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Author: Robert Reeves

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

When it comes to divorce, some couples might opt to go the mediation route. However, picking mediation isn’t always a simple choice. There’s a few key things you’ll need to consider before you make your decision…

Picking Mediation: What To Consider

Are you both on board?

Picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to work with your spouse. After all, it is a voluntary process. That’s why it’s ideal to ensure the both of you are on board with the idea. If you’re both willing to work together, then the process will go smoothly for you and them.

However, if one spouse feels “forced” into mediation, they may not be willing to work with you. They could become very hostile towards you, and lack the open mind needed to make the process work. If you know this will be the case, then you might want to consider other options.

Is privacy a concern?

It’s important to think about privacy when picking mediation. Unlike a courtroom, which is open to the public, mediation is much more private. You and your partner will be able to meet confidentially and discuss things in a more relaxed, quiet setting.

Still, keep in mind that other options can provide that privacy too. For example, if you decide on a collaborative divorce, then you can expect a similar level of privacy. The main thing here is that privacy is just another potential advantage to consider. Depending on how your spouse is, it could cause them to lean more towards mediation.

Can you communicate properly?

Remember that mediation is meant to be collaborative. While there is a mediator involved, they are more of a neutral third party. Their main job is to facilitate the conversation between you and your partner. As a result, picking mediation relies a lot on your ability to communicate.

If you and your partner can talk to one another in a nice, professional manner, then mediation can be a good choice. But, if you constantly find you’re getting into arguments, it might be harder to get the most out of the process. It’s crucial to seriously consider how well you can work together and talk out disagreements in order to reach compromises.

New Year Financial Checklist

Going into a new year after a divorce is often a time for personal self-reflection. However, you’ll also want to look at other areas of your life as well, such as your finances. That’s why it’s a good idea to make a new year financial checklist. Having this list will let you get a head start on planning out the new year…

New Year Financial Checklist

Set your goals

A good way to start off a new year financial checklist is with some goals. In fact, people who set definitive resolutions are much more likely to actually achieve them. Therefore, it’s helpful to set for yourself specific short- and long-term goals that you want to reach in the new year.

Now, just saying “I want to save money” isn’t specific enough. How much do you want to save, and in what kind of time frame? Or, do you want to pay off debts in a certain amount of time? Goals like these are good and specific, and will provide a good sense of accomplishment when you achieve them.

Check your credit

Credit is also a very important part of your finances. As a result, it should also be a part of your new year financial checklist. Your credit will influence a whole host of things, from car payment plans to potential apartment leases. Due to this, you want to get it or keep it in good shape.

One good way to do this is to watch your credit card usage. Try to only use it for things you normally need to buy anyways, like gas or groceries. That way, you don’t use it for expensive things you don’t need that will put you into debt. A steady stream of paying off these kinds of credit card charges can help get your credit moving in the right direction.

Track your spending habits

A problem many people run into is spending more money than they expect. Even when they’re trying to save up, they may struggle to figure out what’s running up costs. That’s why you should also include tracking your spending habits in your new year financial checklist, to avoid this issue.

Keeping an eye on your spending will help you see what’s costing you the most. That way, you can cut down on or remove some expenses. One good way to do this is through a budget. These days, there’s plenty of apps and programs which will help you set up a good budget to reach your goals.

Toxic Relationships

Given enough time after your divorce, you might be thinking about dating again. However, you have to be careful about toxic relationships. These kinds of relationships could seriously hurt your efforts to recover and move on with a new partner. Therefore, you need to watch for some common signs…

Toxic Relationships

Trouble communicating

Communication issues are quite common in toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be able to talk openly and freely. This will help them solve issues without getting into arguments. Being able to talk to one another will boost your bond and improve the overall quality of your relationship.

By contrast, toxic partners struggle with properly talking to each another. Many times, their conversations end up in arguments. These arguments can erupt over the simplest of things. In fact, it might get to the point where you can’t even talk to one another at all!

Constant put-downs

Toxic relationships also tend to suffer from issues with contempt. This happens when your partner feels like they’re “better” than you are. Due to this, they don’t treat you with the respect you deserve. They may roll their eyes at you, respond with put-downs to your suggestions, or constantly use mean words when talking to you.

Sometimes, it can be hard to pick up on contempt. This is mainly because of gaslighting. You might think that it’s just because your partner is in a bad mood or you said something wrong. Try to really think about what you said, and how your partner responded. If it seems off, then it’s probably a sign of contempt.

Trust issues

Trust is crucial for any healthy relationship. Both partners need to be able to trust one another for things to work out in the long run. Therefore, it’s no surprise that trust issues are prevalent in toxic relationships.

Without any trust, the foundation of the relationship won’t be stable. Things like keeping secrets or constantly lying will just cause things to continue to deteriorate. Furthermore, it’ll also make it harder to believe when your partner is telling the truth. This can lead to arguments, and eventually a split sooner rather than later.

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Blending together different families after remarrying isn’t always easy. In fact, it can seem especially difficult during the holidays. However, making your blended family holiday plans successful isn’t impossible. In fact, it’s something you can do with a little bit of proper focus…

Blended Family Holiday Plans

Watch expectations

Expectations can be a problem for blended family holiday plans. Everyone has an “ideal” holiday situation in their heads. Often times, this is based off of what we see or hear in movies or other media. Still, you can’t base your real-life plans off of those found in fiction.

The thing is, you can’t set those expectations too high. After all, this holiday season is all about helping everyone adjust. Therefore, keep your expectations and your plans simple. Figure out what’s really important to you and everyone else, and base your plans on that.

Work together

Blended family holiday plans also end up being much better when you and your partner work together. Even if you’ve been married for a few months, you still won’t know their kids as well as they do. This of course also applies on their end as well. As a result, you should work together to make your plans.

By working together, you can develop your plan to be fit each of your kids. Plus, this can also help them feel more like a family. By spending time with each other, and everyone being able to do things they enjoy, you’ll create that good, holiday spirit. This will also improve the bond between you and your new family members.

Traditions, new & old

Don’t forget about traditions while making your blended family holiday plans. Traditions are an important part of the holiday for many people. If you know your kids, or your partner’s kids, have traditions they like, then be sure to include them.

Also, this is a great time to create some new traditions too. These new traditions are something that can be unique to your new, blended family. There’s a wide variety of traditions you can try and use with your family. You can also make your own special traditions with the help of your kids!

Mental Health During Divorce

Your mental well-being is important for a good post-divorce life. However, you also need to pay attention to your mental health during divorce as well. Getting yourself in a good place mentally will make it easier both to handle the divorce process, and move forward in the right direction…

Mental Health During Divorce

Stages of grief

The grieving process is important for your mental health during divorce. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve about the end of your marriage. Due to the loss you’ll experience, you’ll want to make sure you allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief, to better your recovery.

There’s five general stages of grief. First is denial, which tends to occur early in a divorce. Then, there’s the questioning stage and depression stage, which involves questioning what went wrong, and feeling sad over what’s happened, respectively. Finally, there’s the evaluation stage, which gives way to the acceptance stage, where you can finally begin to move on.

Maintain a positive attitude

It might seem hard to be positive while divorcing your partner. However, it’s actually pretty important for your mental health during divorce. Basically, if you surround yourself with positive things, you’ll begin to feel more positive yourself.

You probably know that when people are sad, they tend to engage with sad or depressing things. They might only listen to sad music, or watch sad movies. As a result, they end up just feeling sad all of the time. However, listening to happy music and watching uplifting movies can help give you some much-needed positivity.

Work on your physical health

Your physical health and mental health during divorce go hand-in-hand. When people feel good physically, they also feel much better mentally. This can be a challenge when getting a divorce, as the process might take up a lot of your time. Still, you don’t need to go crazy to improve your physical health.

For example, you can start to eat a bit healthier than you usually do. Plus, maybe you include some basic physical activity, like a walk, into your weekly routine. Simple things like these can help improve your physical health, and in turn, make you feel better mentally.

Post-Divorce Burnout

It isn’t always easy to adjust to a new life after a divorce. As a result, sometimes people will throw themselves into things like work. However, this can easily result in post-divorce burnout. That’s why it’s best to avoid taking this route…

Post-Divorce Burnout

The problem with burnout

The problems with post-divorce burnout are very similar to those of any other type of burnout. In general, it occurs when someone decides to use their work as an escape from the grief of their divorce. By focusing themselves solely on their work, they think they can distract themselves from those negative feelings.

However, no matter how much work you do, you can only avoid those feelings for so long. In fact, the more work you do, the longer those emotions will simmer and get worse. Eventually, you’ll reach your point of burnout, and all those emotions and more will rise to the surface, usually in a not-so-pretty way.

Accepting your emotions

In order to avoid this post-divorce burnout, you can’t avoid those sad feelings from your divorce. Rather, you need to take the time to confront and accept them. By acknowledging these feelings, you will get yourself through the grieving process, and can start to move forwards.

Usually, many people will actually take time away from work to do this. Still, there’s plenty of other ways you can give yourself some time to process these emotions. Maybe you meet with a therapist, or write your thoughts down in a journal. Whatever you chose, the important thing is getting those emotions out there.

Watch your workload

Another part of avoiding post-divorce burnout is watching your workload. There’s going to be a lot of things you’ll need to take care of after your divorce. Maybe you’re moving, or you have to adjust to being a single parent. When this happens, you need to be careful you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.

Taking on too much work can lead to burnout, even if you’re processing those emotions. Therefore, try to watch how much work you take on. Try to talk to your boss about what’s going on, and how you might need a bit of a limited workload for a short period of time. Many times, they’re understanding and willing to help you out.

Support Groups: What To Consider

The pain and loss that comes with divorce can be difficult to go through alone. Therefore, you’ll want to lean on your support system for help. One key part of this system are support groups. However, finding a group that works for you depends on a few factors…

Support Groups: What To Consider

What’s the focus?

Divorce support groups tend to have two main types of focus areas: informational and processing. Informational groups tend to spend time on learning tools and recovery. At these meetings, you’ll learn about different methods to help you adjust to your divorce, and make changes in your life.

However, processing groups are more focused on personal experiences. These are places where people can come and share their experiences with others who know how they feel. Furthermore, you can hear from others what helped them with recovery. You’ll want to figure out what kind of focus fits you the best.

How is the schedule?

You’ll also need to consider what kind of schedule these support groups have. Different groups will tend to have different kinds of schedules. Some might meet once a week, while others might meet on a more consistent basis. Plus, you’ll have to consider what days of the week a group might meet on.

Look at what your schedule looks like now, and see what kind of groups work with that. Don’t forget to consider the time duration as well. For instance maybe you’re only free at certain times each day. You won’t want to sign up for a group which could make you late for other things like work!

Is there an attendance policy?

Support groups are all dependent on those who show up to them. As a result, some groups might have stricter attendance policies than others. This usually is done to ensure that each meeting can be productive and worthwhile. After all, it isn’t fair to those who do come if not enough other people show up.

Still, you might need some flexibility. Maybe you have kids or other things which can impact your schedule. In these cases, most groups are understanding if you give them a heads-up in advance. However, it might be worth it to find one that is less strict if you know things might constantly come up. You can even look for groups which are online too.

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Seeing your financial situation change after divorce can be quite difficult. These financial changes can really impact your plans for your post-divorce life. However, there are some ways you can cope with these changes…

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Save ahead of time

A good way to handle potential financial changes is to save up ahead of time. Depending on how your divorce goes, the cost can quickly add up. Plus, it’s hard to tell how long a divorce will take until you really start it. Therefore, you’ll want to have some extra money saved up in advance.

Saving up these extra funds can help in a few ways. For starters, it’ll help you cover any unexpected costs or fees which pop up during the process. Also, it’ll let you get a head-start on preparing your post-divorce finances. Even just saving a few extra dollars here and there can really add up and help you out.

Set up a budget

Budgets are also handy for handling financial changes. Suddenly going from a two-income home to a single-income home can really be a shock. Still, it’s helpful to try and anticipate these changes ahead of time. A good budget can really be of use when it comes to coping with these potential changes.

A good way to try and split your budget is into needs, wants, and savings. Your needs are things you have to spend money on, such as food or bills. Your wants are more optional things, like shopping urges or other similar activities. Lastly, your savings are exactly that: money you put away and save up. Looking over these three categories can help you structure your budget accordingly.

Use some outside help

Sometimes, these financial changes can be very overwhelming. When this happens, you might struggle to figure out what to do. However, the thing is you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, you can make use of some outside help.

Talking to a financial advisor can help you better understand your finances. They can help break things down for you, and show you where things can be changed, saved, or worked on. These advisors are especially handy if you have a lot of debt which you’re unsure about how to approach.

Common Divorce Questions

Getting divorced can be pretty confusing. In fact, it’s not unusual to have some questions. However, there’s some common divorce questions which tend to pop up more than others. Having answers to these questions can help put your mind at a little more ease…

Common Divorce Questions

“How long will it take?”

One of the most common divorce questions is about its length. After all, divorce tends to get a reputation for taking a while. With how draining the process can be, it’s understandable that many people are concerned about just how long this whole process might take.

The reality of the situation is that it depends. There’s a lot of things that divorce has to cover. For example, there’s finances, custody, assets, and plenty more. Therefore, it mainly comes down to how long it takes to sort these things out. However, it is better to take your time with divorce, rather than to rush it.

“What should I do beforehand?”

Another of the common divorce questions is about getting prepared. As with most things, it’s always a good idea to get ready for your divorce ahead of time. Still, there’s a whole lot of things your divorce is going to cover. So where should you get started, and when?

The best time to get ready for divorce is when you’ve finalized on the idea. At that point, it’s helpful to begin gathering things such as documents in order to get yourself ready. You should also begin to set aside some extra money, just to cover any costs which may arise from the divorce process too.

“Can I keep the peace?”

People also figure that divorce tends to be very confrontational. As such, another one of the more common divorce questions is how to prevent this. While they may not always be so common, it is totally possible to pull of a very low-conflict and peaceful divorce.

Of course, you will have to work together with your partner to do this. The best ways to avoid conflict are mainly through good communication and a willingness to come to compromises in your divorce. It might get tough at times, but it is a much better alternative than a bitter, angry divorce.

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

If you’re dealing with a divorce around the holidays, it can be pretty rough. You might find yourself feeling quite lonely or isolated. However, when you feel this holiday loneliness, it’s important to avoid some common mistakes. Doing so will help you fight those feelings off in a healthy, productive manner…

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

Watch Your pride

Pride is a major cause of holiday loneliness. For instance, many people don’t like for others to see them as vulnerable. As a result, they won’t reach out to others and ask them if they can possibly spend some holiday season time together. All this does is ensure that they remain lonely, and leaves them feeling even worse than before.

Therefore, don’t be afraid put that pride aside. After all, the holidays are a time of giving and being with others. Reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel awkward about it, can be a good idea. Often enough, they’ll be happy to include you in their holiday plans.

Don’t wallow

Another thing you want to avoid doing when feeling holiday loneliness is wallowing. It can be very easy to get all caught up in your sadness. Adjusting from what you’re used to during the holidays to the new reality can leave you stuck in a cycle of sadness. However, it’s a cycle you don’t need to deal with.

Try to consider the fact that everyone goes through points where they feel down. However, you don’t have to make that sadness the focal point of who you are. Instead, look at the positive things you still have, and can start doing, and you can find yourself being a bit more thankful and happy than you were before.

Avoid unhealthy coping

Holiday loneliness can cause people to slip into some pretty bad habits. Commonly, people like to turn to alcohol in an effort to cope. Or, they might also develop some unhealthy eating habits, or isolate themselves from the rest of the world. All of these things combined aren’t going to be good for you now, or in the future.

Instead, you’ll want to use some more healthy coping mechanisms. Find some better, healthier things you like to do, and focus on them instead. Slipping into unhealthier habits will just make things harder than they already were.