Author: Robert Reeves

Coronavirus Concerns: Divorce Impacts

The recent outbreak of coronavirus (COVID-19) has certainly affected many different areas, divorce included. There’s a few specific coronavirus concerns you might have about divorce. It’s important to know how the process may be impacted, and what to be mindful of if you want to divorce…

Coronavirus Concerns

Health concerns

Perhaps the most pressing coronavirus concerns are those related to health. Divorce is a very stressful event, and too much stress can weaken the immune system. At a time where staying healthy is key, you may not want to put yourself in a spot where you’re not at 100%.

Furthermore, consider how much you’ll have to deal with during the divorce. On top of potential conflict, you might have to move to a new home, schedule meetings with your ex, and a whole host of other things. This might give you a lot less time to take care of yourself during a time where you really need to. Be sure to keep that in mind if you want to divorce.

Financial issues

There’s also the coronavirus concerns about finances. Divorce not only places stress on you emotionally, but it also can strain your finances. First, there’s the cost of the divorce itself. Then, there’s the fact that you’ll probably be going from a double income house to a single income one. Sometimes, you may even need to look for a new job.

However, the coronavirus is already impacting the economy. Many people are working less, with some businesses not being open at all. Others are finding themselves losing their jobs due to the outbreak. Therefore, make sure you can juggle your divorce expenses along with these economic constraints.

The process itself

Coronavirus concerns have even made their way into impacting the divorce process itself. Recently, many states have been ordering employees to work from home, or are limiting operating hours. Among those included in these restrictions are the courts.

Due to this, cases which involve oral arguments are being delayed for around 2-4 months. Now, most divorcing people don’t need to go through those steps. However, if you think your divorce might, be aware that there will probably be a delay in when things get get moving.

Stepparent Discipline: What To Avoid

Figuring out how to discipline kids is something both co-parents and remarried couples struggle with. Stepparent discipline in particular can be hard to get a hang of. However, there’s a few things you’ll want to avoid doing…

Stepparent Discipline: What To Avoid

Too many changes

One thing to avoid as part of your stepparent discipline is too many changes. Consider how many different things have changed for your stepchild. First there was the divorce, splitting up their family as they knew it. Now, they find themselves with a new family, stepparent, and potentially new stepsiblings and a new home.

The last thing you want to do is present them with even more change. This is an easy way to make them feel resentment towards you. Instead, give them and everyone else some time to settle in. Once everyone is comfortable, then you can worry about other discipline-related matters.

Being too harsh

You also don’t want your stepparent discipline to be too harsh either. Despite what you may think, being too much of a disciplinarian will end up backfiring on you. Rather than making your stepchild respect you, they’ll end up resenting you and have an adversarial relationship towards you. Once this is in place, it can be hard to reverse this.

Instead, try to focus on being friendly towards them and get to know them better. They may be a little distant or cold at first, which is to be expected. However, as long as you show them that you’re there for them, they’ll be more likely to respect you and treat you as such.

Giving out punishment

What happens if your stepchild breaks the rules? It can be tempting to just give out a punishment on your own. After all, you are their parent now, right? The thing is, your stepchild isn’t going to see you this way. To them, you’re basically still a stranger.

Therefore, don’t be the one to hand out discipline to your stepchildren. That will harm your overall relationship with them. Instead, leave that kind of punishment to your spouse, as your stepchild will probably handle it better than if you tried to step in.

Moving Day: Get Yourself Ready

Deciding to move after your divorce isn’t always an easy choice to make. However, if you are moving, then it’s important to prepare for moving day properly. Getting yourself prepared will help your move go off much more smoothly than it would otherwise…

Moving Day: Get Yourself Ready

Declutter while packing

In general, it’s a good idea to do some decluttering before your moving day. A common issue people run into is that they’ll pack and move everything they have, only to realize they have a bunch of stuff they don’t really need. This causes their overall moving cost to be way more expensive than it should have been.

Therefore, it’s useful to do some decluttering while you’re packing for the move. As you go through your belongings, this is a perfect time to ask “do I really need this?” That way, you only bring along what you really need. Plus, you might be able to make a little bit of extra cash selling off those extra items!

Choose movers carefully

When moving day arrives, you’re probably going to need some extra help with getting your things to your new place. Still, you don’t want your stuff to get damaged. That’s why you should pick your extra help carefully. Most people will either choose a professional mover company, or ask their friends.

If you want to use a moving company, be sure to check for reviews. One place might be cheaper than the others, but it could have terrible reviews with tons of complaints. As for using friends, make sure to ask them ahead of time, and not right before the move. It also helps to offer them something like paid lunch for helping out!

Properly pack

Proper packing makes moving day go a whole lot easier than it would otherwise. When packing on your own, it helps to do it with some structure. Go into each room one a time and pack up what you need. That way, you won’t have a bunch of boxes filled with random things from all across the home.

If you hate packing, or just don’t have the time, then many moving companies offer to do so for you. Of course, this tends to come with some extra fees. However, these companies do tend to use stronger boxes, which can ensure your stuff stays better protected.

Adult Child Coping Methods

Divorce is always going to be hard on a couple’s kids, whether they’re younger or older. For the latter in particular, it’s helpful for them to know adult child coping methods. These methods can help them handle the divorce and the other responsibilities they have…

Adult Child Coping Methods

Avoid taking sides

One of the good adult child coping methods to use is remaining neutral. Divorce is always an unfortunate situation, especially when it happens in your own family. Still, you need to keep in mind that this isn’t your divorce. Instead, this is something your parents need to settle.

It’s not healthy for you to start picking sides in the divorce. This can he hard, especially considering you’re an adult now. However, while you can offer your support, just make sure it’s within the proper limits. You don’t want to get yourself too involved in the process itself.

Set your boundaries

Clear boundaries are another example of good adult child coping methods. As an adult, you’ll have other responsibilities to worry about now. This could include things like school, work, or your own family’s needs. It can be hard to balance these properly if your parents only lean on you for support.

That’s why you need to establish clear boundaries with them. They need to be aware of the other things you have to deal with too. While it’s certainly fine to help them, you can’t be their only source of support. They need to build strong, healthy support networks instead.

Don’t allow it to define you

A common problem adult children of divorcing parents experience is feeling like they’ll follow their parent’s footsteps. This can have a serious impact on their future relationships and how they view marriage. Due to this, it’s important to not buy into this kind of thinking as another of the adult child coping methods.

Remember that while we learn a lot from our parents, we’re still our own people. In fact, this can be a good time to learn what you should avoid doing in a relationship. While you don’t need every detail, seeing some of the issues your parents faced can help you be better prepared for if you encounter them yourself.

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Divorce can impact your kids in many ways, especially in regards to school. Academic struggles are quite common in kids whose parents have just divorced. However, knowing how they may be impacted can help you get them the extra help they may need…

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Emotionally distracted

Emotional distress is common in kids with divorced parents. This distress can cause them to become very distant and lose their focus, leading to academic struggles. They might not pay attention in class, or not do any assignments. This can have a seriously negative impact on their grades.

As a result, it’s important to help them get back on track. A tutor can be handy for helping your kids regain the focus they had before. It’s also a good idea to talk to your kids about what’s bothering them, and see if there’s any way you can help them.

Behavioral issues

Issues with behavior can also cause academic struggles. Every kid is bound to face some kind of trouble at school. However, a divorce can make them more likely to act our or behave poorly. For example, children of divorced parents tend to skip 60% more often than other students.

Many times, kids will act out this way in order to get attention from their parents. This could be because the divorce has made them worry their parents don’t love them or blame them for the divorce. Aside from talking to them, a therapist can help get to the bottom of these outbursts.

Issues with comprehension

Another way kids will show their academic struggles is through issues with comprehension. Classes or assignments that your kids did well on before might give them more difficulty now. This may be due to the distraction of divorce, and how it causes them to lose focus. It could also be due to a lack of confidence.

When you notice their grades start to slip, don’t panic and start yelling at them. Instead, try to reach out to their teachers first. Let them know what’s going on and why you think your kids may be having a hard time. By doing so, their teacher can help give them some extra 1-on-1 time to help keep their grades up.

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Going into a second marriage after a divorce can be both exciting and scary. After all, with how many of these end in divorce, you don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. Therefore, there’s a few key things you’ll want to keep in mind…

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Practice mutual respect

In a second marriage, it’s important that you and your partner respect each other. A lack of respect is a big reason why couples start to drift apart. If one spouse feels like the other doesn’t respect what they say or them in general, then it’ll quickly lead to tension.

Instead, both of you should be sure to respect what the other has to say. Encourage them to be honest and show them you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” will go a long way in making your partner feel like you respect them and value your marriage.

Create time for each other

It’s also important for those in a second marriage to spend time with one another. Now, there’s going to be times where you want to be alone or go be with friends. That’s totally normal, and an important part of a good relationship too. But, you also need to make time with your partner.

There’s a lot of ways you can spend this time together. For example, maybe you both like to spend time watching movies or T.V. at the end of the day. However, even simple things like going with them to the store can show them you enjoy being with them.

Talk about expectations

It’s a good idea in a second marriage to talk about expectations. Everyone has expectations, but sometimes, they can get out of hand. This is especially true after a divorce. You might not realize it, but your expectations could cause problems in the future.

If your expectations are too high, then you’ll constantly get disappointed when your spouse doesn’t reach them. To avoid this, talk to them about establishing realistic expectations. That way, you’ll both be on the same page about what your goals are for the marriage.

Co-Parenting Discipline: Find A Balance

Parenting isn’t always easy, especially you’re adjusting to being a co-parent. While you might not be married, you and your ex still share the goal of raising your kids well. One key part of that is co-parenting discipline. Good but fair discipline can help your kids with the adjustment process…

Co-Parenting Discipline

Establish some ground rules

One key aspect of co-parenting discipline is you and your ex setting up some basic ground rules. Now, it makes sense that you both might have different ideas when it comes to parenting. However, you shouldn’t focus too much on where you differ.

Rather, you’ll want to see where you both share common ideas. For example, maybe you both can agree on a basic bedtime or limits on screen time. You might also be able to agree on basic ways to handle when the kids misbehave. Doing so helps create a set of consistent rules shared between both houses.

Communicate with each other

Communication is important for co-parenting in general. However, it’s especially important for co-parenting discipline. Things become much easier for both you and your ex when you can get on the same page. Not to mention that your kids will also benefit too.

It’s useful to have a phone call or talk with your ex each week to check on how the kids are doing. This is also a good time to bring up any behavioral issues you’ve noticed. You won’t want to blame these issues on your ex alone. Rather, try to work together to find a way to address it and help your kids.

Be consistent

Consistency is key for co-parenting discipline. If you don’t stick to your own rules, then your kids aren’t going to take them seriously. It’s a lot harder to get them on board if they think the rules don’t matter. Therefore, you both have to be consistent with both your rules, and discipline for when they’re broken.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be an authoritarian. It’s fine to let things like bedtimes or chores slip every now and then, especially for special situations. The main thing is that these should be infrequent rather than the norm.

Post-Divorce Health: Achieve New Goals

Divorce is going to be tough, and it can have a bit of a negative impact on the body. Therefore, it’s a good idea to invest in your post-divorce health. Doing so can help you get started on achieving your new post-divorce goals…

 Post-Divorce Health

Get an energy boost

One good reason to focus on your post-divorce health is to get an energy boost. Divorce can cause you to feel pretty tired and lacking in motivation. While this is understandable, especially after all you had to deal with, getting healthy can help you find the energy you’ve been lacking.

Research has shown that people who exercise tend to have much more energy than those who don’t. Plus, eating healthier foods will give your body more energy than unhealthier choices. Channeling negative feelings into your workout can also help you start to feel better mentally.

Improve self-confidence

Improving your post-divorce health can also help improve your self-confidence. It’s quite common to feel a bit low after your divorce. You might even start to question if you’re really all that great, and focus more on perceived negatives about yourself. Of course, this isn’t good for you or your new goals

Getting healthy helps you start to feel better about yourself. Seeing those small steps, like losing a few pounds or getting better endurance, are great for your confidence. As you continue to improve yourself, you’ll also begin to feel the level of confidence needed to tackle what’s lying ahead.

Save extra money

Some people might claim that trying to focus on post-divorce health is too costly. Things like gym memberships or the cost of healthier foods can seem expensive, especially coming off of a divorce. While they might appear so at first, you have to think about the money you’re going to be saving down the line.

Living healthier will help reduce the risk of running into health issues. That way, you save money by avoiding costly doctor visits. Plus, you’ll also be able to save money on insurance, as you can find suitable plans at a lower rate. The money you save this way will outweigh the costs of food or gym memberships.

Social Media During Divorce

Social media apps can be a great way to get in touch with friends all around the world. However, during a divorce, they can also be a point of conflict. Therefore, it’s important to know how to approach social media during divorce. That way, you avoid the potential issues it can bring…

Social Media During Divorce

Think before posting

A lot of people tend to treat social media like an open journal. They’ll post updates on their life, and how they might feel throughout the day. However, this can potentially get you in some trouble when divorcing. Therefore, you need to think before using social media during divorce.

For example, you might be tempted to post a rant about your ex. Before you do, take a moment to think about it. How will that post make you look to others, your ex, and most importantly, a judge? If a post is going to be too negative or targeted, and could get you in trouble, then it’s best to avoid posting it.

Clean Up Your Followers

For most people, friends and acquaintances tend to make up the bulk of their followers on social media. However, divorce tends to require one to lean on these friends a bit more for support. At the same time, it might also mean you cut contact with friends who don’t support you, or were friends of your ex.

That’s why part of using social media during divorce also involves adjusting who you follow, and who follows you. If you know there’s people you aren’t friends with anymore still following you, then it might be best to remove them as followers. That way, the people who do see your posts are the ones who will support you, rather than potentially be negative.

Avoid your ex

There can be a temptation to look at what your ex is doing on social media during divorce. You might be curious about what they’re saying about you or the divorce. Maybe you want to see if they’re already trying to date again. The thing is, you want to avoid this curiosity.

Ultimately, obsessing over your ex’s post is just going to prevent you from moving on yourself. While you might remain friends, you don’t need to be up-to-date on their lives. Plus, if they do post something negative or concerning, odds are someone will let you know about it.

Pestering Ex: What To Do

After your divorce, you might hope to get some space from your former partner. But what if they won’t leave you alone? Dealing with a pestering ex can be very aggravating. However, there are some ways you can get them off your back…

Pestering Ex: What To Do

Set clear expectations

One way to potentially avoid a pestering ex is to set expectation early on. The thing is divorces don’t just happen overnight. As a result, you have a lot of time to let them know what kind of expectations they should have moving forward. This can help them see what they should and shouldn’t come to you for once things are over.

Now, it’s important to be direct with them. Don’t try and beat around the bush or hesitate. It might feel harsh, but your ex will need to know what your preference are. If your expectations are clear, then they should get the message.

Know when lines are crossed

Setting expectations for a pestering ex is important. Still, it’s also important to let them know when they cross those boundaries. Sometimes, they might not realize they’ve done so. Other times, they may do so on purpose to see how you react.

When this happens, you need to let them know. This signals to them that you’re serious about your boundaries, and they need to be as well. Usually, they’ll take the hint and learn what kind of behavior they need to avoid going forward.

Watch for mixed signals

These may be times when a pestering ex might not even realize they’re bothering you. This could be because it appears to them that you’re don’t mind them. However, deep down, you might wish that they’d leave you alone! Therefore, you should make sure you aren’t accidentally giving them mixed signals.

A common way people do this is by accidentally going against their own boundaries. For instance, maybe you tell your ex you can only talk at certain times. Yet, you ended up calling them outside of these times. This can give them mixed signals about how you feel. As a result, even if you need to break those boundaries, make sure they know why.