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Common Divorce Reasons

People divorce for a wide variety of reasons. However, some reasons tend to be more common than others. These common divorce reasons can be indicators of when things are going south. Knowing these signs can help you realize when you might need to change course, or if it’s best to call things off…

Common Divorce Reasons

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most common divorce reasons. Cheating and affairs tend to be a breaking point for a lot of marriages. For many couples, this represents a violation of trust between each partner. Once this trust is violated, it’s hard for couples to reconcile and come back together.

The reasons behind why partners cheat aren’t always so clear-cut. Sometimes, it’s due to underlying issues in the relationship, especially in regards to intimacy. Other times, it could be due to pent up frustrations, or just when a partner gives into temptation. Ultimately, it’s up to you to determine if you can work things out with your spouse, or if you want to split.

Poor communication

Communication troubles also are one of the common divorce reasons. Good communication is an important foundation for any marriage. Couples who are able to talk to one another in a healthy and productive manner tend to work out their issues both quickly, and in a way that leaves both sides happy.

However, couples with poor communication tend to struggle. They end up in constant arguments, which just get worse and worse over time. Eventually, this leads to both partners becoming fed up with each other, and many will opt for divorce to prevent things from getting even worse.

Abuse

Abuse is one of the most unfortunate common divorce reasons. Marriage, and life itself is difficult, and sadly some people take out their frustrations out on their spouses. In these situations, divorce is a means for someone to get away from their abuser.

Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. In fact, it can also be emotional, or a combination of each. Either way, any kind of abuse is something which shouldn’t be tolerated. Remember that a person’s own personal safety should take priority in any kind of relationship.

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Figuring out how to talk to your ex as a co-parent can be pretty tough. This can only get harder if you’re dealing with a narcissistic ex. While it might feel impossible at first, there are ways you can make it a bit easier for yourself when you have to talk to them…

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Don’t take the bait

One of the trickiest parts of talking to a narcissistic ex is how they like to change the subject. Often times, they might try to steer the conversation towards themselves or what they’re doing, in order to show off. Or, they might make jabs at you to try and get under your skin.

When this happens, it’s important to not take the bait. They want to get you upset, and in turn make you lose focus of the conversation’s original goal. Do your best to ignore those comments and stick to what you need to discuss. If they refuse to focus, then disengage and tell them you’ll talk at a later time.

Stick to “yes” or “no” answers

If a narcissistic ex tries to ask you questions, especially over email or text, they tend to make them not as straightforward as they should. For instance, they might include some kind of backhanded comment or brag about what they’re doing. While you might feel the need to correct the record, the best response is to keep your answers brief.

Ignore all the stuff they included that isn’t relevant to what you have to do as a co-parent. Single out those questions, and make it clear you’re only replying to that part of the question. For example, if they ask if you can watch the kids, but try to insert a brag about themselves, just say “yes, I can watch the kids” and leave it at that.

Set your boundaries

A narcissist, especially a narcissistic ex, loves to poke and prod at your boundaries. They want to push your buttons, find out what you’re doing, and figure out a way to either put you down, or lift themselves up. That’s why it’s important to keep your boundaries firm. Don’t give them any room to work with, and if they don’t respect the boundaries, then you know your conversation isn’t worth continuing.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Support Groups: What To Consider

The pain and loss that comes with divorce can be difficult to go through alone. Therefore, you’ll want to lean on your support system for help. One key part of this system are support groups. However, finding a group that works for you depends on a few factors…

Support Groups: What To Consider

What’s the focus?

Divorce support groups tend to have two main types of focus areas: informational and processing. Informational groups tend to spend time on learning tools and recovery. At these meetings, you’ll learn about different methods to help you adjust to your divorce, and make changes in your life.

However, processing groups are more focused on personal experiences. These are places where people can come and share their experiences with others who know how they feel. Furthermore, you can hear from others what helped them with recovery. You’ll want to figure out what kind of focus fits you the best.

How is the schedule?

You’ll also need to consider what kind of schedule these support groups have. Different groups will tend to have different kinds of schedules. Some might meet once a week, while others might meet on a more consistent basis. Plus, you’ll have to consider what days of the week a group might meet on.

Look at what your schedule looks like now, and see what kind of groups work with that. Don’t forget to consider the time duration as well. For instance maybe you’re only free at certain times each day. You won’t want to sign up for a group which could make you late for other things like work!

Is there an attendance policy?

Support groups are all dependent on those who show up to them. As a result, some groups might have stricter attendance policies than others. This usually is done to ensure that each meeting can be productive and worthwhile. After all, it isn’t fair to those who do come if not enough other people show up.

Still, you might need some flexibility. Maybe you have kids or other things which can impact your schedule. In these cases, most groups are understanding if you give them a heads-up in advance. However, it might be worth it to find one that is less strict if you know things might constantly come up. You can even look for groups which are online too.

Post-Divorce Bitterness

Odds are that you’re probably going to be feeling a wide range of emotions after your divorce. However, one that you’d want to avoid is post-divorce bitterness. Those bitter feelings can seriously get in the way of your progress after your divorce. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can push past these negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Bitterness

The problem with bitterness

Post-divorce bitterness is a nasty feeling to have. Bitterness can make even the most optimistic person become angery and upset at their life. Plus, it can have a negative effect on those around you. In general, being bitter makes it’s very hard for you to begin moving on after your divorce. 

Bitterness comes from being angry and frustrated over how you’ve been treated by your ex. Still, keep in mind that it’s all in the past. While you can’t change the past, you can work on making a better future for yourself. However, if you’re still feeling bitter, you won’t be able to start planning out that future.

Identify the sources

 Tackling that post-divorce bitterness can seem difficult at first. After all, being bitter can be a general feeling, and it can be hard to figure out where it’s directly coming from. That’s why it helps to really focus in on where the bitterness is coming from. A good way to do this is to write them down. 

Luckily, you don’t have to write anything complex. Just one or two quick sentences about what is making you feel bitter. For example, maybe you feel some resentment over something about your settlement. Or, maybe it’s because your ex is in a new relationship. Whatever it might be, it’s important to get it written down. 

Change your thinking

Once you identified where the post-divorce bitterness is coming from, then you can start to work on getting rid of it. This comes down to changing how you think about the causes you’ve identified. While you might see these as negatives before, odds are you can easily see where they may be positives. 

For example, say your ex is in a new relationship. Maybe this makes you feel resentment over how they’ve seemingly moved on. However, consider that while you’re going to work on self-improvement, your ex is still the same. That means someone else will get to deal with them while you get to improve yourself and potentially find someone you deserve. 

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

When it comes to divorce health, most people assume it refers to one’s mental health. While that is an important part of it, that’s still just one half of the equation. There’s also the physical aspect to consider. As it turns out, divorce can impact a person’s well-being in many potentially harmful ways…

Divorce Health: Unhealthy Signs

Drastic Weight changes

One of the signs of poor divorce health is drastic weight changes. It’s not uncommon for people in stressful situations to reach for some comfort food. Of course, divorce is no different. The nice feeling we get from these foods can give some temporary relief from the stress. However, many times, people end up overdoing it on these more-unhealthy food choices.

In some situations, the opposite ends up being true. The stress of divorce doesn’t cause them to reach for comfort food. Instead, it leads them to either forget, or feel like they don’t need to eat. Instead of gaining weight, these people end up losing drastic amounts.

Trouble sleeping

Another sign of poor divorce health is trouble with sleeping. Many times, this tends to be a result of divorce-related depression. Combined with the stress of divorce, and it’s very easy for people to start sleeping less and less. Eventually, this turns into full-blown insomnia.

Still, some people might not face issues with just falling asleep. Their problems might be more in regards to staying asleep. People who are divorcing tend to find themselves waking up constantly throughout the night. Nightmares are also an unfortunately common symptom which make it harder for them to sleep.

Heart problems

Heart problems are some of the most dangerous signs of poor divorce health. In fact, a recent study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that divorced people are at a higher risk of developing heart problems than their non-divorced peers. But what is it exactly that causes this increase?

As it turns out, it can be a number of things. For starters, there’s the constant stress which put a lot of strain on the heart. Plus, other symptoms like a poor diet or sleeping schedule can also contribute to overall heart problems.

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

After your divorce, you might struggle to have the energy and motivation you used to have. This can have some negative outcomes, especially on the cleanliness of your home. That’s why some post-divorce cleaning might be in order. Getting rid of some clutter can help you get re-energized for the road ahead…

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

The issue with clutter

The thing about clutter build-up is that it doesn’t happen instantly. Instead, it’s often a more gradual process. As people begin to struggle with post-divorce motivation, they tend to just toss things wherever. Or, if they just moved, then they may struggle to have the motivation to fully unpack, leading to more clutter.

Eventually, this becomes a cycle. As more clutter builds up, you don’t want to clean it. But, because you don’t want to clean it, there will be even more clutter in the future. As a result, it’s best to get started on your post-divorce cleaning as soon as you can.

Start small

The biggest issue that prevents people from post-divorce cleaning is feeling overwhelmed. Seeing mounds of things which need to be cleaned can quickly kill motivation. However, that’s why it’s important to not try and tackle everything at once.

It’s better to start small and work on specific sections of the house. For instance, maybe you first start with the bedroom. Then, you work your way up to some more larger rooms, like the kitchen or living room. Do this and in a few days you can see some real progress being made.

Have a plan for after

Once you’ve done your post-divorce cleaning, you want to make sure to plan to avoid future clutter. It helps to think of a plan to keep things organized. For instance, you could get organizing bins or drawers which can help keep things in order. You can also try and regularly clean to prevent too much build-up.

It also helps to think about how you might want to redecorate a room after it’s clean. Redecorating can really change the overall atmosphere and feelings a room give off, making you want to keep it clean. Plus, it serves as great motivation for when you’re doing the cleaning process.

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

When it comes to divorce, some couples might opt to go the mediation route. However, picking mediation isn’t always a simple choice. There’s a few key things you’ll need to consider before you make your decision…

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

Are you both on board?

Picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to work with your spouse. After all, it is a voluntary process. That’s why it’s ideal to ensure the both of you are on board with the idea. If you’re both willing to work together, then the process will go smoothly for you and them.

However, if one spouse feels “forced” into mediation, they may not be willing to work with you. They could become very hostile towards you, and lack the open mind needed to make the process work. If you know this will be the case, then you might want to consider other options.

Is privacy a concern?

It’s important to think about privacy when picking mediation. Unlike a courtroom, which is open to the public, mediation is much more private. You and your partner will be able to meet confidentially and discuss things in a more relaxed, quiet setting.

Still, keep in mind that other options can provide that privacy too. For example, if you decide on a collaborative divorce, then you can expect a similar level of privacy. The main thing here is that privacy is just another potential advantage to consider. Depending on how your spouse is, it could cause them to lean more towards mediation.

Can you communicate properly?

Remember that mediation is meant to be collaborative. While there is a mediator involved, they are more of a neutral third party. Their main job is to facilitate the conversation between you and your partner. As a result, picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to communicate.

If you and your partner can talk to one another in a nice, professional manner, then mediation can be a good choice. But, if you constantly find you’re getting into arguments, it might be harder to get the most out of the process. It’s crucial to seriously consider how well you can work together and talk out disagreements in order to reach compromises.

Toxic Relationships

Given enough time after your divorce, you might be thinking about dating again. However, you have to be careful about toxic relationships. These kinds of relationships could seriously hurt your efforts to recover and move on with a new partner. Therefore, you need to watch for some common signs…

Toxic Relationships

Trouble communicating

Communication issues are quite common in toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be able to talk openly and freely. This will help them solve issues without getting into arguments. Being able to talk to one another will boost your bond and improve the overall quality of your relationship.

By contrast, toxic partners struggle with properly talking to each another. Many times, their conversations end up in arguments. These arguments can erupt over the simplest of things. In fact, it might get to the point where you can’t even talk to one another at all!

Constant put-downs

Toxic relationships also tend to suffer from issues with contempt. This happens when your partner feels like they’re “better” than you are. Due to this, they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. They may roll their eyes at you, respond with put-downs to your suggestions, or constantly use mean words when talking to you.

Sometimes, it can be hard to pick up on contempt. This is mainly because of gaslighting. You might think that it’s just because your partner is in a bad mood or you said something wrong. Try to really think about what you said, and how your partner responded. If it seems off, then it’s probably a sign of contempt.

Trust issues

Trust is crucial for any healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to trust one another for things to work out in the long run. Therefore, it’s no surprise that trust issues are prevalent in toxic relationships.

Without any trust, the foundation of the relationship won’t be stable. Things like keeping secrets or constantly lying will just cause things to continue to deteriorate. Furthermore, it’ll also make it harder to believe when your partner is telling the truth. This can lead to arguments, and eventually a split sooner rather than later.

Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Prenup agreements are becoming more common for married couples. These agreements can help you sort out property and financials going into the marriage. Additionally, they can also help make a divorce a much smoother process. Knowing the benefits of a prenup can help you determine if you should also have one for your marriage…

 Prenup Agreements: The Benefits for You

Separate assets 

Prenup agreements help you and your spouse sort out what assets belong to whom. This helps you to both know what assets you’re bringing into the marriage. This kind of information is especially helpful during a divorce. 

Asset division is a key aspect of divorce. However, this generally means you’ll have to fight in court to prove what assets are yours from before the divorce. A prenup will avoid this fight, as you’ll both already have all those assets listed. 

Splitting debt

Debt is also something which can get split during a divorce. However, prenup agreements can help specify what debt you and your spouse had before you were married. This will help limit your debt responsibility during a divorce, as well as save you time and money on the proceedings. 

Settlement negotiations

Prenup agreements are basically divorce settlement guidelines. They help you and your spouse define who gets what in the case of a divorce. Without an agreement, you’ll have to negotiate a settlement based on your state’s divorce laws. This can lead to a longer and more expensive divorce proceeding. 

On the other hand, a prenup already lays out who had what coming into the marriage. That makes it much easier to figure out what does need to be negotiated and what doesn’t. For example, that means you and your spouse can focus mainly on say co-parenting agreements rather than everything at once. A prenup is basically a way to “trim the fat” from your divorce and make it easier for everyone involved.