Author: Robert Reeves

Co-Parent Communication

After your divorce, you might wish to just step away from things involving your ex for a while. However, if you’re a parent, you’ll have to start co-parenting. One of the trickiest aspects of this new parenting style is co-parent communication. However, if you take some key steps, you can make this process a little less complicated…

Co-Parent Communication

Find the best way to keep in touch

The first part of co-parent communication involves figuring out how you can keep in touch. These days, we have many ways to constantly be in contact with others. However, you might not want to always be talking to your ex. Therefore, you’ll need to find a good balance to work out with your ex. 

For instance, maybe you’re fine with your ex keeping your number and calling or texting. However, maybe you only want them to call when it’s related to the kids. Or, maybe you want it to be strictly professional, and keep in only through e-mail. Whatever it might be that you chose, it’s important to stick to your boundaries to avoid conflicts. 

Minimize conflict

Conflict prevention is important for good co-parent communication. Despite how you might feel about your divorce, you and your ex are going to have to work together to still be parents. Arguing and fighting will only serve to hurt your kids in the long run, and no one wins when that happens. 

Therefore, it’s important to remember that you still each share that goal of wanting to properly raise your kids. You might not agree on everything, which is natural! However, instead of fighting over who is right, understand it’s okay if you guys do things a bit differently. As long as it isn’t hurting your kids, then it’s probably not worth fighting over.

Be respectful and direct

Depending on how your divorce went, you might have some pretty negative feelings about your ex. However, if you want good co-parent communication, you can’t let these feelings get the better of you. Instead, you’ll want to be respectful and take the high road, even if your ex doesn’t. 

Usually, if you’re respectful to your ex, they’ll be respectful to you in return. Still, if they aren’t, don’t stoop to their level. Ignore their insults, and tell them you’ll be willing to talk when they are willing to be polite. 

Keeping Positive Thoughts

Keeping positive thoughts at the forefront of your mind after a divorce could sound like the most difficult task after signing the final papers. But, remember that it is beneficial to you and others to maintain a positive outlook. If you have difficulties conveying this outlook to others, here are some tips for showing others optimism during a trying time. 

Keeping Positive Thoughts: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Compliment Others

Handing out a compliment a few times per day will help in keeping positive thoughts flowing. By telling a stranger you like their blouse or a coworker that his new shoes are awesome, you’ll see their face light up. These compliments may initially make only them feel better, but eventually they will begin to bring you joy, as well. This is important so you remember the good in the world, even if your world is a little dull.

Work on Others, Work on Yourself

The reality is, friends and acquaintances will not support you if you do not support them. Therefore, it’s important to lift others up and begin keeping positive thoughts in the front of their minds. By showing others that you care about them, they will understand that your friendship or relationship is not just coming from one side. Encourage them, support them, and be there for them, and they will do the same for you.

Listen

By listening to others, you can greatly improve your relationship with them. Listen to their thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and dreams. Keeping positive thoughts about the present also includes keeping them about the future, as well. It’s important that you and your friends listen, as you can learn things about them and the world you might not know otherwise. You can start doing this by asking others their thoughts, without giving your opinions first.

Keeping positive thoughts in the forefront of your mind is a lifestyle change. Not only will you begin to reap the benefits of your positivity, but others will too. Ultimately, thinking positively makes it easier to understand your current situation and handle the emotions you are feeling with more ease. There’s usually a bright side to every situation, you just have to find it!

Divorce Trauma: Working Through It

Divorce can be a difficult experience, and can leave you with some lingering trauma after it’s over. Working through this divorce trauma can seem pretty difficult at first. However, there are some ways you can make this process a doable one…

Divorce Trauma: Working Through It

Create a healthy environment

To begin tackling divorce trauma, it’s important to make sure you’ve created a healthy environment. Having a space to unwind and feel comfortable in is important for getting your mind right to tackle this trauma.  Therefore, you should ensure that you set up this kind of space the right way.

If you’re moving into a new place after your divorce, then this is the perfect time to create that healthy space. Don’t keep anything that reminds you about your ex or your relationship out, for this will just remind you of the trauma. Instead, create the space according to your own tastes, as well as ensuring it’s as relaxing as it can be. 

Connections are key

Dealing with divorce trauma on your own is a very difficult task. However, you don’t have to go it alone. Instead, it’s best to stay connected with others and create new ones to help with this trauma. Knowing that you’re not alone is in itself a great tool for fighting these feelings. 

Talking to friends and family members can help you handle those traumatic feelings. However, you can also seek out other connections as well. Therapists can help you better understand your trauma, as well as develop ways to work on it. If you want to talk to others who have been in your shoes, then try finding divorce support groups in your area. 

Be kind to yourself

Divorce trauma can make you feel down about yourself. You might feel like this isn’t how you “should” feel, and in turn lower your self-esteem. However, it’s important to not beat yourself up over what’s happened and how you feel. Everyone handles divorce differently, so it’s important to be kind to yourself. 

Try to work on encouraging positive self-talk over negative thoughts. Think about all the good things you’ve done and plan to do, and use that as motivation to push on. Plus, practicing good self-care can help you feel much better and ready for handling your trauma. 

Post-Divorce Vacation

The stress that can come with divorce can really add up over time. Eventually, you’re going to want to let that stress go. A great way to do that is through a post-divorce vacation. Taking a vacation can really help you de-stress and focus on getting your new life started the right way…

Post-Divorce Vacation

Do some research

There’s plenty of places you could go on your post-divorce vacation. Maybe you’ll take a trip down to your favorite beach, or head up into the mountains for some relaxation. Maybe you’ll travel somewhere you’ve never been before! Either way, it’s important to do some research on where you want to go before you head out. 

Doing some research will help you know if your potential vacation spot is really worth your time. For instance, maybe you want to go somewhere you haven’t been to before, perhaps even abroad. It’s important to do some research to figure out what places you should hit up, and which ones you should avoid. Plus, you can learn some helpful tidbits to make your trip go smoother. 

Have a budget

A post-divorce vacation is all about treating yourself. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you can simply spend like crazy. That’s why it’s helpful to have a budget planned out in advance. Creating a good budget will allow you to really enjoy yourself without breaking the bank. 

Plan out things like travel, hotel, and activity costs. Also, set aside some money for other things like food, miscellaneous spending, and emergencies just in case. Make sure not to go overboard with your trip. You’ll enjoy a trip where you can comfortable spend more over one where you’re stressed about money!

Keep in touch

A post-divorce vacation is great for disconnecting with the “real” world. However, you shouldn’t just become a ghost and not let others know where you are. Make sure you keep in touch with your friends and family so they know where you are. That way, they’ll be able to help you in case something goes wrong.

A crucial part of your vacation, especially if you’re a parent, is letting your ex know your plans. Now, depending on how your divorce went, they might not be high on your list of people to talk to. However, it’s important to figure out things like your parenting schedule and ensuring they can watch the kids while you’re gone. 

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

These days, divorce isn’t as looked down upon as it used to be. However, unfortunately there are still people who engage in shaming others who chose to divorce. If you’re a victim of divorce shaming, then there’s a few ways in which you can try to handle it…

Divorce Shaming: How To Handle It

Cut out the negativity

Divorce shaming can cause a lot of negative emotions to develop. It can make you feel like your divorce is a mistake or you’re not ready for what’s ahead. However, this isn’t the kind of thing you need in your life. That’s why it’s important to cut this negativity out as best you can. 

For starters, do you best to cut out those who are shaming you in the first place. Any friends or family who shame you aren’t worth your time. Workplace gossip is also common if word gets out that you’re divorcing. When this happens, it’s a good idea to go to to your boss or HR to see if they can help you make that talk stop. 

Take time to de-stress 

Not only can divorce shaming make you feel pretty negatively, it can also cause a lot of stress. Of course, too much stress is not good for one’s health. Plus, this stress can get in the way of your divorce matters. Therefore, you’ll want to be able to de-stress as best you can. 

One way to do this is to work out the stress. Joining a gym can really help you get all that pent up frustration out of your system. However, maybe you like something a bit more relaxing. Picking up a nice, calming hobby can help melt all that stress away. 

Find some support

Experiencing divorce shaming can make you feel isolated. You might start to feel alone in your divorce, which makes it all the more harder to get things done. However, it’s important to know you’re not the only one who has gone through this before. That’s where support groups can come in handy. 

Divorce support groups are a great way to get the extra confidence boost you might need. These groups are made up of people who know exactly what you’re going through. Odds are, they might have experienced their own run-ins with divorce shaming too. They can help you develop some good strategies which can help you push those negative thoughts and comments out of your mind.

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

Divorce requires you to make a lot of changes. One of those changes comes in regards to your personal boundaries. Setting divorce boundaries can be hard, but well worth it in order to make your divorce process a lot easier…

Divorce Boundaries: How To Set Them

With your ex

Some of the first divorce boundaries you’ll want to set are with your ex. It’s important to ensure that you both figure out what kind of boundaries will make you both feel comfortable. This includes things related to communication, living accommodations, and anything else that might pertain to contact outside of divorce matters. 

For example, maybe you’ll both be comfortable with sharing the house while the divorce goes on. Or, maybe you’d prefer it if you lived separate instead. Either way, it’s important to make these boundaries clear and firm to your spouse so there’s no confusion. 

With your kids

Setting divorce boundaries with your kids can be hard. On the one hand, you certainly want to give them support during this difficult time. Yet, you still have to be their parent and maintain some discipline as well. It’s important to find the right balance that’ll work for you and your kids’ needs. 

This time is good for getting a feel for how you’ll parent after the divorce is over. You’ll have to still be their parent, but you’ll probably be co-parenting with your ex as well. Still, it’s important to be considerate and understand how they’re feeling, and help them with adjusting. 

With friends and family

Divorce boundaries with friends and family might not cross your mind at first. After all, they’re going to be a major source of support for you during this time. However, they might go a little overboard with advice and suggestions, which can get overwhelming very quickly. 

That’s why it’s important to be upfront with your friends and family about your boundaries. Let them know what you’ll be comfortable talking about and sharing. If they keep pushing, remain respectful yet firm about your boundaries, and they should get the hint. If not, then you’ll know not to discuss divorce things with them going forward. 

Redecorating Post-Divorce

After your divorce, you might’ve found yourself having to relocate to a new home. Or, maybe you’ve happened to keep the house you’ve already had. Whatever the case might be, you’ll probably be looking to do some redecorating post-divorce. Redecorating your house can help give your home some nice personal touches as you begin your post-divorce life…

Redecorating Post-Divorce

Find the pieces you love

A common challenge people run into when redecorating post-divorce is feeling overwhelmed. They’ll end up not sure of where to begin, or what to focus on, and then wonder if they should even bother anymore. However, it’s all about starting small and finding the simple things first. 

Before doing any drastic changes, it helps to first get a few pieces that you really like. Look all over, whether it be online, or in antique shops or flea markets, for the pieces that really appeal to you. Once you have these pieces, then you have the base for your redesign. Build the rest of the rooms around these pieces, and you’ll have a centered and focused way of getting your redesign done. 

Appreciate your own style

One of the great things about redecorating post-divorce is the amount of freedom you have. In your marriage, you probably had to make compromises with your spouse on the decorating. However, now you have the ability to make all the choices. This is the perfect time to truly embrace your own personal style. 

Don’t feel afraid to experiment with a bunch of different ideas. Your inner critic might try to raise doubts, but this is when you’ll want to push them to the side. Instead, do whatever it is you think you’d like, and make your home your own.

Nothing wrong with some help

While redecorating post-divorce is all about what you want, there’s nothing wrong with getting some outside assistance. After all, redecorating on your own can be quite a challenge. Plus, other eyes can help you notice the finer details which you might’ve not considered. 

Of course, your friends and family are the most immediate, and probably readily available source of help. However, maybe you want to take a bit more of a professional approach. These days, you can find interior designers online who can help you go room-by-room and figure out what’ll fit you the best. 

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Deciding to date again post-divorce can be tricky for some people. This can lead to them getting into an unhealthy relationship and not realizing it. That’s why it’s important to know the signs of these unhealthy relationships. That way, you can avoid them and find one that you deserve…

Unhealthy Relationship: Know The Signs

Things don’t “feel” right

A surefire way to know you’re probably in an unhealthy relationship is if you just don’t feel comfortable. Feeling uncomfortable around your partner signals that there is something wrong with your relationship. This could mean you feel like you can’t be yourself, and have to walk on eggshells when you’re around them.

Ultimately, you could end up feeling unsafe around your partner. This could be because of a fear of rejection from your partner. If your partner constantly shoots down your thoughts and opinions, then they ultimately don’t respect you. When that’s the case, it becomes clear your relationship isn’t all that healthy. 

They Don’t Respect You

Healthy relationships are built upon mutual respect for each partner. However, a unhealthy relationship tips these scales unfavorably. In these relationships, you’re not viewed as an equal, but rather lesser in the eyes of your partner. This can show itself in a number of ways. 

For example, maybe your partner constantly blow you off while expecting you to always be there for them. Or, perhaps they ignore you while expecting constant attention. When these scales become unbalanced, it becomes apparent that your relationship might not be healthy.

They don’t make time for you

Balancing time spent together is an important part of healthy relationships. After all, each person will have their friends or hobbies, and like to spend some time with them. Maybe they just need some time to themselves every now and again. However, while healthy relationships will work out this balance together, unhealthy relationships won’t.

Instead, in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will chose to spend more time away from you than with you. This can show itself even in the little ways, like them never calling or texting you. On the other hand, they might expect you to spend time with them when they ask, and get upset when you can’t. This manipulative behavior is a pretty clear-cut way to know when your relationship isn’t healthy. 

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Divorce is a tricky thing to handle. With how many emotions divorce stirs up, it’s not surprising to see a lot of people make some less-than-ideal decisions. Still, these reckless divorce mistakes can be costly to you in the long run. That’s why it’s important to avoid these pitfalls as best you can. Doing so will help you get the best outcome possible from your divorce…

Reckless Divorce Mistakes

Anger towards your ex

One of the most common reckless divorce mistakes is feeling anger towards your ex. A lot of divorces tend to be mutual understandings. However, if someone’s spouse comes to them wanting a divorce, it can cause a lot of different reactions. Sometimes, not all of these initial responses are good. 

However, instead of reacting with anger or hatred, it’s best to take the high road. It can be painful, and it might not be the outcome you wished for, but it’s important to respect your spouse’s wishes. In fact, it’s better to try and understand your spouse’s point of view. That way, it’ll make things easier for the both of you going forward. 

Refuse to negotiate

Another one of the common reckless divorce mistakes is when someone refuses to negotiate. This mistakes ties in to the first one, as this refusal is usually because one spouse feels like the other treated them unfairly. It could also be because they feel that negotiation is a waste of time. 

In reality, negotiation can be quite helpful for solving a lot of potential problems. Divorcing couples tend to have much more success when they negotiate and make use of resources like mediation. Odds are, you’ll both end up with a good outcome when you work together than when you work against each other. 

Don’t work out your emotions

This is one of the reckless divorce mistakes that people might not always think about. But, keeping those divorce emotions bottled up can be a detriment. Some people might think that they just have to “power through” or that their emotions aren’t “that big of a deal”. Yet, this kind of thinking can be quite detrimental. 

Instead, it’s best to find some ways to work out these emotions. This could include talking to friends and family, keeping a journal, or seeing a professional. This kind of help is important not only for making your divorce easier, but also helping you get started on your post-divorce life. 

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and drained when going through a divorce. This stress makes it easy to lose your focus and motivation, especially at work. However, while it might feel impossible, you can still keep that work motivation. That way, you can handle your divorce while still performing quality work…

Work Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

Divorce’s impact

It’s very easy to see why a divorce can hurt your work motivation. A divorce involves having to take care of a lot of different things. This can be getting documents together, going to mediation or court, and getting money together for any expenses. This only gets more complicated if your divorce isn’t going all that smoothly. 

There’s also a personal aspect which can hurt your motivation. While divorce is more common and accepted these days, sadly some people still stigmatize it. This could make you worried about other co-workers spreading gossip. An unpleasant workplace is sure to sap anyone’s motivation. 

Tackle it head-on

If you’re going through a divorce and want to keep your work motivation, it helps to not dance around the issue. Instead of worrying about what your employer might think, the best thing is to tell them upfront about what’s going on. If your honest about what you’re dealing with, then odds are they’ll be able to help you out. This could mean being flexible if you have to miss a day for court, or anything else that’ll help you out. 

Remember that you won’t want to make any rash decisions during this time. Sometimes, the stress and worry makes people leave their jobs. However, this can seriously come back to bite you later on. It’s better to always think things through and talk to your employer before making any decisions like that. 

Don’t forget yourself

While it’s helpful to keep your work motivation, remember that it’s okay to take a break every now and again. You’ll burn yourself out if you don’t, and your work and divorce will both be effected. Take a day for yourself if you have to, just to relax and calm down. Also, don’t overload yourself with work either. Only take on the tasks you know you can do and that won’t overwhelm you.