Category: post-divorce

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Figuring out how to talk to your ex as a co-parent can be pretty tough. This can only get harder if you’re dealing with a narcissistic ex. While it might feel impossible at first, there are ways you can make it a bit easier for yourself when you have to talk to them…

Narcissistic Ex: How To Communicate

Don’t take the bait

One of the trickiest parts of talking to a narcissistic ex is how they like to change the subject. Often times, they might try to steer the conversation towards themselves or what they’re doing, in order to show off. Or, they might make jabs at you to try and get under your skin.

When this happens, it’s important to not take the bait. They want to get you upset, and in turn make you lose focus of the conversation’s original goal. Do your best to ignore those comments and stick to what you need to discuss. If they refuse to focus, then disengage and tell them you’ll talk at a later time.

Stick to “yes” or “no” answers

If a narcissistic ex tries to ask you questions, especially over email or text, they tend to make them not as straightforward as they should. For instance, they might include some kind of backhanded comment or brag about what they’re doing. While you might feel the need to correct the record, the best response is to keep your answers brief.

Ignore all the stuff they included that isn’t relevant to what you have to do as a co-parent. Single out those questions, and make it clear you’re only replying to that part of the question. For example, if they ask if you can watch the kids, but try to insert a brag about themselves, just say “yes, I can watch the kids” and leave it at that.

Set your boundaries

A narcissist, especially a narcissistic ex, loves to poke and prod at your boundaries. They want to push your buttons, find out what you’re doing, and figure out a way to either put you down, or lift themselves up. That’s why it’s important to keep your boundaries firm. Don’t give them any room to work with, and if they don’t respect the boundaries, then you know your conversation isn’t worth continuing.

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Divorce tends to b a time of self-reflection for many people. This is especially true when it comes to working. Some might consider getting a new job, where as others might consider changing jobs post-divorce. If you find yourself thinking about the later, there’s a few things you should evaluate before making a decision…

Changing Jobs Post-Divorce

Your stress levels

Divorce, understandably, is a pretty stressful event. Therefore, it’s no surprise that you’re probably looking to rid your life of excess stress. One of the areas many people look at are their jobs. Depending on their answers, it can help them decide on changing jobs post-divorce.

Think about how you feel when you’re working. Do you hate it, and dread having to even think about going into your shifts? Or, do you find yourself feeling pretty at-ease most of the time? If your job environment is too stressful, then it might be time to consider a change.

Financial situation

On top of stress, divorce can also cause you to spend quite a bit of money. Even after it’s over, you might have to spend on things like finding and moving to a new place to live. Plus, spousal and child support payments can also seriously change up your financial situation, and make you think about changing jobs post-divorce.

If you find yourself worried about money, it helps to first make a budget based on how much you make now, and your new costs. Are there any areas you can cut back on spending on to make sure you have money for the necessitates? Depending on how this budget looks, it can help you determine if a change is a good idea.

Quality of life

Remember that there’s more to a job than just the pay. There’s also other factors you have to consider. These quality of life factors can be very important, especially if your old schedule has changed due to your divorce. For instance, if you find yourself with custody of your kids, then you’ll have to consider how to balance a job with these new demands.

How well your job fits these changes can help you determine if changing jobs post-divorce is a good idea. Consider things like your work schedule. Is it flexible with your needs? Does your job also let you handle things from home on some days? Jobs which do can be much more appealing and handy than those that don’t.

Rebound Relationships

Trying to date again after your divorce can be very hard. After all, there’s no time table which tells you when it’s the right time to try again. However, trying again too quickly tends to end up making rebound relationships. These relationships are something you’ll want to avoid…

Rebound Relationships

What is a “rebound”?

Rebound relationships, like the name implies, are when you get into a relationship quickly after leaving your last one. Often times, these relationships usually form about a month or so since your last one. As a result, these relationships tend to not last very long.

Many times, people try to “rebound” with someone else who’s also coming off a break-up or divorce. However, this is mainly because they’re just looking for an emotional escape from the issues of their last one. While in the long run these relationships tend to not be harmful, they can stall your post-divorce recovery.

No need to rush

Despite how you might feel, there’s no need to rush into rebound relationships. Still, it can be hard to avoid them sometimes. After all, your thoughts and emotions probably aren’t in the best shape after your divorce. As a result, you can end up believing you’re in love with someone despite only knowing them for a short time.

That’s why it helps to just take some space away from the idea of dating for a while. Instead, spend this time doing some things for yourself. Start eating better, exercising, or pick up a new hobby. Right now, you need to get comfortable with yourself before thinking of dating again.

Learn from the past

Rebound relationships are formed out of the pain from the loss of your marriage. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn that pain into something good. In fact, it’s a good idea to consider the lessons learned from your past relationship.

Think about the issues that you had with your last relationship. Then, think about how you can avoid them in your next ones. That way, you can actively avoid running into those issues again, and ensure your new relationships start out on the right foot.

Working Post-Divorce

Having to work while going through your divorce can be tricky enough. However, what if you’re looking to re-enter to workforce? Working post-divorce can seem like another difficult challenge. However, there are ways for you to find your fit…

Working Post-Divorce

Find your interests

The first part of working post-divorce is figuring out your interests. It’s no surprise that people tend to enjoy working jobs that line up with their interests. As a result, it helps to figure out what your interests are before job hunting. A career counselor can be helpful in showing you what fields to consider.

Also, if you were working before your divorce, you don’t have to rush right back into your old job. This is the perfect time to really think about what you want to truly be doing. It might be time to look for something new, for both the sake of your financials and mental health. Just don’t leave your job until you have something else secured!

Look all around

Working post-divorce means being aware of your options. As a result, it helps to look around for any recent open job positions near you. The easiest way to do this is by using online job boards. With how many there are, you have a lot of places to check to see if there’s something that matches what you’re looking for.

Still, even with the convenience of the internet, in-person applications are a good option as well. In fact, they can even be preferable, as they can help you make a good first impression. Therefore, don’t be afraid to pay an in-person visit! Even if they aren’t hiring now, they may get in touch when they are.

Consider additional education

A lot of well-paying jobs these days require some form of higher education. Therefore, if you’re interested in working post-divorce, it’s not a bad idea to get some extra education. It’s not uncommon to see more older adults on college campuses, who are in the process of pursuing their degrees.

Plus, the nice thing is that you don’t have to go to a university to get more education. Many community colleges offer courses at similar levels, but for much less. You can even find out about taking online classes, making it so that getting more education doesn’t get in the way of your schedule.

Difficult In-Laws

Meeting your partner’s parents is a big step in a relationship. For one, it’s nerve-wracking because you’re not sure if they’ll like you or not. Even if you try your best, it may not work out how you want. Sadly, having to deal with difficult in-laws can be an upsetting thing to go through. However, you can’t really get around it-you can just deal with it until it gets better. It can be hard, though, if you don’t know how to go about this situation. Hopefully, if you keep some things in mind, you’ll get some peace in mind.

Difficult In-Laws: Standing Your Ground

Communication

Unfortunately, knowing whether or not your in-laws like you can be unclear sometimes. First, make sure you talk with your partner! Let them knowyour concerns. Do the parents like you? If not, what could possibly be the reason for it? Additionally, what can be done to make it better? Letting your partner know where you are mentally and emotionally can help out significantly. If difficult in-laws are the problem, it’s almost impossible to go through it alone. If so, it can create a lot of strain.

Set Boundaries

Most everyone’s parents feel as though they are entitled to most facets of their kids lives. That’s true to a certain extent. However, when their child gets old enough, there may come a time where boundaries need to be set. This is especially the case with difficult in-laws. First, try to get some type of idea where and how you would like these boundaries set. For example, are in-laws barred from certain events? What are they allowed to comment on? Discuss what you want out of this. Then, you and your partner can talk about how to enforce your boundaries. Hopefully, your in-laws will take your boundaries seriously. That way, your relationship with them has the opportunity to improve.

Stand Your Ground

Standing your ground in any situation can be hard. For one, you don’t want to rock the boat. However, rocking the boat is necessary sometimes. Dealing with difficult in-laws can be one of those times! Of course, you can always shake the boat respectfully. Know what ways you’re going to enforce your boundaries. Additionally, if you’re nervous, rehearse if you have to. However, standing your ground could help better your relationship with your in-laws eventually.

Dealing with difficult in-laws can be a complicated situation. There are many reasons why they may be difficult. For one, they may not like you how you hoped they would. Or, they can just be a little too involved. No matter the reason, dealing with difficult in-laws is a necessity. Communication is always key so make sure you’re doing that with your partner. After all of your concerns are out in the open, try to set a game plan for setting boundaries. Additionally, once you’ve made your boundaries, make sure to set them and stand your ground. That way, everyone involved can have a better relationship with each other.

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Adjusting to being a co-parent can cause a lot of stress, and sometimes even depression. Co-parenting depression is a real issue which can get in the way of your shared goals for your child. However, there are ways to cope with these feelings, and eventually push past them…

Co-Parenting Depression: Ways To Cope

Find some common ground

A major source for co-parenting depression is constant arguments. It makes sense that you and your ex may not agree on everything. However, constantly arguing over these matter will just lead to more frustration building up. Ultimately, these arguments don’t do you or your kids any good.

Instead, it’s helpful to first find some common ground. This is especially helpful for house rules. For example, maybe you both agree what time your kids should be asleep at, or when they should do homework. Finding the areas you agree on will make it easier to work on the ones you disagree on.

Improve communication

Poor communication is also another common source of co-parenting depression. For many co-parents, communication breaks down in a few ways ways. A parent might feel out-of-the-loop in regards to what their ex is doing, or always end up arguing with them when they talk.

Neither of these situations are good for you or your kids, so it’s important to improve your communication. Try to always ensure you both have a way of reaching the other, and talk to each other about your plans. If you find you’re always arguing, keep your talks brief, focused, and potentially over text to mitigate the risk of an argument.

Manage your depression

There’s also plenty of ways to manage your co-parenting depression through outside resources. For instance, a therapist can help you identify why you feel how you do, and how you can work on it. Even just talking to friends can help alleviate those feelings.

It also doesn’t hurt to find some things to do when you’re not co-parenting. Hobbies are a great way to burn off some stress and start to feel better again. Plus, if you find one your kids can enjoy, you can bond with them while also getting to do something you all like.

Mental Health Post-Divorce

A person’s mental health post-divorce can really be in a difficult state. With all that has happened, it can be hard to see how you can start healing. However, there are many ways for you to begin this healing process…

Mental Health Post-Divorce

Create a new routine

A new routine can really help improve your mental health post-divorce. Take some time to think about how your priorities have changed now after the divorce. You might have to care for your kids or pets, but you don’t need to put your former partner’s needs over yours. Now, you can make a routine that prioritizes you.

Creating this new schedule can really help you do the things you like. Maybe this is just taking a walk at a nearby park. Or, perhaps it’s picking back up an old hobby of yours. Whatever it may be, these new things will help you start to feel better about yourself.

Look at your work-life balance

Many people like to try and throw themselves into their work after something like divorce has happened. After all, the work should help take their mind off of things, right? However, it turns out this can have some negative effects on your mental health post-divorce.

Throwing yourself into your work while not taking time for yourself can really raise your stress levels. This increased stress can take a serious toll on your health, both physically and mentally. Therefore, it’s much better to create a healthy work-life balance. Doing so will help you keep your stress levels in-check.

Seek professional help

Ultimately, while you can take steps to improve your mental health post-divorce, it’s important to know you don’t have to do it alone. It’s not uncommon for people to feel very isolated and alone after their divorce. In these cases, seeking some outside professional help can really help.

Meeting with a therapist can do a lot for helping you improve your mental health. A therapist can help you figure out what’s causing you strife, and develop strategies for getting them under control. That way, you’ll know how to handle these thoughts when they come up, and push them away.

Post-Divorce Hobbies: Things To Try

After your divorce is over, you might be left wondering what your next step is. It can be a difficult time, as you get your finances and other affairs in order. However, post-divorce hobbies can be a great way to help get your mind back on track. As it turns out, there’s plenty of hobbies out there to choose from…

Post-Divorce Hobbies: Things To Try

Get active

One of the more-popular post-divorce hobbies is getting active. Now, you might not think exercise counts as a hobby. However, considering all the different ways you can be active, you might be surprised. From just joining a gym, to a local sports group, these can all help you met new people and find something you enjoy doing. 

Plus, getting active doesn’t have to mean going crazy. In fact, you might prefer something a bit more relaxing, like yoga. Yoga classes can be a good way to meet others, get active, and let go of a lot of that remaining divorce-related stress from your body. 

Cooking

Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you have to start eating instant Ramen and Chinese food for each meal. In fact, what you eat can have a pretty big impact on your overall mood. That’s why cooking tends to be another one of the popular post-divorce hobbies.

Learning to cook can is something you can do both on your own and through professional classes. Plus, you can pick one area you really like and start there. For instance, if you’re big into pastries, you can focus specifically on them at first. Then, you can move on to other areas as you like. 

Gardening

Gardening might appear to be something that’s fallen out of style these days. However, it can actually be a pretty relaxing and enjoyable experience to have a garden of your own. If you like doing something with your hands, and putting in the effort, then this is one of the post-divorce hobbies you may enjoy. 

The nice thing about gardening is that you can do it nearly anywhere. Even if you live in an apartment, you can still get some potted plants. These are a bit easier to care for than having a whole garden, but still give you the same satisfaction of growing your own plants. 

Post-Divorce Finances: How To Manage

Getting a divorce may not be a cheap process. With things like legal fees and other hidden costs, the total can add up quick. As a result, it’s good to start planning out your post-divorce finances. Having your finances under control can really help with starting your post-divorce life smoothly…

Post-Divorce Finances: How To Manage

Figure out your budget

A budget is the first part of your post-divorce finances. For many people, the budgets they had before won’t work anymore. For instance, the divorce itself could’ve cost a lot. Also, you might find yourself having to move, change jobs, or losing an extra source of income. All that means it’s time to make a new budget. 

First, figure out how much money you’ll have coming in. This can be done on a weekly or monthly basis. Then, you’ll want to figure out what your expenses are. Once you’ve done this, you’ll have your basic budget. That way, you can start planning out your next financial moves. 

Cut extra costs

Getting your budget together is only the first step. After that, you need to make sure that your post-divorce finances are enough to support you. If you find your expenses are more than your income, then it’s time to see where you can save some money. A good way to do this is to cut extra costs. 

Extra costs can be anything that you spend money on that you don’t necessarily need. For example, this could be a subscription to a streaming service you barely use. Or, perhaps it’s money you spend on fast food. Trimming these extra costs can end up seriously saving you a lot in the long run. 

Plan for the future

Remember that your post-divorce finances are very important for your post-divorce life. Your financial situation is going to have a large impact on the things you do going forward. That’s why it might not be a bad idea to have a general plan now, and make some decisions accordingly. 

For instance, do you want to get a better job in the future? If so, it might be worth it now to pay for some extra certification or education if you can afford it. Think of it as investing in your future. You pay a bit more now, but you’ll end up making much more money down the line than you would have. 

Co-Parent Communication

After your divorce, you might wish to just step away from things involving your ex for a while. However, if you’re a parent, you’ll have to start co-parenting. One of the trickiest aspects of this new parenting style is co-parent communication. However, if you take some key steps, you can make this process a little less complicated…

Co-Parent Communication

Find the best way to keep in touch

The first part of co-parent communication involves figuring out how you can keep in touch. These days, we have many ways to constantly be in contact with others. However, you might not want to always be talking to your ex. Therefore, you’ll need to find a good balance to work out with your ex. 

For instance, maybe you’re fine with your ex keeping your number and calling or texting. However, maybe you only want them to call when it’s related to the kids. Or, maybe you want it to be strictly professional, and keep in only through e-mail. Whatever it might be that you chose, it’s important to stick to your boundaries to avoid conflicts. 

Minimize conflict

Conflict prevention is important for good co-parent communication. Despite how you might feel about your divorce, you and your ex are going to have to work together to still be parents. Arguing and fighting will only serve to hurt your kids in the long run, and no one wins when that happens. 

Therefore, it’s important to remember that you still each share that goal of wanting to properly raise your kids. You might not agree on everything, which is natural! However, instead of fighting over who is right, understand it’s okay if you guys do things a bit differently. As long as it isn’t hurting your kids, then it’s probably not worth fighting over.

Be respectful and direct

Depending on how your divorce went, you might have some pretty negative feelings about your ex. However, if you want good co-parent communication, you can’t let these feelings get the better of you. Instead, you’ll want to be respectful and take the high road, even if your ex doesn’t. 

Usually, if you’re respectful to your ex, they’ll be respectful to you in return. Still, if they aren’t, don’t stoop to their level. Ignore their insults, and tell them you’ll be willing to talk when they are willing to be polite.