Month: March 2019

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Divorce is a serious and life-changing decision. It’s also something you want to make sure you handle properly. That’s why it’s important to avoid some of the common divorce pitfalls people fall into. Avoiding these mistakes will help you in getting a divorce settlement that works for you…

Divorce Pitfalls: Mistakes To Avoid

Too much outside input

One of the more common divorce pitfalls is having too many people giving you varying input and advice. Your friends and family tend to be a major source of support during your divorce. However, it’s important to not let them have too much input in your divorce. 

While they might have your best intentions at heart, your friends and family’s input could lead to conflict. Their own feelings about your former spouse might influence the decisions you make, and have negative impact on your divorce. When it comes to the serious decisions, it’s important to keep control. 

Refusing mediation

Another one of the more difficult divorce pitfalls is refusing mediation. You might have some apprehension about trying to work with your ex again. However, mediation can be a quite useful tool for you both. 

Mediation can help you and your ex solve the more pressing issues and disagreements. For example, these could be child custody, asset splitting, or spousal support. While these issues might normally cause arguments, mediation can help you both keep things civil and less combative. 

Not planning for the future

Divorce can be a very intensive process. Understandably, it can be difficult to think and plan ahead when so much is happening. Yet, not having a plan for the future is one of those divorce pitfalls that can come back to bite you. 

You should consider what changes you might have to make once your divorce is over. This could be finding a new place to live, or re-adjusting your budget. Not planning for these changes can make your post-divorce life just a hectic as when the divorce was going on. 

Divorce pitfalls can really trip up your divorce progress. They can not only effect your divorce itself, but your life afterwards as well. That’s why avoiding them is key for a smooth divorce. 

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Divorce can feel like a lonely process for many. Dealing with the feelings of an “empty nest” can really make that feeling linger. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t handle an empty nest post-divorce. There are different ways of handling it which can make you start looking at the positives of your post-divorce life…

Empty Nest Post-Divorce

Consider the positives

Part of handling an empty nest post-divorce is getting out of negative thinking. Many people dealing with an empty nest get stuck thinking about all the negatives without focusing on the positives. However, it’s important to know that it’s not all bad. 

For example, you’ll now have a lot of time to do what you want. You don’t have to worry about being a ride or making appointments. Also, if your kids are in college, then take some relief in knowing they’re having a good time. Keep in touch and remember that their happiness is a reason for yours too.

Explore new things

Finding new things to do also helps to ward off those negative empty nest post-divorce feelings. Remember, you’ll have a lot of time now to do the things you’ve maybe put on the back-burner. Or, you can find some new activities to give a try. 

You can consider taking up some exercise classes or think about joining a sports club. Or, you can look at some things to do around the house, like renovations or redecorating. Even just finding a new book or show to watch can help you fight off those negative feelings. 

Connect with others

Connecting with others is another good idea for handling an empty nest post-divorce. What better way to feel less alone than to be with others? This is actually a great time to connect with old friends or find some new ones.

Try to put together some days where you and friends get to hang out. You can try to meet up for dinner, or just to talk with one another at your house. Also, you can look for groups designed to help people dealing with empty nest feelings. These groups can help you learn new ways to handle your feelings and find some new friends along the way. 

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

Uncertainty is a pretty common feeling in divorce. Uncertainty over the future is something that worries many people considering or experiencing divorce. This can lead to them wondering if they should go through with their divorce in the first place. Pushing past that divorce uncertainty is crucial for getting your divorce back on track.

Divorce Uncertainty: Getting Unstuck

What causes uncertainty?

Divorce uncertainty can stem from many different factors. For example, many people are fearful of the divorce process itself. There are a lot of different things that go into getting a divorce. This could be overwhelming for some and make them question if divorce is worth it. 

There are also fears about life after divorce. After all, your sense of “normal” will have completely flipped around now. You might need to make some pretty drastic changes to your life after a divorce. This lack of certainty can make many hesitate when it comes to divorce.

Taking the first steps

Breaking past that divorce uncertainty is possible. Thankfully, you can work on fighting past it one small step at a time. Doing some research can help you get a better understanding of what exactly divorce entails. That way, you can see what exactly you’ll need to be readily prepared for a divorce. 

Additionally, try weighing out the pros and cons of your current situation with a potential post-divorce life. You might come to the conclusion that, 
even with all the uncertainty, you’ll be happier divorced than remaining married. Plus, the odds are your spouse might end up feeling the same. 

Look for support

It’s also a good idea to look for some outside perspective when battling divorce uncertainty. That’s where your support network comes in handy. This will be your friends and family who you can lead on for help during this stressful time. 

Your support group can help give you a new perspective on a potential divorce. They might be able to see some things that you cant’t because of how directly the divorce involves you. Furthermore, they can also give you a much-needed boost if you’re feeling especially hard on yourself. 

Divorce uncertainty is common, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Instead, it’s possible for you to get unstuck and move forward. It can be an uncertain time, but what is for sure is you getting control over your life again.

Maintaining School Systems After Divorce

Did you ever move schools in the middle of the school year? Or come to school one day to find out your best classmate was changing schools? If you did, you know how hard it is to be the new kid or to lose a classmate. Maintaining school systems after divorce will help your children keep the familiarity of their school and their classmates.

Maintaining School Systems: Avoiding Disruption

Why is this important?

Maintaining school systems post-divorce is important for your children and their education. A switch in school systems can cause a disruption in friendships and in educational focus. While divorce will certainly change a child’s life, it will help to keep their school and social life as similar as possible. Changing these can disturb any progress a child has already made in school and send them back to the beginning.

Friendship, no matter the age, is important for children, especially for those whose parents are divorcing. Maintaining school systems will help them keep their friends. They may be able to help the child grieve and cope or simply keep their mind off of it.

How can we achieve this?

The birds nest agreement is great for maintaining school systems. While not feasible for every family, the children will definitely remain in the same school system in a familiar neighborhood.

There can also be an agreement for parents to not move out of an area. By doing this, children can still take the bus and both homes will be relatively close in case of emergency. Maintaining school systems goes beyond just the system sometimes. Some school systems have several elementary schools, for example. This agreement would need to specify that the parents are both zoned for the same elementary school. The same middle and high school would be an important thing to check, too.

Couples get divorced for a lot of reasons. Children are better off with two happy, but separate, parents, than they are with two unhappy, but together, parents. There are a lot of moving parts to divorce and it is not always easy to agree with an ex-spouse. Maintaining school systems is a small effort to make towards ensuring a child’s overall happiness and wellness.