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Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

When someone is divorcing, we figure that their reactions won’t be that positive. After all, emotions like grief and bitterness are pretty common for divorce. However, divorce parties have actually become a growing trend. There’s a few reasons as to why this is…

Divorce Parties: A Growing Trend

What they are

A divorce party sounds like a pretty contradictory event. After all, how can one really celebrate something that’s usually sad like divorce? It’s for that exact reason why people like to have these parties. For them, it’s a way to celebrate that their unhappy marriage is over, and their new, happier life has begun.

Plus, “party” can be a bit of a misleading word choice. These events can be anything that the divorcing person wants them to be. For instance, this could include throwing a big party and inviting a lot of their friends. However, it could also include a small, more reserved event with only a few people.

Why throw one?

Divorce parties can seem a bit in poor taste. This is especially true if you had a smooth or mutually-agreed upon divorce. However, these parties are usually more for those coming out of unhealthy marriages or difficult divorces. These parties can be a nice way for them to start feeling like themselves again.

These parties can also mark the start of a person’s new post-divorce life. What better way to kick things off than with a nice celebration? Getting things going on a positive note can help one carry that energy further into their new lifestyle.

Things to remember

If divorce parties sound like something you might be interested it, it helps to keep a few things in mind. First of all, don’t tell your ex about your plans. Doing so can really hurt your potential post-divorce relationship, especially if you have to co-parent. Keep things between you and those you’re inviting.

In the same vein, you might also want to avoid social media posts about your party. It can be tempting, especially if you see other people do so. However, it can be an easy way for your ex to see it too, or cause some drama.

Home Value: Ways To Boost It

Deciding to buy a new home after your divorce can be a big decision. But, before you can buy a new one, you may have to sell your old one. As you do, you might be considered about improving home value. However, there’s a few ways you can increase this value, and in turn get a bigger profit…

Home Value: Ways To Boost It

Keep it clean

One good way to improve home value is by keeping it clean. When potential buyers see a clean home, it leaves a lasting impression on them. Seeing a more dirty house makes them worry you haven’t been taking good care of it. Simple things like sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, and wiping things down goes a long way.

You also might want to consider cleaning out some personal items. This can feel a bit sad at first, as it feels like you’re erasing yourself from the home. But, it does make it more appealing to potential buyers. Plus, this can be a way for you to let go of personal belongings related to your marriage.

Do some repairs

Repairs are also a great way to boost home value. Most buyers don’t want to enter a home and see a bunch of problems they’ll need to fix. Odds are if you notice it, they’ll notice it too. Therefore, it’s a good idea to go ahead and try to get these minor repairs out of the way.

For example, maybe you can patch up some holes in the wall which might’ve been left by the decor. Or, you can try to repair some leaky faucets or creaky stairs. For more intensive repairs, like floor replacements or heavy-duty maintenance, it might be better to call a professional.

Improve the lighting

A lot of people don’t pay attention to how their home is lit. However, it turns out lighting can impact home value. Having a dark and dimly-lit home makes it feel a bit less inviting to possible buyers. Meanwhile, a brighter, lighter home is much more welcoming.

Plus, you don’t have to break the bank to do this. Candles are a cheap and nice way to improve room, and the atmosphere of the home. You can also opt to use LED bulbs. LED bulbs not only are brighter, but last longer and are more energy-efficient than other options.

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Keeping your motivation to work during your divorce can be a challenging task. One of the things which can make that so tough is workplace gossip. While it can be annoying, there are some ways to handle it so you can get back to work without these interruptions…

Workplace Gossip: Handle It Right

Be open and honest

Workplace gossip tends to start when other coworkers think another one is hiding something. Often times, it may not even start out as malicious. Rather, it’s just your coworkers trying to figure out what’s going on. Therefore, one of the best ways to cut down on this gossip is by setting the record straight.

Of course, you don’t have to share every detail as to what has happened. Divorce is still a very personal matter, so it’s up to you as to how much info you give out. Also, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to let your boss know first before other coworkers. That way, they can help you keep a stable work-life balance and help address any rumors that have gotten out of hand.

Understand group dynamics

Most jobs have some kind of dynamic between coworkers. Whether it be working on projects together, sharing ideas, or just making some small talk, strong dynamics tends to lead to a strong business. However, workplace gossip can derail these dynamics, so it’s important to understand how they work.

Consider what your position is in the groups. Are you in a management or leadership position? If so, then your coworkers might just be concerned if your personal life will impact your work life. If you aren’t, then it may also be a good idea to let your manager know what’s going on, so they see it isn’t an issue. When coworkers can see that your divorce won’t impact your working ability, the gossip tends to die out fast.

Persistent rumors

Sadly, some people like to fuel workplace gossip for their own personal drama needs. These people will always try and draw up a story, usually for no real reason other than they’re bored or want to cause drama. When you encounter these people, it’s time to take things to HR. After all, everyone has a right to feel safe and accepted in the workplace.

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

After a divorce, most people are thinking about all the things that went wrong in their marriage. However, when they begin to reflect on themselves, they tend to be overly-critical and harsh. Healthy self-reflection will actually do more to help someone heal after their divorce, and help them to begin to take new steps forward…

Healthy Self-Reflection: Starting to Heal

Do some self-assessment

It’s important to really take a good look in the mirror after your divorce. Marriage and divorce involve two people, so both you and your former spouse have things to learn. However, healthy self-reflection means asking yourself the right questions.

Ask yourself “what mistakes did I make?” and “What did my spouse do to bother me, and vice versa?” Then, ask yourself what changes can be made in the future and how you want to make them. In order to begin making changes, you have to know where you’re starting at, and where you want to get to.

Consider the other side

Viewing things from the other side might seem like the opposite of healthy self-reflection. However, it’s actually a key aspect of it. Seeing things from your spouse’s point of view is important in understanding what fully happened in your marriage.

Take a moment to think about what might’ve made your spouse upset as well as what made you upset. This can help you see what might’ve caused you to both to start drifting towards divorce. Then, you can take that and not repeat the same mistakes in future relationships. 

Get an outside perspective

Sometimes, people can get stuck in their own thoughts when self-reflecting. This can lead to them doing more wallowing rather than growth. That’s why it can be useful to get an outside perspective. 

Therapy can be useful for learning new, more positive ways to think. You can learn how to process your emotions from the divorce and channel them into getting a better perspective on things. That way, you can keep that healthy self-reflection going throughout the future. 

It can be hard to start to see positives after your divorce. However, this is actually the best time to self-reflect and plan out your new life. Doing some healthy self-reflection can help you see the new positives in your new post-divorce life. 

Step-Sibling Introductions: Making the Transition

Introducing people who will have large roles in your child’s life is often approached as a sensitive subject. But introducing future step-parents for the first time is a big move. Beyond that, successful step-sibling introductions are a priority when it comes to seamlessly becoming a new family unit. Introducing new step-family members to a child is an exciting time for everyone. As two families are about to become one, here are some things to think about when approaching this meeting…

Step-Sibling Introductions: Tips for Smooth Meetings

Be Realistic

Bringing realistic expectations to the table when preparing for step-sibling introductions will help. Tell your kids about their future step-siblings and what they’re like. Painting a mental picture is a great way to manage expectations. 

Make It Low Key

By not making it a big deal, most children will not think too much into it. If you’re calm, they’re calm. Try meeting your future spouse and step-children at a familiar restaurant. Future step-sibling introductions don’t have to be over the top. 

Plan For It

Introducing these new family members should not come as a surprise. Planning for step-sibling introductions makes sure it’s not last minute or rushed. This is important so your children feel included in the plans. 

Be Open

Telling a four year old that she’s going to have a new sister is different than telling a fourteen year old. Being sensitive to the changes your children will be facing is significant. Future step-sibling introductions require different approaches for different ages. Give children the peace of mind that you are there to listen and answer any questions they have about this new blended family.

In conclusion, being present and aware of the changes happening will help. Be mindful when the children show signs of any emotions, and allow them to voice their opinions and feelings. Over time there may be hiccups and bumps in the road but working together to dissolve these issues will help your family accept all of its new members.

Finding Support Post-Divorce

As long as there is marriage, there will be divorce. No one is safe from divorce, and no marriage is divorce-proof. It’s important to understand that no one has to go through divorce alone. If you are facing divorce or you and your partner are considering it, know that finding support for yourself is important and a key ingredient to getting through this. Support can be found in odd places.

Finding Support: Support Systems Post-Divorce

Family

In some cases, family is the last people you want in your business. While this is understandable, know that family (siblings, cousins, parents) know you best. They know your quirks and ticks, but most importantly: they understand you. This understanding will go a long way in finding support within these family members. 

Friends

Some friends will know both you and your partner, so they will have a neutral viewpoint on the situation. Sometimes, hearing an outsider’s views or thoughts will put things in a new perspective for you. Finding support within your friends will aid in maintaining your lifestyle after a divorce.

Support Groups

Support groups might sound cheesy. They might seem full of coffee and doughnuts and people who just don’t get you. However, support groups are a great place for finding support. In many cases, people in support groups are just like you. Afraid, confused, and full of emotions. Allowing yourself to open up to people in support groups will help you understand you are not alone.

Professional Help

Sometimes, a friend isn’t what you need. In certain cases, you might consider seeking the help of a therapist or psychiatrist. It might be difficult to ask for help, and these professionals understand that. Finding support within a professional setting will make sure you are doing what’s best mentally and emotionally for you and your family.

Additionally, keep in mind that while most people want to help naturally, others are nothing more than curious. Know that you should not share all aspects of your divorce with just anyone.

Lastly, finding support can come easy, just make sure you are finding it within the right people.

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Having a strong support network can really help with making a divorce more manageable. However, what about when a friend of yours is divorcing? Many people like offering support, but are unsure of the best way to truly help. However, there are many ways for you to support your friend during these times…

Offering Support: Help A Divorcing Friend

Provide empathy

When you first start offering support, it helps to be empathetic. Your friend doesn’t need to hear anything like “I told you so”. Odds are they’re already beating themselves up as it it. Having someone they see as a friend jump in on the dog-pile will only make them feel worse.

Instead, just try to listen to your friend and provide some empathy for how they feel. Try to avoid making assumptions about how you might handle the situation or how to “fix” things. Many times, people want to fix other’s problems when they really can’t. Sometimes, all your friend needs is someone to listen to them.

Offer the right kind of help

When it comes to offering support, you want to offer the right kind of support. This should be help which makes your friend’s life just a bit easier. For example, if they have kids, maybe you can offer some help watching them if they have to do something. Little things like that go a long way in helping them out.

However, make sure that you don’t offer them any advice which could come back to hurt them. Don’t encourage them to get “back” at their ex, or something along those lines. That will only make your friends situation harder than it needs to be.

Remember to still include them

When you’re offering support, remember that your friend is still, well, your friend! You shouldn’t try treating them like they’re a totally new person just because they’re going through a divorce. Sometimes, your friend will just need to get away from everything, and that’s where you can help.

Make sure to still include your friend when you can. Invite them to go out, offer to do things with them, or just take some time to hang out. Doing so can help your friend take their mind off the divorce, and feel a bit “normal” again.

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Divorce can be a very painful experience, and make you feel like you have to start over from scratch. However, you can take this feeling and turn it into something positive by re-inventing your new post-divorce life. One way to do this is through your post-divorce wardrobe. Now is the time to find a style to really call your own…

Post-Divorce Wardrobe

Figure out your style

The first part of starting your post-divorce wardrobe is figuring out your style. When you’re married, and dealing with the average day-to-day routine, it can be hard to spend the time perfecting your style. However, now that your divorce is over, this is the perfect opportunity to find the clothes that really match you.

Try to figure out what kind of clothes, colors, or brands you like versus the ones you don’t. Then, think about how you’d like those clothes to go together, and soon you’ll find your own style. It may take some trial and error, but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Make room for the new stuff

Once you know what your style is, it’s time to make some room for your post-divorce wardrobe. That means going through the clothes you have and deciding what matches your style, and what doesn’t. While you can keep the things you like or match your style, it’s time to get rid of the rest.

A good time to do this is if you plan on moving after your divorce. That way, not only will it make your move easier, but you can go into your new home or apartment with only what you need for your new life. As for your old clothes, you have a few options. You can trash them, try to sell them for a bit of extra cash, or you can donate them for others to wear.

Shop responsibly

Once you’ve got your style down and made space, it can be tempting to go all-out on your post-divorce wardrobe. However, it’s important to do your shopping responsibly. After all, the time after your divorce can be pretty rough on your wallet.

When you do go clothes shopping, keep a budget in mind and stick to it. You don’t want to go overboard and end up with some buyer’s regret. Also, keep an eye out for any sales or special discount events, and plan your shopping around that to get the best deals.

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Divorce stress is a part of the divorce process that can seem unavoidable. However, the important thing is how you handle this stress. Allowing this stress to build could have a negative impact on your overall health. Therefore, it’s a good idea to know how you can get this stress out of your system…

Divorce Stress: Ways To Relax

Deep breathing

One way to reduce divorce stress is by taking deep breaths. Now, it might sound a little cliche, but deep breaths actually do help with stress. When people get anxious and worked up, they tend to take very shallow breaths. What this means is that they end up feeling out of breath, allowing for the stress to build up.

However, taking deep breaths solves this problem. For starters, they slow down your breathing and help you calm down. Plus, deep breathing makes you do abdominal breathing, which gets more air into your body. All of this can help you re-center and refocus on what’s going out without the added stress.

Create a calming space

Sometimes, it can feel like your divorce stress is always building up. You may even feel like you have no way of escaping from your stressors. When this happens, your stress can feel just too overwhelming. For this reason, it’s important to give yourself a space in which you can relax, unwind, and de-stress.

Try to work on making your home or apartment a welcoming and relaxing space. You can put up decorations you like, get some nice candles, and maybe even paint the walls to a more neutral color. Even things like getting some indoor plants and keeping the blinds open can help make your living space the perfect place to get away from the stress.

Channel that stress

When you feel like your divorce stress has built up for too long, you’re going to need to let it out. However, it’s important to do so on your own terms. Constantly letting that stress build can lead to you accidentally letting it out all at once, usually in a not-so-ideal situation.

Try to find a hobby you enjoy which can help you de-stress. Through this hobby, you can help let that stress leave your body, and be replaced by more positive emotions. You can even try exercising, and turning that stress into your motivation.

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Divorce anger is something which anyone can feel. However, what if that anger is directed at you? An angry ex can be complicated to deal with. Still, there’s a few ways in which you can approach them and handle this anger…

Angry Ex: What You Should Do?

Don’t ESCALATE

When you have to deal with an angry ex, the one thing you don’t want to do is respond with anger yourself. If you escalate the situation, you’ll just make them more upset and complicate things further. Instead, it’s a much better idea to try and be empathetic towards them.

After all, many times this anger is because of the grief or blame that they’re placing on themselves. While they may take that anger out on you, they’re really more upset that things didn’t work out. Therefore, keep your cool and let them know you understand how they feel, and that you’re sad too. Eventually, they may turn around and realize their mistake.

Communicate clearly

Communication is also important for dealing with an angry ex. Being able to talk to your ex can help you work on a divorce agreement together. When you work together, you can end up with an agreement that works for the both of you. However, anger can get in the way of this communication-wise.

That’s why it’s a good idea to keep your conversations brief, yet to-the-point. Have a clear point or topic you want to discuss, and focus in on it. If your ex would rather be mean or rude, simply put a polite end the conversation for now. Very quickly, your ex will realize that they need to watch what they say.

Keep good boundaries

Boundaries are very helpful for when you have an angry ex. These are going to be your limits for what you’re willing to tolerate from them. If your ex starts to cross those boundaries, then that’s a signal that it’s time to disengage.

Not only that, but your boundaries can also apply to when and where you want to see your ex. That way, they know not to show up at places like your home or your work. Once they see what you will and will not be tolerate, they’ll shape up sooner rather than later.