Author: Robert Reeves

How-to: Take On Being a Single Dad

Being a single parent can be tough. Everyone always focuses on single moms, but what about single dads? Whether you are a single dad due to divorce, a failed relationship, or the death of a spouse, this role will be tough, but rewarding. It will take some time to get into the swing of things, and there will be both good and bad times that come with it. However, no matter what your background or experience is, here are some tips on how to take on being a single dad.

How-to: Take On Being a Single Dad- Parenting Journey

Routines

One of the most difficult parts of adjusting to not having another parent at home with you is getting routines in place. This is something you be faced with on day 1 of being a single dad. There will likely be more to do and not as much help. You will have to juggle grocery shopping, meal planning, and prep. There will be cleaning and chores, plus keeping track of school, homework, and functions. Understand that you are human, and just one person, and that there is only so much you can do. Try your best, and know that you are doing the best you can. If you mess up, it is okay. Just brush it off and learn from it.

Raising a Daughter

It may feel daunting to raise a daughter while being a single dad. There will be so many things you feel you will not be able to relate to or handle without having a mother-figure present too. Just take it now step at a time, and focus on her basic needs. While girls are different, they need many of the same basic things that boys do. For example, food, shelter, clothes, and love. For the other things, try and find one or several strong, female role model figures to be present in your daughter’s life.

Dealing with Loss

When you become a single dad, it will be due to some sort of loss. This could be a loss of a relationship, the end of a marriage, or even the death of a spouse. Whatever this may be, you will go through a period of grieving. At the same time, your children will also have experienced the loss of their two parents being together or even a parent passing away. You will have to work through your own grief at the same time as helping your kids through the process.

All About Alimony and Child Support

Alimony and child support can be confusing when people discuss separation and divorce. However, the two are very different. Alimony is money that one spouse gives to another during or after a separation. Child support is money that a spouse gives to another for the purposes of meeting their childrens’ needs. Both are determined by a number of factors and are decided on by a judge. An experienced attorney can help guide you through the processes associated with both of these family law facets.

All About Alimony and Child Support

What is Alimony

Alimony and child support are very different things. You can also call alimony “spousal support.” Alimony isn’t automatic, so you’ll need to ask for it if you feel like you deserve to get help from your ex. The purpose of it is to help you keep living a similar lifestyle to how you were living before your divorce. Alimony might come as a lump sum, a property division, or a monthly payment.

Deciding Alimony

Alimony and child support are both decided in court. One of the factors that a judge might consider is the amount of money that each spouse makes. Additionally, they’ll look at living expenses for both. The length of the marriage is also a factor sometimes. Finally, the way that you split assets in a divorce can affect alimony.

What is Child Support

Alimony and child support are mostly different because of the purpose of the money. A spouse gives alimony to keep the other spouse living the same way as before the split. However, child support is very different. As its name implies, you give child support to a spouse to help support your joint children. You can use child support for food, clothing, housing, schooling, or medical needs for the kids.

Deciding Child Support

Like alimony, child support is a court decision. Both of these facets of family law have similar factors at play. For example, a judge will look at incomes for both parents. They will also consider the way assets split in a divorce. Child support might last until your children are eighteen, or you could decide on a different time frame.

Alimony and child support are sometimes confusing but are very different concepts. Child support is money that a spouse pays to another to help support their children. Alimony is money that a spouse pays to help support their ex. Both should be decided on by a judge in court. Therefore, having a knowledgeable attorney guide you through the process is absolutely imperative.

The Pros and Cons of a Prenup Agreement

Prenuptial agreements are a hot-button topic in the wedding world. There are several pros and cons of a prenup agreement that you should consider before discussing one with your partner. They can be a way of securing financial stability for the future. However, often they are seen as a romance killer and can cause prickly feelings between partners. If you’re wanting to approach the conversation about prenups, bring it up early in your engagement. Be willing to hear your partner’s concerns, and be open to negotiations. Hopefully, if you decide to go the route of a prenup, you’ll be able to come to an agreement that works for both parties.

The Pros and Cons of a Prenup Agreement: Should I Ask my Partner for One?

What is a Prenup Agreement

When considering the pros and cons of a prenup agreement, it’s important to fully understand what they are. A prenuptial agreement is a signed contract between two people who want to marry. The agreement spells out exactly what would happen to their financial assets in a divorce. It’s a way to prepare for the financial future if anything were to go wrong in a marriage. You should each have your own representation. Make sure an experienced attorney creates the prenup, and that you both have proof of your representation. Make sure and have the prenup notarized.

Positives of Prenup Agreement

There are many pros and cons of a prenup agreement. The most important positive is that a prenup creates a set guideline for your financial future in the event of a divorce. For example, it can lay out what happens with jointly owned property. Another positive is that it establishes that you and your partner can talk about finances early on in your marriage. Unfortunately, money problems are one of the most common reasons for divorce. Therefore, discussing finances upfront sets a good pattern for tackling money issues together. A prenup can also protect your children’s assets from a previous marriage. In addition, a prenup will protect any money you’ve accumulated on your own before marriage.

Cons of a Prenup Agreement

When considering the pros and cons of a prenup agreement, it’s important to remember that they are controversial. Many people feel that prenups are bad luck in an engagement. They look at them as if you’re preparing for a divorce before you’re even married. In addition, some partners can feel attacked or judged if you present them with a prenup. This is because it makes them feel like you value your wealth over their feelings. Prenups can give the impression that you don’t believe the marriage will last forever.

How to Approach the Conversation

If you’ve weighed the pros and cons of a prenup agreement and decided that you want to ask for one, it’s best to start the conversation early. Don’t spring a prenup on your partner the day before your marriage. Instead, begin the conversation early on in your engagement. Use it as a way of showing that you’re comfortable discussing finances with each other. Remember that your partner might have strong feelings about prenups, and reassure them of your commitment. Be open to hearing their concerns. You should both consult attorneys if you decide to move forward with a prenup. Be prepared to negotiate the terms.

There are significant pros and cons of a prenup agreement to think about. While nobody wants to go into a marriage thinking of divorce, it is very common. If you’re a practical person, you might see the positives of preparing for your financial future as necessary in case a divorce happens. However, the cons of a prenup are that they can make your partner feel as though you aren’t committed. Try to approach the conversation calmly and early on in your engagement. Give your partner time to think things through and negotiate. Hopefully, even if you do sign a prenup, you’ll never need to think about it again.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce

Any divorce, no matter how healthy, comes with a lot of stress. Practicing self-care during a divorce is important for your mental health. Although they may not take all your stress away, things like focusing on the positive, picking up a new hobby, going outside, and splurging on yourself can help you feel happier.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce : Divorce and Mental Health

Focusing on the Positive

Focusing on the things in life that make you happy can be a great way of practicing self-care during a divorce. One way to do this is to focus on gratitude. For instance, a lot of people like to name three things that they’re grateful for when they wake up every morning. This starts your day off on a positive note, rather than focusing on the negative. Do you have family and friends who are supportive? Are you healthy? Try to remind yourself of the good things in your life every day.

Starting a New Hobby

Starting a new hobby, or picking up an old one again, are great ways to distract yourself from your divorce. For example, painting, yoga, reading, knitting, golfing, or any activity you find interesting. Even hobbies that don’t require much of a learning curve, like puzzles and adult coloring books can be very calming. Who knew that practicing the violin could also double as practicing self-care during a divorce?

Soaking Up Some Sunshine

Getting some good ol’ vitamin D is one of the easiest forms of practicing self-care during a divorce you can do for yourself, yet it’s one that often gets overlooked. Go for a walk or just sit in a sunny spot for a while. Exercise is another great way to give yourself some self-care, and it has the added bonus of making your body healthier at the same time. Many cities have meet-up groups for adults to play sports like kickball, softball, and volleyball. It’s a great way to connect with other people, get outside, and distract yourself from the stress of your divorce. Here is a link to some local meet-up groups.

Splurging on Yourself

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to treat yourself to something fun, and splurging is a perfect example of practicing self-care during a divorce. One example would be to pick out a new shampoo or bath bomb and treat yourself to a bubble bath. You could also buy yourself that new tennis racquet you’ve had your eye on for months, or a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. However, it’s important to remember that splurging doesn’t always have to mean spending a lot of money. You could just splurge and spend time watching your favorite TV show or re-reading a favorite book.

However, you choose to manage your stress, practicing self-care during a divorce is very important. You are going through a difficult situation and you need to take time to take care of your mental well-being.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements

If you are going through a divorce with kids in tow, you might be wondering about the different types of custody arrangements available. It can be overwhelming to look at your options. The four main types of custody are legal, physical, joint, and sole custody. Weigh your options and decide what works best for your family.

Different Types of Custody Arrangements: Know Your Options

Legal Custody

Legal custody is one of the types of custody arrangements available. Whichever parent has legal custody of the children has the right to make all legal decisions for them. This could mean deciding long term things about their care and upbringing. For example, schooling decisions and medical decisions are things the legal custodian would need to decide. It’s possible to have sole legal custody. You could also share legal custody with your ex.

Physical Custody

Physical custody is another type of custody arrangement. This type of custody decides who the children live with. It is different from legal custody. This is because if major decisions need to be made, even a physical custodian would need to consult with their ex. Physical custody could be sole. This means the kids live full time with one parent. It can also be joint where the children go back and forth between parents. However, with sole custody, it’s possible to give your partner visitation rights.

Joint Custody

When looking at different custody arrangements, most people think of joint versus sole custody. Joint custody just means that both parents share in the raising of the kids. This can include joint legal custody or joint physical custody, or both. This is the option most common when both parents are fit caregivers. If you and your partner are both responsible parents, joint custody allows you both a say in your kid’s lives.

Sole Custody

One final type of custody arrangement available to divorcees is sole custody. It means that one parent is entirely responsible for the children. Sole custody can be sole physical custody, sole legal custody, or both. This option is common when one parent is unfit. This could be because of incarceration, drug use, abuse, neglect, or mental illness among many other things. This can be in the best interest of the children if it’s for their safety. However, it means that the kids don’t get to interact much with one of their parents.

Looking at the different types of custody arrangements is a tough spot to be in. It can be messy and emotional trying to decide what works for you and your ex. Whether you decide on joint custody or sole custody of the kid’s legal or physical decisions, let it be the best option for your children.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce

Divorce is full of stress. And if you have children, wondering about the affects it might have on them is something that has probably crossed your mind. Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is time-consuming but very important. Just remember that you and your ex-partner made the decision that was best for you, which means it was also best for your children. One way you can help them deal with their feelings is by encouraging them to journal. You can also just be a good listener for them. And finally, you can consult with a professional. Just make sure you are there to support them and answer any questions they have.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce: Be Their Rock

Journaling

If you have children that are old enough to read and write, encourage them to journal. This can be very helpful in tending to your children’s mental health during divorce. Another term for this is writing therapy. Writing therapy has been shown to improve mental health, and is a great way to calm down. Journaling will force your children to slow down and take time to confront their feelings. It can help them see a different viewpoint, or can help them organize their thoughts. If your children aren’t quite old enough to write on their own, encourage them to use artwork to express how they feel.

Be a Good Listener

The most important thing you can do to help with your children’s mental health during divorce is to be a good listener. Lending an ear whenever they need to talk will help them express their feelings. It’s important to really listen to what they say and try not to interrupt or talk over them. Even if they say things that you find hurtful or disagree with. Children see situations in a very different way than we do. Therefore, its crucial to let them tell you exactly how they’re feeling. Don’t try to talk them out of their views about your divorce, because their feelings are still valid. Even if there’s more to the story that you don’t want to share with them.

Also remember not to pressure children to talk if they don’t want to. It can take time for them to put their feelings into words. Pressuring them too much might make them say what they think you want to hear, rather than their true feelings. Let them talk to you on their own time and be supportive. This will help your children’s mental health during divorce because you are giving them control of the situation.

Know When to Seek Professional Help

Focusing on your children’s mental health during divorce can be overwhelming at times. You may have questions, or have situations that come up that you don’t know how to handle. It never hurts to seek out professional help. Childhood psychologists will be able to reach your children on their level. And sometimes children are more comfortable talking about stressful things with somebody other than their own parents. Ask a friend who has gone through a divorce or ask for references from your child’s pediatrician to find psychologists in your area.

Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is an important part of the process. Even though your children aren’t dealing with the legal side of things, divorce is still very stressful for them. Their whole world is changing. But remember that children easily adapt to change. The most important thing is that they feel supported and heard by you.

How-to: Announce Your Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through. And figuring out how to let your loved ones know that it’s happening can be a huge source of confusion. In the new age of social media, it’s hard to know how to tell everybody. The best approach to take to announce your divorce is to first let your close family know. Next, tell your close friends. Then coworkers can follow, and finally the world at large (if you choose).

How-to: Announce Your Divorce: What’s the Best Protocol?

Family First

The first step is to announce your divorce to your family. A marriage involves blending two families together. Your families thought they would be connected forever, and your divorce will change that. Sit your parents or siblings down for a face to face talk. Explain the situation in however much detail you choose. If your divorce is friendly, you can do this together. If it is not a friendly divorce, at least make sure you and your ex are on the same page about when to tell your families. Try not to air any dirty laundry or trash talk. Your feelings will fluctuate a lot and when you speak angrily about your ex, it might be hard for family members to remember that when you’re feeling sadder about the breakup.

Friends

The next step you might take is to announce your divorce to your close friends. Make sure to speak to your attorney first before discussing any details with mutual friends. You don’t want the things you say to make their way back to your ex if you aren’t on friendly terms. If you and your ex have mutual friends, consider telling them together. It’s best to have a plan of what to say first. You can always keep it simple. For example, “We have decided after much discussion to get a divorce. We plan to work together to raise the kids and hope to support each other through this difficult time.” Discuss beforehand whether you want to announce your divorce before or after it is finalized.

Co-Workers

Unless you are close friends with co-workers, they really don’t need to hear about your divorce before it’s finalized. However, your boss might be a good person to inform. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for court appointments. You might need to alert HR for this same reason. Hopefully, they will be understanding and sympathetic when you announce your divorce to them.

The World at Large

In the days of social media, you might want to announce your divorce on Facebook or Instagram. It’s probably best to do this after your divorce is final. It’s always best to speak with your divorce attorney before posting anything publicly. One way to announce without doing the social media post is to simply use the old fashioned post office. You can send a simple card with a photo of you and your children without including your ex. You can use this to announce your new address if you’ve moved. Including a short note or even just a phrase like “New Beginnings” can clue people into the divorce. Some couples choose to announce publicly and others choose to let the word spread naturally. Do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

However, you choose to announce your divorce, it’s best to discuss it with your ex first so you are both on the same page. Keep it short and to the point. Your family and close friends probably need to be told, but you can decide for yourself if you’d like to announce it to the whole world. Divorce is a very private thing, so don’t feel pressured to give anybody the details of your relationship, just decide what feels right for you

Healing From Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is such a difficult thing to go through for anybody. When you’re healing from physical abuse, there are things you can do to help with the healing process. Of course, listening to any of your doctors’ advice is key. Asking for help is also very important. Writing things down can help you track your progress. And finally, taking time to focus on yourself can help you feel better.

Healing From Physical Abuse: Finding Peace

Speak With Professionals

It probably goes without saying that seeking professional help is so important when healing from physical abuse. First, you want to make sure and let your doctor know every detail about the physical trauma you have survived. That way, they can address all injuries and help your body heal fully. Many people also find it helpful to speak with a therapist. While they do not address physical issues, abuse can often cause emotional damage as well. Talking with a therapist can help you move forward. Here are some local therapists that might be helpful.

Ask for Help

Many victims of abuse can have feelings of shame or embarrassment over what they’ve been through. There is never a reason to blame yourself for being a victim of abuse. The fault is always that of the abuser. But because of these feelings, it’s difficult for people to ask for help. Your loved ones would want to know that you need their support. Reaching out for help is such an important factor when healing from physical abuse. Wouldn’t you want to be there for a friend if they had been through something similar?

Write Things Down

Healing from physical abuse involves much time and many steps. Sometimes, people can get overwhelmed and lose steam. Remembering how far you’ve come is an important tip for healing. Writing down your feelings can remind you of how far you’ve come in the healing process. If your recovery involves physical therapy, it can help to write down how much you’ve improved. When you are having a hard day, you can look back on your progress and feel proud of yourself.

Take Time to Focus on Yourself

Taking time for yourself is an important part of overall mental health. When recovering from physical abuse, it is even more important. Do something that you love, or splurge on a fun treat. In short, there is no shame in doing what you to can distract yourself from thinking about your experience. You can also create something fun to look forward to. Or make a reward for achieving a goal. If you are doing physical therapy as part of your recovery, set small goals. Reward yourself when you reach them and you’ll stay more motivated. Taking care of your mental well-being can help your physical recovery.

When recovering from physical abuse, speaking with professionals, asking for help, writing things down, and taking time for yourself can help your recovery. Nobody should have to experience physical abuse in any relationship. But, if you do, hopefully, these tips can help you in your recovery.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids

When your Christmas is usually filled with the laughter and excitement of kids, it is quite a shock when you have a quiet Christmas. With divorce, change is inevitable. Unfortunately, one of those changes may be your holiday plans. Whether it is your first Christmas without your kids, or your 10th, it will never be easy. The first year will certainly be the biggest shock. However, there are still ways to make your holiday bright. Depending on your arrangements, you may have to plan a different type of Christmas celebration post-divorce.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids: Creating New Traditions

Alternative Celebrations

Your first Christmas without your kids may feel lonely. Instead of sitting at home by yourself and moping, find another way to have holiday cheer! Get together with some of your other family members so that you still get to spend Christmas with family. If that is not an option, join in with some of your friends. You could get together and celebrate with their family. However, know your limits of whether it would be painful to celebrate with other kids, especially during the first year. Another option would be to reach out to others in your same situation. No one wants to spend the holidays alone. If you know any other parents who are also celebrating without their kids, they may also be looking for a boost of holiday joy. Both of you could use someone to lean on and celebrate this year.

If your kids are spending the holidays far away from you, try to still find ways to communicate with them. Do not act overbearing and try and steal all of your ex’s time. However, see if it would be possible to do a quick video chat so you can still see them for the holidays.

How to Treat Your Ex

Make sure to be polite and respectful to your ex. Think about your kids. It is not fair to your kids if you are talking bad about their other parent. In the same way, picking an argument or being spiteful to your ex will just carry over to your kids. Instead, be positive and excited for them. Show them the joy of the holiday season, and do not send them off to their other parents with conflicting feelings of dread.

Still try to act as a team with your ex as you co-parent your kids. Do not try to out do each other with gifts. That will just cause added stress and and feelings of anger. Plus, depending on your situation, your finances may be cut as a single parent. Do not put yourself into a bad financial situation just because you want to give a more impressive gift than your ex. While the situation is not ideal, take these simple steps to make the best of your first Christmas without your kids.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is a silent epidemic. According to thehotline.org, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and knows no boundaries or borders. In fact, people of any background can be a victim or guilty of domestic violence. Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, manipulate, intimidate or control a partner. This can happen through many different ways including financial control, threats, physical violence and emotional abuse. While you may think it would be obvious, sometimes it is hard to realize or know if you’re in an abusive relationship. Learn the signs of domestic violence so that you can get help for yourself or a loved one.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship: Learn the Signs

Thoughts and Feelings

Consider how your relationship makes you think or feel to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. For example, if you feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around your partner, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Take a deep look at how you feel. Do you often feel afraid of your partner or avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? In addition, if your relationship makes you feel that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated, or wonder if you’re crazy, you may be in an abusive relationship. Feelings of being emotionally numb or helpless is not normal in a healthy relationship.

Your Partner’s Actions

Does your partner belittle you or blame you for his or her own abusive behavior? Paying attention to how your partner treats you or behaves is a good way to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. In fact, partners are supposed to be supportive and loving, not criticize you and put you down. Know that it is not normal if your partner is overly jealous or possessive, and controls everything you do. In the same way, it’s a warning sign if they control who you see, keeping you from family and friends.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help now. Know you are not alone. Thehotline.org is an excellent place to start. While it may not seem like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although it will take time, you will be able to heal from a bad relationship.