Category: Emotional Impact of Divorce

Friends with Your Ex’s Family: What to Consider

When a marriage ends, does that mean that you have to completely cut ties with their whole family too? There is a lot to consider when determining this. When you married your spouse, you became a part of their family too. It can be difficult to determine if getting a divorce means that you have to stop being friends with your ex’s family too.

Friends with Your Ex’s Family: The Options

Reasons for Divorce

There is a lot to think about when you are deciding if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. First, you need to look at what the reasons were for your divorce. If you had a friendly divorce, this decision will not be so difficult. On the other hand, was it violence, abuse, cheating or addiction? If you are around their family, you may have to relive some of these painful memories.

Keep in mind that your ex-spouse’s family might be more willing to offer you the support that you need and that you didn’t receive from your spouse. However, you should not expect that this will be the case. Remember that your ex’s family will inevitable stay loyal to your ex, so you need to be sure to know where your boundaries are and exercise caution.

Kids

Did you have kids with your ex? This is something to consider when deciding if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. Keep in mind that your ex’s family would be your children’s family too. Your ex’s parents are your kid’s grandparents. Their siblings would be your kid’s aunts and uncles. Your kids could have cousins on your ex’s side too.

As long as your ex’s family would be loving to your children, it is difficult to keep your kids away from your ex’s family. They will want to see their grandkids, nieces or nephews. Try and consider your kids when making this choice. Maintaining a pleasant family environment for your children is likely to help them through this transition in their life.

Moving On

You do need to consider if hanging out with your ex’s family too often will make it difficult to move on and build new relationships. Can you really begin to focus on yourself if you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to let go of the past? Perhaps being such close friends with them will keep you from accepting that your marriage is really over.

On the other hand, maybe your ex-family is all that you really have in terms of a family. Their support and friendship may help you get through this difficult transition in your life.

There are many things to consider when you are decide if you should stay friends with your ex’s family. Take time to think through these points and determine what is best for you. Don’t feel bad about letting your relationship with their family evolve over time if your needs or circumstances change.

Keep Active During Divorce

The combination of COVID-19 and the emotional stress of divorce can make it hard to find motivation. As a result, you may end up seeing your health suffer as a result. Therefore, it’s good to find ways to keep active during divorce.  That way, you can stay healthy and motivated during these tougher times…

Keep Active During Divorce: What To Try

At-home workouts

These days, most places have had their gyms closed for months. Even if you live at a place which has them open, you may not feel so comfortable going back just yet. At the same time, you may not be sure as to what you can do exercise-wise without the usual gym equipment.

In reality, you don’t need a lot to do at-home workouts. Just some basic equipment will be enough to get you going. That’s what makes these workouts so good for when you want to keep active during divorce. Not only can you get some exercise in, but you can also more easily work it into your schedule.

Bike riding

Riding a bike can also be another good way to keep active during divorce. For starters, it helps get you out and about instead of being stuck inside the house. Plus, it adds a bit of variety aside from just walking or running.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when biking is safety. You should always wear safety gear like a helmet, no matter where you’re biking at. However, if you’re going to be biking on the roads, just make sure you know how to safely share the road with the drivers out there.

Yoga

Instead of something intensive, maybe you’re looking to a more-calming way to keep active during divorce. This is where yoga can come in handy. Yoga provides you with a way to keep active, especially at the house, without needing to do anything as intensive as other alternative workouts.

You don’t even need that much to get into yoga proper. A simple yoga mat and some open space is all you need to get started! As for what you can do, there’s plenty of guides and walk-through exercises online which can give you some direction and help you find your flow.

Quarantine Life Post-Divorce: Refocusing & Adjusting

The ongoing COVID-19 situation has caused a lot of people to make changes to their lives. When coming fresh off of a divorce, you’re facing a new and confusing time. Quarantine life post-divorce will take some getting used to. However, there are ways to make the process easier…

Quarantine Life Post-Divorce: How To Adjust

Try to re-focus

When starting your quarantine life post-divorce, there’s going to be a whole lot of things running through your head. Usually, you’d have to consider all the new changes you’d need to make, which is taxing enough. Now, you have to think about how the quarantine may impact them, making it a whole lot more confusing.

Therefore, don’t get too caught up in all these thoughts. Instead, take a moment and re-focus yourself. Sit down and write out a list of all the things that you need to change or plan for because of the divorce. This makes it a lot easier to go one-by-one and see how the situation may influence them.

Consider work options

For many people, financial concerns are at the top of their quarantine life post-divorce worries. It’s already hard to go from a dual-income household to a single-income one. Or, it could be that your former spouse brought in more of the income while you stayed at home. Grappling with these changes in the middle of the quarantine can feel impossible.

However, it’s certainly possible to find work still. While it’ll be more competitive, you just need to make sure your skills and talents set you apart from the rest. Consider your options thoroughly, especially based on your new budget, and you can find a market which you fit into.

Prioritize safety

If you’re a parent, then your kids are another area of concern for your quarantine life post-divorce. On the one hand, you and your ex probably have some kind of co-parenting plan set up. Yet, the quarantine situation could make that plan a bit harder to pull off.

In this case, you should both prioritize the kids’ safety above all else. This could mean making some changes to your co-parenting plan, such as when you change who is watching them or how you communicate. While it can be tough, it’s ultimately best to make sure they stay healthy.

Online Dating Pics: Set Up For Success

If you’re thinking about dating again after your divorce, online sites might be appealing to you. However, it’s important you set your profile up right by using good online dating pics. Choosing the right pictures can help you make that good first impression you’re aiming for..

Online Dating Pics: Set Up For Success

Don’t Lead with group pics

When picking out your online dating pics, it’s okay to use a few group photos. But, you don’t want to use one of them as your main profile pic. Doing so could cause some potential issues to arise.

By using a group picture, it makes it harder for people you match with to figure out which one you are. If they can’t tell right away, then they could decide not to send you a message. They could also mistake someone else for you! If you do use some group photos, try to have them in your gallery instead.

Present your personality

Online dating pics are very handy for showing off your personality. Odds are you will want to match with people who have a similar personality and interests. That’s why good pics choices are important. Choosing the right ones can clearly show others what kind of person you are.

For example, if you like sports, then you can use photos of you playing them or at sporting events. If you like traveling, then it can be good to have a picture of your latest trips. Using pictures like these can help you better find people you do share interests with, and avoid those you don’t.

Avoid pics of past relationships

Any online dating pics you chose should avoid being from past relationships. Using pictures that have your ex in them, or clearly show them cropped out, can make it hard to draw in matches. That’s why you’ll want to skip these photos.

Also, using these pictures will make it harder for you to move on. Seeing these photos every time you access your profile can bring up some negative feelings. If those feelings are constant, then it may be good to wait until you resolve them before you start dating.

Adult Child Coping Methods

Divorce is always going to be hard on a couple’s kids, whether they’re younger or older. For the latter in particular, it’s helpful for them to know adult child coping methods. These methods can help them handle the divorce and the other responsibilities they have…

Adult Child Coping Methods

Avoid taking sides

One of the good adult child coping methods to use is remaining neutral. Divorce is always an unfortunate situation, especially when it happens in your own family. Still, you need to keep in mind that this isn’t your divorce. Instead, this is something your parents need to settle.

It’s not healthy for you to start picking sides in the divorce. This can he hard, especially considering you’re an adult now. However, while you can offer your support, just make sure it’s within the proper limits. You don’t want to get yourself too involved in the process itself.

Set your boundaries

Clear boundaries are another example of good adult child coping methods. As an adult, you’ll have other responsibilities to worry about now. This could include things like school, work, or your own family’s needs. It can be hard to balance these properly if your parents only lean on you for support.

That’s why you need to establish clear boundaries with them. They need to be aware of the other things you have to deal with too. While it’s certainly fine to help them, you can’t be their only source of support. They need to build strong, healthy support networks instead.

Don’t allow it to define you

A common problem adult children of divorcing parents experience is feeling like they’ll follow their parent’s footsteps. This can have a serious impact on their future relationships and how they view marriage. Due to this, it’s important to not buy into this kind of thinking as another of the adult child coping methods.

Remember that while we learn a lot from our parents, we’re still our own people. In fact, this can be a good time to learn what you should avoid doing in a relationship. While you don’t need every detail, seeing some of the issues your parents faced can help you be better prepared for if you encounter them yourself.

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Divorce can impact your kids in many ways, especially in regards to school. Academic struggles are quite common in kids whose parents have just divorced. However, knowing how they may be impacted can help you get them the extra help they may need…

Academic Struggles: Helping The Kids

Emotionally distracted

Emotional distress is common in kids with divorced parents. This distress can cause them to become very distant and lose their focus, leading to academic struggles. They might not pay attention in class, or not do any assignments. This can have a seriously negative impact on their grades.

As a result, it’s important to help them get back on track. A tutor can be handy for helping your kids regain the focus they had before. It’s also a good idea to talk to your kids about what’s bothering them, and see if there’s any way you can help them.

Behavioral issues

Issues with behavior can also cause academic struggles. Every kid is bound to face some kind of trouble at school. However, a divorce can make them more likely to act our or behave poorly. For example, children of divorced parents tend to skip 60% more often than other students.

Many times, kids will act out this way in order to get attention from their parents. This could be because the divorce has made them worry their parents don’t love them or blame them for the divorce. Aside from talking to them, a therapist can help get to the bottom of these outbursts.

Issues with comprehension

Another way kids will show their academic struggles is through issues with comprehension. Classes or assignments that your kids did well on before might give them more difficulty now. This may be due to the distraction of divorce, and how it causes them to lose focus. It could also be due to a lack of confidence.

When you notice their grades start to slip, don’t panic and start yelling at them. Instead, try to reach out to their teachers first. Let them know what’s going on and why you think your kids may be having a hard time. By doing so, their teacher can help give them some extra 1-on-1 time to help keep their grades up.

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Going into a second marriage after a divorce can be both exciting and scary. After all, with how many of these end in divorce, you don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. Therefore, there’s a few key things you’ll want to keep in mind…

Second Marriage: Tips For Success

Practice mutual respect

In a second marriage, it’s important that you and your partner respect each other. A lack of respect is a big reason why couples start to drift apart. If one spouse feels like the other doesn’t respect what they say or them in general, then it’ll quickly lead to tension.

Instead, both of you should be sure to respect what the other has to say. Encourage them to be honest and show them you appreciate them. A simple “thank you” will go a long way in making your partner feel like you respect them and value your marriage.

Create time for each other

It’s also important for those in a second marriage to spend time with one another. Now, there’s going to be times where you want to be alone or go be with friends. That’s totally normal, and an important part of a good relationship too. But, you also need to make time with your partner.

There’s a lot of ways you can spend this time together. For example, maybe you both like to spend time watching movies or T.V. at the end of the day. However, even simple things like going with them to the store can show them you enjoy being with them.

Talk about expectations

It’s a good idea in a second marriage to talk about expectations. Everyone has expectations, but sometimes, they can get out of hand. This is especially true after a divorce. You might not realize it, but your expectations could cause problems in the future.

If your expectations are too high, then you’ll constantly get disappointed when your spouse doesn’t reach them. To avoid this, talk to them about establishing realistic expectations. That way, you’ll both be on the same page about what your goals are for the marriage.

Post-Divorce Health: Achieve New Goals

Divorce is going to be tough, and it can have a bit of a negative impact on the body. Therefore, it’s a good idea to invest in your post-divorce health. Doing so can help you get started on achieving your new post-divorce goals…

 Post-Divorce Health

Get an energy boost

One good reason to focus on your post-divorce health is to get an energy boost. Divorce can cause you to feel pretty tired and lacking in motivation. While this is understandable, especially after all you had to deal with, getting healthy can help you find the energy you’ve been lacking.

Research has shown that people who exercise tend to have much more energy than those who don’t. Plus, eating healthier foods will give your body more energy than unhealthier choices. Channeling negative feelings into your workout can also help you start to feel better mentally.

Improve self-confidence

Improving your post-divorce health can also help improve your self-confidence. It’s quite common to feel a bit low after your divorce. You might even start to question if you’re really all that great, and focus more on perceived negatives about yourself. Of course, this isn’t good for you or your new goals

Getting healthy helps you start to feel better about yourself. Seeing those small steps, like losing a few pounds or getting better endurance, are great for your confidence. As you continue to improve yourself, you’ll also begin to feel the level of confidence needed to tackle what’s lying ahead.

Save extra money

Some people might claim that trying to focus on post-divorce health is too costly. Things like gym memberships or the cost of healthier foods can seem expensive, especially coming off of a divorce. While they might appear so at first, you have to think about the money you’re going to be saving down the line.

Living healthier will help reduce the risk of running into health issues. That way, you save money by avoiding costly doctor visits. Plus, you’ll also be able to save money on insurance, as you can find suitable plans at a lower rate. The money you save this way will outweigh the costs of food or gym memberships.

Social Media During Divorce

Social media apps can be a great way to get in touch with friends all around the world. However, during a divorce, they can also be a point of conflict. Therefore, it’s important to know how to approach social media during divorce. That way, you avoid the potential issues it can bring…

Social Media During Divorce

Think before posting

A lot of people tend to treat social media like an open journal. They’ll post updates on their life, and how they might feel throughout the day. However, this can potentially get you in some trouble when divorcing. Therefore, you need to think before using social media during divorce.

For example, you might be tempted to post a rant about your ex. Before you do, take a moment to think about it. How will that post make you look to others, your ex, and most importantly, a judge? If a post is going to be too negative or targeted, and could get you in trouble, then it’s best to avoid posting it.

Clean Up Your Followers

For most people, friends and acquaintances tend to make up the bulk of their followers on social media. However, divorce tends to require one to lean on these friends a bit more for support. At the same time, it might also mean you cut contact with friends who don’t support you, or were friends of your ex.

That’s why part of using social media during divorce also involves adjusting who you follow, and who follows you. If you know there’s people you aren’t friends with anymore still following you, then it might be best to remove them as followers. That way, the people who do see your posts are the ones who will support you, rather than potentially be negative.

Avoid your ex

There can be a temptation to look at what your ex is doing on social media during divorce. You might be curious about what they’re saying about you or the divorce. Maybe you want to see if they’re already trying to date again. The thing is, you want to avoid this curiosity.

Ultimately, obsessing over your ex’s post is just going to prevent you from moving on yourself. While you might remain friends, you don’t need to be up-to-date on their lives. Plus, if they do post something negative or concerning, odds are someone will let you know about it.

Post-Divorce Burnout

It isn’t always easy to adjust to a new life after a divorce. As a result, sometimes people will throw themselves into things like work. However, this can easily result in post-divorce burnout. That’s why it’s best to avoid taking this route…

Post-Divorce Burnout

The problem with burnout

The problems with post-divorce burnout are very similar to those of any other type of burnout. In general, it occurs when someone decides to use their work as an escape from the grief of their divorce. By focusing themselves solely on their work, they think they can distract themselves from those negative feelings.

However, no matter how much work you do, you can only avoid those feelings for so long. In fact, the more work you do, the longer those emotions will simmer and get worse. Eventually, you’ll reach your point of burnout, and all those emotions and more will rise to the surface, usually in a not-so-pretty way.

Accepting your emotions

In order to avoid this post-divorce burnout, you can’t avoid those sad feelings from your divorce. Rather, you need to take the time to confront and accept them. By acknowledging these feelings, you will get yourself through the grieving process, and can start to move forwards.

Usually, many people will actually take time away from work to do this. Still, there’s plenty of other ways you can give yourself some time to process these emotions. Maybe you meet with a therapist, or write your thoughts down in a journal. Whatever you chose, the important thing is getting those emotions out there.

Watch your workload

Another part of avoiding post-divorce burnout is watching your workload. There’s going to be a lot of things you’ll need to take care of after your divorce. Maybe you’re moving, or you have to adjust to being a single parent. When this happens, you need to be careful you aren’t pushing yourself too hard.

Taking on too much work can lead to burnout, even if you’re processing those emotions. Therefore, try to watch how much work you take on. Try to talk to your boss about what’s going on, and how you might need a bit of a limited workload for a short period of time. Many times, they’re understanding and willing to help you out.