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Author: Robert Reeves

Post-Divorce Vacation

The stress that can come with divorce can really add up over time. Eventually, you’re going to want to let that stress go. A great way to do that is through a post-divorce vacation. Taking a vacation can really help you de-stress and focus on getting your new life started the right way…

Post-Divorce Vacation

Do some research

There’s plenty of places you could go on your post-divorce vacation. Maybe you’ll take a trip down to your favorite beach, or head up into the mountains for some relaxation. Maybe you’ll travel somewhere you’ve never been before! Either way, it’s important to do some research on where you want to go before you head out. 

Doing some research will help you know if your potential vacation spot is really worth your time. For instance, maybe you want to go somewhere you haven’t been to before, perhaps even abroad. It’s important to do some research to figure out what places you should hit up, and which ones you should avoid. Plus, you can learn some helpful tidbits to make your trip go smoother. 

Have a budget

A post-divorce vacation is all about treating yourself. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you can simply spend like crazy. That’s why it’s helpful to have a budget planned out in advance. Creating a good budget will allow you to really enjoy yourself without breaking the bank. 

Plan out things like travel, hotel, and activity costs. Also, set aside some money for other things like food, miscellaneous spending, and emergencies just in case. Make sure not to go overboard with your trip. You’ll enjoy a trip where you can comfortable spend more over one where you’re stressed about money!

Keep in touch

A post-divorce vacation is great for disconnecting with the “real” world. However, you shouldn’t just become a ghost and not let others know where you are. Make sure you keep in touch with your friends and family so they know where you are. That way, they’ll be able to help you in case something goes wrong.

A crucial part of your vacation, especially if you’re a parent, is letting your ex know your plans. Now, depending on how your divorce went, they might not be high on your list of people to talk to. However, it’s important to figure out things like your parenting schedule and ensuring they can watch the kids while you’re gone. 

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

These days, divorce isn’t as looked down upon as it used to be. However, unfortunately there are still people who engage in shaming others who chose to divorce. If you’re a victim of divorce shaming, then there’s a few ways in which you can try to handle it…

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

Cut out the negativity

Divorce shaming can cause a lot of negative emotions to develop. It can make you feel like your divorce is a mistake or you’re not ready for what’s ahead. However, this isn’t the kind of thing you need in your life. That’s why it’s important to cut this negativity out as best you can. 

For starters, do you best to cut out those who are shaming you in the first place. Any friends or family who shame you aren’t worth your time. Workplace gossip is also common if word gets out that you’re divorcing. When this happens, it’s a good idea to go to to your boss or HR to see if they can help you make that talk stop. 

Take time to de-stress 

Not only can divorce shaming make you feel pretty negatively, it can also cause a lot of stress. Of course, too much stress is not good for one’s health. Plus, this stress can get in the way of your divorce matters. Therefore, you’ll want to be able to de-stress as best you can. 

One way to do this is to work out the stress. Joining a gym can really help you get all that pent up frustration out of your system. However, maybe you like something a bit more relaxing. Picking up a nice, calming hobby can help melt all that stress away. 

Find some support

Experiencing divorce shaming can make you feel isolated. You might start to feel alone in your divorce, which makes it all the more harder to get things done. However, it’s important to know you’re not the only one who has gone through this before. That’s where support groups can come in handy. 

Divorce support groups are a great way to get the extra confidence boost you might need. These groups are made up of people who know exactly what you’re going through. Odds are, they might have experienced their own run-ins with divorce shaming too. They can help you develop some good strategies which can help you push those negative thoughts and comments out of your mind.

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

Divorce requires you to make a lot of changes. One of those changes comes in regards to your personal boundaries. Setting divorce boundaries can be hard, but well worth it in order to make your divorce process a lot easier…

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

With your ex

Some of the first divorce boundaries you’ll want to set are with your ex. It’s important to ensure that you both figure out what kind of boundaries will make you both feel comfortable. This includes things related to communication, living accommodations, and anything else that might pertain to contact outside of divorce matters. 

For example, maybe you’ll both be comfortable with sharing the house while the divorce goes on. Or, maybe you’d prefer it if you lived separate instead. Either way, it’s important to make these boundaries clear and firm to your spouse so there’s no confusion. 

With your kids

Setting divorce boundaries with your kids can be hard. On the one hand, you certainly want to give them support during this difficult time. Yet, you still have to be their parent and maintain some discipline as well. It’s important to find the right balance that’ll work for you and your kids’ needs. 

This time is good for getting a feel for how you’ll parent after the divorce is over. You’ll have to still be their parent, but you’ll probably be co-parenting with your ex as well. Still, it’s important to be considerate and understand how they’re feeling, and help them with adjusting. 

With friends and family

Divorce boundaries with friends and family might not cross your mind at first. After all, they’re going to be a major source of support for you during this time. However, they might go a little overboard with advice and suggestions, which can get overwhelming very quickly. 

That’s why it’s important to be upfront with your friends and family about your boundaries. Let them know what you’ll be comfortable talking about and sharing. If they keep pushing, remain respectful yet firm about your boundaries, and they should get the hint. If not, then you’ll know not to discuss divorce things with them going forward. 

Redecorating Post-Divorce

After your divorce, you might’ve found yourself having to relocate to a new home. Or, maybe you’ve happened to keep the house you’ve already had. Whatever the case might be, you’ll probably be looking to do some redecorating post-divorce. Redecorating your house can help give your home some nice personal touches as you begin your post-divorce life…

Redecorating Post-Divorce

Find the pieces you love

A common challenge people run into when redecorating post-divorce is feeling overwhelmed. They’ll end up not sure of where to begin, or what to focus on, and then wonder if they should even bother anymore. However, it’s all about starting small and finding the simple things first. 

Before doing any drastic changes, it helps to first get a few pieces that you really like. Look all over, whether it be online, or in antique shops or flea markets, for the pieces that really appeal to you. Once you have these pieces, then you have the base for your redesign. Build the rest of the rooms around these pieces, and you’ll have a centered and focused way of getting your redesign done. 

Appreciate your own style

One of the great things about redecorating post-divorce is the amount of freedom you have. In your marriage, you probably had to make compromises with your spouse on the decorating. However, now you have the ability to make all the choices. This is the perfect time to truly embrace your own personal style. 

Don’t feel afraid to experiment with a bunch of different ideas. Your inner critic might try to raise doubts, but this is when you’ll want to push them to the side. Instead, do whatever it is you think you’d like, and make your home your own.

Nothing wrong with some help

While redecorating post-divorce is all about what you want, there’s nothing wrong with getting some outside assistance. After all, redecorating on your own can be quite a challenge. Plus, other eyes can help you notice the finer details which you might’ve not considered. 

Of course, your friends and family are the most immediate, and probably readily available source of help. However, maybe you want to take a bit more of a professional approach. These days, you can find interior designers online who can help you go room-by-room and figure out what’ll fit you the best. 

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Deciding to date again post-divorce can be tricky for some people. This can lead to them getting into an unhealthy relationship and not realizing it. That’s why it’s important to know the signs of these unhealthy relationships. That way, you can avoid them and find one that you deserve…

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Things don’t “feel” right

A surefire way to know you’re probably in an unhealthy relationship is if you just don’t feel comfortable. Feeling uncomfortable around your partner signals that there is something wrong with your relationship. This could mean you feel like you can’t be yourself, and have to walk on eggshells when you’re around them.

Ultimately, you could end up feeling unsafe around your partner. This could be because of a fear of rejection from your partner. If your partner constantly shoots down your thoughts and opinions, then they ultimately don’t respect you. When that’s the case, it becomes clear your relationship isn’t all that healthy. 

They Don’t Respect You

Healthy relationships are built upon mutual respect for each partner. However, a unhealthy relationship tips these scales unfavorably. In these relationships, you’re not viewed as an equal, but rather lesser in the eyes of your partner. This can show itself in a number of ways. 

For example, maybe your partner constantly blow you off while expecting you to always be there for them. Or, perhaps they ignore you while expecting constant attention. When these scales become unbalanced, it becomes apparent that your relationship might not be healthy.

They don’t make time for you

Balancing time spent together is an important part of healthy relationships. After all, each person will have their friends or hobbies, and like to spend some time with them. Maybe they just need some time to themselves every now and again. However, while healthy relationships will work out this balance together, unhealthy relationships won’t.

Instead, in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will chose to spend more time away from you than with you. This can show itself even in the little ways, like them never calling or texting you. On the other hand, they might expect you to spend time with them when they ask, and get upset when you can’t. This manipulative behavior is a pretty clear-cut way to know when your relationship isn’t healthy. 

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Divorce is a tricky thing to handle. With how many emotions divorce stirs up, it’s not surprising to see a lot of people make some less-than-ideal decisions. Still, these reckless divorce mistakes can be costly to you in the long run. That’s why it’s important to avoid these pitfalls as best you can. Doing so will help you get the best outcome possible from your divorce…

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Anger towards your ex

One of the most common reckless divorce mistakes is feeling anger towards your ex. A lot of divorces tend to be mutual understandings. However, if someone’s spouse comes to them wanting a divorce, it can cause a lot of different reactions. Sometimes, not all of these initial responses are good. 

However, instead of reacting with anger or hatred, it’s best to take the high road. It can be painful, and it might not be the outcome you wished for, but it’s important to respect your spouse’s wishes. In fact, it’s better to try and understand your spouse’s point of view. That way, it’ll make things easier for the both of you going forward. 

Refuse to negotiate

Another one of the common reckless divorce mistakes is when someone refuses to negotiate. This mistakes ties in to the first one, as this refusal is usually because one spouse feels like the other treated them unfairly. It could also be because they feel that negotiation is a waste of time. 

In reality, negotiation can be quite helpful for solving a lot of potential problems. Divorcing couples tend to have much more success when they negotiate and make use of resources like mediation. Odds are, you’ll both end up with a good outcome when you work together than when you work against each other. 

Don’t work out your emotions

This is one of the reckless divorce mistakes that people might not always think about. But, keeping those divorce emotions bottled up can be a detriment. Some people might think that they just have to “power through” or that their emotions aren’t “that big of a deal”. Yet, this kind of thinking can be quite detrimental. 

Instead, it’s best to find some ways to work out these emotions. This could include talking to friends and family, keeping a journal, or seeing a professional. This kind of help is important not only for making your divorce easier, but also helping you get started on your post-divorce life. 

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and drained when going through a divorce. This stress makes it easy to lose your focus and motivation, especially at work. However, while it might feel impossible, you can still keep that work motivation. That way, you can handle your divorce while still performing quality work…

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

Divorce’s impact

It’s very easy to see why a divorce can hurt your work motivation. A divorce involves having to take care of a lot of different things. This can be getting documents together, going to mediation or court, and getting money together for any expenses. This only gets more complicated if your divorce isn’t going all that smoothly. 

There’s also a personal aspect which can hurt your motivation. While divorce is more common and accepted these days, sadly some people still stigmatize it. This could make you worried about other co-workers spreading gossip. An unpleasant workplace is sure to sap anyone’s motivation. 

Tackle it head-on

If you’re going through a divorce and want to keep your work motivation, it helps to not dance around the issue. Instead of worrying about what your employer might think, the best thing is to tell them upfront about what’s going on. If your honest about what you’re dealing with, then odds are they’ll be able to help you out. This could mean being flexible if you have to miss a day for court, or anything else that’ll help you out. 

Remember that you won’t want to make any rash decisions during this time. Sometimes, the stress and worry makes people leave their jobs. However, this can seriously come back to bite you later on. It’s better to always think things through and talk to your employer before making any decisions like that. 

Don’t forget yourself

While it’s helpful to keep your work motivation, remember that it’s okay to take a break every now and again. You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t, and your work and divorce will both be effected. Take a day for yourself if you have to, just to relax and calm down. Also, don’t overload yourself with work either. Only take on the tasks you know you can do and that won’t overwhelm you. 

Relocating Post-Divorce

In certain situations, couples and families move away from extended family for better opportunities. When life happens, your support system is still there, they are just further away. It’s common for the parent with full or majority custody to consider relocating post-divorce. Of course, if custody is split 50/50 and the other parent has no interest in moving, this might not be an option for you. If you have the ability to, relocating might be a good move for you, literally.

Relocating Post-Divorce: Benefits of Starting Fresh 

Why should you relocate?

Relocation is a fresh start. It can be invigorating to start over, to be in a new place. If your brothers and sisters or other family are close by, relocating post-divorce also offers some security. You’ll be near people you trust and can rely on. A new place will force you to get out of your routine. This will not only create a new routine, but leave little time to dwell on any negative emotions you might have.

Why shouldn’t you relocate?

While there’s definitely some positives of relocating, there are also negatives. Relocating post-divorce can turn your children’s life totally upside down. Not only are they having to understand life with divorced parents, they will also have to get used to a new school. New school, new friends, new sports teams, the list goes on. Relocating can be difficult for some children who struggle to make new friends. It can also be difficult for children who have had the same friends their entire lives.

After you relocate, keep in mind…

Allow yourself and your children time to adjust. Remember that nothing happens over night. Some children will feel stress from being a further distance from the other parent. As long as there is a legal right to relocate, remind them (and sometimes, yourself) that this is a good thing for your family. Relocating post-divorce is a step forward in the right direction. This is an opportunity to create new memories in a new home. Another idea is to allow your children to be involved in their new bedroom decor. This will get them excitedabout their new home.

To conclude: relocating post-divorce is a fresh start. It might be difficult to be approved for relocation. You should always consult legal help before making any distant moves with your family after a divorce. 

Domestic Violence Types

Many times, people are under the impression that physical abuse is the only kind of domestic violence. This is not true. There are many other domestic violence types, including emotional and sexual abuse. It is our hope that you are not suffering from this at home. But if you are, or need to talk to someone, there are resources that can help. As a matter of fact, domestic violence can happen in any relationship. It’s not always male to female! It can be any combination.

Domestic Violence Types: Understanding Abuse 

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is only one type of the domestic violence. If you are feeling put down, humiliated, or getting called names by your significant other, this is emotional abuse! Emotional abuse can make you feel bad about yourself and like you’re not worthy. 

Economic Abuse

In the realm of domestic violence types, economic abuse can occur silently. Let’s say your partner is the bread winner in the family. He/she might say you don’t need to work anymore. While this may sound good at first, it could turn into them having control over you and what you do. By making you ask for money or giving you an allowance, your partner might be too controlling.

Making Threats

Threatening and coercing a partner is another type of the domestic violence. Threatening a partner with ultimatums is a sign of domestic abuse. Additionally, persuading a partner to do illegal things and threatening suicide if they leave are also signs of abuse.

Intimidation

Domestic violence types don’t just stop at threats. Sometimes, people carry these actions out. Intimidation can include breaking property and destroying it, too. If a partner can instill fear in you with a look or a gesture, then this is a sign of domestic violence.

Physical and Sexual Abuse

Lastly, physical and sexual abuse are the two domestic violence types that get the most recognition. Since some signs of physical abuse are easy to spot, people are more likely to reach out. Sexual abuse is traumatic. This type of abuse ranges from having sex when you don’t want to, to doing things you are not comfortable with.

It’s important to understand that domestic violence does not discriminate. Domestic violence types vary from situation to situation. Again, if you need help, there are places that can help. 

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Divorce is a serious and life-changing decision. It’s also something you want to make sure you handle properly. That’s why it’s important to avoid some of the common divorce pitfalls people fall into. Avoiding these mistakes will help you in getting a divorce settlement that works for you…

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Too much outside input

One of the more common divorce pitfalls is having too many people giving you varying input and advice. Your friends and family tend to be a major source of support during your divorce. However, it’s important to not let them have too much input in your divorce. 

While they might have your best intentions at heart, your friends and family’s input could lead to conflict. Their own feelings about your former spouse might influence the decisions you make, and have negative impact on your divorce. When it comes to the serious decisions, it’s important to keep control. 

Refusing mediation

Another one of the more difficult divorce pitfalls is refusing mediation. You might have some apprehension about trying to work with your ex again. However, mediation can be a quite useful tool for you both. 

Mediation can help you and your ex solve the more pressing issues and disagreements. For example, these could be child custody, asset splitting, or spousal support. While these issues might normally cause arguments, mediation can help you both keep things civil and less combative. 

Not planning for the future

Divorce can be a very intensive process. Understandably, it can be difficult to think and plan ahead when so much is happening. Yet, not having a plan for the future is one of those divorce pitfalls that can come back to bite you. 

You should consider what changes you might have to make once your divorce is over. This could be finding a new place to live, or re-adjusting your budget. Not planning for these changes can make your post-divorce life just a hectic as when the divorce was going on. 

Divorce pitfalls can really trip up your divorce progress. They can not only effect your divorce itself, but your life afterwards as well. That’s why avoiding them is key for a smooth divorce.