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Category: Divorce

Warning Signs that Your Partner is Cheating

If you have been wondering whether or not your spouse has been unfaithful to you, you might be looking for warning signs that your partner is cheating. However, there are plenty of false signals as well. The truth of the matter is that if you suspect your partner is cheating, it’s best to simply ask them. Assuming they’re cheating is never the best course of action because many things can affect behavior besides cheating. However, communication changes or attitude changes can sometimes be a red flag of unfaithfulness. In addition, physical changes can sometimes be as well. And finally, behavioral changes can sometimes be a sign that your partner is cheating. While some of these changes can indicate unfaithfulness, never just assume this is the case. Hopefully, your partner is just making lifestyle changes or reacting to other stressors in their life that you both can work through together.

Warning Signs that Your Partner is Cheating: Red Flags

Communication Changes

Classic warning signs that your partner is cheating are changes in communication. If they are all of a sudden very vague about plans, there might be a reason. Often, partners who are being unfaithful have a hard time carrying on the normal conversation the way they used to. If you feel like you’re being lied to constantly, definitely investigate further. Sometimes, people can become dismissive when they are attempting to cover up an affair. If your partner is communicating with you in a way that is not normal, it may be worth it to ask them if there are any issues you need to discuss.

Attitude Changes

Attitude changes can also sometimes be warning signs that your partner is cheating. If they are suddenly moody or sullen around you it can mean something has changed in your relationship. Of course, this could also indicate any number of other issues like stress at work. However, if they are suddenly negative towards your relationship or critical of you, it could be a red flag. Finally, if they seem confused about themselves it might mean that they are struggling with infidelity.

Physical Changes

Physical changes can obviously be signs of a person just wanting a change in their life. However, it sometimes can also be another of the classic warning signs that your partner is cheating. If they suddenly start dressing differently or getting in shape, it could be that they are trying to impress somebody else. In addition, if they suddenly pick up new hobbies that take up hours of their time, you might consider having a frank conversation with them.

Behavioral Changes

Behavioral changes are probably the clearest of the warning signs that your partner is cheating. If they suddenly are gone for long stretches of time or leaving the house at odd hours it can be a red flag. In addition, if they begin locking their phones suddenly or acting strangely private about their computer, you should investigate. Suddenly being on phone calls or texting all day long can be signs of cheating too. Of course changes in your sex life can also be warning signs of infidelity. And finally, if you are noticing odd spending habits, it’s worth a conversation.

While changes in behavior can be warning signs that your partner is cheating, there are always other possible explanations. If you notice changes in their communication, attitude, or appearance there could be any number of reasons that do not involve cheating. Changes in behavior can sometimes be clearer indicators. However, these two could also be a result of factors other than infidelity. The bottom line is that if you suspect your partner is cheating, you need to sit them down for an honest conversation. Hopefully, they are just reacting to stresses at work or outside factors and the two of you can work through them together.

How To Admit That You’ve Had an Affair

Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to cheat, but unfortunately, infidelity is a common occurrence. If you’ve been wanting to admit that you’ve had an affair, you may not even know how to start. It can be scary to even consider bringing it up, but you’ll probably be relieved to have the truth out there. Before you begin you should give some deep thinking as to why the affair even happened. Decide what you’d like your future to look like. Set the correct tone for your conversation. Deliver the news honestly and try to be understanding. And finally, give your partner space to think about what you’ve told them. They’ll have a lot of feelings about what happened, but hopefully, you two can work it out and move forward.

How to Admit That You’ve Had an Affair: Fessing Up

Find the Cause

Before you even try to admit that you’ve had an affair, it’s best to think about how it even happened. Were you looking for something that was missing in your relationship? Was it a one-time thing or a relationship? Consider whether or not you’d like to move forward with your spouse. They may not want to stay together when they find out, but you need to first decide if it’s even what you want. Really explore the situation internally and try to pinpoint how you could prevent it from ever happening again.

Set the Tone

When you actually sit down with your spouse to admit that you’ve had an affair, you’ll want to set the correct tone. Make sure that you’re both completely alone and have plenty of time to talk. If you have kids, make arrangements for them. Don’t try to catch your spouse while they’re heading out the door or already stressed. They will probably be more comfortable if you talk to them at home rather than out in public.

Deliver the News

When you finally admit that you’ve had an affair, it’s best to get to the point quickly and calmly. Your spouse will probably have a lot of questions for you. Answer everything truthfully. This is the time to get everything out in the open, so don’t try to hold anything back. Even if they ask questions that are painful to answer, they deserve to hear the full story. Try not to be defensive even if they get angry.

Give them Space

Finally, after you’ve had the conversation where you admit that you’ve had an affair, give your partner space. They will be feeling many emotions. Anger, hurt, embarrassment, sadness, among others. They may take time to be able to really sort out how they feel about what happened. In addition, they may want to distance themselves from you for a time. Don’t try to rush them to decide what they want to do about your relationship. Give them the space they need to take it all in and decide how they want to move forward.

Mustering up the courage to admit that you’ve had an affair can be difficult. It could end your relationship or marriage. However, most people find that keeping major secrets from their partners causes significant stress. You might feel better after the truth comes out. And it’s better for you to tell your spouse rather than have them find out from somebody else. Think about how you’d like your relationship to move forward before you tell them. Set the right tone by choosing a setting that allows you plenty of time and privacy for the talk. Be truthful and direct with them when you actually tell them. And finally, give them space afterward to decide how they feel. Hopefully, you and your spouse will be able to get help and move forward with your relationship.

The Pros and Cons of Single Parenting After a Divorce

If you’re considering seeking sole custody, you may be wondering about the pros and cons of single parenting after a divorce. There are a lot of factors to consider when deciding if this is the right choice for you. One positive of single parenting is that you get to be the decision-maker for your children. Another positive is that your children will have a lot of consistency living in one home with one parent rather than going back and forth. One negative of the situation is that you won’t have another parent around for support. And finally, it can have a negative impact on your children’s relationship with the non-custodial parent. There are many positives and negatives to single parenting, but hopefully, you’ll be able to decide on the choice that works best for your family.

The Pros and Cons of Single Parenting After a Divorce: Dealing with Sole Custody

Pro: Getting to Be the Deciding Factor

One of the positives of single parenting after a divorce is that you get to be the single deciding factor. This is especially helpful if your ex-partner is flaky or inconsistent. If they are in jail or have mental health issues that prevent them from making sound parenting choices, you get to be the legal guardian. This means that you don’t have to run concerns by them first. You can act as your children’s sole advocate. This is especially helpful in cases where there is a medical emergency and a quick decision must be made. Single parenting means that you get to decide alone how best to raise your children.

Pro: Consistency

Another positive of single parenting after a divorce is that your children will have a lot of consistency in their lives. Going back and forth between two different homes can be very hard on kids. Especially if you and your ex have very different lifestyles and parenting styles. If you’re the sole guardian, they will stay with you all of the time and won’t have that back and forth. This can create a very close bond between you.

Con: Lack of Support

One negative of single parenting after a divorce is that you will not have the support of a partner. While making decisions alone can seem like a good thing, often it’s nice to have a partner to bounce ideas off of. It can be hard to find the emotional support as well as general help with childcare that you might need. If you work full time it can be hard to find caregivers for your children. In addition, you may have a lack of financial support to deal with as well. You’ll most likely be raising them mostly on your own money, which can be difficult when you’re used to two full salaries.

Con: Relationship Gap

Another con of single parenting after a divorce is that your children’s relationship with their other parents could suffer. It’s difficult for children to spend much less time with one parent than the other. Often it creates resentment and bitterness. Your children might miss their other parents and ask you frequently if they can spend time with them. In addition, it can strain your relationship with your kids if they view you as keeping them from their other parent. However, you know what’s best for your children and must make the decision that is right for you and them.

There are plenty of pros and cons of single parenting after a divorce besides the ones above. In fact, deciding between sole and joint custody can be very complicated and difficult. Carefully weigh the positives and negatives of each option. Consider the pros that you’ll be the sole decider on issues and that your children will have consistency in their lives. But also weigh the cons of having less support and the possible negative effects on your relationships. Consider each option and decide what makes the most sense for your family. Hopefully, you’ll be able to come to a decision that works for you and your children.

Prenups and Postnups: What’s the Difference?

If you are engaged and discussing financials, you might be wondering what the difference is between prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. Prenups and postnups both determine how a couple will divide their assets in the event of a divorce. The biggest difference is that prenups occur before marriage and postnups occur after a couple is married. A couple usually considers these types of agreements if one person is bringing a lot more wealth to the relationship and wants to protect those assets. Or if one is expecting to inherit large sums of money. Although both have their critics, many find that these types of agreements are the best way to protect your financial wealth.

Prenups and Postnups: What’s the Difference and Do You Need One?

What is a Prenup?

Prenups and postnups are very similar in concept, they just occur at different times. A prenuptial is an agreement between two prospective spouses that determines how their assets will be divided if they divorce. A lot of people feel that a prenup is anti-romantic. They think that it means a couple is already assuming they’ll divorce before they even get married. However, in the US, 50% of marriages end in divorce. Realistically, prenups are a wise choice to protect your financial security.

Who Needs a Prenup?

A couple might discuss prenups and postnups if one partner is bringing more money into the marriage than the other. Similarly, if one has a large estate or is going to inherit a lot of money, they may want one. A prenup prevents a couple from going through a long, drawn-out divorce if they decide to end their marriage. Prenups are especially common for people entering their second, third, or fourth marriages.

What is a Postnup?

Prenups and postnups are very similar, however, a postnup occurs after a couple marries. Other than timing, it’s basically the same as a prenuptial agreement. These have become more common in recent years. They are now legal in all 50 states. Like a prenup, a postnup decides how your assets will be divided in the case of your marriage ending. Similar to prenups, they don’t make any concessions regarding your children or future children.

Who Needs a Postnup?

Since prenups and postnups are so similar, you might be wondering why some opt for postnups. The main reason is simple convenience. Often, the planning stage of an engagement is so stressful and busy that a couple simply doesn’t have time to sit down and draw up a prenup. If this is the case, they’ll often decide to do a postnup instead. This is also an option for couples who feel that the conversation will be awkward and would rather wait until after they marry to have it. Like a prenup, postnups are encouraged if partners are bringing significantly different amounts of wealth into a marriage.

The bottom line is that prenups and postnups are very similar. The only difference between them is that prenuptial take place before marriage and postnuptials occur after the couple says “I do.” However, both of them are legal agreements that spell out what will happen to financial assets in the case of a divorce. If you decide that you and your partner should come to an agreement on either a prenup or postnup, you should consult an experienced attorney. They’ll help guide you through the process and make sure that you are protected financially in the case of your marriage dissolving. Hopefully, you’ll never need to go through the stress of a divorce, but if you do, having a prenup or postnup will make the process much easier.

Divorce Announcements: What To Know

Divorce is a pretty private and personal matter. However, there’ll come a time when you need to let others know that you’re getting a divorce. Making divorce announcements can be pretty tricky. Still, there are a few ways you can make these announcements easier…

Divorce Announcements: Doing It Right

Who to tell

Divorce announcements don’t need to be made to everyone you know. Instead, it can be better to focus on those who are the closest to you. These are the ones who may have the most shakeup from your divorce, aside from you, your spouse, and your kids. As such, it’s good to tell them before others.

Of course, you should tell your kids first. Be sure you do so together and in a way that your kids can understand. From there, you should then tell your close family. After that, it’s good to let your close friends know. As they will be a large part of your support network, the sooner you tell them, the sooner they can help you.

What to say

Aside from who you tell, you also have to consider what you say in these announcements. This will mainly depend on what kind of announcements you want to make. Plus, you should also think about what to say when other people ask you if you’re getting a divorce.

In-person announcements are good for when you want to have a serious and personal talk with those like your friends and family. Here, you can go into some more detail as to why you’re divorcing, and how you feel. For others who you don’t really want to talk to, you can simply give them a brief statement saying that while you are divorcing, you don’t want to talk about it and want your privacy respected.

Preparing for responses

You should consider too what people may say in response to your divorce announcements. For instance, your kids may have a very strong and emotional response. Meanwhile, while your friends and family may be shocked, they’ll also probably be supportive. Sometimes, though, you may get a reaction you don’t expect.

It’s possible that someone you considered to be close to you will respond poorly to your divorce. As such, they may start trying to lay blame for it on you. When this happens, it’s important that you don’t pay it any mind, as they don’t understand what’s really going on. Don’t try and get into an argument, and instead, just say you’re sorry they feel that way and end your conversation there.

Prepare Your Finances for Divorce

Divorce is an expensive endeavor. You need to prepare your finances for divorce before you’ve even started the process. Both you and your partner should have representation by an attorney that will be able to help you navigate the divorce. You’ll want to start tracking your spending before you even begin proceedings. Next, you’ll want to gather documentation for everything finance-related. And it’s always a good idea to wait to make big financial decisions until the divorce is finalized. Preparing ahead of time will hopefully help make your divorce less complicated and less drawn-out.

Prepare Your Finances for Divorce: Get Everything in Order

Find an Attorney

The first step to prepare your finances for divorce is to enlist the help of an experienced attorney. Every aspect of divorce is confusing and complicated. But the financials can be especially overwhelming. An attorney will help you navigate all the decisions, and might bring up things that you wouldn’t have even known to ask for. Hopefully, you’ll only go through the divorce process one time, so you’ll want somebody with tons of experiences on your side representing your best interests.

Track Your Budget

Before you even begin the process you should prepare your finances for divorce by tracking your budget and spending. You can start this before you’ve even told your partner you want a divorce. Keep a list of money coming in and money going out for several months so that you have a good sense of where every dime goes each month. You don’t need to change your spending habits, just track them. And remember to include things that seem like one-time expenses like car repairs or a broken refrigerator. Tracking your budget will give your attorney a great overview of your spending and will allow them to know how to best represent your interests. It will also help the judge determine how to split your assets.

Gather Documentation

The next step you want to take to prepare your finances for divorce is to gather evidence of your assets. You’ll want records of your bank accounts, mortgages, investments, and statements. If your divorce is not an amicable one, your partner may try to hide these documents from you. So it’s best to prepare as early as possible and gather all of this early in the proceedings. Know that banks and other institutions are allowed to tell your spouse that you’ve asked for the info if you share the accounts. You’ll give all of this to your attorney so they can get a clear picture of your financial history.

Wait to Make Financial Decisions

Finally, an important tip to remember when you want to prepare your finances for divorce is to wait to make big financial decisions until it’s over. This is because you won’t really know how your assets will be divided until the process has ended. Therefore, you might have more or less money to use on financial decisions than you thought. You’ll also want to wait to change any wills, beneficiary documents, and insurance policies until after the divorce is finalized.

The prospect of going through a divorce is daunting, but it is helpful to prepare your finances for divorce as soon as you can. Enlist the help of an attorney early on. They’ll be able to help you navigate the process. It’s a great idea to start tracking your budget before you’ve even approached the subject with your spouse. You’ll also want to gather any documentation of your finances. And finally, remember not to make big financial decisions or changes until after the divorce is over. That way, you’ll know how everything shakes out and will know where you stand financially. Hopefully, with these tips, you’ll be able to handle the financial aspects of divorce without being overwhelmed.

How-to: Bring Up Divorce with Your Spouse

If you’ve tried everything and your marriage just isn’t working, you might be considering divorce. This is an impossible decision to make, but sometimes it’s the right thing for a couple. If you’re trying to bring up divorce with your spouse, prepare ahead of time. Choose the right time and setting to have a calm discussion. Be firm with your wants and needs. And finally, don’t discuss details, but instead, make a plan to get professional help. Although the process of divorce is difficult, it might mean that you and your ex are happier in the long run.

How-to: Bring up Divorce with Your Spouse: Set the Right Tone

Prepare Ahead of Time

If you want to bring up a divorce with your spouse, prepare ahead of time. Research the process of divorce in your area so you know what to expect. In some places, you’ll need to separate for a while before the divorce. Figure out how long the divorce can take, and make a plan for what you’d like to get out of it. If you have children, consider how you want their lives to look post-divorce. Try and pinpoint where your partner stands in your relationship. Do they think things are going well and will be blindsided by the conversation? Or are you both on the same page? Try to mentally prepare for their reaction.

Choose the Right Time and Place

Never bring up divorce with your spouse in the middle of an argument. Instead, pick a time when you’ll both be uninterrupted. Arrange for children to be with somebody else so they won’t be a distraction. Avoid bringing up divorce in already overly stressful situations. For example, after the death of a family member or a layoff. Make sure that you have plenty of time set aside. Your conversation could take hours, so make sure you can devote the proper focus to it.

Be Calm and Firm

When you bring up a divorce with your spouse, try to stay calm. If you approach them in anger, they’ll be more likely to respond in a negative way. However, if you bring it up in a calm manner, you will probably get further. Be firm with what you want out of the divorce and why you’re asking for it. That way they’ll know that you’re serious and not just bringing it up because you’re temporarily hurt or angry.

Don’t Discuss Details

There will be a myriad of details to sort out after you bring up a divorce with your spouse. However, try not to discuss minor decisions at this time. Don’t discuss dividing up property or belongings. And try not to discuss custody arrangements. You should have a professional assisting you with these discussions. Instead, decide on how to proceed in general terms. Figure out when you’ll reach out to a divorce attorney. Also, figure out what you’d like your timeline to be.

There are so many things to consider when trying to bring up a divorce with your spouse. Try and set the stage for a positive discussion by preparing ahead of time. Make sure you choose the right time and place and stay calm and firm so they know you’re serious. Finally, wait to figure out the details until you have proper help from a professional. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you might wish a marriage could work out, sometimes it just isn’t right. But moving forward with divorce means that you’re one step closer to being happier.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce

Any divorce, no matter how healthy, comes with a lot of stress. Practicing self-care during a divorce is important for your mental health. Although they may not take all your stress away, things like focusing on the positive, picking up a new hobby, going outside, and splurging on yourself can help you feel happier.

Practicing Self-Care During a Divorce : Divorce and Mental Health

Focusing on the Positive

Focusing on the things in life that make you happy can be a great way of practicing self-care during a divorce. One way to do this is to focus on gratitude. For instance, a lot of people like to name three things that they’re grateful for when they wake up every morning. This starts your day off on a positive note, rather than focusing on the negative. Do you have family and friends who are supportive? Are you healthy? Try to remind yourself of the good things in your life every day.

Starting a New Hobby

Starting a new hobby, or picking up an old one again, are great ways to distract yourself from your divorce. For example, painting, yoga, reading, knitting, golfing, or any activity you find interesting. Even hobbies that don’t require much of a learning curve, like puzzles and adult coloring books can be very calming. Who knew that practicing the violin could also double as practicing self-care during a divorce?

Soaking Up Some Sunshine

Getting some good ol’ vitamin D is one of the easiest forms of practicing self-care during a divorce you can do for yourself, yet it’s one that often gets overlooked. Go for a walk or just sit in a sunny spot for a while. Exercise is another great way to give yourself some self-care, and it has the added bonus of making your body healthier at the same time. Many cities have meet-up groups for adults to play sports like kickball, softball, and volleyball. It’s a great way to connect with other people, get outside, and distract yourself from the stress of your divorce. Here is a link to some local meet-up groups.

Splurging on Yourself

Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is to treat yourself to something fun, and splurging is a perfect example of practicing self-care during a divorce. One example would be to pick out a new shampoo or bath bomb and treat yourself to a bubble bath. You could also buy yourself that new tennis racquet you’ve had your eye on for months, or a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant. However, it’s important to remember that splurging doesn’t always have to mean spending a lot of money. You could just splurge and spend time watching your favorite TV show or re-reading a favorite book.

However, you choose to manage your stress, practicing self-care during a divorce is very important. You are going through a difficult situation and you need to take time to take care of your mental well-being.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce

Divorce is full of stress. And if you have children, wondering about the affects it might have on them is something that has probably crossed your mind. Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is time-consuming but very important. Just remember that you and your ex-partner made the decision that was best for you, which means it was also best for your children. One way you can help them deal with their feelings is by encouraging them to journal. You can also just be a good listener for them. And finally, you can consult with a professional. Just make sure you are there to support them and answer any questions they have.

Tending to Children’s Mental Health During Divorce: Be Their Rock

Journaling

If you have children that are old enough to read and write, encourage them to journal. This can be very helpful in tending to your children’s mental health during divorce. Another term for this is writing therapy. Writing therapy has been shown to improve mental health, and is a great way to calm down. Journaling will force your children to slow down and take time to confront their feelings. It can help them see a different viewpoint, or can help them organize their thoughts. If your children aren’t quite old enough to write on their own, encourage them to use artwork to express how they feel.

Be a Good Listener

The most important thing you can do to help with your children’s mental health during divorce is to be a good listener. Lending an ear whenever they need to talk will help them express their feelings. It’s important to really listen to what they say and try not to interrupt or talk over them. Even if they say things that you find hurtful or disagree with. Children see situations in a very different way than we do. Therefore, its crucial to let them tell you exactly how they’re feeling. Don’t try to talk them out of their views about your divorce, because their feelings are still valid. Even if there’s more to the story that you don’t want to share with them.

Also remember not to pressure children to talk if they don’t want to. It can take time for them to put their feelings into words. Pressuring them too much might make them say what they think you want to hear, rather than their true feelings. Let them talk to you on their own time and be supportive. This will help your children’s mental health during divorce because you are giving them control of the situation.

Know When to Seek Professional Help

Focusing on your children’s mental health during divorce can be overwhelming at times. You may have questions, or have situations that come up that you don’t know how to handle. It never hurts to seek out professional help. Childhood psychologists will be able to reach your children on their level. And sometimes children are more comfortable talking about stressful things with somebody other than their own parents. Ask a friend who has gone through a divorce or ask for references from your child’s pediatrician to find psychologists in your area.

Tending to your children’s mental health during divorce is an important part of the process. Even though your children aren’t dealing with the legal side of things, divorce is still very stressful for them. Their whole world is changing. But remember that children easily adapt to change. The most important thing is that they feel supported and heard by you.

How-to: Announce Your Divorce

Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful things that a person can go through. And figuring out how to let your loved ones know that it’s happening can be a huge source of confusion. In the new age of social media, it’s hard to know how to tell everybody. The best approach to take to announce your divorce is to first let your close family know. Next, tell your close friends. Then coworkers can follow, and finally the world at large (if you choose).

How-to: Announce Your Divorce: What’s the Best Protocol?

Family First

The first step is to announce your divorce to your family. A marriage involves blending two families together. Your families thought they would be connected forever, and your divorce will change that. Sit your parents or siblings down for a face to face talk. Explain the situation in however much detail you choose. If your divorce is friendly, you can do this together. If it is not a friendly divorce, at least make sure you and your ex are on the same page about when to tell your families. Try not to air any dirty laundry or trash talk. Your feelings will fluctuate a lot and when you speak angrily about your ex, it might be hard for family members to remember that when you’re feeling sadder about the breakup.

Friends

The next step you might take is to announce your divorce to your close friends. Make sure to speak to your attorney first before discussing any details with mutual friends. You don’t want the things you say to make their way back to your ex if you aren’t on friendly terms. If you and your ex have mutual friends, consider telling them together. It’s best to have a plan of what to say first. You can always keep it simple. For example, “We have decided after much discussion to get a divorce. We plan to work together to raise the kids and hope to support each other through this difficult time.” Discuss beforehand whether you want to announce your divorce before or after it is finalized.

Co-Workers

Unless you are close friends with co-workers, they really don’t need to hear about your divorce before it’s finalized. However, your boss might be a good person to inform. There’s a good chance that you’ll need to miss some work for court appointments. You might need to alert HR for this same reason. Hopefully, they will be understanding and sympathetic when you announce your divorce to them.

The World at Large

In the days of social media, you might want to announce your divorce on Facebook or Instagram. It’s probably best to do this after your divorce is final. It’s always best to speak with your divorce attorney before posting anything publicly. One way to announce without doing the social media post is to simply use the old fashioned post office. You can send a simple card with a photo of you and your children without including your ex. You can use this to announce your new address if you’ve moved. Including a short note or even just a phrase like “New Beginnings” can clue people into the divorce. Some couples choose to announce publicly and others choose to let the word spread naturally. Do whatever feels most comfortable to you.

However, you choose to announce your divorce, it’s best to discuss it with your ex first so you are both on the same page. Keep it short and to the point. Your family and close friends probably need to be told, but you can decide for yourself if you’d like to announce it to the whole world. Divorce is a very private thing, so don’t feel pressured to give anybody the details of your relationship, just decide what feels right for you