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Category: Divorce

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce

When you start the divorce process, it may feel like you will never get through it. It may seem like an overwhelming process, mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be absolutely draining and take a big toll on your well-being. You will survive. You will make it through. In the midst of all of these emotions and to-do list items stacking up, you will need to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself. One of the most important things is to practice self-care during a divorce.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce: Be Good to Yourself

Take Care of Your Body

With everything you have to go through during a divorce, it is so important to make sure you are taking good care of your body. Start by eating right. While it is okay to indulge every now and then, do not live on a diet of junk food and comfort foods to make it through. While it may be tempting, a pint of ice cream does not count as dinner. Your body will feel so much better if you eat well-rounded meals, included fruits, vegetables, and protein.

Exercise is also a great way to practice self-care during a divorce. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which help make you happy. In addition to endorphins, exercise will make you look and feel better. You will notice positive changes to your body, both internally and externally. It will make your heart healthier, and many other amazing benefits. Plus, you will get a confidence boost from getting out and moving.

Take Care of Your Mind

Divorce can take a lot out of your mentally. that is why is also important to take care of your mind. That may mean a little something different for everyone. Take some time for yourself. Whether that means a bubble bath, curling up to read, or whatever brings you relaxation and peace. Some people prefer yoga, meditation, or even prayer as their escape. Listen to some of your favorite music, or completely unload your busy schedule for a day just to relax. All of these things will help to nourish your mind.

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will have difficulty facing everything that will get thrown at you during a divorce. Be good to your mind and your body, and you will be able to not just survive, but thrive.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce

There is no reason to be ashamed if your marriage did not work out. However, it is easy to feel shame. Sometimes things just do not work out in a marriage, and that is okay. As long as you tried your best and put in the effort to make things work, there is no reason to be feeling shame about divorce.

How-to Get Past Feeling Shame About Divorce: Embracing Your New Path

Give Yourself Grace

Being angry towards yourself or others is not healthy. If you are always angry, you will be unable to find inner peace. A good first step would be to give your ex and yourself grace. It may be hard to feel compassion and give grace towards your ex, but just know that both of you are doing the best you can. Once you stop hating your ex, you will begin to develop a positivity and inner peace. This inner peace will help alleviate your feeling shame about divorce.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Do not let your thoughts control you. Just because you have a thought does not mean it is real or true. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, start to question those thoughts. Ask yourself: is this true? What is the evidence for and against this belief?  Does this way of thinking hurt or help? What would change in my life if I didn’t have this thought? You will be on a path towards no longer feeling shame about divorce once you move past judging yourself.

Surround Yourself with Positivity

In many cases, is true that you are who you surround yourself with. If you only hang around people who are very negative, you will start to feel that way too. In order to stop feeling shame about divorce, surround yourself with positive people. These people will lift you up instead of bringing you down. Spend less time with negative people, especially those who make you feel bad about yourself.

Personal Growth

This time of change is a great opportunity to make some personal growth. Take the time to work through any feelings or struggles you nay have. Do not be ashamed about talking to someone about what you are going through. It can be a therapist, support group, or even a friend. Once you have started working on yourself, letting the good in and keeping the bad out, you can finally start to heal. This process will help you no longer feel shame about divorce.

You can also start seeking hobbies that you enjoy or learn something new. By making an effort to learn new things and do things you enjoy, you will start feeling more confident and happy.

Avoid Social Media

Viewing everyone else’s highlights can really bring you down. You may be looking at every else’s “happy families”. This could lead to you feeling shame about divorce. Know that the things people post on social media are very curated, and usually do not show their real struggles. Do not let this get to you. Just remove or limit the amount of social media you use. If you notice that someone specifics profile bothers you, just unfollow them. This will keep you from negatively comparing yourself to other people.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse

You have an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind. You have picked up on things that have made you wonder and question “Are they cheating on me?” over and over again. You will wonder if you overanalyzing things or going crazy. Unfortunately, this feeling is more common than you think, and you may not be going crazy. Learn more about how you can possibly spot a cheating spouse.

How-to Spot a Cheating Spouse: Marital Affair

Being Secretive

One thing to watch out for is a spouse that is being very secretive with his or her phone or computer. A cheater will start to really guard their phone or computer, and clear their history frequently. They will likely be very jumpy and defensive when you ask about their phone of computer as well. You will notice they do not want to part with their phone or set it down. Also, they certainly will not let you look at their devices. Unless there is a chance they could be planning something like a surprise party for you, all of these actions could be seen as very suspicious.

Improved Appearance

Has your spouse never concerned themself with spending time grooming, then all of the sudden starts always looking put together out of no where? Are they suddenly going out for runs, when you could hardly get them to go for a walk with you before? They could be trying to look better for you, or they could be trying to look better for someone else. Be especially wary if they look the same at home, but suddenly start trying way harder for work or special events.

Of course, your spouse could have really just had a pivotal moment and really be trying to get in shape or taking care of themself. Perhaps they just had a health scare or have been feeling down about how they have let themself go. They maybe even are just trying for a big promotion at work. Know that just because they suddenly start caring does not automatically mean that you have an unhealthy marriage or that you have a cheating spouse.

Change in Intimacy

Has there been a sudden change or decrease the the frequency of intimacy you have with your spouse? It could be because they are being intimate with someone else. Alternatively, they could be wanting to be intimate with you more often out of guilt.

Unreachable

Another possible sign is that your spouse is unreachable for long periods of a time. Do you hear, “My phone died and I didn’t have a charger” on the regular? Or is there suddenly all kinds of areas of no service that have popped up all over your town? Be especially wary if they are unreachable on a business trip.

While these do not necessarily mean you have a cheating spouse, they should certainly raise red flags. Do not drive yourself crazy obsessing over it, but perhaps bring it up with your spouse or even hire a private investigator to clear your mind. If you do decide to ask or investigate, just be prepared for what you could find. Although you may be pleasantly surprised to learn there was nothing to be worried about at all.

Divorce Decisions: What To Know

A divorce can be more in-depth than you may initially believe. As such, it’s important to know what sort of divorce decisions you may need to make. These decisions in particular tend to be especially important, so it’s good to have an idea for them ahead of time…

Divorce Decisions: Considering Your Options

Custody plans

One of the important divorce decisions you’ll need to make is about custody of the kids. Ideally, most parents like to try and set up a co-parenting plan. However, trying to make one at the last-minute can be a source of frustration. In fact, things can get so frustrating that some couples walk away from the idea altogether, which can lead to nasty court battles.

To avoid this, try and talk to your ex in advance about a co-parenting plan. When you have time to plan, it becomes a lot easier to figure out a fair solution. That way, you both can still get to be involved in raising your kids.

Splitting assets

Other important divorce decisions relate to how you determine who gets what. Most of the things you have gotten together while married will need to split between the two of you. It’s no surprise that a lot of divorces tend to turn sour when former spouses begin fighting over what they are or aren’t willing to give up.

This is why it’s good to consider what you’re willing to give up ahead of time. By knowing what you’re okay with splitting, it becomes easier to hold on to the things you want to keep. That way, you and your ex can strike a good and fair balance and compromise on some things you may both want. This will help you avoid messy, drawn out fights in the courtroom.

Living arrangements

Some divorce decisions will involve where you’ll live after your divorce. Usually, what tends to happen is one spouse will keep the house while the other will move somewhere else. Or, it could be that the person who keeps the home decides to sell it, and both spouses will move somewhere new. Much like with splitting assets, it’s good to discuss this early and figure out where you both stand on the matter.

It’s also helpful to think about what your options are, especially if you don’t want to keep the house. Start looking in advance for potential new places where you can live. There’s nothing wrong with moving in with family or friends for a while as well, so you can get back on your feet and find the right place for you.

Practical Divorce Issues: Subtle Changes

It’s always good to do some proper prep work when you know you want to get a divorce. Still, you have to also keep in mind some practical divorce issues. These issues may not be related to the divorce process directly, but could come up as a result of it…

Practical Divorce Issues: What To Plan For

Team jobs

Team jobs can be the site of a lot of practical divorce issues. Usually, when a married person needs help, they’ll reach out to their spouse first. Many times, it’s for simple things that just require an extra set of hands, like moving some furniture.

However, you’ll now be down that other person. You might not think that’s an issue, but for example maybe you plan to move. What do you do if the movers accidentally placed heavy boxes or furniture in the wrong rooms? When you realize you can’t move these things alone, it’s time to reach out to friends and family for assistance.

Yard work

Other practical divorce issues can come up regarding yard work. Most couple tend to have one person take care of the yard work. Others may split up the duties, to help speed things up and evenly share the workload. With a divorce, you may end up finding yourself having to take care of the lawn yourself.

Of course, not taking care of the lawn makes it pretty unappealing and could even result in fines. Therefore, determine if you want to try and take care of everything on your own. If that doesn’t sound appealing, hiring lawn care professionals is also good if you have the money for them.

Administrative matters

 Some practical divorce issues can be cause by administrative matters. Each household will have someone who mainly handles these sorts of tasks. This tends to include things like paying bills, preparing taxes, and balancing the household budgets. They may also take care of things like school activities if you have kids.

With a divorce, you’ll now suddenly find yourself in charge of a lot of these responsibilities. It can be pretty overwhelming to have all of this thrown into your lap at once. As a result, it’s a good idea to reach out to your ex and ask them for some advice. If you left things on good terms, then they should be willing to give you a hand.

Keep Active During Divorce

The combination of COVID-19 and the emotional stress of divorce can make it hard to find motivation. As a result, you may end up seeing your health suffer as a result. Therefore, it’s good to find ways to keep active during divorce.  That way, you can stay healthy and motivated during these tougher times…

Keep Active During Divorce: What To Try

At-home workouts

These days, most places have had their gyms closed for months. Even if you live at a place which has them open, you may not feel so comfortable going back just yet. At the same time, you may not be sure as to what you can do exercise-wise without the usual gym equipment.

In reality, you don’t need a lot to do at-home workouts. Just some basic equipment will be enough to get you going. That’s what makes these workouts so good for when you want to keep active during divorce. Not only can you get some exercise in, but you can also more easily work it into your schedule.

Bike riding

Riding a bike can also be another good way to keep active during divorce. For starters, it helps get you out and about instead of being stuck inside the house. Plus, it adds a bit of variety aside from just walking or running.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when biking is safety. You should always wear safety gear like a helmet, no matter where you’re biking at. However, if you’re going to be biking on the roads, just make sure you know how to safely share the road with the drivers out there.

Yoga

Instead of something intensive, maybe you’re looking to a more-calming way to keep active during divorce. This is where yoga can come in handy. Yoga provides you with a way to keep active, especially at the house, without needing to do anything as intensive as other alternative workouts.

You don’t even need that much to get into yoga proper. A simple yoga mat and some open space is all you need to get started! As for what you can do, there’s plenty of guides and walk-through exercises online which can give you some direction and help you find your flow.

Divorce Coaching: Potential Benefits

Having to go through a divorce alone can be pretty daunting. Therefore, it could be worthwhile to get some divorce coaching. Meeting with a coach could help you handle the new difficulties and challenges which come with divorce…

Divorce Coaching: Ways It Can Help

Develop a plan

Many people tend to feel lost when going through their divorce. It can be difficult to know what you should be doing and what you should avoid. This can very quickly become overwhelming and make things much more difficult for you. That’s why divorce coaching can be handy.

A coach can help you come up with a general plan of action. Not just that, but they’ll also work with you to make a post-divorce plan as well. That way, not only will you have some good guidance now, but you’ll also have an idea of where to start when the divorce is over too.

Talking with your ex

Another time divorce coaching is helpful is when you struggle with talking to your ex. It can be awkward to talk now that you’re divorcing one another. However, it’s important to do so effectively, especially if you’re going to be co-parents after everything is over.

Meeting with a coach can teach you helpful ways to find some common ground with your ex. This will help make it easier for the both of you to talk with each other. Still, it could be the case that there’s a lot of tension remaining between you and your ex. A coach can also help you figure out ways to de-escalate things and keep the peace.

Keep your cool

A person’s emotions tend to run pretty high when they’re divorcing. All the stress can get the better of you and really make you feel frustrated, angry, anxious, or depressed. Divorce coaching can teach you healthy ways to manage these emotions so you can keep your cool.

It’s important to keep your emotions in check for several reasons. Aside from the health benefits, it’ll help you make sure your emotions don’t interfere with your decision making. It can also help you talk to your ex without getting worked up.

Divorced Parents

Trying to grapple with being divorced and being a parent can be pretty hard. That’s why many divorced parents tend to run into the same problems and make very similar mistakes. However, knowing what these mistakes are can help you better see how you can best avoid them…

Divorced Parents: What To Avoid Doing

Using the kids as messengers

Many divorced parents struggle with talking to one another after splitting up. Depending on what either caused the divorce or how it went, it can be tough to talk effectively. As a result, they may instead try and have their kids talk for them. Usually, this means having them be a messenger as they go between households.

By doing this, though, you’re effectively placing them right in the middle of your personal problems with each other. While you may not see your ex in a good light anymore, your kids still just see you both as their parents. Putting them in this role can make them feel bad and strain your relationship with them, which is why you want to avoid it entirely.

 Initiating constant fights

Something else divorced parents should avoid is always looking for a way to pick fights. Now, you and your ex are not going to agree on everything. This is why you’ll want to make a good co-parenting plan with some flexibility in it. Being too rigid or combative will just really hurt your kids in the long run.

For example, if your kids are doing things when they’re with their ex that maybe you wouldn’t do, don’t rush to fight them about it. Instead, take a moment and think about if it’s really a big issue. If not, then it doesn’t make sense to pick a fight about something which isn’t hurting your kids.

Thinking the kids can’t tell what’s going on

Divorced parents tend to believe that their kids can’t detect the tension between them. While you may both not like being around each other anymore, you’ll try and pretend for the sake of your kids. The thing is, your kids can definitely tell and see what’s going on.

Therefore, you need to actually try and come to a real peace and understanding with one another. Constantly being tense is just going to make your kids anxious and on-edge when you’re around each other. As long as you try your best and keep things cool, then your kids will feel a lot more relaxed.

Divorce Immune System

Divorce usually brings a lot of stress along with it. This stress can end up having a negative impact on your health, and your body’s ability to fight off sickness. With the COVID-19 pandemic currently going on, it’s especially important to boost your divorce immune system. Taking a few extra steps can help keep your body healthy…

Divorce Immune System: Keep Healthy

Change your lifestyle

Making some lifestyle changes is a great way to improve your divorce immune system. Doing some exercising, for instance, can help get rid of harmful bacteria from the lungs. It’s also great for promoting white blood cell and antibody production.

Eating healthier foods is also good for our body’s immune system. So can getting 7-8 hours of good sleep each night. Plus, not only will it help keep you healthy, but these steps will also help you feel a lot less stressed.

Have a healthy space

The environment you’re in is also important for your divorce immune system. It might seem odd to think that doing some redecorating can help keep you healthy. However, it’s all about reducing that stress. If you can make your home feel welcoming and inviting, it’ll mean you’ll be less stressed overall.

You may not have the money for a massive remodeling effort, but that’s okay! Even making some minor layout or color changes can go a long way. Having a nice, organized home can help you feel calm and centered, rather than anxious or worried. This means your body gets to focus more on making sure you stay healthy.

Take extra precautions

With everything that’s going on related to COVID-19, it’s now more important than ever to take extra precautions. Constantly exposing yourself to potential infection is not something you’ll want to do, even if you have a strong divorce immune system. Therefore, be sure you do all you can to keep yourself protected.

In general, it’s best to limit how much you need to go out. When you do need to head outside, try to wear a face mask and practice good social distancing as best as you can. Make sure you frequently wash your hands or use hand sanitizer, both while you’re out and once you get back home.

Post-Divorce Job Interview

A divorce might mean you need to get back into the job-hunting game. However, what if you’ve landed an interview? Prepping for a post-divorce job interview can be a bit stressful. Still, there are some key things that you’ll want to focus on…

Post-Divorce Job Interview: Get Prepped

Do some research

It’s a good idea to do some research on the company before your post-divorce job interview. Now, you don’t need to dig into every single detail. But, it’s a good idea to have some basic info about the company’s background, clients, and services. Many companies will have this all accessible on their websites or social media.

Take another look at the job description for the role you applied to as well. There may be some things which you aren’t too familiar with compared to the rest. Doing some research on these skills or tasks can help you get familiar with them and see how your previous experiences can tie into them.

 Practice, practice, practice

You’ll want to practice as you can for your post-divorce job interview. Going into the interview blind can make you feel anxious and not leave a good impression. By comparison, doing some practice can help calm your nerves and get you prepared for the interviewer’s questions.

Some common questions tend to be about how much you know about the company, why you want to work there, your work style, strengths and weaknesses, and future career goals. Therefore, it helps to plan out general responses for these types of questions. When you know they’re coming, you can format answers and fit them into whatever the interviewer is asking.

Keep it natural

Remember that in a post-divorce job interview, it’s not just about the questions. The interviewer is also looking at how you respond. If you seem very nervous, anxious, and overall uncertain, then it may not matter how good your answers are.

That’s why you should try and treat your interview like a normal conversation. Take a moment to process the questions, and answer calm and thoughtfully. Keep your cool and stay focused, even if the interviewer tries to challenge you a bit. Remember: if you can keep composed here, then you’re showing them you can do the same on the job.