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Author: Robert Reeves

Difficult In-Laws

Meeting your partner’s parents is a big step in a relationship. For one, it’s nerve-wracking because you’re not sure if they’ll like you or not. Even if you try your best, it may not work out how you want. Sadly, having to deal with difficult in-laws can be an upsetting thing to go through. However, you can’t really get around it-you can just deal with it until it gets better. It can be hard, though, if you don’t know how to go about this situation. Hopefully, if you keep some things in mind, you’ll get some peace in mind.

Difficult In-Laws: Standing Your Ground

Communication

Unfortunately, knowing whether or not your in-laws like you can be unclear sometimes. First, make sure you talk with your partner! Let them knowyour concerns. Do the parents like you? If not, what could possibly be the reason for it? Additionally, what can be done to make it better? Letting your partner know where you are mentally and emotionally can help out significantly. If difficult in-laws are the problem, it’s almost impossible to go through it alone. If so, it can create a lot of strain.

Set Boundaries

Most everyone’s parents feel as though they are entitled to most facets of their kids lives. That’s true to a certain extent. However, when their child gets old enough, there may come a time where boundaries need to be set. This is especially the case with difficult in-laws. First, try to get some type of idea where and how you would like these boundaries set. For example, are in-laws barred from certain events? What are they allowed to comment on? Discuss what you want out of this. Then, you and your partner can talk about how to enforce your boundaries. Hopefully, your in-laws will take your boundaries seriously. That way, your relationship with them has the opportunity to improve.

Stand Your Ground

Standing your ground in any situation can be hard. For one, you don’t want to rock the boat. However, rocking the boat is necessary sometimes. Dealing with difficult in-laws can be one of those times! Of course, you can always shake the boat respectfully. Know what ways you’re going to enforce your boundaries. Additionally, if you’re nervous, rehearse if you have to. However, standing your ground could help better your relationship with your in-laws eventually.

Dealing with difficult in-laws can be a complicated situation. There are many reasons why they may be difficult. For one, they may not like you how you hoped they would. Or, they can just be a little too involved. No matter the reason, dealing with difficult in-laws is a necessity. Communication is always key so make sure you’re doing that with your partner. After all of your concerns are out in the open, try to set a game plan for setting boundaries. Additionally, once you’ve made your boundaries, make sure to set them and stand your ground. That way, everyone involved can have a better relationship with each other.

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Adjusting to being a co-parent can cause a lot of stress, and sometimes even depression. Co-parenting depression is a real issue which can get in the way of your shared goals for your child. However, there are ways to cope with these feelings, and eventually push past them…

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Find some common ground

A major source for co-parenting depression is constant arguments. It makes sense that you and your ex may not agree on everything. However, constantly arguing over these matter will just lead to more frustration building up. Ultimately, these arguments don’t do you or your kids any good.

Instead, it’s helpful to first find some common ground. This is especially helpful for house rules. For example, maybe you both agree what time your kids should be asleep at, or when they should do homework. Finding the areas you agree on will make it easier to work on the ones you disagree on.

Improve communication

Poor communication is also another common source of co-parenting depression. For many co-parents, communication breaks down in a few ways ways. A parent might feel out-of-the-loop in regards to what their ex is doing, or always end up arguing with them when they talk.

Neither of these situations are good for you or your kids, so it’s important to improve your communication. Try to always ensure you both have a way of reaching the other, and talk to each other about your plans. If you find you’re always arguing, keep your talks brief, focused, and potentially over text to mitigate the risk of an argument.

Manage your depression

There’s also plenty of ways to manage your co-parenting depression through outside resources. For instance, a therapist can help you identify why you feel how you do, and how you can work on it. Even just talking to friends can help alleviate those feelings.

It also doesn’t hurt to find some things to do when you’re not co-parenting. Hobbies are a great way to burn off some stress and start to feel better again. Plus, if you find one your kids can enjoy, you can bond with them while also getting to do something you all like.

Mental Health Post-Divorce

A person’s mental health post-divorce can really be in a difficult state. With all that has happened, it can be hard to see how you can start healing. However, there are many ways for you to begin this healing process…

Mental Health Post-Divorce

Create a new routine

A new routine can really help improve your mental health post-divorce. Take some time to think about how your priorities have changed now after the divorce. You might have to care for your kids or pets, but you don’t need to put your former partner’s needs over yours. Now, you can make a routine that prioritizes you.

Creating this new schedule can really help you do the things you like. Maybe this is just taking a walk at a nearby park. Or, perhaps it’s picking back up an old hobby of yours. Whatever it may be, these new things will help you start to feel better about yourself.

Look at your work-life balance

Many people like to try and throw themselves into their work after something like divorce has happened. After all, the work should help take their mind off of things, right? However, it turns out this can have some negative effects on your mental health post-divorce.

Throwing yourself into your work while not taking time for yourself can really raise your stress levels. This increased stress can take a serious toll on your health, both physically and mentally. Therefore, it’s much better to create a healthy work-life balance. Doing so will help you keep your stress levels in-check.

Seek professional help

Ultimately, while you can take steps to improve your mental health post-divorce, it’s important to know you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not uncommon for people to feel very isolated and alone after their divorce. In these cases, seeking some outside professional help can really help.

Meeting with a therapist can do a lot for helping you improve your mental health. A therapist can help you figure out what’s causing you strife, and develop strategies for getting them under control. That way, you’ll know how to handle these thoughts when they come up, and push them away.

Post-Divorce Hobbies: Things To Try

After your divorce is over, you might be left wondering what your next step is. It can be a difficult time, as you get your finances and other affairs in order. However, post-divorce hobbies can be a great way to help get your mind back on track. As it turns out, there’s plenty of hobbies out there to choose from…

Post-Divorce Hobbies: Things To Try

Get active

One of the more-popular post-divorce hobbies is getting active. Now, you might not think exercise counts as a hobby. However, considering all the different ways you can be active, you might be surprised. From just joining a gym, to a local sports group, these can all help you met new people and find something you enjoy doing. 

Plus, getting active doesn’t have to mean going crazy. In fact, you might prefer something a bit more relaxing, like yoga. Yoga classes can be a good way to meet others, get active, and let go of a lot of that remaining divorce-related stress from your body. 

Cooking

Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you have to start eating instant Ramen and Chinese food for each meal. In fact, what you eat can have a pretty big impact on your overall mood. That’s why cooking tends to be another one of the popular post-divorce hobbies.

Learning to cook can is something you can do both on your own and through professional classes. Plus, you can pick one area you really like and start there. For instance, if you’re big into pastries, you can focus specifically on them at first. Then, you can move on to other areas as you like. 

Gardening

Gardening might appear to be something that’s fallen out of style these days. However, it can actually be a pretty relaxing and enjoyable experience to have a garden of your own. If you like doing something with your hands, and putting in the effort, then this is one of the post-divorce hobbies you may enjoy. 

The nice thing about gardening is that you can do it nearly anywhere. Even if you live in an apartment, you can still get some potted plants. These are a bit easier to care for than having a whole garden, but still give you the same satisfaction of growing your own plants. 

Post-Divorce Finances: How To Manage

Getting a divorce may not be a cheap process. With things like legal fees and other hidden costs, the total can add up quick. As a result, it’s good to start planning out your post-divorce finances. Having your finances under control can really help with starting your post-divorce life smoothly…

Post-Divorce Finances: How To Manage

Figure out your budget

A budget is the first part of your post-divorce finances. For many people, the budgets they had before won’t work anymore. For instance, the divorce itself could’ve cost a lot. Also, you might find yourself having to move, change jobs, or losing an extra source of income. All that means it’s time to make a new budget. 

First, figure out how much money you’ll have coming in. This can be done on a weekly or monthly basis. Then, you’ll want to figure out what your expenses are. Once you’ve done this, you’ll have your basic budget. That way, you can start planning out your next financial moves. 

Cut extra costs

Getting your budget together is only the first step. After that, you need to make sure that your post-divorce finances are enough to support you. If you find your expenses are more than your income, then it’s time to see where you can save some money. A good way to do this is to cut extra costs. 

Extra costs can be anything that you spend money on that you don’t necessarily need. For example, this could be a subscription to a streaming service you barely use. Or, perhaps it’s money you spend on fast food. Trimming these extra costs can end up seriously saving you a lot in the long run. 

Plan for the future

Remember that your post-divorce finances are very important for your post-divorce life. Your financial situation is going to have a large impact on the things you do going forward. That’s why it might not be a bad idea to have a general plan now, and make some decisions accordingly. 

For instance, do you want to get a better job in the future? If so, it might be worth it now to pay for some extra certification or education if you can afford it. Think of it as investing in your future. You pay a bit more now, but you’ll end up making much more money down the line than you would have. 

Changing Last Names: Marriage Questions

Soon, you’ll be married. This is such an exciting time for you and your partner! It’s also super stressful. There’s planning the wedding, the honeymoon and figuring out how to merge together your lives as well as other things. In addition to these, the topic of changing last names has come up lately. There are pros and cons for changing or not changing. If you’re thinking about this, it’s easier to decide when you have a better idea of outcomes.

Changing Last Names: Should You Do It?

The Hassle

You’ve had your last name your whole life; that much is obvious. However, that fact isn’t on your radar until you think you might change it. Even though your name might be a small blimp in everyday life, it’s a huge part of you. If you change it, major updates need to be made almost everywhere. Updates for your passport, licenses, bank and your job need to be made. If you’ve made a name for yourself at your job, this is a tougher pill to swallow. Changing your name can be hard because it’s a part of your brand. Nevertheless, keep this in mind when weighing your options for changing last names.

What Other People Think

Changing last names is such a common practice. It’s something that’s considered a done-deal once you become engaged. If you’re on the fence about changing last names, you may be concerned what other people will think of you.To tell you the truth, the only opinions that matter are the people who are close to you. Therefore, if this is a concern, talk to your partner, parents and in-laws. Tell them you haven’t decided on changing names and why.

Additionally, you may be concerned what your friends and coworkers think. They’ll have their thoughts and opinions on the matter. That’s alright! Let them have their opinions. If they’re close to you, they’ll understand your decision, whether you change your name or not.

Nothing Is Permanent

If push comes to shove and you’re still not sure, you don’t have to decide right away. Later, if you feel you’d prefer changing last names, do it! If later down the road, you’re happy you didn’t change your last name, that’s great! It’s all up to you and your partner. It may be easier when starting a family or it may not change a thing. It all depends on how you feel now and in the future. No matter what you decide, the option is always there.

Changing last names when you marry is often a no-brainer. However, if you’re taking a moment to weigh your options, there’s no shame in it. You should be certain of your choice when you make it final. After all, it’s a big decision that you should not take lightly. Discuss with your future spouse, come to a decision together, and consider your options. Also, remember that hyphenating is also an option!

Co-Parent Communication

After your divorce, you might wish to just step away from things involving your ex for a while. However, if you’re a parent, you’ll have to start co-parenting. One of the trickiest aspects of this new parenting style is co-parent communication. However, if you take some key steps, you can make this process a little less complicated…

Co-Parent Communication

Find the best way to keep in touch

The first part of co-parent communication involves figuring out how you can keep in touch. These days, we have many ways to constantly be in contact with others. However, you might not want to always be talking to your ex. Therefore, you’ll need to find a good balance to work out with your ex. 

For instance, maybe you’re fine with your ex keeping your number and calling or texting. However, maybe you only want them to call when it’s related to the kids. Or, maybe you want it to be strictly professional, and keep in only through e-mail. Whatever it might be that you chose, it’s important to stick to your boundaries to avoid conflicts. 

Minimize conflict

Conflict prevention is important for good co-parent communication. Despite how you might feel about your divorce, you and your ex are going to have to work together to still be parents. Arguing and fighting will only serve to hurt your kids in the long run, and no one wins when that happens. 

Therefore, it’s important to remember that you still each share that goal of wanting to properly raise your kids. You might not agree on everything, which is natural! However, instead of fighting over who is right, understand it’s okay if you guys do things a bit differently. As long as it isn’t hurting your kids, then it’s probably not worth fighting over.

Be respectful and direct

Depending on how your divorce went, you might have some pretty negative feelings about your ex. However, if you want good co-parent communication, you can’t let these feelings get the better of you. Instead, you’ll want to be respectful and take the high road, even if your ex doesn’t. 

Usually, if you’re respectful to your ex, they’ll be respectful to you in return. Still, if they aren’t, don’t stoop to their level. Ignore their insults, and tell them you’ll be willing to talk when they are willing to be polite. 

Keeping Positive Thoughts

Keeping positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind after a divorce could sound like the most difficult task after signing the final papers. But, remember that it is beneficial to you and others to maintain a positive outlook. If you have difficulties conveying this outlook to others, here are some tips for showing others optimism during a trying time. 

Keeping Positive Thoughts: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Compliment Others

Handing out a compliment a few times per day will help in keeping positive thoughts flowing. By telling a stranger you like their blouse or a coworker that his new shoes are awesome, you’ll see their face light up. These compliments may initially make only them feel better, but eventually they will begin to bring you joy, as well. This is important so you remember the good in the world, even if your world is a little dull.

Work on Others, Work on Yourself

The reality is, friends and acquaintances will not support you if you do not support them. Therefore, it’s important to lift others up and begin keeping positive thoughts in the front of their minds. By showing others that you care about them, they will understand that your friendship or relationship is not just coming from one side. Encourage them, support them, and be there for them, and they will do the same for you.

Listen

By listening to others, you can greatly improve your relationship with them. Listen to their thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and dreams. Keeping positive thoughts about the present also includes keeping them about the future, as well. It’s important that you and your friends listen, as you can learn things about them and the world you might not know otherwise. You can start doing this by asking others their thoughts, without giving your opinions first.

Keeping positive thoughts in the forefront of your mind is a lifestyle change. Not only will you begin to reap the benefits of your positivity, but others will too. Ultimately, thinking positively makes it easier to understand your current situation and handle the emotions you are feeling with more ease. There’s usually a bright side to every situation, you just have to find it!

Post-Divorce Bitterness

Odds are that you’re probably going to be feeling a wide range of emotions after your divorce. However, one that you’d want to avoid is post-divorce bitterness. Those bitter feelings can seriously get in the way of your progress after your divorce. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can push past these negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Bitterness

The problem with bitterness

Post-divorce bitterness is a nasty feeling to have. Bitterness can make even the most optimistic person become angery and upset at their life. Plus, it can have a negative effect on those around you. In general, being bitter makes it’s very hard for you to begin moving on after your divorce. 

Bitterness comes from being angry and frustrated over how you’ve been treated by your ex. Still, keep in mind that it’s all in the past. While you can’t change the past, you can work on making a better future for yourself. However, if you’re still feeling bitter, you won’t be able to start planning out that future.

Identify the sources

 Tackling that post-divorce bitterness can seem difficult at first. After all, being bitter can be a general feeling, and it can be hard to figure out where it’s directly coming from. That’s why it helps to really focus in on where the bitterness is coming from. A good way to do this is to write them down. 

Luckily, you don’t have to write anything complex. Just one or two quick sentences about what is making you feel bitter. For example, maybe you feel some resentment over something about your settlement. Or, maybe it’s because your ex is in a new relationship. Whatever it might be, it’s important to get it written down. 

Change your thinking

Once you identified where the post-divorce bitterness is coming from, then you can start to work on getting rid of it. This comes down to changing how you think about the causes you’ve identified. While you might see these as negatives before, odds are you can easily see where they may be positives. 

For example, say your ex is in a new relationship. Maybe this makes you feel resentment over how they’ve seemingly moved on. However, consider that while you’re going to work on self-improvement, your ex is still the same. That means someone else will get to deal with them while you get to improve yourself and potentially find someone you deserve. 

Divorce Trauma: Working Through It

Divorce can be a difficult experience, and can leave you with some lingering trauma after it’s over. Working through this divorce trauma can seem pretty difficult at first. However, there are some ways you can make this process a doable one…

Divorce Trauma: Working Through It

Create a healthy environment

To begin tackling divorce trauma, it’s important to make sure you’ve created a healthy environment. Having a space to unwind and feel comfortable in is important for getting your mind right to tackle this trauma.  Therefore, you should ensure that you set up this kind of space the right way.

If you’re moving into a new place after your divorce, then this is the perfect time to create that healthy space. Don’t keep anything that reminds you about your ex or your relationship out, for this will just remind you of the trauma. Instead, create the space according to your own tastes, as well as ensuring it’s as relaxing as it can be. 

Connections are key

Dealing with divorce trauma on your own is a very difficult task. However, you don’t have to go it alone. Instead, it’s best to stay connected with others and create new ones to help with this trauma. Knowing that you’re not alone is in itself a great tool for fighting these feelings. 

Talking to friends and family members can help you handle those traumatic feelings. However, you can also seek out other connections as well. Therapists can help you better understand your trauma, as well as develop ways to work on it. If you want to talk to others who have been in your shoes, then try finding divorce support groups in your area. 

Be kind to yourself

Divorce trauma can make you feel down about yourself. You might feel like this isn’t how you “should” feel, and in turn lower your self-esteem. However, it’s important to not beat yourself up over what’s happened and how you feel. Everyone handles divorce differently, so it’s important to be kind to yourself. 

Try to work on encouraging positive self-talk over negative thoughts. Think about all the good things you’ve done and plan to do, and use that as motivation to push on. Plus, practicing good self-care can help you feel much better and ready for handling your trauma.