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How-to Help Your Kids Through Your Divorce

Divorce is tough. It is not just difficult for the parents, but for the entire family. This change can bring up a lot of emotions for kids, including disbelief, sadness, confusion and anger. They will be thrown into a new life that they did not pick for themselves. Parents should not get so wrapped up in themselves that they forget to make sure their kids are okay. Make sure to put in the work to help your kids through your divorce.

How-to Help Your Kids Through Your Divorce: Parenting Steps

Arguments

First, to help your kids through your divorce, make sure to not have a heated argument in front of them. Keep those private. Yelling, screaming and fighting in front of them are only going to make your kids afraid and upset. Constant anger and hostility between parents are a big burden for kids to carry. Also, seeing openly hostile arguments could teach your kids bad behaviors that could carry on into their adulthood.

Work to work through conflicts with your spouse behind closed doors. If you are unable to do this on your own, seek a mediator or a divorce councilor. However, for their sake, keep your kids out of it.

Listen

Listen to your kids when they express their thoughts or feelings about your divorce. Also, pay close attention to their reaction. Some kids may say that they are “fine”, but may be covering up how they really feel. They may not know how to process what is going on. On the other hand, they may be worried they will make you upset with telling you how they feel. Let them know it is okay to be upset or mad about the divorce.

Some kids may need to talk to a councilor about their feelings. This safe space may allow them to open up and talk through their true emotions. Having your kids work out their emotions and feeling in a healthy way is a great way to help your kids through your divorce.

Do Not Over Promise

It is important not to over promise things that are our of your control. For example, do not set up the expectations that your child will be able to see their other parent as much as they used to if you are not sure if this is true. It is okay to tell your kids that you don’t know how things will work out. This honestly will be much more beneficial to help your kids through your divorce than setting up false expectations.

Self-Care

Finally, make to take care of yourself. Self-care is crucial for your health. An important way to help your kids through your divorce is by making sure you are taking care of yourself too. You will not be able to take care of your children to the best of your ability if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself. Getting some exercise, eating healthy, getting enough rest, and paying attention to your mental health are great steps to take. You can not pour out love, happiness, and support if you have nothing else left to give.

How-to: Help a Loved One During Divorce

You can learn more about how to help a loved one during divorce on this video.

It is no secret that divorce can be very painful. It is something that no one goes into a marriage wishing to go through. Watching someone you care about go through that pain can be difficult. Whether it is a family member or a friend, you can be there for them and support them. However, there are also boundaries you do not want to overstep. Learn how you can help a loved one get through a divorce.

How-to: Help a Loved During Divorce- Learning the Boundaries

Listen

One of the most meaningful things you can do to help a loved one during divorce is to just listen to them. Somethings all someone needs is just to vent and open up to someone they trust. While anger is not always healthy, in these cases, sometimes you just need to let it out. As a friend, it is your job to listen. Do not try and fix things for them or interject your thoughts. Find a quiet place and just hear them out.

Only when or if your friend or family member asks for your opinion should you give it. Otherwise, just be an ear for that person. According to David Know, a licensed family therapist, “Most people don’t need advice during a divorce, they just need to know that they’re not alone and that people care.” Sometimes, just talking through things is one of the first steps to healing. However, it is important to remember not to bash their ex with your own judgments or opinions. Focus on listening and validating your friend’s emotions instead.

Be a Friend

Another good way to help a loved one during divorce is to be a good friend. Oftentimes, this means lending a helping hand. Sometimes people have to move as a result of divorce. You can offer to help them pack or move some boxes. You could also bring your friend or loved one a meal. Whether you cook something, or just grab takeout, it is a nice gesture. This will give them one less thing to worry about, and give them some company at dinner.

Even if your friend or loved one keeps declining invitations for social events, do not stop extending the offer. Oftentimes, divorcees feel excluded by their married friends. Do not let that be the case. Let your friend know they are wanted. Also, keep in mind that they may not feel up for being social right then. However, as someone close to this person, be there for them for the long haul.

Overcoming Resentment in a Marriage

Overcoming resentment in a marriage can be easier said than done. There are many reasons why emotions like this can build up between two partners. From the stress of managing a household together, to raising children, splitting up obligations, financial stress, or overcoming hurdles in the relationship, it’s not uncommon for one partner to feel as though they are putting in more effort. And when those feelings go unchecked, it can lead to deep feelings of resentment.

If you are feeling this way, it’s important to really examine what you want to get out of the marriage. Is it a relationship worth saving? Or would you be happier if you ended the marriage and moved forward with divorce? If you are determined to overcome your resentment and rebuild your relationship, it’s helpful to determine the root cause of your feelings. Then, you’ll need to talk about it with your spouse. Sometimes therapy can be very helpful in navigating tricky situations like this. Finally, you’l need to establish some boundaries to avoid letting resentment build up again in the future. Hopefully, you can work together to make your marriage stronger.

Overcoming Resentment in a Marriage: Moving Forward

What Future Do You Want?

Sometimes, the important question to ask yourself is whether or not the marriage is worth saving. Overcoming resentment is very possible, but it takes work on both sides of the partnership. It’s important to really give thought to what you want your future to look like, and whether your marriage will allow you to have that future. There are plenty of couples who find that they are no longer compatible, and decide to move forward with an amicable divorce.

Find the Root Cause

If you are determined to overcome the resentment and make your marriage stronger, it can be helpful to identify the root cause of your feelings. For many people, it’s a perceived imbalance when it comes to the relationship. For example, if you feel that you put more effort into your marriage than your partner. Or if you feel that you are doing more of the parenting, chores, household management, financial earning, or caregiving for aging parents. While it’s normal to have a give and take with your partner, in the end you should feel that you both contribute equally to your family’s happiness. Figuring out where the resentment is coming from can help you move forward with addressing it.

Talk About It

When overcoming resentment in a marriage, you’ll need to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. It’s important to start the conversation when you both are relaxed, rather than when you’re already in a disagreement. Therapy can be a great place to bring up something like this. Marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial for helping you work through emotions like this, and making sure that both partners feel heard.

Prevention

Finally, when overcoming resentment in a marriage, it’s important to put boundaries in place so that you don’t experience these same feelings building again. It can be helpful to list out responsibilities that you have as a couple and split them up equally between you. It’s also helpful to establish a policy of open communication with one another. Pushing aside these kinds of emotions can just wind up making them even stronger. Instead, when you feel there is an imbalance, address it right away so that you can both work through it together.

Life is incredibly stressful for everybody. We all live busy lives and when you add in the complications of working a job, raising children, maintaining a household, or overcoming obstacles in your marriage, it can make things feel even more stressful. And when one partner feels like they are doing more of the emotional, physical, or financial labor of a marriage, it’s easy for feelings of resentment to begin to form.

Overcoming resentment in a marriage is not an easy task, but it’s important if you’re going to be able to move forward and be happy with your spouse. So think about the future you want and decide if your spouse is the person you want to share it with. If they are, you and them will need to do the work. Try to identify the root cause of your feelings, and start an open dialogue with your partner. Going to marriage counseling can be hugely beneficial when working through difficult relationship issues like this. Finally, put in place boundaries so that you can avoid these types of feelings from growing out of control in the future. Hopefully, you can both decide to work together to address any negative emotions..

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce

When your divorce is finalized, you may be tempted to jump right back into the dating pool. Some people even start looking for new prospects while they are only just separated. While it may seem like a good idea to put yourself back out there right away, it may actually be better to take a break from dating after divorce. That way, you can give yourself some time for yourself and hopefully set yourself up for success when you do get back into looking for a partner.

How-to Take a Break From Dating After Divorce: Taking Time For Yourself

Emotional Healing

Divorce can be mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. You will likely carry a lot of hurt with you. Before you are ready to commit yourself to another person, it is best to work through your pain and emotions. This will prevent you from carrying that hurt into your next relationship, and potentially sabotaging it. The same may happen if you are overly suspicious or bitter right after your divorce. Do not try and look for a partner right away in order to mask your pain. If you have not dealt with your emotions, they are bound to come boiling back up at some point. Some people think they have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This is not the case. If you have not worked through your emotions, it is best to take a break from dating after divorce.

Instead, work towards healing emotionally. You can talk to a councilor or a trusted friend. Also, work towards being the best version of yourself that you can be. Meditation, exercise, reading, and taking time to relax are all good for your wellbeing and mental health.

Occupy Your Time

Find things other than dating to distract you and occupy your time after a divorce. Pick up a new hobby or work on self-improvement during this time. Who knows, you could end up sharing your new hobbies with your future partner one day. There were things that did not work during your last relationship, so this is the perfect time to look within and try and correct those things so that you can avoid those bad habits or traits when going into a new relationship.

If you take a break from dating after divorce, choose to spend time with friends for companionship. This will help you stay busy with events and things to do instead of looking to date. Even if your friends are all in relationships, try and carve out good one-on-one time to spend with your friends too.

Instead of looking for a new relationship just after a divorce, take this time to work on yourself and find other things to occupy your time. Instead of jumping into a new relationship that is all wrong, take a break from dating after divorce. While it may seem difficult at the time, you will appreciate the time to yourself eventually.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce

A milestone event is a special event that does not pop up very often. These can include celebrations such as births, weddings, baptisms and graduations. Typically, these are joyous events with much celebration. However, as a divorcee, these events can be complicated and painful. Oftentimes, you may have to share the event with your ex, and even their new family. Learn how to navigate milestone events post-divorce.

How-to Navigate Milestone Events Post-Divorce: Overcoming Difficult Situations

Weddings

A wedding is an event that a child will want both of their parents to be there for. This can be trickier one of the milestone events when it comes to divorcees, as this is not something that the exes can show up for at different times or days. Not all exes are bitter and feel awkward around one another. However, when this is the case, it can get complicated. If you feel that you would be uncomfortable sitting near your ex, address this with your child and see if it is possible to get a seating assignment away from your ex.

Do your best to remember that this event about your child and their new spouse, not you! It would be hurtful to your child if you ruined their wedding fighting, rudeness, or barely contained frustrations. If you need to vent to someone, do so before the event. Take this opportunity to be cordial towards your ex. This does not mean you have to hang out with them all night, but at least do not cause drama.

Births

The birth of a grandchild is another one of the milestone events you may have to navigate post-divorce. If both you and your ex want to be present at the birth, you will have to see your ex. If you and your ex are comfortable with this, there should not be any issues. However, if you believe there will be tension, it may be best to split the visits.

You do not have to come in town at the same time as your ex, or show up at the hospital (or your child’s home) at the same time as your ex. There will be plenty of time with your child and the new baby to go around. Check in with what your child wants, as having a baby can be a joyous but also stressful moment. If you are on speaking terms with your ex, you could even communicate with them directly.

While big milestone events may take a little extra thought and planning on your end, it is possible to attend these events even after you are divorced. Consider what your child wants and try and make the situation as stress-free and easy for them as you can.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce

Divorce can be painful in many ways. It can hurt your pride, heart, mind, and even self-confidence. It can change the way you view yourself, and make you feel like you have lost your identity. Having a change in marital status does not define you. Do not ever think that a divorce impacts your value or your self-worth. Here are some steps to take to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

How-to Regain Self-Confidence After a Divorce: Redefining Yourself

Change Your Mindset

One of the first steps to regaining your self-confidence after a divorce is to change your mindset. No matter how you may feel, remind yourself that you are not a failure due to your divorce. Also, your marriage was not a failure. Many people go through this same thing, so it is important to know that not all marriages last. Change your mindset to look as this journey as one of courage. It takes a lot of courage to step out of something that was not working, especially something that was familiar and comfortable. You are now entering into this new phase of life with the gift and benefit of experience.

Your Children

It is important to remember that your children are not automatically irreparably damaged just because you got divorced. Actually, living in an environment full of fighting and anger can be harmful to children. Therefore, it may actually be better for your children’s wellbeing that you left the bad relationship and removed them from the negative environment. What will leave a lasting impression on your kids is how you handle the divorce process. Do your best to walk through it with dignity and respect, never slandering your ex in front of your kids. Understanding that your choice to leave a relationship does not automatically make you a bad parent or ruin your children is an important part of regaining your self-confidence after a divorce.

Be Active

Exercise is linked to endorphins, which can make you feel happier. Plus, it will make you healthier, both mentally and physically. Find an activity that you enjoy, whether it is walking, running, cycling, doing yoga, or any other option. If you are new to this activity, this might help you find a new community to become a part of. In the same way, if you have already participated in the activity before, it can help you reconnect or be surrounded with a community of people you have something in common with.

An added bonus to exercise is that you will look and feel better. When you move, you will mentally start to feel better. On top of that, you will start seeing positive changes to your overall health and body. When you start to notice positive changes in how you look and feel, you will start to regain your self-confidence after a divorce.

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

The signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can be very subtle and difficult to spot. It’s possible to be in an abusive relationship and not even realize it. Hopefully, knowing how to spot signs of abuse early can help you get the help you need. Knowing the goal of an abuser is helpful. Firstly, they want to tear you down and take away your self-confidence. After that, they want to try and control you. And finally, they do their best to isolate you from friends and family. Knowing what to look for might help you spot an abuser.

Signs of an Emotionally Abuse Relationship: Know What to Look For

Tearing You Down

One of the main signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is a partner who insults or tears you down. An emotional abuser’s goal is to make you feel weak and worthless. By doing this, it can be easier for them to control you and make you revolve your life around them. By insulting you or making your feel stupid, they can achieve this goal more easily. Look out for your partner always tearing you down, criticizing you, or flat out insulting you. If they call you overly sensitive or try to distort your views of reality, you might be dealing with emotional abuse. Similarly, if they refuse to listen to your opinions or dismiss your feelings outright, it can be a red flag.

Controlling You

The ultimate end goal of an abuser is to control you. So another of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship would be a partner who tries to control what you do but also how you feel. If your partner asks where you are constantly or wants to know all of your plans, it could be a warning sign. Healthy relationships are built on trust, so if you feel like you need permission to do things and have to let your partner know your every move, it could be emotional abuse. Similarly, if your partner tracks you with your phone or social media, it’s a warning sign. You should also mutually agree on financial decisions too.

Isolation

A major one of the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship is your partner making you feel isolated. They may criticize you or make you feel embarrassed about your feelings. This is so you’ll be too ashamed to seek help. They may also manipulate you into spending all your time with them. Or making your life and priorities revolve around them. If your partner insults your family or friends and makes you feel guilty for spending time alone or with others, it could be a red flag.

Hopefully, knowing the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship can help you spot warning signs if your partner is abusive. If you feel that they tear you down, control you, or try to isolate you, you might want to really take a look at your relationship. If you do find that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline for support. Hopefully, they can assist you in getting the help you need.

Talking About Money with Your Spouse

Talking about money can be an awkward conversation for many people. Many are brought up not to discuss finances with anybody, even their spouse. However, finances are one of the main sources of stress in a marriage. You and your spouse must be able to have healthy discussions about money. It’s not a good idea to have one spouse handle all the finances in a relationship. It should be a group effort between the two of you so that you both have a say in things. Choose the right moments to talk about money, plan them. And continue to have them throughout your marriage. Money will always be a part of your life, so keep the conversation going. And make sure that both you and your spouse can be honest with each other about mistakes. Having a healthy relationship with finances will strengthen your marriage.

Talking About Money with Your Spouse: Having the Awkward Conversation

Do I have to?

Talking about money with your spouse is very important and a necessary part of any marriage. Finances are one of the main sources of stress in relationships and are often cited as a reason for divorce. Both spouses must have a say in their spending habits. It’s also important that both spouses are aware of your overall financial health in the relationship. Many times, people are blind-sided about the state of their finances if they haven’t been having conversations throughout their marriage about money. Being unaware of your financial situation and trusting your partner with money can leave you vulnerable and ill-prepared if something changes in your marriage.

Choose the Right Moment

Talking about money should be an ongoing discussion in your marriage. However, it’s important to pick the right time to talk about money. It’s a great idea to schedule a time to talk about money together. For example, plan a meal one night where you’ll check in with each other and discuss financial goals. Make sure to have financial conversations when you’re both calm. For instance, it’s not a great idea to bring up money when you’re in the middle of a fight.

Make it an Ongoing Discussion

While you should be careful about picking the right time for talking about money, it should be an ongoing discussion in your marriage. Money is something that will always be a part of your life, and it’s easy to get into troublesome spending habits. One way to prevent this is to make sure that you are frequently checking in with one another. Your relationship will change, and your financial goals likely will as well.

Be Honest About Mistakes

Finally, when talking about money with your spouse, it’s important, to be honest with one another. Hiding debt or financial troubles can lead you down a dangerous path in marriage. You both will likely go off-track with spending once in a while and that’s perfectly normal. However, it’s important to be honest so that you and your partner can work together to get back on track.

Talking about money can be a tricky situation for a lot of people. However, it’s incredibly important in a marriage because finances play such an important role in your overall life. Both partners should be very aware of the financial health of the relationship, and you should work together to create financial goals. Make time in your schedule to discuss your money, and make sure that you keep the discussion going throughout your marriage. Finally, be open and honest about any financial concerns or mistakes. You and your partner need to be on the same page with spending. Having a healthy relationship with finances can increase the strength of your marriage and smooth out a lot of marital stress. Whether you have plenty of money or are struggling financially, it’s important to handle it as a team.

Easing the Custody Transition for Children

Easing the custody transition for children is important because divorce can be quite stressful for them. They might be going back and forth between houses now, or might just be living without one parent. Either way, it’s likely a big change from what they’re used to. It can cause a lot of anxiety in children, so it’s important to make it as easy as you can for them. Prepare them in advance by talking with them about what will happen, and keep the lines of communication open. Keep their schedule as consistent as possible. Communicate with your ex about their needs and make sure that you both are on the same page when it comes to the kids. And finally, reassure your children constantly about how much you love them and how this will feel normal soon. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

Easing the Custody Transition for Children: Smoothing a Stressful Situation

Talk with Them

It’s important to lay the groundwork ahead of time when preparing for the custody transition for children. Let them know what their schedule is going to look like moving forward. In addition, give them a chance to ask questions and raise concerns. If they are older children, or you feel that they might open up more to another person, consider getting them an appointment with a counselor or therapist. Keep the dialog going after you’ve started the transition. Check-in with them to see how they are handling things frequently.

Consistency is Key

Children thrive on consistency and schedules. Especially young children. When easing the custody transition for children, make sure to keep their schedules as similar as possible to what they’re used to. For example, make sure you and your ex are keeping bedtimes, nap times, and mealtime consistent between your houses. Try to keep them in the extra-curricular activities that they’re used to.

Communicate with Your Ex

Another important thing to remember when easing the custody transition for children is to communicate with your ex. It’s important to make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to things like schedules and discipline. Try to remember that you need to make your children a priority. You and your ex might have some bitter feelings towards one another, but trash-talking can be harmful to children. Try to keep things civil for the sake of your co-parenting relationship.

Reassure Them

Finally, one of the most important things to do when easing the custody transition for children is reassuring them frequently. Children often feel blamed when their parents are going through a divorce. It’s important to remind them over and over that the divorce doesn’t have anything to do with them and that you both love them. Try to also reinforce the idea that this is a time of transition and pretty soon their new schedules will seem normal to them.

Easing the custody transition for children is easy if you just remember that children like consistency and like to know what to expect. Don’t try to surprise them with a new schedule. It’s a much better plan to tell them in advance and give them plenty of opportunities to voice their concerns or questions. Check-in with them frequently throughout the process. Be consistent with their schedules and make sure you and your ex can put things aside to communicate effectively about coordinating schedules. And finally, reassure your children frequently and repeatedly that you love them and that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that pretty soon, everything will feel very normal to them. Hopefully, you can make this time in their lives a little less stressful.

How to Build Trust with an Older Adopted Child

It can be time-consuming to build trust with an older adopted child or foster child. Often, these children have been through various forms of trauma. You might not be the first parent that has attempted to build trust with them. Their past experiences will have a big effect on how long it takes. Give it time though, and understand that trust is not built overnight. You must earn it through your words and actions. For example, by keeping your promises to them. Showing them respect shows that you value and trust their opinions as well. And finally, always be honest with and in front of your children so that they can see that anybody, not just them, can trust you. Try to be patient and remember that it can take time but that the journey will be worth it in the end.

How to Build Trust with an Older Adopted Child or Foster Child

Give It Time

The most important thing to remember when trying to build trust with an older adopted child or foster child is to give it time. Many foster children and children who have been searching for adoptive parents for years have experienced trauma. Just being in these systems is traumatic. So remember that trust can take a long time to build. Just be patient and always be consistent.

Keep Your Promises

In addition to being patient, you always need to keep your promises. This will go a long way in building trust with your older adopted child or foster child. Don’t be afraid to make promises, but just be sure there isn’t a possibility of breaking them. This shows your child that you follow through on your word. You can use simple examples like ”I promise that we will read a story together tonight.”

Give Them Respect

Another way to build trust with a foster child or especially an older adopted child is to give them respect. Look them in the eye when you speak to them. Ask their opinion on things. Let them make decisions about how to play or what to do and then you be the follower. Showing them that you value them as a person and value their ideas will make them more likely to trust you as well.

Be Honest

Finally, one last way to help build trust with an older adopted child or foster child is to always be honest. Not just honest to them, but honest around them. Otherwise, they’ll see that you can’t be trusted since you lie to others. What’s to stop you from lying to them? Even if you have to tell them disappointing things be honest. Don’t keep things from the social worker, don’t sneak food into movie theaters when it’s not allowed, and don’t try to do anything dishonest no matter how insignificant. If they see that you are always honest with people then you can build up that trust with them.

Building up trust with an older adopted child or foster child can be a long and sometimes painful journey. You might want the absolute best for them and want them to know that. But unfortunately, they might have past experiences that don’t let them trust people so easily. It’s a process that can take a while, but as long as you are consistent and patient, they will trust you more and more. Always keep your promises to them, no matter how small. Show them respect and they will show you more respect and trust in return. And finally, always be completely honest with them and around them at all times. Having somebody that they can trust helps children develop socially and academically, so be patient, consistent, and trust the process.