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Category: children

Virtual Parenting: Keep In Touch

While the coronavirus is making things harder for those who live together, it’s also impacting co-parents as well. Concerns about the virus might mean your usual visitation plan will no longer work. That’s why you’ll want to do some virtual parenting. Doing so will allow you to still keep in touch with your kids…

Virtual Parenting: Keep In Touch

Make use of technology

Doing any kind of virtual parenting is going to require you using technology. Still, there’s a lot of different options out there you can use. It’s important you find which ones will work best for both you and your kids.

For example, calling and texting are easy and probably something you can do at all times. But, it might also be good to use some kind of video chat of Facetime on top of that. This will let you get in some face-to-face time, even if you can’t be there in person.

Set aside some time

It’s also handy to set aside some dedicated time for virtual parenting. You can send you kids texts through the day, but you or they may also get busy. This will limit how much you can talk, and make your text conversations very brief and somewhat impersonal.

Having some dedicated time can get around this issue. Being able to talk one-on-one is much more personal, and helps to show your kids you care for them. Still, spontaneous calls or texts are also good for showing your kids you’re still thinking of them, even when you’re doing other things.

Keep up with their Lives

Even while doing some virtual parenting, you can still keep up with your kids lives. For instance, you can ask them how classes are going, especially with how many have gone online. You can also ask them about what they’re doing to pass the time while they’re at home.

Also, try to find things to you can both do together even while you’re apart. Maybe you can find some kind of game which you can both play online. Or, you could also look for movies which you can stream and share. While it may not be the same as in person, it’s certainly better than nothing!

Quarantine Living: Making It Easier

The ongoing coronavirus pandemic has caused many couples to remain indoors. However, if things were already tense beforehand, or if you were thinking about divorcing, then quarantine living can be pretty hard. As a result, you’ll want to find ways to make things easier…

Quarantine Living: Making It Easier

Keep some structure

One way to make quarantine living more manageable is by making some structure. The change to staying at home has probably thrown your old schedule all out of sorts. If you have kids, then they’re probably going to be at home with you too. Therefore, you may not be sure as to what exactly it is you should be doing.

That’s why it can be handy to create your own schedule and structure. Set a constant alarm, and go through your normal morning routine as usual. Then, set aside time for work, to eat, to exercise, etc. Doing something similar for the kids can help everyone avoid the feeling of going stir-crazy.

Have your own space

Having your own space is also handy for quarantine living. The last thing you want is for everyone to feel like they’re on top of each other. While you may all be stuck at home, you still need to have some privacy. To get that privacy, it’s helpful to set aside some space for yourself.

For instance, it might be useful for you and your partner to have you own separate “work” areas. You kids might also benefit from having their own space to do school work in. Everyone having their own little areas will help create that feeling of personal space.

Work on communication

Quarantine living is a great time for you and your partner to work on you communication skills. Issues with communication are some of the most common reasons as to why couples fight. With how much time you’ll be spending at home, you’re going to want to avoid big explosive fights as best as you can.

A great way to do this is by being able to properly communicate. When issues arise, be sure you and your partner talk to each other about it. Keep things calm, civil, and let the both of you present your sides or thoughts. This will help you come to agreements and avoid those big blowups.

Stepparent Discipline: What To Avoid

Figuring out how to discipline kids is something both co-parents and remarried couples struggle with. Stepparent discipline in particular can be hard to get a hang of. However, there’s a few things you’ll want to avoid doing…

Stepparent Discipline: What To Avoid

Too many changes

One thing to avoid as part of your stepparent discipline is too many changes. Consider how many different things have changed for your stepchild. First there was the divorce, splitting up their family as they knew it. Now, they find themselves with a new family, stepparent, and potentially new stepsiblings and a new home.

The last thing you want to do is present them with even more change. This is an easy way to make them feel resentment towards you. Instead, give them and everyone else some time to settle in. Once everyone is comfortable, then you can worry about other discipline-related matters.

Being too harsh

You also don’t want your stepparent discipline to be too harsh either. Despite what you may think, being too much of a disciplinarian will end up backfiring on you. Rather than making your stepchild respect you, they’ll end up resenting you and have an adversarial relationship towards you. Once this is in place, it can be hard to reverse this.

Instead, try to focus on being friendly towards them and get to know them better. They may be a little distant or cold at first, which is to be expected. However, as long as you show them that you’re there for them, they’ll be more likely to respect you and treat you as such.

Giving out punishment

What happens if your stepchild breaks the rules? It can be tempting to just give out a punishment on your own. After all, you are their parent now, right? The thing is, your stepchild isn’t going to see you this way. To them, you’re basically still a stranger.

Therefore, don’t be the one to hand out discipline to your stepchildren. That will harm your overall relationship with them. Instead, leave that kind of punishment to your spouse, as your stepchild will probably handle it better than if you tried to step in.

Adult Child Coping Methods

Divorce is always going to be hard on a couple’s kids, whether they’re younger or older. For the latter in particular, it’s helpful for them to know adult child coping methods. These methods can help them handle the divorce and the other responsibilities they have…

Adult Child Coping Methods

Avoid taking sides

One of the good adult child coping methods to use is remaining neutral. Divorce is always an unfortunate situation, especially when it happens in your own family. Still, you need to keep in mind that this isn’t your divorce. Instead, this is something your parents need to settle.

It’s not healthy for you to start picking sides in the divorce. This can he hard, especially considering you’re an adult now. However, while you can offer your support, just make sure it’s within the proper limits. You don’t want to get yourself too involved in the process itself.

Set your boundaries

Clear boundaries are another example of good adult child coping methods. As an adult, you’ll have other responsibilities to worry about now. This could include things like school, work, or your own family’s needs. It can be hard to balance these properly if your parents only lean on you for support.

That’s why you need to establish clear boundaries with them. They need to be aware of the other things you have to deal with too. While it’s certainly fine to help them, you can’t be their only source of support. They need to build strong, healthy support networks instead.

Don’t allow it to define you

A common problem adult children of divorcing parents experience is feeling like they’ll follow their parent’s footsteps. This can have a serious impact on their future relationships and how they view marriage. Due to this, it’s important to not buy into this kind of thinking as another of the adult child coping methods.

Remember that while we learn a lot from our parents, we’re still our own people. In fact, this can be a good time to learn what you should avoid doing in a relationship. While you don’t need every detail, seeing some of the issues your parents faced can help you be better prepared for if you encounter them yourself.

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Divorce can impact your kids in many ways, especially in regards to school. Academic struggles are quite common in kids whose parents have just divorced. However, knowing how they may be impacted can help you get them the extra help they may need…

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Emotionally distracted

Emotional distress is common in kids with divorced parents. This distress can cause them to become very distant and lose their focus, leading to academic struggles. They might not pay attention in class, or not do any assignments. This can have a seriously negative impact on their grades.

As a result, it’s important to help them get back on track. A tutor can be handy for helping your kids regain the focus they had before. It’s also a good idea to talk to your kids about what’s bothering them, and see if there’s any way you can help them.

Behavioral issues

Issues with behavior can also cause academic struggles. Every kid is bound to face some kind of trouble at school. However, a divorce can make them more likely to act our or behave poorly. For example, children of divorced parents tend to skip 60% more often than other students.

Many times, kids will act out this way in order to get attention from their parents. This could be because the divorce has made them worry their parents don’t love them or blame them for the divorce. Aside from talking to them, a therapist can help get to the bottom of these outbursts.

Issues with comprehension

Another way kids will show their academic struggles is through issues with comprehension. Classes or assignments that your kids did well on before might give them more difficulty now. This may be due to the distraction of divorce, and how it causes them to lose focus. It could also be due to a lack of confidence.

When you notice their grades start to slip, don’t panic and start yelling at them. Instead, try to reach out to their teachers first. Let them know what’s going on and why you think your kids may be having a hard time. By doing so, their teacher can help give them some extra 1-on-1 time to help keep their grades up.

Co-Parenting Discipline: Find A Balance

Parenting isn’t always easy, especially you’re adjusting to being a co-parent. While you might not be married, you and your ex still share the goal of raising your kids well. One key part of that is co-parenting discipline. Good but fair discipline can help your kids with the adjustment process…

Co-Parenting Discipline

Establish some ground rules

One key aspect of co-parenting discipline is you and your ex setting up some basic ground rules. Now, it makes sense that you both might have different ideas when it comes to parenting. However, you shouldn’t focus too much on where you differ.

Rather, you’ll want to see where you both share common ideas. For example, maybe you both can agree on a basic bedtime or limits on screen time. You might also be able to agree on basic ways to handle when the kids misbehave. Doing so helps create a set of consistent rules shared between both houses.

Communicate with each other

Communication is important for co-parenting in general. However, it’s especially important for co-parenting discipline. Things become much easier for both you and your ex when you can get on the same page. Not to mention that your kids will also benefit too.

It’s useful to have a phone call or talk with your ex each week to check on how the kids are doing. This is also a good time to bring up any behavioral issues you’ve noticed. You won’t want to blame these issues on your ex alone. Rather, try to work together to find a way to address it and help your kids.

Be consistent

Consistency is key for co-parenting discipline. If you don’t stick to your own rules, then your kids aren’t going to take them seriously. It’s a lot harder to get them on board if they think the rules don’t matter. Therefore, you both have to be consistent with both your rules, and discipline for when they’re broken.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be an authoritarian. It’s fine to let things like bedtimes or chores slip every now and then, especially for special situations. The main thing is that these should be infrequent rather than the norm.

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Blending together different families after remarrying isn’t always easy. In fact, it can seem especially difficult during the holidays. However, making your blended family holiday plans successful isn’t impossible. In fact, it’s something you can do with a little bit of proper focus…

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Watch expectations

Expectations can be a problem for blended family holiday plans. Everyone has an “ideal” holiday situation in their heads. Often times, this is based off of what we see or hear in movies or other media. Still, you can’t base your real-life plans off of those found in fiction.

The thing is, you can’t set those expectations too high. After all, this holiday season is all about helping everyone adjust. Therefore, keep your expectations and your plans simple. Figure out what’s really important to you and everyone else, and base your plans on that.

Work together

Blended family holiday plans also end up being much better when you and your partner work together. Even if you’ve been married for a few months, you still won’t know their kids as well as they do. This of course also applies on their end as well. As a result, you should work together to make your plans.

By working together, you can develop your plan to be fit each of your kids. Plus, this can also help them feel more like a family. By spending time with each other, and everyone being able to do things they enjoy, you’ll create that good, holiday spirit. This will also improve the bond between you and your new family members.

Traditions, new & old

Don’t forget about traditions while making your blended family holiday plans. Traditions are an important part of the holiday for many people. If you know your kids, or your partner’s kids, have traditions they like, then be sure to include them.

Also, this is a great time to create some new traditions too. These new traditions are something that can be unique to your new, blended family. There’s a wide variety of traditions you can try and use with your family. You can also make your own special traditions with the help of your kids!

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.

Emotionally Distant Children

Divorce isn’t always easy, and sometimes it can get quite messy. However, no matter how messy it gets, you want to do your best to leave the kids out of it. If not, you could end up with emotionally distant children. This is something which both of you will want to try and prevent…

Emotionally Distant Children

Knowing the signs

The changes that cause emotionally distant children can happen very quickly. As a result, it’s important to know what signs to look for. Often times, the most obvious signs are in their behavior. Your kids might stop wanting to spend time with you, or even be around you. Sometimes, it can get to the point where they refuse to even talk to you.

There can be a number of reasons as to why this happens. It might be because they were too involved in the divorce. Or, it could be that they’re struggling to process what’s happened. Still, don’t lose faith. Just because your children have started to act this way doesn’t mean you can’t stop and correct the process.

Be there for them

One way to help emotionally distant children is by making sure they know you care for them. Once they begin acting distance, the worst thing to do is get frustrated at them. This will only cause the divide to worsen. Instead, it’s important that they see you still truly do care for them.

Do your best to let your children know you love them. Always try to tell them so and that’ll you’ll be there for them. Often times, your children just need to hear the positive reinforcement to understand that things will be okay. Soon after, they tend to start warming back up to their parents again.

Don’t make it a conflict

It’s important not to use emotionally distance children as a reason to fight with your ex. Many times, they are experiencing similar situations themselves. Making it into a point of conflict when can further strain your co-parenting plans.

Therefore, avoid talking ill about your ex to your children. Doing so would just be reinforcing their negative beliefs. Also, avoid trying to “one-up” your ex by buying fancy gifts for the kids. Material items can’t really solve these more emotional conflicts.

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Divorcing on bad terms with your ex often leads to high conflict co-parenting. This type of co-parenting ends up being bad for both you, your ex, and your children. Therefore, it helps to try and work together to find some common ground and improve your parenting styles…

High Conflict Co-Parenting

Develop a fair plan

Often times, high conflict co-parenting comes about when former partners can’t come up with a fair plan. Co-parenting is all about having some kind of plan of action. This plan tends to cover things like who gets the kids on what days and the shared standard ground rules. However, many times parents try and make unfair plans which benefit them at the cost of their ex.

As a result, it’s important to work together on a fair plan. This plan needs to be something which works well for the both of you. You might have to make some compromises, but that’s always a part of making agreements. In the end, good plans make your co-parenting experience go much more smoother.

Communicate well

Another important factor in co-parenting is communication. Co-parents have to be able to talk to one another about their children. For instance, they might need to coordinate plans, make sure their ex can still take the kids, or ask if their ex can watch them as a favor. Not having that good communication tends to cause high conflict co-parenting.

One way to improve your communication is by keeping it focused on the kids. If you and your ex find that you can’t talk normally about things, then keep your topics focused on the kids. That way, you avoid talking about subjects which might end up leading to arguments.

Focus on the shared goal

The thing with high conflict co-parenting is that most times, both parents don’t want to hurt their kids. Instead, they just want to raise them in what they view as the best way possible. Therefore, instead of using co-parenting as a source of arguments, use it as a means to come together on some common ground.

Try to keep this shared goal in mind next time things get tense. You and your ex can begin to see that you both want your kids to have a happy childhood, and a good future. Putting things back into perspective can help you both start to work on your disagreements.