Month: December 2020

Healing From Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is such a difficult thing to go through for anybody. When you’re healing from physical abuse, there are things you can do to help with the healing process. Of course, listening to any of your doctors’ advice is key. Asking for help is also very important. Writing things down can help you track your progress. And finally, taking time to focus on yourself can help you feel better.

Healing From Physical Abuse: Finding Peace

Speak With Professionals

It probably goes without saying that seeking professional help is so important when healing from physical abuse. First, you want to make sure and let your doctor know every detail about the physical trauma you have survived. That way, they can address all injuries and help your body heal fully. Many people also find it helpful to speak with a therapist. While they do not address physical issues, abuse can often cause emotional damage as well. Talking with a therapist can help you move forward. Here are some local therapists that might be helpful.

Ask for Help

Many victims of abuse can have feelings of shame or embarrassment over what they’ve been through. There is never a reason to blame yourself for being a victim of abuse. The fault is always that of the abuser. But because of these feelings, it’s difficult for people to ask for help. Your loved ones would want to know that you need their support. Reaching out for help is such an important factor when healing from physical abuse. Wouldn’t you want to be there for a friend if they had been through something similar?

Write Things Down

Healing from physical abuse involves much time and many steps. Sometimes, people can get overwhelmed and lose steam. Remembering how far you’ve come is an important tip for healing. Writing down your feelings can remind you of how far you’ve come in the healing process. If your recovery involves physical therapy, it can help to write down how much you’ve improved. When you are having a hard day, you can look back on your progress and feel proud of yourself.

Take Time to Focus on Yourself

Taking time for yourself is an important part of overall mental health. When recovering from physical abuse, it is even more important. Do something that you love, or splurge on a fun treat. In short, there is no shame in doing what you to can distract yourself from thinking about your experience. You can also create something fun to look forward to. Or make a reward for achieving a goal. If you are doing physical therapy as part of your recovery, set small goals. Reward yourself when you reach them and you’ll stay more motivated. Taking care of your mental well-being can help your physical recovery.

When recovering from physical abuse, speaking with professionals, asking for help, writing things down, and taking time for yourself can help your recovery. Nobody should have to experience physical abuse in any relationship. But, if you do, hopefully, these tips can help you in your recovery.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids

When your Christmas is usually filled with the laughter and excitement of kids, it is quite a shock when you have a quiet Christmas. With divorce, change is inevitable. Unfortunately, one of those changes may be your holiday plans. Whether it is your first Christmas without your kids, or your 10th, it will never be easy. The first year will certainly be the biggest shock. However, there are still ways to make your holiday bright. Depending on your arrangements, you may have to plan a different type of Christmas celebration post-divorce.

How-to Handle Your First Christmas Without Your Kids: Creating New Traditions

Alternative Celebrations

Your first Christmas without your kids may feel lonely. Instead of sitting at home by yourself and moping, find another way to have holiday cheer! Get together with some of your other family members so that you still get to spend Christmas with family. If that is not an option, join in with some of your friends. You could get together and celebrate with their family. However, know your limits of whether it would be painful to celebrate with other kids, especially during the first year. Another option would be to reach out to others in your same situation. No one wants to spend the holidays alone. If you know any other parents who are also celebrating without their kids, they may also be looking for a boost of holiday joy. Both of you could use someone to lean on and celebrate this year.

If your kids are spending the holidays far away from you, try to still find ways to communicate with them. Do not act overbearing and try and steal all of your ex’s time. However, see if it would be possible to do a quick video chat so you can still see them for the holidays.

How to Treat Your Ex

Make sure to be polite and respectful to your ex. Think about your kids. It is not fair to your kids if you are talking bad about their other parent. In the same way, picking an argument or being spiteful to your ex will just carry over to your kids. Instead, be positive and excited for them. Show them the joy of the holiday season, and do not send them off to their other parents with conflicting feelings of dread.

Still try to act as a team with your ex as you co-parent your kids. Do not try to out do each other with gifts. That will just cause added stress and and feelings of anger. Plus, depending on your situation, your finances may be cut as a single parent. Do not put yourself into a bad financial situation just because you want to give a more impressive gift than your ex. While the situation is not ideal, take these simple steps to make the best of your first Christmas without your kids.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is a silent epidemic. According to thehotline.org, 1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate and knows no boundaries or borders. In fact, people of any background can be a victim or guilty of domestic violence. Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, manipulate, intimidate or control a partner. This can happen through many different ways including financial control, threats, physical violence and emotional abuse. While you may think it would be obvious, sometimes it is hard to realize or know if you’re in an abusive relationship. Learn the signs of domestic violence so that you can get help for yourself or a loved one.

How-to Know if You’re in an Abusive Relationship: Learn the Signs

Thoughts and Feelings

Consider how your relationship makes you think or feel to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. For example, if you feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around your partner, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Take a deep look at how you feel. Do you often feel afraid of your partner or avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Do you feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? In addition, if your relationship makes you feel that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated, or wonder if you’re crazy, you may be in an abusive relationship. Feelings of being emotionally numb or helpless is not normal in a healthy relationship.

Your Partner’s Actions

Does your partner belittle you or blame you for his or her own abusive behavior? Paying attention to how your partner treats you or behaves is a good way to know if you’re in an abusive relationship. In fact, partners are supposed to be supportive and loving, not criticize you and put you down. Know that it is not normal if your partner is overly jealous or possessive, and controls everything you do. In the same way, it’s a warning sign if they control who you see, keeping you from family and friends.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help now. Know you are not alone. Thehotline.org is an excellent place to start. While it may not seem like it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Although it will take time, you will be able to heal from a bad relationship.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce

When you start the divorce process, it may feel like you will never get through it. It may seem like an overwhelming process, mentally, physically and emotionally. It can be absolutely draining and take a big toll on your well-being. You will survive. You will make it through. In the midst of all of these emotions and to-do list items stacking up, you will need to make sure you take some time to take care of yourself. One of the most important things is to practice self-care during a divorce.

How-to Practice Self-Care During a Divorce: Be Good to Yourself

Take Care of Your Body

With everything you have to go through during a divorce, it is so important to make sure you are taking good care of your body. Start by eating right. While it is okay to indulge every now and then, do not live on a diet of junk food and comfort foods to make it through. While it may be tempting, a pint of ice cream does not count as dinner. Your body will feel so much better if you eat well-rounded meals, included fruits, vegetables, and protein.

Exercise is also a great way to practice self-care during a divorce. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which help make you happy. In addition to endorphins, exercise will make you look and feel better. You will notice positive changes to your body, both internally and externally. It will make your heart healthier, and many other amazing benefits. Plus, you will get a confidence boost from getting out and moving.

Take Care of Your Mind

Divorce can take a lot out of your mentally. that is why is also important to take care of your mind. That may mean a little something different for everyone. Take some time for yourself. Whether that means a bubble bath, curling up to read, or whatever brings you relaxation and peace. Some people prefer yoga, meditation, or even prayer as their escape. Listen to some of your favorite music, or completely unload your busy schedule for a day just to relax. All of these things will help to nourish your mind.

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will have difficulty facing everything that will get thrown at you during a divorce. Be good to your mind and your body, and you will be able to not just survive, but thrive.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money

Money is a such an integral part of our lives. According to Dave Ramsey, “Money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and it’s consistently a leading cause of divorce. This is why working through your money issues in a healthy way is actually more valuable than the money itself.” As you can see, it is incredibly important to be able to have an open, honest, and constructive dialogue about finances with your partner. In order to help prevent both financial and marital issues, you need to learn how to communicate with your spouse about money.

How-to Communicate with Your Spouse About Money: Honest Conversations

Lay it Out

First, in order to better communicate with your spouse about money, you will need to discuss the role of money in your relationship. You will need to know how each of your views money, and whether you prioritize spending or saving. Have an honest conversation about each of your philosophies about using credit cards and how much debt you are both willing to live with. Be open about any debt you are currently carrying, as keeping that a secret could end up hurting you.

Also determine how much money you realistically need to live comfortably, and go over any expected expenses or financial gains in the near future. It’s good to know both your own answers, but also where your partner stands on thee questions. If you do disagree on any points, it is important to know the reasonings behind the discrepancies.

Create Goals and Discuss Financial Responsibility

You will also want to start to discuss short and long-term financial goals. What changes can you make to set yourself up for financial success in the coming months or years? What steps can you take to prepare for the long-term future? These are all important things to lay out when you begin to communicate with your spouse about money.

It is also good to decide who who will be in charge of finances and how big decisions will be made. For example, how will you make decisions about major purchases? Or, who will be in charge of paying the bills? Another pain point in marriages is how you manage your money individually and and as a couple. Decide if you will allow individual freedom for purchases. Also, will you have joint banking accounts, or separate ones? You may also decide on a mix of both joint and individual.

Be Proactive

It helps to have these conversations before you end up running into a problem. It is best if you are able to communicate with your spouse about money from the very beginning. However, if you have not yet had those conversations, it is never too late to start.

Keep in mind that you need to continuously revisit these financial conversations. Just because you discussed them at the start of your relationship doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have them again. If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, consider taking a fresh look at your finances. Do you have any large expenses coming up? What about setting yourself up for retirement one day? Address financial issues often and with respect and understanding. This will help you both make wise decisions about your finances as a couple.