Category: post-divorce

Post-Divorce Bitterness

Odds are that you’re probably going to be feeling a wide range of emotions after your divorce. However, one that you’d want to avoid is post-divorce bitterness. Those bitter feelings can seriously get in the way of your progress after your divorce. Therefore, it’s important to know how you can push past these negative feelings…

Post-Divorce Bitterness

The problem with bitterness

Post-divorce bitterness is a nasty feeling to have. Bitterness can make even the most optimistic person become angery and upset at their life. Plus, it can have a negative effect on those around you. In general, being bitter makes it’s very hard for you to begin moving on after your divorce. 

Bitterness comes from being angry and frustrated over how you’ve been treated by your ex. Still, keep in mind that it’s all in the past. While you can’t change the past, you can work on making a better future for yourself. However, if you’re still feeling bitter, you won’t be able to start planning out that future.

Identify the sources

 Tackling that post-divorce bitterness can seem difficult at first. After all, being bitter can be a general feeling, and it can be hard to figure out where it’s directly coming from. That’s why it helps to really focus in on where the bitterness is coming from. A good way to do this is to write them down. 

Luckily, you don’t have to write anything complex. Just one or two quick sentences about what is making you feel bitter. For example, maybe you feel some resentment over something about your settlement. Or, maybe it’s because your ex is in a new relationship. Whatever it might be, it’s important to get it written down. 

Change your thinking

Once you identified where the post-divorce bitterness is coming from, then you can start to work on getting rid of it. This comes down to changing how you think about the causes you’ve identified. While you might see these as negatives before, odds are you can easily see where they may be positives. 

For example, say your ex is in a new relationship. Maybe this makes you feel resentment over how they’ve seemingly moved on. However, consider that while you’re going to work on self-improvement, your ex is still the same. That means someone else will get to deal with them while you get to improve yourself and potentially find someone you deserve. 

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

After your divorce, you might struggle to have the energy and motivation you used to have. This can have some negative outcomes, especially on the cleanliness of your home. That’s why some post-divorce cleaning might be in order. Getting rid of some clutter can help you get re-energized for the road ahead…

Post-Divorce Cleaning: Remove Clutter

The issue with clutter

The thing about clutter build-up is that it doesn’t happen instantly. Instead, it’s often a more gradual process. As people begin to struggle with post-divorce motivation, they tend to just toss things wherever. Or, if they just moved, then they may struggle to have the motivation to fully unpack, leading to more clutter.

Eventually, this becomes a cycle. As more clutter builds up, you don’t want to clean it. But, because you don’t want to clean it, there will be even more clutter in the future. As a result, it’s best to get started on your post-divorce cleaning as soon as you can.

Start small

The biggest issue that prevents people from post-divorce cleaning is feeling overwhelmed. Seeing mounds of things which need to be cleaned can quickly kill motivation. However, that’s why it’s important to not try and tackle everything at once.

It’s better to start small and work on specific sections of the house. For instance, maybe you first start with the bedroom. Then, you work your way up to some more larger rooms, like the kitchen or living room. Do this and in a few days you can see some real progress being made.

Have a plan for after

Once you’ve done your post-divorce cleaning, you want to make sure to plan to avoid future clutter. It helps to think of a plan to keep things organized. For instance, you could get organizing bins or drawers which can help keep things in order. You can also try and regularly clean to prevent too much build-up.

It also helps to think about how you might want to redecorate a room after it’s clean. Redecorating can really change the overall atmosphere and feelings a room give off, making you want to keep it clean. Plus, it serves as great motivation for when you’re doing the cleaning process.

Toxic Relationships

Given enough time after your divorce, you might be thinking about dating again. However, you have to be careful about toxic relationships. These kinds of relationships could seriously hurt your efforts to recover and move on with a new partner. Therefore, you need to watch for some common signs…

Toxic Relationships

Trouble communicating

Communication issues are quite common in toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be able to talk openly and freely. This will help them solve issues without getting into arguments. Being able to talk to one another will boost your bond and improve the overall quality of your relationship.

By contrast, toxic partners struggle with properly talking to each another. Many times, their conversations end up in arguments. These arguments can erupt over the simplest of things. In fact, it might get to the point where you can’t even talk to one another at all!

Constant put-downs

Toxic relationships also tend to suffer from issues with contempt. This happens when your partner feels like they’re “better” than you are. Due to this, they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. They may roll their eyes at you, respond with put-downs to your suggestions, or constantly use mean words when talking to you.

Sometimes, it can be hard to pick up on contempt. This is mainly because of gaslighting. You might think that it’s just because your partner is in a bad mood or you said something wrong. Try to really think about what you said, and how your partner responded. If it seems off, then it’s probably a sign of contempt.

Trust issues

Trust is crucial for any healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to trust one another for things to work out in the long run. Therefore, it’s no surprise that trust issues are prevalent in toxic relationships.

Without any trust, the foundation of the relationship won’t be stable. Things like keeping secrets or constantly lying will just cause things to continue to deteriorate. Furthermore, it’ll also make it harder to believe when your partner is telling the truth. This can lead to arguments, and eventually a split sooner rather than later.

Divorce Prep: What to Consider

The more you’re prepared for something, the more likely it is to go well. This same principal applies to your divorce as well. Taking the proper steps of divorce prep can help you save yourself time, money, and stress. It’ll take some work, but it’ll be well worth it in the end…

Divorce Prep: What to Consider

Sort out your emotions

The first part of proper divorce prep is sorting out your emotions. Divorce is a very emotional time for all parties involved. Letting your emotions get out of hand can turn your divorce into a messy and complicated process. 

Of course, you shouldn’t try and act like a robot with no emotions during this time either. It’s all about finding the right, healthy balance of how you feel and how to process said feelings. Joining a support group or meeting with a therapist are good ways to help you get more control over your emotions. 

Start Organizing

Getting yourself organized is another part of proper divorce prep. Documents are a crucial component of divorce. This means you’ll have to get together tax returns, W-2 forms, bank statements, and a whole host of other documents. 

However, getting them together now means less work and cost to you in the long run. Divorce can leave you feeling distracted as you’ll have so many things you’ll need to do. Going into divorce organized will help you feel much more focused even as things start to pick up. 

Plan out the costs

Divorce can be a costly endeavor. Hidden costs can sneak up on you and make you pay way more than you originally estimated. That’s why it’s important to figure out your finances and make a plan around them.

Remember, you’ll have to start paying divorce costs on top of your already existing expenses. You’ll also need to plan out how much money you’ll need after the divorce is over as well. Balancing your budget is one of the best ways to make your divorce go much smoother than expected. 

Divorce prep is all about getting yourself ready for the divorce process ahead. Going through a divorce can be a lengthy and difficult time. Therefore, you’ll want to set yourself up for success as much as possible.

Valentine’s Day Post-Divorce

If you’ve just recently divorced, then it might be a while before you try dating again. That means you might wonder how to handle that first Valentine’s Day post-divorce. However, there’s a couple different things you can do for yourself…

Valentine’s Day Post-Divorce

Treat yourself

A lot of people tend to beat themselves up on their first Valentine’s Day post-divorce. They’ll spend the day thinking about when their relationship was good, and that now they won’t or don’t deserve to find something better. Of course, that’s not the kind of mindset you should take on.

Rather, it’s better to spend the day treating yourself and boosting that confidence. One small bump in the road doesn’t dictate the rest of your life. Take the day to relax and enjoy it your way. You’ll begin to feel a whole lot better about yourself, and your future.

Be with the kids

If those feelings of loneliness are really creeping up on you on your first Valentine’s Day post-divorce, then it helps to be with those who love. So who better than your kids? Odds are, your kids might feel a little awkward today as well, considering they’re probably used to seeing you and your ex celebrate.

This is a great time to help reaffirm to your kids how much you love them. Plus, there’s a lot of different ways you can spend the day with them. Spending this day together can strengthen your bond, and help them start to feel “normal” again after the divorce.

Meet up with friends

What if you do if you’re feeling lonely, but don’t have kids to celebrate Valentine’s Day post-divorce with? In this case, it’s time to meet up with some friends. Your friends were probably a major source of support during your divorce. What better way to show your appreciation by spending time with them?

Maybe you and your friends decide to go out and celebrate in your own way. Still, you don’t have to do anything fancy that’ll break the bank. Rather, just getting together can be plenty. All that matters is you enjoy your time together.

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

Your divorce is going to be a big life change. Like with any major change, it’s going to come with its fair share of lessons. These divorce lessons can teach you some pretty valuable things. In fact, there’s a few things in particular which you may want to take note of…

Divorce Lessons: What You Can Learn

It’s ok to not be “ok”

A lot of people try to repress the more-negative feelings that divorce brings. In their mind, they think that feeling bad isn’t “right” for some reason. However, one of the important divorce lessons to learn is that it’s just fine to feel upset, angry, or disappointed. Indeed, it’s actually an important part of your eventual recovery.

No one is ever going to feel “perfect” 100% of the time, especially after a divorce. Therefore, don’t be afraid of those stronger emotions you’re feeling. Once you accept how you feel, you can start to process those emotions and begin to shift towards positive ones. In a way, it’s like you’re building up a tolerance to negative feelings for the future.

Change Is Natural

Another one of the important lessons is about accepting change. Change is a natural part of life. In a way, divorce is just another kind of change, even if you might not be all that excited for it. That means you shouldn’t see your divorce as some sort of permanent failure.

Rather, your divorce is just one small change in the grand scheme of things. The world isn’t over just because your marriage is. Ultimately, it’s not worth it to spend too much time stuck on what you lost. Instead, try to be optimistic about the new, positive changes you can start to make yourself

Perspective is key

One of the most important divorce lessons is about perspective. How we view things influences how we feel and what we think. That means if you view your divorce in nothing but a negative way, then you’re going to feel and think negatively for the foreseeable future.

Instead of getting caught in that rut, try to look at things more positively. Think about how you won’t have to deal with your ex doing or saying things which hurt you. Also keep in mind the new sense of control you now have over your life. Changing your perspective can really help you process your divorce.

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Once you’ve given yourself some time to move on from your divorce, you might be interested in dating again. Online dating sites in particular might seem appealing, albeit intimidating. However, online dating post-divorce can be done. To help your chances, try to keep some tips in mind…

Online Dating Post-Divorce

Match & move on

One thing to avoid when doing online dating post-divorce is “pining.” That’s when you match with someone, send them a message, and then constantly wait and stress for them to get back to you. Eventually, if they don’t respond, you feel dejected and demoralized for future matches.

The thing about online dating is that the overall response rate is low. Still, this is offset by the sheer number of people who use them. Therefore, don’t obsess over every single match. Send them a message, and then move on to another potential match. It’s not worth obsessing over someone you’ve never met!

Watch for fakes

Another thing to be aware of when online dating post-divorce are fake profiles. Not everyone online is who they claim they are. Sometimes, they might be scammers who are trying to pull a fast one on you. They may try and get some kind of money out of you, or other personal info in order to access your bank accounts.

Therefore, be careful about who you talk to and what you share. After all, it’s always important to protect your privacy online. If anyone tries to ask you for some kind of money or is asking for super-specific info, then don’t take the risk. Rather, move on and block or report them.

Meet up in-person

Once you made a match while doing online dating post-divorce, don’t just keep things online only. This might seem obvious, but the reality is that nearly 1/3rd of people who match online don’t meet in-person. If you want to start off on the right foot, then you’ll want to make sure you meet in- person.

You don’t have to go on some big date or anything. Just meeting at a place like a coffee shop can be enough for you to get a feel of who they are. If things go well, then you can transition things into more in-person dates.

Types of Therapy for Depression and Anxiety

If you are seeking help for depression and anxiety, there are many different types of therapy available. Sometimes, it can take some trial and error to find the right therapist and type of therapy to suit your personality and needs. Be patient, and continue looking if the fit isn’t right.

You might consider cognitive behavioral therapy, which is the most common type of talk therapy. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy can help you address traumatic events from the past and learn to cope with them in a more healthy way. Art therapy can help you express yourself without using words, and can help you identify underlying feelings and emotions. And finally, animal therapy can allow you to cope with stress and feel the self-confidence that comes with taking care of another living creature. Hopefully, you can try different forms of therapy and find the right fit for you.

Types of Therapy for Depression and Anxiety That Can Be Helpful

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, is the most common of the types of therapy. It involves mostly just talking with a mental health professional about your experiences and emotions. Through your interactions, they’ll help you identify stress triggers in your life and learn healthy coping strategies for them. The goal of CBT is to identify negative thoughts and mind-sets, and challenge them and correct them into more healthy and realistic views.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy 

Another of the types of therapy that is getting more and more common is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, or EMDR. This was originally used for veterans experiencing PTSD, but is now used to address traumatic events of any degree. The idea behind EMDR is that when your body is experiencing emotional trauma, your brain doesn’t process the memories correctly. Therefore, they can continue to haunt you and cause anxiety for many years. EMDR aims to reprocess these memories by engaging both sides of your brain while you discuss the traumatic event by having you follow a moving light or object with your eyes. 

Art Therapy

Art therapy can be a fun way to explore your more creative side. This type of therapy allows you to explore your subconscious emotions by examining your artwork. This might include painting, drawing, sculpture, or other forms of art. A trained professional can help you identify emotional undertones, symbolism, and nonverbal messages within your artwork. You can also practice things like journaling at home to help you identify patterns in your thinking or gain more perspective on a situation. 

Animal Therapy 

Finally, one last examples of different types of therapy is animal assisted therapy, or AAT. This can involve petting, holding, or caring for a support animal like a dog, cat, bunny, or horse. The animals are trained, and you typically are guided through this therapy with a counselor. Interacting with animals can reduce blood pressure, release feel-good endorphins, and take away stress. Additionally, caring for another living creature can help you gain self-confidence.

There are many different types of therapy available for a number of mental health issues. It’s important to look around until you find the therapist and therapy that works best for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to another counselor if the fit just doesn’t feel right. You need to feel comfortable with the person you are working with, and have confidence that they’ll help you get to a better mental space. You might consider CBT, or talk therapy to help identify and work through negative perceptions. You might also consider EMDR if you are dealing with traumatic situations from the past.

Art therapy can be a creative way to express yourself non-verbally and can reveal things you might not actually realize about yourself. And finally, animal therapy can be a soothing way to rebuild self-confidence and tackle stress. Hopefully, you can try a few different types of therapy and professionals to find the best fit for your needs.

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

Once you’ve made the decision to divorce, there’s going to be a lot of changes to make. One of those changes deals with what to do about your wedding ring. This can be awkward, but it’s important not to overlook this aspect of post-divorce life…

Wedding Ring: What To Do With It?

When to take it off

The hardest thing about your wedding ring can be figuring out when to stop wearing it. Now, if your divorce is mutual, then it might not be a big deal. Since you and your spouse are in agreement, it’s easier to remove the ring. However, these mutual divorces aren’t so common.

If you end up with a one-sided divorce, then your spouse might not want to talk about the divorce. Talking about your rings can be a good way to help them realize what’s going on. You can both try and come up with a date to stop wearing them, which helps you both start to “let go” at the same time.

Sell or keep?

Once you have taken your wedding ring off, it seems like just another piece of jewelry. However, this isn’t always the case. Often times, they’re more expensive purchases than other jewelry pieces, and carry a lot of sentiment. Plus, many times both spouses end up wanting the other to get rid of the ring after the divorce.

So what do you do with the ring? You can choose to sell them, but keep in mind you won’t get the original value of the ring back. Still, it can be better than letting it sit, and the money can help cover divorce-related costs. If you have kids, you can hold on to it to give to them later down the line.

Family importance

A lot of spouses will buy their wedding ring at a jewelry store specifically for their partner. However, sometimes these rings are passed down from generation to generation. In these cases, these rings have much more sentimental value than others, and are harder to just get rid of.

The best thing to do is ask your spouse if they would like the ring back. Odds are it still means a lot to them, and they would appreciate the gesture. That can be a great way to start your post-divorce relationship on the right foot, especially if you have to co-parent.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce

When your divorce is finalized, you may be tempted to jump right back into the dating pool. Some people even start looking for new prospects while they are only just separated. While it may seem like a good idea to put yourself back out there right away, it may actually be better to take a break from dating after divorce. That way, you can give yourself some time for yourself and hopefully set yourself up for success when you do get back into looking for a partner.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce: Taking Time For Yourself

Emotional Healing

Divorce can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. You will likely carry a lot of hurt with you. Before you are ready to commit yourself to another person, it is best to work through your pain and emotions. This will prevent you from carrying that hurt into your next relationship, and potentially sabotaging it. The same may happen if you are overly suspicious or bitter right after your divorce. Do not try and look for a partner right away in order to mask your pain. If you have not dealt with your emotions, they are bound to come boiling back up at some point. Some people think they have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This is not the case. If you have not worked through your emotions, it is best to take a break from dating after divorce.

Instead, work towards healing emotionally. You can talk to a councilor or a trusted friend. Also, work towards being the best version of yourself that you can be. Meditation, exercise, reading, and taking time to relax are all good for your wellbeing and mental health.

Occupy Your Time

Find things other than dating to distract you and occupy your time after a divorce. Pick up a new hobby or work on self-improvement during this time. Who knows, you could end up sharing your new hobbies with your future partner one day. There were things that did not work during your last relationship, so this is the perfect time to look within and try and correct those things so that you can avoid those bad habits or traits when going into a new relationship.

If you take a break from dating after divorce, choose to spend time with friends for companionship. This will help you stay busy with events and things to do instead of looking to date. Even if your friends are all in relationships, try and carve out good one-on-one time to spend with your friends too.

Instead of looking for a new relationship just after a divorce, take this time to work on yourself and find other things to occupy your time. Instead of jumping into a new relationship that is all wrong, take a break from dating after divorce. While it may seem difficult at the time, you will appreciate the time to yourself eventually.