Month: July 2018

Telling the Kids about New Partners: Breaking the news smoothly 

The time will likely come for every divorced or single parent when they must share the news of new partners with their children. You’ve finally found someone who makes you happy, and wants to bond with your family. While this is an exciting time, it can also be quite nerve-wracking as well. After all, you have to introduce the idea to your children, and then allow your partner to introduce themselves. So, it can take some preparation beforehand. That’s where we come in. Below, we’ve come up with a quick guide to breaking the news smoothly and getting to the part where everyone gets along. 

Telling the Kids about a New Partners: Breaking the news smoothly 

Before you ever introduce your children to your new partners, you need to introduce the idea to three different people: your children’s other parent, you partner, and then your children alone. You don’t want to spring this on any one of them. Doing so will only damage the possibilities of a successful meeting, So, before you even consider bringing the idea to your new partner or children, speak with your co-parent. 

Tell them that you’ve met someone, it’s serious, and you’re ready to bring them around your children. It’s important to understand that you need to clear this with them before making introductions. While this is your household, your relationship, and your children— they are also your co-parents’ children. So, be respectful— just as you want them to be towards you. 

Once you’ve cleared it with co-parent, speak with your new partner 

While you might think that your new partner should be ready to go on meeting your children, it’s important that you present the idea beforehand. you shouldn’t spring this on your partner, just like you shouldn’t with your children. This is a big step, and while you might feel ready— maybe they’re not. So, ask them. Don’t say ‘this is what I want’. Instead, explain that you care about them deeply, and want to make the next step and make them part of your family. 

After speaking with your new partner, and getting the go ahead— it’s time to move into step number three: telling your children. 

Now, every child is different. Therefore, every reaction will be different. However, how you present the idea is extremely important. You might be the first of their two parents to enter into a new relationship. In that instance, it might take some time for them to get used to. Speak their language. Make your children understand in their own unique way that you’ve found someone who makes you really happy and that, if they want, you’d love for them to meet him/her. Allowing your children to be in the driver’s seat in this scenario can make them feel more in control of a time that can be overwhelming to some. 

Understand that this situation might not go how you want it too 

The first step to bringing someone new into the equation, is accepting that it might not go as planned. Someone, somewhere, along the way could have an adverse reaction or decide that they aren’t ready. While this isn’t ideal, it’s part of the new stage you are entering. There will undoubtedly be growing pains and tough days. But, with the right person, it will all be worth it. 

Considering Adoption of Foster Children? Understand the Laws

When you foster a child, you often develop an emotional bond with them. Good foster parents are often hard to come by as a foster child. Therefore, when they find a place that is comfortable, nurturing, and familial— both the parents and the child will likely decide to make the arrangement more permanent. Considering adoption of your foster children is admirable, yet complex. When it comes to the laws involved, adoption of foster children can be quite difficult. One recent South Carolina case, SCDSS vs. Boulware, has become a turning point for laws considering the adoption of foster children.

Considering Adoption of Foster Children? Understand the Laws

The Facts of the Case

In this case, a minor was placed into emergency protective custody after police discovered the child was living with the parents outside a meth lab. They also found that the child was sunburned, had insect bites, severe diaper rash, and tested positive for meth, cocaine, and marijuana.

DSS immediately placed the child into a foster home with Edward and Tammy Dalsing. At first, the family court ordered for the child to return to the parents after they completed parenting and substance abuse classes. However, the court soon found that the parents weren’t attending these classes. Furthermore, they had been arrested on possession of meth.

Termination of Parental Rights

The court quite obviously terminated the parental rights (TPR) for the child’s biological parents. Then, DSS reached an agreement to place the child with an aunt and uncle while the parents finished their treatment plan. The Dalsings then filed for a private TPR and adoption action of the child.

The family court terminated the parental rights of the parents, but also dismissed the Dalsings’ adoption action. The court argued that they did not have standing to pursue a private adoption of a child in DSS custody. They granted custody to DSS. The court of appeals affirmed this decision and the case went to the SC Supreme Court.

The Case goes to Supreme Court

The SC Supreme Court stated that the Dalsings actually did have standing to pursue a private adoption action. They cited S.C. Code § 63-9-60(A)(1) which allows any SC resident to petition the court to adopt a child, but disallows it when DSS has already placed the child for adoption. The Dalsings argued that they were, in fact, participating in accordance with this law.

Their grounds were that DSS had yet to place the child up for adoption when the Dalsings filed their TPR petition. DSS argued that the word “placed” in the statute refers to when the child is first placed in DSS’s custody. However, the court stated that this term actually refers to the selection of the adoption family.

Thus, in accordance with the statute, DSS had not yet placed the child for adoption. The court reversed the decision and remanded it back to the family court.

Adopting your Foster Child

The SC Supreme Court’s decision in Boulware loosens the limitation set for foster parents seeking to adopt a child. Specifically, regarding the meaning of the word “placed” in the statute. Therefore, if you’re considering adoption of your foster child, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the laws as you pursue the action. The best way to do so, is to find a family attorney to aid you in understanding the laws, and taking the necessary steps. We wish you luck in this endeavor, and offer our support if you might need it. No child deserves to be left behind, especially by the actions of their parents. What you’re doing is a fantastic thing. While it may be difficult, nothing worth it is ever easy…

Staying Friends Post-Divorce: Being Friendly After the Fact

The general sentiment for most when they separate from their spouse, is wanting distance from them. They hurt your feelings, you’ve just been through a huge ordeal, and as of now, you want nothing to do with them. However, this may not be the case. Maybe you want a friendship with your ex. Whether you want it now, or later, staying friends post-divorce is understandable. After all, they’ve been your best friend for a long time now… So, we’re here to help you maintain that relationship. Below, you’ll find a few tips for staying friendly in the long run…

Staying Friends Post-Divorce: Being Friendly After the Fact

Don’t avoid your memories just to avoid the divorce

Starting fresh has a certain appeal to it— especially in your scenario. So, it might feel like the logical thing to do to just ignore the milestones, hardships, achievements, and so forth, as a means of creating an easy-going friendship. Instead of denying those memories, embrace them in a new way. You and your now ex, and new friend, have a lot of history. Sure, a divorce isn’t exactly the kind of thing you want to re-hash. So, don’t. However, don’t use avoiding that topic as a means of avoiding everything else. Think of your ex as a good friend with lots of history, and nothing more. Staying friends post-divorce means you have to embrace the weird until you two find your sweet spot.

Give your old relationship time to settle before you work on a new one

Just like with any other relationship, staying friends post-divorce means taking some time to process and let it develop. Give your relationship time to settle; time to find a new groove, and then together, find your friendship. Often, we expect that both of us should be able to transition quickly. However, there will inevitably be some growing pains. After all, your marriage failed. This is not an easy, or quick, thing to move past. Heal your wounds, then begin to accept each other as friends instead of partners.

Don’t rehash or revisit old marital issues

Now is not the time to bring up old wounds and try to do something about them. Your marriage is over, so let it be over. If you and your ex choose to remain friends post-divorce, you must agree to let these things go. You’ve moved into a new period; a new relationship. This new relationship is not built to give you closure for the old one, or to solve old issues. It is something new entirely, and continuing to relive old mistakes, will only prevent this relationship from becoming beneficial to you both.

You two are choosing to re-invent and grow as friends

If you and your ex decide that staying friends post-divorce is something you can do, we commend you. This isn’t an easy decision to make, as many see their ex-spouse as a reminder of bad versus good. However, it’s a noble one, and it can be really great for the both of you. No one knows you better than your spouse, and losing that can be gutting. So, reinvent in the way that you see fit. This relationship, just like your marriage, does not have to satisfy anyone but you. So, have fun, explore your options, and create friendships where you see fit.