Month: August 2018

Collaborative Divorce: The Perfect Choice for Collaborative Couples 

In terms of divorce settlements, and different ways to get there— there are plenty of options. As anyone who has gone through a divorce knows, they can go sour quite quickly. But, that is not always the case. In many divorces, both parties will agree that they want to make it through this with their dignity, and sanity intact. If you and your to-be former spouse have agreed to this, then a collaborative divorce might be right up your alley.

Collaborative Divorce for Collaborative Couples: A Smart, Cost-Effective Option

What Is It?

In general, many divorces take place without ever going to court. But even then, they may have to undergo long litigation and mediation in order to get the result you want. When this happens, things often get ugly and cause more tension between and your ex. As a result, this process can have a huge impact on the emotional state of children involved in the divorce.

So to avoid these problems, some people choose to seek out a collaborative divorce. This type of divorce takes place when a couple agrees to seek a civilized divorce and to forego the process of court. Therefore, all negotiations are made between both parties, and their respective lawyers without going before a judge. This option gives you both more control. However, it can be difficult when one, or both, parties are not cooperating.

How Does it Work?

Before beginning the process, both parties will each hire their own collaborative attorney. Then, all members of each party will sign a Participation Agreement. By signing this document, all signees agree to offering up full disclosure throughout the process. That means information and details regarding all finances and any other important matters to settle. It also states that the two will settle the matters outside of court and that all things will remain confidential about the case.

While most cases just include collaborative attorneys, some cases may hire other professionals as well.

This could include financial advisors or child psychologist. If these members come on board, they will also need to sign the Participation Agreement.

After that, you can begin the process of settling important agreements like child or spousal support. This process should also settle custody agreements, as well as dividing property and other assets. The major difference with a collaborative divorce is that it is not about who wins or loses. Instead, this type of divorce wants to split things fairly, while also keeping peace between spouses.

No matter how you decide to proceed with your divorce, if you have kids involved, you will still have to deal with your ex. So a collaborative divorce works to keep things civil. That way, you can continue working peacefully together in the future.

Leaving Spouse? A How-to for Coping with Love, Lost

When it comes to divorce, it’s quite unlikely that both parties are on the same page in every regard. Whether it be why you’re divorcing, the terms of alimony, child custody, or even getting the divorce itself. It’s not uncommon that, when divorcing, one party doesn’t want to go through with it. Maybe you think you can still work it out, maybe you made a mistake, or maybe there’s just love lost on one side versus the other. No matter the reason, when it comes to a leaving spouse, some struggle more than others. So, we’re here to help you cope…

Leaving Spouse? Coping with Love, Lost

Don’t beg, plead, or make demands

If your spouse comes to you and unexpectedly asks for a divorce, it can be second nature to beg them to stay; plead your case and ask for another chance. However, it’s best to give them that space they were looking for in a time like this. Maybe they’re set in their decision, maybe they’re confused, or maybe they just need space. No matter their reason, taking that time to step back might just give them the perspective they need to realize that this isn’t what they want. And if they don’t? Well, then unfortunately their decision might already be made…

Process Quietly

Instead of begging and pleading right out of the gate, take some time to yourself and consider what they’ve said and their reasoning. Process this crisis and bring a clear mind to the next discussion. While this a very emotional time, getting out of control about your feelings will only worsen the matter. So, draw back that anger, mourning, and try to come up with alternatives. You don’t want a divorce, so see if they’re willing to try and work on alternatives. If they see the marriage as salvageable and so do you, consider reaching out to a family therapist or marriage counselor.

Give them space and don’t reach out

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. When you’re married to someone, you likely spend a lot of time with them. Therefore, it can be easy to start taking certain things for granted. In turn, many spouses find themselves bored of the same old routine and think that divorce is the answer. Only, after weeks or months, they’ll find themselves with a restored appreciation in their family and spouse. Maybe this is what they need. While this likely feels selfish or unfair to you, and it is in a sense, it might just be what your marriage needs.

Start moving forward

The most important thing you can do for yourself and your family, is to start healing. While a divorce is difficult, life still marches on. And if you have children, there’s a slew of daily responsibilities and activities you still have to complete. So, mourn, make plans, begin the process, and march on. While it might not seem that way at first, continuing on with your day to day life can make a big difference in helping you heal.

Dealing with a leaving spouse, especially when you didn’t expect it, is painful and tough to overcome. But, nothing good ever came of wallowing in grief. Instead, make plans to get yourself excited. What do you want out of this next stage? How will you make the most of it? The best thing you can do for yourself is start looking forward.