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Support Groups: What To Consider

The pain and loss that comes with divorce can be difficult to go through alone. Therefore, you’ll want to lean on your support system for help. One key part of this system are support groups. However, finding a group that works for you depends on a few factors…

Support Groups: What To Consider

What’s the focus?

Divorce support groups tend to have two main types of focus areas: informational and processing. Informational groups tend to spend time on learning tools and recovery. At these meetings, you’ll learn about different methods to help you adjust to your divorce, and make changes in your life.

However, processing groups are more focused on personal experiences. These are places where people can come and share their experiences with others who know how they feel. Furthermore, you can hear from others what helped them with recovery. You’ll want to figure out what kind of focus fits you the best.

How is the schedule?

You’ll also need to consider what kind of schedule these support groups have. Different groups will tend to have different kinds of schedules. Some might meet once a week, while others might meet on a more consistent basis. Plus, you’ll have to consider what days of the week a group might meet on.

Look at what your schedule looks like now, and see what kind of groups work with that. Don’t forget to consider the time duration as well. For instance maybe you’re only free at certain times each day. You won’t want to sign up for a group which could make you late for other things like work!

Is there an attendance policy?

Support groups are all dependent on those who show up to them. As a result, some groups might have stricter attendance policies than others. This usually is done to ensure that each meeting can be productive and worthwhile. After all, it isn’t fair to those who do come if not enough other people show up.

Still, you might need some flexibility. Maybe you have kids or other things which can impact your schedule. In these cases, most groups are understanding if you give them a heads-up in advance. However, it might be worth it to find one that is less strict if you know things might constantly come up. You can even look for groups which are online too.

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Seeing your financial situation change after divorce can be quite difficult. These financial changes can really impact your plans for your post-divorce life. However, there are some ways you can cope with these changes…

Financial Changes: How To Cope

Save ahead of time

A good way to handle potential financial changes is to save up ahead of time. Depending on how your divorce goes, the cost can quickly add up. Plus, it’s hard to tell how long a divorce will take until you really start it. Therefore, you’ll want to have some extra money saved up in advance.

Saving up these extra funds can help in a few ways. For starters, it’ll help you cover any unexpected costs or fees which pop up during the process. Also, it’ll let you get a head-start on preparing your post-divorce finances. Even just saving a few extra dollars here and there can really add up and help you out.

Set up a budget

Budgets are also handy for handling financial changes. Suddenly going from a two-income home to a single-income home can really be a shock. Still, it’s helpful to try and anticipate these changes ahead of time. A good budget can really be of use when it comes to coping with these potential changes.

A good way to try and split your budget is into needs, wants, and savings. Your needs are things you have to spend money on, such as food or bills. Your wants are more optional things, like shopping urges or other similar activities. Lastly, your savings are exactly that: money you put away and save up. Looking over these three categories can help you structure your budget accordingly.

Use some outside help

Sometimes, these financial changes can be very overwhelming. When this happens, you might struggle to figure out what to do. However, the thing is you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, you can make use of some outside help.

Talking to a financial advisor can help you better understand your finances. They can help break things down for you, and show you where things can be changed, saved, or worked on. These advisors are especially handy if you have a lot of debt which you’re unsure about how to approach.

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

If you’re dealing with a divorce around the holidays, it can be pretty rough. You might find yourself feeling quite lonely or isolated. However, when you feel this holiday loneliness, it’s important to avoid some common mistakes. Doing so will help you fight those feelings off in a healthy, productive manner…

Holiday Loneliness: What To Avoid

Watch Your pride

Pride is a major cause of holiday loneliness. For instance, many people don’t like for others to see them as vulnerable. As a result, they won’t reach out to others and ask them if they can possibly spend some holiday season time together. All this does is ensure that they remain lonely, and leaves them feeling even worse than before.

Therefore, don’t be afraid put that pride aside. After all, the holidays are a time of giving and being with others. Reaching out to friends or family, even if you feel awkward about it, can be a good idea. Often enough, they’ll be happy to include you in their holiday plans.

Don’t wallow

Another thing you want to avoid doing when feeling holiday loneliness is wallowing. It can be very easy to get all caught up in your sadness. Adjusting from what you’re used to during the holidays to the new reality can leave you stuck in a cycle of sadness. However, it’s a cycle you don’t need to deal with.

Try to consider the fact that everyone goes through points where they feel down. However, you don’t have to make that sadness the focal point of who you are. Instead, look at the positive things you still have, and can start doing, and you can find yourself being a bit more thankful and happy than you were before.

Avoid unhealthy coping

Holiday loneliness can cause people to slip into some pretty bad habits. Commonly, people like to turn to alcohol in an effort to cope. Or, they might also develop some unhealthy eating habits, or isolate themselves from the rest of the world. All of these things combined aren’t going to be good for you now, or in the future.

Instead, you’ll want to use some more healthy coping mechanisms. Find some better, healthier things you like to do, and focus on them instead. Slipping into unhealthier habits will just make things harder than they already were.

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

While the holidays are around the corner, you may have something more pressing on your mind: divorce. Even if you’ve been thinking it over for a while, is a holiday season divorce is a good idea? There’s a few things to consider which can help you make a decision…

Holiday Season Divorce: A Good Idea?

Consider the state of your marriage

When considering a holiday season divorce, you have to look at what your marriage is like now. If your marriage is so toxic that it makes you constantly miserable or unhappy, then it’s best to get things moving towards divorce now. This is especially true if things are abusive, and your well-being is at risk.

However, if things aren’t at those points, then you might want to wait until after the holidays. After all, the holidays tend to be a time where people spend a lot of money and do a lot of travel. That can make it hard to really get your divorce started properly, so it may be better to wait.

Will you regret the timing?

You also have to consider if you’ll regret the timing that comes with a holiday season divorce. After all, choosing to divorce will mean a total change to your holiday plans. Often times, you might end up finding yourself spending this time alone rather than with others like you’re used to.

This kind of change can make the holiday season especially hard. Throw in the demands of divorce, and it can really be difficult to handle. In fact, it could get to the point where the loneliness prompts you to try and go back to a relationship that isn’t good for you. Therefore, you need to make sure you’re ready for this kind of change.

Consider how it will impact others

Divorce is, of course, a very personal matter. However, a holiday season divorce does mean you have to consider the holiday plans of your family and friends. A divorce will put a damper on those plans, especially if you have kids. Divorcing during this time could seriously have a negative impact on them.

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

When your divorce is finally over, you might be hoping to finally relax a bit. However, there’s still some post-divorce info you’ll want to get updated. Taking the time now to get everything good to go will save you from headaches down the line…

Post-Divorce Info: Key Updates

Address info

One piece of post-divorce info you want to update pretty quickly is your address. A lot of people will  find themselves getting ready to move to a new home or apartment once their divorce is over. If you find yourself in this kind of position, it’s important that you update your address information properly.

For instance, you’ll want to keep people you trust like your friends and family in the loop about your new address. Depending on your job, it might also be helpful to let your boss know as well. Don’t forget that you might need to update your address for things such as taxes and voter registration.

Financial info

Another piece of post-divorce info to take care of is your financial info. Many married couples will like to either share a bank account together, or have access to each other’s personal accounts. After your divorce, that’s not something you’ll want to have for security reasons. Therefore, you’ll want to update this information too.

If you and you ex had a shared account, then it’s a good idea to go ahead and get your own account. You might also be able to revoke the access your ex had to your own personal account, but it’s safer to open up a brand-new account just in case. Also, remember to let your employer know about any relevant changes, such as if you use direct deposit, to ensure your pay ends up in the right place!

Contact info

Contact information is also some important post-divorce info to update. Some spouses like to share things such as email accounts or phone plans. After your divorce, you might need to make some alterations in these areas.

Many divorced people tend to get new email accounts set up as well as new phone numbers. That way, they don’t have to worry about their ex having any access or control over their accounts. Plus, if you had a particularly nasty divorce, you might want to make changes to these things to improve your privacy, especially away from your ex.

Court Behavior: What To Avoid

How you dress in court is very important. Still, just as important is how you act when you’re there. Your court behavior will have a lot of influence on how smoothly things go for you. Therefore, there’s a few things in particular you want to avoid doing…

Court Behavior: What To Avoid

Being late

Being on time is an important part of your court behavior. Basically, it shows that this is something you’re taking seriously. Being late, even by a little bit, can leave you starting off on the wrong foot. In court, that’s something you want to avoid as best you can.

Therefore, don’t just try to show up on time. Try to make it a little bit earlier instead. That way, you give yourself a buffer in case there’s bad traffic on the drive to the courthouse. Plus, that also gives you time to double-check everything and make sure you have what you need before you leave.

Distractions

One of the worst things you can do in the courtroom is appear to be distracted. If the judge feels like you’re not paying attention, they might think this doesn’t matter to you. That can really shape their impression of you for the rest of the proceedings. As a result, you need to be attentive as part of good court behavior.

Keep your focus on the judge and what they ask of you. It’s also especially important to keep your phone off and away. Being caught on your phone, or even having it go off, can be pretty disrespectful. Don’t take the risk, and keep it out of sight and silent.

Being rude

Rude behavior is a sure-fire way to hurt your chances in court. For starters, it serves to make you look bad to the judge. Also, it can cause the judge to question either your motives, or if you deserve something like child custody. Rudeness just hurts nobody but yourself in the courtroom.

Therefore, always be sure to be polite and respectful. Don’t call names or make backtalk to either the judge, or your spouse. Be sure to watch your emotions as well. You want to come off as someone who is cool, confident, and collected to the judge.

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Deciding to move after your divorce can be a hard decision to make. However, before you can do any moving, you’ll have to prepare for home buying post-divorce. Taking the time to prepare will help you get a house which will fit you best…

Home Buying Post-Divorce

Organize your finances

Before you can do any home buying post-divorce, you need to organize your finances. Divorce can take a bit of a toll on your financial situation. Not only will you have to worry about costs related to the divorce, but you might also have to adjust to a single-income household.

All of these changes mean that you need to be extra-organized before looking at any homes. Determine what your new budget is going to look like, and how a home might factor into that. Depending on your finances, it might be better to wait a bit to buy a new home.

Pick a good location

It’s also important to remember that home buying post-divorce shouldn’t be done on a whim. Buying a home is not just a big purchase, but it’s also an investment for your future. You need to make sure that your new home is in an area which will benefit you and your family going forward.

For instance, it’s good to see if you can get a home that is close to a new job. Also, if you have kids, you want to make sure the new home is close to some good schools. It’s always helpful to do some extra research and look at what the area around the potential new home is like.

Consider you needs

You’ll need to consider what exactly you need from a home when doing home buying post-divorce. If you have a lot of kids, then maybe you want a home that has enough rooms and space in the yard. However, if it’s just going to be you, you might want something a bit smaller, and in turn, a bit cheaper.

The key thing is you don’t want to get stuck with an expensive new home right after your divorce. Your finances are going to be at their most shaky during this time. Therefore, stick to what you need out of a home versus splurging on something expensive.

Post-Divorce Checklist

Going through a divorce can be pretty tiring. Once things are over, you might you can start putting things behind you. However, there still will be things you’ll need to take care of afterwards. That’s why it helps to set up a post-divorce checklist, which can help you see what you need to take care of, and when…

Post-Divorce Checklist

Cover everything

Your personal post-divorce checklist will be centered around what you’ll need to take care of in the upcoming future. However, it’s key to not to forget anything. Some things might appear to be more important than others. Still, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include them on your checklist.

An easy way to do this is by going through the main categories of things you’ll need to cover. For instance, this includes things such as asset splitting, financial matters, and anything related to the kids. It always helps to play it safe and write down anything you think will be important on your checklist.

Prioritize the events

Once you have everything down on your post-divorce checklist, you’ll then want to prioritize things. In order to do that, you have to look at what’s time-sensitive and what isn’t. For instance, if something is due in 7 days, versus something that’s due in 2 months, then it’s clear what should be prioritized!

Still, there might be some things you want to prioritize that don’t necessarily have a deadline. Something which falls into this category would be bank accounts. While splitting bank accounts doesn’t really have a deadline, it’s something you’ll want to do quickly for extra financial security.

Remember the small stuff

Most people think their post-divorce checklist should only focus on the big, major items for each category. However, some of those “small” things could end up becoming big deals if you neglect them. Therefore, while they might be low down on your priorities, don’t forget to get around to them!

A checklist is a great way to get things which might seem overwhelming all nice and organized. That way, you can begin to take care of these matters without it becoming too stressful to handle. This will also help you begin to achieve the new goals you set for yourself in your post-divorce life.

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

For a lot of couples, divorce is something which catches them by surprise. This makes them try and think about if there were any tells they should’ve seen coming. In fact, there’s a handful of divorce indicators which can signal that a divorce might be on the horizon…

Divorce Indicators: Common Signals

Thinking about divorce

One of the most common and most direct divorce indicators is if you’re constantly thinking about leaving your partner. At first, this seems pretty straightforward. If you’re already thinking about splitting up, then divorce might seem like it’s a guarantee. However, many people who think like these don’t see it that way.

A lot of times, these people will put off bringing the topic up. “I’ll bring it up tomorrow” is a common occurring thought which never materializes. Still, once those thoughts begin to become more and more common, it’s in both of your best interests to take things to the next step of action.

Infidelity

Infidelity is also another one of the common divorce indicators. This applies to both you and your partner. If you begin to consider having an affair, or find your spouse is having one, then it shows that the trust in your marriage has been eroded.

Once this trust has been lost, it is very hard to repair it. Many times, it’s also an indicator of some deeper, underlying issue in the marriage. These could be problems about attention, intimacy, happiness, or just feeling valued. It’s always better to end things in your current relationship before engaging in this sort of behavior.

Constant arguments

Divorce indicators don’t just pop up out of nowhere. Often times, they start out small, and gradually become worse and worse until divorce is inevitable. Constant arguing is one of these indicators that’s like this.

At first, things might start small with some more bickering than usually. Eventually, this can involve into constant arguments over even the most trivial of issues. In fact, things can get so bad, that just the sight of your spouse makes you angry. Once things escalate to this point, the healthiest option might be to just call things off.

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Divorce is an extremely stressful event for both the people involved and their families. Due to this, it might not be a bad idea to consider divorce therapy. However, if you’ve never met with a therapist before, this can feel like a daunting task. Still, it might help you to know how exactly these professionals can help…

Divorce Therapy: How It May Help

Cope with emotions

Divorce is an emotional time, and sometimes those emotions can get overwhelming. This becomes very apparent if they’re negative emotions. Many times, these emotions can end up getting the better of people and negatively impact their divorce.

However, divorce therapy can help you cope with your emotions. A therapist can work with you to figure out where exactly these emotions are stemming from and what causes you to feel them. That way, you can work on strategies to keep the under control in a healthy and productive manner, and eventually work past them.

Help with the kids

Divorce therapy can also be helpful if you’re a parent. Divorce can have a pretty significant impact on your children. Due to this, many parents worry about what exactly they should or shouldn’t be doing, and what kinds of things they should look for in their children’s behavior.

A therapist can help you better understand what’s going through your kids’ heads. This is especially true if you meet up with a family therapist. These therapists help out all members of the family, and can have both you and your children work together to better understand how you each feel about what’s going on.

Build a plan for the future

One of the worst aspects of divorce is the uncertainty it brings. With the end of your marriage, the plans you used to have for the future are probably no longer possible. Many people get anxious when thinking about their new future, and are unsure of where exactly they should start to get things going again.

However, if you choose divorce therapy, then you can work with your therapist to build a new plan. The therapist can help you figure out what exactly you might be afraid of and how to get excited for the new opportunities in your life. That way, you can start to feel more confident about your life post-divorce.