just need a brand new start. A home can hold a lot of memories and emotions. Selling a home can give you the opportunity for a new start. Whether that move is locally, or long-distance, moving into a completely new home may be a deciding factor in whether or not to sell or keep the family home. 

Divorce comes with many difficult decisions to make. Deciding if you should keep or sell the family home could be one of them. Take your time, do your research, and think it through so that you make sure you’re making the right decision.

Keep Active During Divorce

The combination of COVID-19 and the emotional stress of divorce can make it hard to find motivation. As a result, you may end up seeing your health suffer as a result. Therefore, it’s good to find ways to keep active during divorce.  That way, you can stay healthy and motivated during these tougher times…

Keep Active During Divorce: What To Try

At-home workouts

These days, most places have had their gyms closed for months. Even if you live at a place which has them open, you may not feel so comfortable going back just yet. At the same time, you may not be sure as to what you can do exercise-wise without the usual gym equipment.

In reality, you don’t need a lot to do at-home workouts. Just some basic equipment will be enough to get you going. That’s what makes these workouts so good for when you want to keep active during divorce. Not only can you get some exercise in, but you can also more easily work it into your schedule.

Bike riding

Riding a bike can also be another good way to keep active during divorce. For starters, it helps get you out and about instead of being stuck inside the house. Plus, it adds a bit of variety aside from just walking or running.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when biking is safety. You should always wear safety gear like a helmet, no matter where you’re biking at. However, if you’re going to be biking on the roads, just make sure you know how to safely share the road with the drivers out there.

Yoga

Instead of something intensive, maybe you’re looking to a more-calming way to keep active during divorce. This is where yoga can come in handy. Yoga provides you with a way to keep active, especially at the house, without needing to do anything as intensive as other alternative workouts.

You don’t even need that much to get into yoga proper. A simple yoga mat and some open space is all you need to get started! As for what you can do, there’s plenty of guides and walk-through exercises online which can give you some direction and help you find your flow.

2-2-3 Schedule: Strike A Balance

One of the trickiest parts of co-parenting can be settling on a schedule. However, a popular model that many parents like to use is the 2-2-3 schedule. This plan could help you find a good balance that helps smooth out the rest of your co-parenting plans…

2-2-3 Schedule: How It Works

Basic breakdown

A 2-2-3 schedule is a pretty straightforward system. Basically, one parent will have the kids for 2 days in the week. Then, the other parent will have the kids for the next 2 days. Finally, the kids will go back to the first parent for the last 3 days of the week. With the start of the next week, the schedule will switch.

So with this schedule, you would have the kids on Monday and Tuesday. Then, your co-parent would have them on Wednesday and Thursday, before you get them back for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This then makes it easy to have you switch days next week.

The pros

There’s a good number of pros which come with a 2-2-3 schedule. For starters, it allows for both parents to see the kids throughout the week. It also does a good job in keeping that time you spend with them equal. Plus, it isn’t all that difficult to put it into practice, which makes it easy to get going.

Due to these factors, it’s a good schedule for reducing potential conflict. You won’t have to worry about arguing with your spouse over getting an even amount of time spend with the kids. Your kids will also not have to go very long without seeing their other parent, which can be especially good in those early stages after the divorce.

Potentials cons

Still, there are some things you should keep in mind about a 2-2-3 schedule. Mainly, it will require a good amount of coordination. You and your co-parent will have to make time for picking up or dropping off the kids, which can be hard if you’re already dealing with communication issues.

It could also be the case that the constant changes end up putting more stress on the kids then you initially realize. Instead, it could be better for them to spend more time at one house and get into a routine. Like with all co-parenting schedules, you’ll want to be flexible and make any changes as needed!

Divorce Coaching: Potential Benefits

Having to go through a divorce alone can be pretty daunting. Therefore, it could be worthwhile to get some divorce coaching. Meeting with a coach could help you handle the new difficulties and challenges which come with divorce…

Divorce Coaching: Ways It Can Help

Develop a plan

Many people tend to feel lost when going through their divorce. It can be difficult to know what you should be doing and what you should avoid. This can very quickly become overwhelming and make things much more difficult for you. That’s why divorce coaching can be handy.

A coach can help you come up with a general plan of action. Not just that, but they’ll also work with you to make a post-divorce plan as well. That way, not only will you have some good guidance now, but you’ll also have an idea of where to start when the divorce is over too.

Talking with your ex

Another time divorce coaching is helpful is when you struggle with talking to your ex. It can be awkward to talk now that you’re divorcing one another. However, it’s important to do so effectively, especially if you’re going to be co-parents after everything is over.

Meeting with a coach can teach you helpful ways to find some common ground with your ex. This will help make it easier for the both of you to talk with each other. Still, it could be the case that there’s a lot of tension remaining between you and your ex. A coach can also help you figure out ways to de-escalate things and keep the peace.

Keep your cool

A person’s emotions tend to run pretty high when they’re divorcing. All the stress can get the better of you and really make you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or depressed. Divorce coaching can teach you healthy ways to manage these emotions so you can keep your cool.

It’s important to keep your emotions in check for several reasons. Aside from the health benefits, it’ll help you make sure your emotions don’t interfere with your decision making. It can also help you talk to your ex without getting worked up.

Divorced Parents

Trying to grapple with being divorced and being a parent can be pretty hard. That’s why many divorced parents tend to run into the same problems and make very similar mistakes. However, knowing what these mistakes are can help you better see how you can best avoid them…

Divorced Parents: What To Avoid Doing

Using the kids as messengers

Many divorced parents struggle with talking to one another after splitting up. Depending on what either caused the divorce or how it went, it can be tough to talk effectively. As a result, they may instead try and have their kids talk for them. Usually, this means having them be a messenger as they go between households.

By doing this, though, you’re effectively placing them right in the middle of your personal problems with each other. While you may not see your ex in a good light anymore, your kids still just see you both as their parents. Putting them in this role can make them feel bad and strain your relationship with them, which is why you want to avoid it entirely.

 Initiating constant fights

Something else divorced parents should avoid is always looking for a way to pick fights. Now, you and your ex are not going to agree on everything. This is why you’ll want to make a good co-parenting plan with some flexibility in it. Being too rigid or combative will just really hurt your kids in the long run.

For example, if your kids are doing things when they’re with their ex that maybe you wouldn’t do, don’t rush to fight them about it. Instead, take a moment and think about if it’s really a big issue. If not, then it doesn’t make sense to pick a fight about something which isn’t hurting your kids.

Thinking the kids can’t tell what’s going on

Divorced parents tend to believe that their kids can’t detect the tension between them. While you may both not like being around each other anymore, you’ll try and pretend for the sake of your kids. The thing is, your kids can definitely tell and see what’s going on.

Therefore, you need to actually try and come to a real peace and understanding with one another. Constantly being tense is just going to make your kids anxious and on-edge when you’re around each other. As long as you try your best and keep things cool, then your kids will feel a lot more relaxed.

Home Business Post-Divorce: Making Moves

Many people struggle with going back to work after their divorce. For some, they’d rather try and do things their way with a home business post-divorce. While it can be tricky, it can also open up a new, and potentially lucrative, chapter in your life…

Home Business Post-Divorce: How To Prep

Find your niche

When starting a home business post-divorce, you first need to find your niche. The appeal of a home-based business is that it lets you appeal to markets which other major brands may look over. Where they may not see a profit, you could potentially have many loyal customers who are willing to pay for what you have to offer.

However, you need to make sure it’s something which you can properly apply your skills to. You don’t want to invest all your money into something you have no prior knowledge about! Take things slowly, do your research, and find an area you think you can tap into. That way, you avoid potentially getting stuck in an over-saturated or nonexistent market.

Take your time

It’s important to not rush into creating your home business post-divorce. Trying to simply rush and get things going will more than likely set your venture up for failure. It may take some time and require you to do some traditional work in the meantime as you save funds and get things off the ground.

The two major things you want to have are a good workspace at home and enough funds to get up and running. A good home workspace will encourage you to view your work as serious, even when at the house. Additionally, having plenty of funds will ensure you can cover your costs, especially in the early months when you’re trying to get sales going.

Don’t forget to take breaks

It can be exciting and stressful to set up a home business post-divorce. Still, you have to remember to not push yourself too hard. After all, you’re still recovering from all the stress and changes that came with your divorce.

That’s why you’ll want to make sure you take time to relax. Your mental and physically health should always take priority. It’s okay if it takes longer than expected to get your business running. Starting later but much more prepared is better than rushing and only scraping by!