Month: December 2022

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce

Many religions do not condone divorce. They have built a negative stigma around it. This is actually a reason that some people stay in unhealthy marriages far longer than they should, or for their whole life. They may be worried about the stigma and associated shame and guilt that comes with divorce due to their religious beliefs. If you are in an unhealthy marriage that is beyond repair, do not let religious shaming keep you from getting a divorce. Learn more about how to navigate religious guilt during divorce.

How-to Navigate Religious Guilt During Divorce: Freeing Yourself From Shame

Stigma

Over the course of history, religious groups have looked down on divorce. There can be a lot of religious guilt during divorce, and a stigma that follows you after divorce. Some religious groups do not permit their members to get divorced, while others shun divorcees. Oftentimes, churches name divorce as a sin that should not be committed. ‘Marriage is a lifelong commitment’ is a common thing to hear. It is not uncommon to hear that God hates divorce. All of this leads to people staying in marriages that they should not stay in. It also makes people feel like they are a failure if they do get divorced. However, many times divorce can stem from circumstances that you are not in control of.

Forgive Yourself

If you are concerned about religious guilt during divorce, take time to work through forgiving yourself first. You can spend time praying and talk to God about your situation. Express your grief, sadness, and frustration. Religion always preaches forgiveness, so know that God will forgive you and that you should also forgive yourself. It may take you a while to get to the point where you can forgive yourself. In addition, you can talk to a councilor or someone objective to work through your struggles. Know that this one thing does not define who you are as a person. You are not a bad person for wanting a divorce.

Support Group

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional process to go through. It really helps to have people you can trust and lean on for support. If your church or religion will not stand behind you through your divorce, find a support group who will. There will always be people who can understand, relate and emphasize with your divorce. You will need people to lean on during the really emotional and challenging times. Also, just because your church frowns upon divorce, there are bound to be some people within the church that will be there to support you. They will be able to see your struggle from both sides, just as you do. Another option would be to look for another, more inclusive church. There are many churches that will accept you for you, and does not define you by your marital history.

How-to: Have a Healthy Divorce

Want to learn more about how to have a healthy divorce? Check out this video to learn more!

When people think of divorce, they mainly think of negative things. Yelling, fighting, and crying, are some emotions that may come to mind. But do all divorces have to end this way? The answer is ‘No’. Believe it or not, not all divorces have to be bitter messes. Learn more about how to have a healthy divorce.

How-to Have a Healthy Divorce: Changing Your Mindset

Remove the Negative Emotions

You meet someone, you fall in love, and then you live happily every after, right? Reality check. Relationships are not always like they are in the movies. You will have ups and downs, and sometimes they come to an end. Instead of choosing to be angry about that, do your best to look at the situation for what it is. Be glad you met that person and you were able to have a shot at doing life together. However, something happened, and you no longer feel that spark and love anymore. The first step in having a healthy divorce is to reframe your mindset. Recognize what has transpired and choose to be rational. Sure, going through a separation is an emotional roller coaster, but do your best to put the emotions aside. It may be a good idea to find a neutral party who can help you make sensible decisions.

Sometimes you may be getting a divorce because your spouse did something terrible like cheat on you. You can either be angry and bitter forever, or you can look at the situation from a fresh perspective. This person you loved is no longer a person who has done right by you. They have hurt and betrayed you. In reality, it may be a good thing that you are splitting up from them. While this person may have been good for you at one period, they may not be good for you anymore. Because of that, it may be a positive thing for you to move on.

Children and Assets

Of course, if you have children with your ex, this is not as simple. Unlike couples without kids, you can’t just split up your physical assets and then be done. You have to work through many things when you have children, like custody and visitation schedules. Children add another element to a divorce. However, do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids. In fact, ongoing parental conflict can increase a child’s risk of psychological and social problems. Oftentimes, it is helpful for divorced parents to come up with a plan and present it to their kids together. Working together to keep your kids calm and as happy as possible can help lead to a healthy divorce. Make sure to communicate honestly with your kids about the changes going on, as kids benefit from open communication.

My Child Doesn’t Want Visitation with the Other Parent

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, it can cause a lot of stress and pain for you and your ex. If the child is young, you can often encourage them to go and change their minds. However, an older teen is a much harder sell. Try to get to the bottom of why they don’t want to go see their other parent. Be encouraging and positive about your ex, even if it’s painful to do so. Follow the rules and don’t withhold visitation without reason or you’ll wind up in legal trouble. And finally, if there are safety concerns, know when to take action. Hopefully, your child is just going through a phase and will get used to their new custody arrangement quickly.

My Child Doesn’t Want Visitation with the Other Parent: What Can I Do?

Try to Find the Reason Why

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, there could be many reasons. For younger children, it might just be fear of a new environment if your ex moved into a new home. Or if there is a new step-parent or siblings that they will be around, it can be overwhelming. Some children simply get along better with one parent over the other. Or resent being further from their friends or extra-curricular activities.

Encourage Them

If you suspect that your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent because of some of the above reasons, try to be encouraging to them. Explain how much their other parent loves spending time with them, and try to ease their concerns. Always speak positively about your ex, even if it’s difficult to do so. Trash-talking is never a good idea and can lead to anxiety and confusion in children.

Follow the Rules

Don’t take it upon yourself to change your custody arrangement if your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent. If you have a custody agreement, you’ll need to follow the agreed-upon terms. Otherwise, you could wind up in legal trouble. Even if your ex is late on child support, you still have to allow them their visitation rights as scheduled. Speak with your attorney about how to take steps to collect any child support, but don’t retaliate by withholding custody.

When to Take Action

Finally, if you have reason to believe that your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent because of real safety concerns, know when to get involved. If you suspect abuse or neglect, you need to take steps to protect your child. Speak to your attorney about taking out a restraining order on behalf of your child, and discuss what steps you can take to change your custody agreement.

If your child doesn’t want visitation with their other parent, it’s usually because they are feeling anxious about change. They might feel more comfortable at your house, or it might be that their other parent has stricter rules. Try to encourage them to maintain a relationship with their other parent, and speak positively about your ex in front of them. In addition, try to make transitions as stress-free for children as possible. Follow the rules of your custody agreement, and don’t take it upon yourself to withhold visitation. Even if your ex is late on child support. However, if you suspect that visitation is putting your child in danger, speak to your attorney about how to protect them. You might need to take legal action against your ex, but keeping your child safe is the most important thing. Hopefully, there is no cause for concern, and you’ll be able to encourage your child to enjoy visitation with their other parent.

Finding Time for Self-care with Sole Custody

Finding time for self-care with sole custody can feel like an uphill battle, especially with younger children that rely on you for everything. With work, school, after-school obligations, and up-keeping a household, it can feel nearly impossible to find time for yourself. But your mental health is important, and you cannot be the parent you want to be if your tank is empty. So it’s important to try to squeeze in some ”me-time” even if time is short. Remember that it’s okay to say no to some things. You might also consider a swap with another parent for an afternoon or evening. Don’t be afraid to ask for support. And finally, when you find a slot in your schedule for self-care, hold it sacred and put it on your calendar. Hopefully, you can find some time to take care of your mental health.

Finding Time for Self-care with Sole Custody: Maintaining Your Mental Health

It’s Okay to Say No

Finding time for self-care with sole custody is easier if you remember that you can say no to some things. You don’t have to accept every invitation. Sports and activities are fun for young children, but they aren’t necessary. So don’t feel pressured to fill up every evening with activities. It’s also okay to not contribute to bake sales, PTA activities, being a room parent, or other obligations.

Consider a Swap

Another way to find time for self-care with sole custody is to consider swapping childcare with another parent. Perhaps you’re itching for a weekend away but you just don’t have a support system around. See if you can offer to take their children for a day or two in exchange for a getaway for yourself. You can also look into carpools, nanny shares, and other ways of combining with other parents to make childcare more affordable.

Ask for Support

Asking for support is another way to find time for self-care with sole custody. It’s okay to rely on the people around you and ask for their help from time to time. Don’t be afraid to reach out and request a little time for yourself. If you have the financial means, hire a babysitter a few times a month so that you can get an afternoon or evening away and do something for yourself that isn’t child-related or work-related.

Put It On Your Calendar

Finally, if you can find time for self-care with sole custody, hold that time sacred. If there’s a gap in your schedule, write in ”me time.” And take it! Don’t offer up that time slot if other things come up later. Hold that time sacred and give yourself the gift of honoring that promise to your mental health.

Finding time for self-care with sole custody is important for maintaining your overall happiness. You love your children, but sometimes you need some time away to be around other adults. It’s okay to need some space from time to time. If you have an extremely busy schedule, don’t be afraid to say no to requests for you to add more things to your plate. Ask a friend with similar-aged children if they’d like to swap some childcare now and then. Ask for help from friends or family, or hire a babysitter. And finally, put the time on your schedule. Even though your life is busy, try to find that space in your schedule so that you can maintain your mental health to be the best parent you can be.