Divorce is a grueling process for everyone involved, especially children. It is not uncommon that parents will feel as if they’ve failed their children by putting them through these tough times. But, it’s not all that bad in the end. Children are resilient creatures, and they’re constantly absorbing the world around them. So, that means they’re learning from you. And we’re going to walk you through some of the positive lessons children learn from witnessing divorce. As we said, they’re constantly observing and learning. So let them learn from you, and the strength you have as you face one of the toughest times of your life. Mom/Dad— you’ve got this.
Positive Lessons Children Learn From Witnessing Divorce
No marriage, or person, is perfect— not even Mom and Dad
This is one of the most important positive lessons children learn from divorce. never expect perfection from anyone, because they aren’y capable of it. Especially when it comes to marriage. There will be tests, trials, and hard time— you guys didn’t make it. But that doesn’t mean the right marriage won’t. Being open with your children as they get older and explaining what went wrong can be therapeutic to them. Not to mention, helpful as they march into adult life and relationships. Of course, before you do this— you should discuss it with your former spouse. You guys didn’t get it right, but that doesn’t mean marriage is a failed institution.
Change is a part of life…
You can never expect there not to be a disruption in life. Take nothing for granted, and keep going. There will be missteps, there will be failures— but it is all part of life. While this time is tough, it will help them to become more adaptable and vocal in life. When your parents are separated, you more often have to voice what you need and how you feel. You are left to develop more critical thinking skills, and to ask for what you want. Introducing change, while this one is not ideal, helps your children to become more resilient and strong.
…and life goes on
As we said, your children become more adaptable. While life is different, it is not necessarily worse. There might be growing pains, and tough days, but once everyone figures themselves out— you’ll fall into a groove. It’s different, but that’s part of life. Time marches on and things change, but you learn to adjust and change with the times. Having adaptability and being flexible is a great trait to have in the workplace, in relationships, and in general.
It’s okay to be emotional and outspoken
Ask for what you want, explain how you feel— and don’t feel sorry for it. This is part of divorce. You’re choosing to speak up, make changes, and engage with your emotions. As we’ve said, divorce is an emotional process. You don’t have to hide this from your children. It’s okay if mom/dad is feeling sad today. Make your children understand that these emotions are human, and it’s okay to express them. You’re crafting more compassionate future adults who aren’t afraid to express how they feel. Too many people are afraid to do so— this is a great lesson.
It’s okay to make a decision for yourself once in a while
This one will take some time and reflection a bit later in life, but when your children get to know you as adults and understand the divorce— they will come to understand that being a parent is, a lot of times, a selfless act. You spend years of your life catering to another human being and making the right decisions for them. Choosing divorce, and yourself, is not mean or terrible. It is a decision you have to make for yourself from time to time. It is, in a way, a selfish decision. But selfish is not always a bad thing. Selfish sometimes means you choose yourself and what you need over that of everyone else. You needed to be happier, healthier, and in control. Making that decision is courageous and bold.